Betrayed By Friends?....

[DreamDeaf]

i also wanna add that "true" friends don't expect u to bend your rules for them

Can you please explain a little bit more of what you meant above...so that way some of us can understand what you mean by that....

I think I know what Liza is trying to say -

We all already have a "mindset" of what a true friend should be - it's like a little list of rules of how we feel a friend should be and what we expect from them.

I know it's a give and take relationship - some of us are so inflexible in our way of thinking that we may not be able to really form good friendships except with those that are much more flexible.

A true blue friend will be flexible in that kind of relationship - if he or she wants to be a good friend, he/she will be aware of that without saying - and you will find yourself giving and taking in the same way.

We cannot change a person for what he or she is - but we all can accomodate our ways to be flexible in order to keep and maintain a friendship and the person that we are friends with, is doing the same thing because like them, you cannot be changed by them either.

Im trying to think of an example...

Ok - I have a friend that I have been friends with for ... OMG ...since I was 17 and he was 24 - he is from a very different family than the one I grew up with - his family are all Musliums and Im from a family of many different religions. His parents were pretty much set in their ways, and my parents have grown and changed throughout the years without changing what they are inside.

However, our friendship has not changed - we have changed and grown differently throughout the years that we have known each other, we have been roommates, we have been lovers, but one thing has not changed...we have remained friends, through thick and thin, helped each other and supported each other.

He is pretty much inflexible in some ways - he has certain habits that none of his girlfriends have had success in changing - of course. I am also inflexible in some ways too, and no one has changed those either.

We have learned how to accomodate and be flexible with each other, and in doing so, we have grown, changed and remained friends throughout the years...let's see now...almost 29 years.

I hope this helps.

 

[Angel]

Ahhh.....I think I got it...Thanks once again Dreamiedeaf

 

[JeepGirl]

I've just been backstabbed as well.. just found out yesterday... This girl that I have mentioned that I didn't want to talk about. Well, she told someone that she refused to hang out with me because I'm doing drugs. I'm not even doing drugs. The messenger actually believes her and didn't even ask me if that was true or not. Now, the messenger is going on around telling all my friends that I'm doing drugs such as cocaine, crank and weed.. I was like.. WTF??? I have never never in my life tried those hard drugs except weeds.. weeds is nothing to me but I don't do them anymore. I'm straight as I can be. My friends came to me and said "I heard you're doing drugs" I said noooo I'm not doing any of it.. They were like.. I told them that I'm telling the truth. Now that girl I despised soooo much, I want to go up there and slap the hell out of her. She just wont shut up. I haven't spoken to her since August.

 

[Angel]

Aww Don't worry RebelGirl, I wouldn't believe anything that person tells me about you cause I know you quite well enough and we talked on aims alot, you're just too sweet to be doing that anyways

 

[The*Empress]

I always can tell who is a nice friend and who is not.

It depends on how they approach me.

If they forced their way to your life, then you gotta troublemaker.

If someone who is gentle, loyal, and very friendly, and you know in your heart that person is a very sweet honest person.

 

[Cheri]

The backstabbers are usually a familiar face, who act like your friend but badmouthed about you. I would suggest you all to stay away from people like that. I've known a person who backstabbed or bad mouthed about one person, and he did it to someone else too. That's a type of person that would never stop backstabbing others even if you think this person is your friend, He/She is not, He/She will backstabbed you just in matter of time, so learn from past victims' experience. It's best to keep such those people who backstabbed or badmouthed as far away as possible Keep in mind that anything said "in confidence" could be passed on to others.

If someone backstabbed you or badmouthed about you, first thing to do first is approach them, sometimes they will admit the truth sometimes they won't, but best of all put your foot down and tell them "If you have a problem with something I've done, we should talk about it and try to resolve it." If they refused they're the one looking guilty and a fool. Then you'll know then what to do, either block them, don't talk to them anymore

I only have a few friends that I trust most and would never go any length to backstabbed or badmouthed about me those are my true friends. I do have a hard time trusting people now than before, I used to be so trusting. Not anymore! I'm sick of those two-faced pretending friends. Of course I can be civil with people on this forum but they're not my best buddies, I like people who are honestly, caring, have a good heart and approach you with any issues they may have with you, others who doesn't do all the list that I stated before are not the ones I would want to be friends with.

 

[CODAchild]

The backstabbers are usually a familiar face, who act like your friend but badmouthed about you. I would suggest you all to stay away from people like that. I've known a person who backstabbed or bad mouthed about one person, and he did it to someone else too. That's a type of person that would never stop backstabbing others even if you think this person is your friend, He/She is not, He/She will backstabbed you just in matter of time, so learn from past victims' experience. It's best to keep such those people who backstabbed or badmouthed as far away as possible Keep in mind that anything said "in confidence" could be passed on to others.

If someone backstabbed you or badmouthed about you, first thing to do first is approach them, sometimes they will admit the truth sometimes they won't, but best of all put your foot down and tell them "If you have a problem with something I've done, we should talk about it and try to resolve it." If they refused they're the one looking guilty and a fool. Then you'll know then what to do, either block them, don't talk to them anymore

I only have a few friends that I trust most and would never go any length to backstabbed or badmouthed about me those are my true friends. I do have a hard time trusting people now than before, I used to be so trusting. Not anymore! I'm sick of those two-faced pretending friends. Of course I can be civil with people on this forum but they're not my best buddies, I like people who are honestly, caring, have a good heart and approach you with any issues they may have with you, others who doesn't do all the list that I stated before are not the ones I would want to be friends with.

I agree with Cheri, if you have been backstabbed or hurt by a person you thought you could completely trust, then go to that person, and get it straightened out right away. Just talking it over maturely will help, and plus, you know if this person is your true friend by the way they have answered your questions. It's a real shame, that people who do hurt others, don't stop and think, what if it was done to them? How would they feel if they were in our "hurt" shoes.
Talking things over calmly, is the best thing to do. Then we can decide whether we can trust this person anymore or not. It's such a vicious cycle.

 

[Cheri]

I agree with Cheri, if you have been backstabbed or hurt by a person you thought you could completely trust, then go to that person, and get it straightened out right away. Just talking it over maturely will help, and plus, you know if this person is your true friend by the way they have answered your questions. It's a real shame, that people who do hurt others, don't stop and think, what if it was done to them? How would they feel if they were in our "hurt" shoes.
Talking things over calmly, is the best thing to do. Then we can decide whether we can trust this person anymore or not. It's such a vicious cycle.

Amen! You always have something good and postive to say, I learned so much by you! Trusting people is so hard to do because you never know when they turned their back onto you, It hurts a great deal, sure it does. I never understand what's the reason for all this?

 

[CODAchild]

Amen! You always have something good and postive to say, I learned so much by you! Trusting people is so hard to do because you never know when they turned their back onto you, It hurts a great deal, sure it does. I never understand what's the reason for all this?

Because we are the trusting type Cheri. Anyone and everyone who is like us, that trusts in the beginning, knows that we can be very vulnerable people, because we are "too nice". That is what we were taught as kids to respect and be nice. But one has to wonder, why we still get hurt!!!
In all due respect, and us trusting people would agree, I would rather be the trusting, but, cautious type, than to have to be suspicious all the time. I would want people not to think I am a bad person, but a person that someone can count on when in time of need.

I wish some of these people who cannot be like that, would remember that the knife is for cutting steaks and bread, not to stick into people's back to hurt them so to say.