Beegone

[dreamchaser]

Congrats!!!!

 

[Bottesini]

Correcting typos my favorite pastime.

Chapter 2

1. Raccoon instead of racoon

2.Paragraph 6 should say "saw her costume" instead of "saw costume"

Chapter 3

1. Heroine's hair changed from blonde to brown.

PS I love your story and will purchase when published

 

[Chase]

Correcting typos my favorite pastime.

Thanks a bunch for catching the missing "c" in raccoon and missing "her" in the sentence. Other eyes are such a great help. I edited them already.

Chapter 3 . . . Heroine's hair changed from blonde to brown.

Not only is her hair brown when Dieter sees her, it's long instead of short, as in Erik's narrative. Careful mystery readers are supposed to remember the differences, even suppose it may be writer-error . . . until later. Again, good catch.

 

[dreamchaser]

Thanks a bunch for catching the missing "c" in raccoon and missing "her" in the sentence. Other eyes are such a great help. I edited them already.



Not only is her hair brown when Dieter sees her, it's long instead of short, as in Erik's narrative. Careful mystery readers are supposed to remember the differences, even suppose it may be writer-error . . . until later. Again, good catch.

IT is very exciting to watch this unfold.. Good luck and God speed. J

 

[Matilda]

Chase ...

Chapter One:
The word, ‘dance, danced, dances, dancer’ ... is that too many for a chapter?


Chapter Two: a much better revision of this chapter
USDA (choice) ... huh?

‘Just as crazy were sandals with heels, no socks’ (that’s a fashion no-no to wear socks with sandals) ... stockings or nylons?


Chapter Three: cannot see any mistakes there

All three chapters, excellently written

 

[Chase]

Chapter One: The word, ‘dance, danced, dances, dancer’ ... is that too many for a chapter?

Probably. Working on reducing "echoes." I also believe they detract.

Chapter Two: a much better revision of this chapter
USDA (choice) ... huh? ‘Just as crazy were sandals with heels, no socks’ (that’s a fashion no-no to wear socks with sandals) ... stockings or nylons?

Many thanks for "better" comment. It's my goal. "USDA choice" is a US Department of Agriculture grade of meat, and heard in farm country as a crude remark meaning a good body. Ha ha ha, beekeepers know zilch about fashion, and no socks is crazy to him. But your comment gives me a good idea for later.

Chapter Three: cannot see any mistakes there.

Thanks much. I always appreciate seeing mistakes, and I also need to see things that work, especially if the deaf references are convincing. Again, I can't tell you how valuable are these critiques.