Ready for a surprise? Something you'd never guess from watching TV or reading your daily paper? Even "gay community" papers and magazines? Here goes:
Lots of gay people think gay marriage is a crock.
Lots of us, looking at our own lives and the lives of friends around us, see that the ways many of us live do not fit the "marriage" model. As I say in a memoir here online: gay men, lesbians, queers of all kinds, have been "pioneers of unconventional arrangements rich in support, commitment, and love." Why not hold that up as a model?
It's a model -- in fact many different models; a rich array of experiments in how we might live -- that gay marriage mavens blithely ignore. Or actively disparage: varied connections, promiscuous affections; lives open to exploration, discovery, random joys -- all that is so immature. It's time we grew up, got responsible, respectable, settled down, coupled up -- and marched down the aisle to get married.
In their avid commitment to "respectable" convention, advocates of gay marriage are even willing to see us frog-marched down the aisle -- in effect if not in fact. Same-sex spousal "victories" have imposed on any two people who have lived together for a year, whatever their sexual orientation, the state's definition of "common-law" marriage -- unless they can prove they are not a "conjugal couple."