bit of a rant with front ensemble technican teacher...

coolgirlspyer90

coolgirlspyer90

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So, everybody knows that I'm in the front ensemble playing marimba for the Centerville Drumline.. and this problem has been going on for quite awhile, probably since my interpreter issues have started.

anyways, As a deaf musician with 2 CI, I can't discriminate the differences in the dynamics of the music very well, from metro-piano to Fortissimo. I can only hear the soft if its like a tap, which is like metro-forte to me. and I can hear the fortissimo when its at its loudest. And the problem is, in our music we have to play metro-piano to metro-forte. And I thought I've been doing that, but unfortunately my pit technican does not. And I keep telling him that I cannot hear the difference in the tones very well as well as the notes on the keyboards. I memorize things better visually by another person doing it and looking on paper. And I have to look at the person doing it a couple times to really understand what i'm suppose to do. I have a bit of a learning disability too.

Anyways, getting off topic..

Tonight My pit technican has lets say, I almost blew a fuse at him. Because With the dynamics, we can't hear it very well right? well He keeps saying that being deaf is not an excuse anymore. Sometimes with music it is, Now I don't use the deaf excuse at all. When I'm telling him that I can't hear the difference in the tones he keeps saying i'm using my deafness as an excuse and that I have to bring the height of my mallets very low, and When I do, it still doesn't seem soft enough for him. And He made me do it about 10-15 times and he has yelled at me about it and says i need to use my brain. And with him saying that and the whole deaf excuse, it makes me soo... :mad2:

Everyday I have pushed and worked harder, twice or 3 times as hard than anybody else in the room because of being deaf, And I knew how much work i'm going to have to do, I'm not trying to complain or anything. But I feel like I have to get all this fustrated feelings and anger and having to repeat myself over and over again about this problem with not just my pit technican but to everybody else in the room. I know they don't understand, I try to help them understand, but still, they don't get it. Plus, I have cried to myself about how they were being assholes about the whole thing.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
 
i can see how stressful you have been through that they think CI is a curable but it IS NOT. it just helps to hear a little more that they think keep practicing which will get it what sound sounds like but it is different than normal hearing. have you talk to your parents about what happened what you told us? :hug:
 
I totally understand about getting super irritated, frustrated, and ultimately feeling hopeless in the end when people say, "Oh, you're just using your deafness as an excuse."

I flipped my effin' lid on my dean a few weeks ago. I'm in a vocational-technical college taking Medical Assisting in the morning, because I -thought- I'd need my afternoons free to get a job. Though, I can't get one, because every interview ends with "well do you have an interpreter? you don't know sign language? How will you work?" Still unemployed, I've tried to switch to afternoon classes but they wont let me. OH! The problem: I can't wake up on time because I don't have the bed shaker 113dB alarm clock. I have a boyfriend-- a hearing one, yes, but he doesn't usually wake up to an alarm so well either because his hearing isn't the -best.- So, what? I come into school 20-30-67 minutes late EVERY SINGLE DAY and everyone gets mad at ME because THEY wont compromise. I -Told- them my problem, and still. THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.

Finally, that's what I had to realize. They will NEVER get it. They feel that since we can fix part of our hearing, we should be able to do everything their way and sometimes... we just need a little patience, a little compromise, or some understanding. It's just like when people say "oh, that person is playing the race card."

They see us as playing some kind of deaf card. But I'd like to see how they'd deal with life if that card were in THEIR deck.

So you can hear the piano? Has anyone tried to take you aside after/before your meetings to try to show you exactly what's going on?
 
By the way, I've lived under a rock for the better part of my life and have had minimal exposure to people like myself. They don't know they nature of my hearing hard-of. But what is CI? If anyone can breif me?
 
THExistential said:
I totally understand about getting super irritated, frustrated, and ultimately feeling hopeless in the end when people say, "Oh, you're just using your deafness as an excuse."

I flipped my effin' lid on my dean a few weeks ago. I'm in a vocational-technical college taking Medical Assisting in the morning, because I -thought- I'd need my afternoons free to get a job. Though, I can't get one, because every interview ends with "well do you have an interpreter? you don't know sign language? How will you work?" Still unemployed, I've tried to switch to afternoon classes but they wont let me. OH! The problem: I can't wake up on time because I don't have the bed shaker 113dB alarm clock. I have a boyfriend-- a hearing one, yes, but he doesn't usually wake up to an alarm so well either because his hearing isn't the -best.- So, what? I come into school 20-30-67 minutes late EVERY SINGLE DAY and everyone gets mad at ME because THEY wont compromise. I -Told- them my problem, and still. THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.

Finally, that's what I had to realize. They will NEVER get it. They feel that since we can fix part of our hearing, we should be able to do everything their way and sometimes... we just need a little patience, a little compromise, or some understanding. It's just like when people say "oh, that person is playing the race card."

They see us as playing some kind of deaf card. But I'd like to see how they'd deal with life if that card were in THEIR deck.

So you can hear the piano? Has anyone tried to take you aside after/before your meetings to try to show you exactly what's going on?
Click to expand...

An alarm clock with vibration is not that expensive and they are not out of line to expect you to get yourself there on time. Once you finish your employer will expect the same.

Here are some sources you might want to look at:
SoundBytes: Products for Deaf & Hard of Hearing
HITEC | Amplified Phones | Vision Impaired Products | Telecommunication Products for the Hearing Impaired
Vibrating Alarm Clocks | Vibrating Watches
 
I know exactly what you are going through. I was a percussionist since middle school all the way through college playing in various bands. I was the ONLY "deaf" there playing as hard of hearing in one ear and deaf in other. There were times in marching band I literally wanted to just up and quit since it was too much at times when I was trying to keep up and had to invent ways to stay in tempo, marching in time, etc. Concert band wasnt so bad since the director was was always there and I watched him. He knew I cannot play without his direction. college was much better. I was in 2 bands- ntid combo which was all deaf/hoh players and time stompers which was hearing group but had few hand selected deaf players who were good eenough to play like me.

If you want to vent or assk for advice, feel free to pm me.
 
THExistential said:
By the way, I've lived under a rock for the better part of my life and have had minimal exposure to people like myself. They don't know they nature of my hearing hard-of. But what is CI? If anyone can breif me?
Click to expand...

Are you kidding? Cochlear implants. :lol:
 
Frisky Feline said:
i can see how stressful you have been through that they think CI is a curable but it IS NOT. it just helps to hear a little more that they think keep practicing which will get it what sound sounds like but it is different than normal hearing. have you talk to your parents about what happened what you told us? :hug:
Click to expand...

I talked to my dad about it last night after I got home from practice. I basically told him that I told my pit tech over and over again that I cannot hear the difference in the dynamics very well. And he just kept saying my deafness is an excuse. My dad told me that I should say that I am deaf, and that I cannot hear it, and to give me a break or something and put my mallets down on my board, and just walk away to cool off before i blow a fuse at him.
 
THExistential said:
So you can hear the piano? Has anyone tried to take you aside after/before your meetings to try to show you exactly what's going on?
Click to expand...

I took piano lessons when i was in probably the 4th grade up until my freshman year. I have lessons with my pit tech every week, once a day for a half hour- hour or so. i worked on some show music with him before but it doesn't always help. Even with me being in the room by myself its difficult to figure out if i'm loud or soft or whatever.
 
I have practice tonight at 6-9. I'm a little nervous about what will happen if the issue occurs again.. :| I hope i can have the courage to kind of stand up to him.
 
Just be yourself and tell the truth in a firm way of telling your teacher. Sometimes music teachers dont realize how hard the sounds are when they have not been in anyones shoes who are deaf or hoh.

You dont need to be nervous because you are you and be yourself. just have faith.
 
Here's the update from what happened during practice tonight:

We, of course, were working on dynamics in our opener of our show. And of course I have a hard time doing it. My pit tech, kept telling me i need to go lower and so I tried, and he kept telling me that i'm not doing it and I tell him that I'm trying my best. And he said that i need to trust him that he knows what i'm doing wrong and that i have to work harder at it and just do what he asks me to do.

Honestly, I feel like i'm losing faith everytime i'm in band, because no matter how hard i try, everybody just keeps pushing and pushing me. My parents thinks that it isn't worth it anymore and that I should quit. But if i quit, I feel like i'm going to regret missing out on all the fun stuff that we get to do as a group like going to go see cool places, performing in a cool stadium, making memories and inside jokes together. Like I feel so exhausted by the end of the day, that I can't push myself any further, mentally. And I try to. I came home trying to talk to my dad about my frustrations, hoping for any more advice, and he tells me that I wanted to be the center of attentions and that everybody is noticing my quirks and that I got it and that I wanted to stand out. I never said any of that, but my dad said that I act like it. This is something I don't want to have on my plate. Thank god i don't have practice tomorrow evening, because I'm so stressed out, i'm fustrated, i'm burnt out. I feel like I can't talk about my frustrations in my family because even if i try they turn it around onto me, saying I'm the problem. I can't wait for college and to get a job, Because I want to get out of here where I can just forget about all the stupid drama and the stupid problems that "I" apparently caused.
 
Could you get your tech to hold your hands, holding the mallets, and demonstrate exactly how he wants you to strike the notes? Then you would know *how* it should feel, kwim?

I'm sorry your parents aren't being supportive, you sound so frustrated! Do you have a guidance counsellor at school or someone like that, that you could talk to?
 
honey.toronto said:
Could you get your tech to hold your hands, holding the mallets, and demonstrate exactly how he wants you to strike the notes? Then you would know *how* it should feel, kwim?

I'm sorry your parents aren't being supportive, you sound so frustrated! Do you have a guidance counsellor at school or someone like that, that you could talk to?
Click to expand...

I talked to a friend that night after I last posted on this thread. I talked to her over text for about an hour and it seems to help me alot to tell her my fustrations with our pit tech and the music, etc. It's a long story. But it seemed to help me though.
 
Is there a Director of the band? Is he/she aware that you are frustrated with the tech?

Something we've been saying a lot at work lately when someone is frustrating us with their (poor) communication is, "Help me help you." That is, give me the information I need so that I can give you what you want.

That was a good suggestion for the tech to show you how to strike with the mallets. Are there other things that if the tech showed you, you could reproduce to his satisfaction (like height from which to strike for this part, then from here for that one, etc)?

My guess is that the tech doesn't have the language to explain, nor the education/experience to teach. So maybe if there is a director, the three of you could have a conversation about what feedback you need from the tech to succeed.

Of course, this requires you to make extra effort. But, as the tech doesn't seem to be making any, to resolve it will probably mean it's up to you.

I hope this makes some sense.

(It makes me think of if I tried to teach someone to ride a horse. I am not a natural teacher. I am a fairly natural rider; I know what to do instinctively. I can do something, but I can't necessarily explain to someone else what it is that I do so that they can then do it. This is one of the reasons I don't teach riding; I would frustrate myself as much as many students.

My riding instructor is a great teacher; she can explain something seventy million different ways, breaking down each part of what you need to do. But, in addition to a lot of riding experience, she has a Masters in Education & knows *how* to teach and is also gifted at it.)
 
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coolgirlspyer90 said:
Here's the update from what happened during practice tonight:

We, of course, were working on dynamics in our opener of our show. And of course I have a hard time doing it. My pit tech, kept telling me i need to go lower and so I tried, and he kept telling me that i'm not doing it and I tell him that I'm trying my best. And he said that i need to trust him that he knows what i'm doing wrong and that i have to work harder at it and just do what he asks me to do.

Honestly, I feel like i'm losing faith everytime i'm in band, because no matter how hard i try, everybody just keeps pushing and pushing me. My parents thinks that it isn't worth it anymore and that I should quit. But if i quit, I feel like i'm going to regret missing out on all the fun stuff that we get to do as a group like going to go see cool places, performing in a cool stadium, making memories and inside jokes together. Like I feel so exhausted by the end of the day, that I can't push myself any further, mentally. And I try to. I came home trying to talk to my dad about my frustrations, hoping for any more advice, and he tells me that I wanted to be the center of attentions and that everybody is noticing my quirks and that I got it and that I wanted to stand out. I never said any of that, but my dad said that I act like it. This is something I don't want to have on my plate. Thank god i don't have practice tomorrow evening, because I'm so stressed out, i'm fustrated, i'm burnt out. I feel like I can't talk about my frustrations in my family because even if i try they turn it around onto me, saying I'm the problem. I can't wait for college and to get a job, Because I want to get out of here where I can just forget about all the stupid drama and the stupid problems that "I" apparently caused.
Click to expand...

((((((((*HUG*)))))))):hug::grouphug:
 
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