Arranged marriage vs Love marriage

crazytechnerd

crazytechnerd

Active Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
468
Reaction score
39
Which one is best? I know its really hard to answer lol
 
I can see why he would ask though.. some cultures still do the arranged marriage thing.

But honestly... the 'love marriage' or a marriage where two people meet through free will and of their own choice- those seem better and happier. I'm sure there may be arranged marriages that grow into a love marriage over time- but that seems to be the exception; I don't know though as I am not familiar with it.
 
My understanding of arranged marriages, if done right, is that two people come together with the help of their parents who are supposed to know their children and what they are like, and help make better matches than the young adults themselves are capable of (as they've not had the experience of such relationships yet or know what to look for). Please understand I am speaking of the Hindu perspective and not from ANY OTHER perspective.

During this time, there are activities used to help draw the two people closer together. (what I'm about to say is a reflection of a more highly-developed civilization, and no, just because one civilization is more technically capable does NOT mean that it is more civilized than a less-developed one; after all, one can be a technically-adept brute, and we have PLENTY of these in our Western civilization) It may be the case today that there is more rebellion against arranged marriages than before, and that is primarily because of the exposure to a coarser level of civilization, meaning exposure to Western ways of relating. See, what people don't understand is the Inner Science basis that makes Hindu arranged marriages possible. One learns not to be attached to things, people, events, etc. in ways that make you dependent on them. In other words, there is no need to be hung up on one hot-looking person's face, her body, etc. because it is understood that we all are the same as far as the God in each of us goes. This is more important than whether we have the right jobs, in the right neighborhood, in the right temple, etc. It does not mean that the consideration for jati (distinctive social group) is not important. It is am important consideration, especially when families see opportunities to meld competing families together or resolve long-standing feuds. Parents will know what the attributes are of their children and discuss with other parents within their social order or groups in order to find likely matches and go from there. As they say, "Be cool, we got this." They know what they are doing.

They usually don't just invite over parents who are complete strangers to arrange a marriage right then and there, and marry off a psychopath with a very quiet woman who will end up dead. This is a custom developed over hundreds or thousands of years. Please read here for the Hindu version of arranged marriages: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_Hinduism

Note also that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is very low. Love marriages have a higher rate of divorce, and that is seen by Hindus as being caused by a lower development of skills of discernment (being able to relate and understand one another) as a result of being emotionally attached to superficial things like appearance, money, outer behaviors, and letting that blind the potential partner rather than using the level-headed perspectives of experienced people toward a person as they are, not as they want them to be or appear to be.

There is also the sense on the young adults’ part that they trust the judgement of their parents (hopefully, if not, for only a short time before their parents are proven correct), because obviously, their parent’s marriages have worked out and because they have worked out potential incompatibilities in the parent discussions beforehand. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be problems. Maybe the young adult’s parents’ marriage is having difficulties because of a mistake here or there made by the grandparents when the parents were brought together first as young adults themselves. That is par for the course in marriage, anyway. However, in arranged marriages like this, the young couple has access to resources like knowledge, understanding, and support that is generally not used in Western societies.
 
deafdrummer said:
. . .

Note also that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is very low. Love marriages have a higher rate of divorce, and that is seen by Hindus as being caused by a lower development of skills of discernment (being able to relate and understand one another) as a result of being emotionally attached to superficial things like appearance, money, outer behaviors, and letting that blind the potential partner rather than using the level-headed perspectives of experienced people toward a person as they are, not as they want them to be or appear to be.
Click to expand...
The divorce rate may be lower also because the laws governing divorce, child support, alimony, etc., are different. It can also be because women in arranged marriages may be afraid to leave their husbands for socioeconomic reasons. They might fear displeasure or even recrimination from their families, physical violence, or social shame. There are a lot reasons. Also, just because a couple don't divorce doesn't mean that everything is going well in the marriage.

There is also the sense on the young adults’ part that they trust the judgement of their parents (hopefully, if not, for only a short time before their parents are proven correct), because obviously, their parent’s marriages have worked out and because they have worked out potential incompatibilities in the parent discussions beforehand….
Click to expand...
I don't know that it's "obvious" that their parents' marriages have worked out. That might not be true for all parents.

I'm not sure how you "work out" potential incompatibilities.
 
I don't know that it's "obvious" that their parents' marriages have worked out. That might not be true for all parents.

I'm not sure how you "work out" potential incompatibilities.
Click to expand...

Jumping off from this and reading DD's post- I have another question- keep in mind I'm not trying to be obtuse, obnoxious, crude or whatever else... just questioning...

Despite all of what the parents may do and prepare... what happens when one of the individuals in the arranged marriage come out as gay or trans*? (bi is tricky as the individual may still wish to or be able to marry). Are they told to 'ignore' those feelings and move forward with the arranged marriage? Not all gay/trans* realize their true selves before 18 (unsure on the age of when arranged marriages are set and united in legal marriage)... many don't come out until their 20s or even 30s/40s and not all parents are even aware.
 
Arranged marriage are trending on trade between parents. For money.
 
PO I Agreen gets even worse often done with in family to keep money result 6 toe kids or something similar..Doctors in London tried tell them marrying cousins all the time un-healthy but they had with draw health notice it was considered it cultural and their rights impinged ..Even if NHS picks up bill for results of inter-marriage
 
Indian Woman Forced Into A Marriage With A Stray Dog To Remove Her Evil Spirit

indian-stray-534x400.jpg


http://downtrend.com/brian-carey/in...ge-with-a-stray-dog-to-remove-her-evil-spirit
 
That's a really complicated question with no hard right answer. It depends on the situation and what everyone is wanting.

The only issue I see is the coercion. Ultimately the parents are to provide guidance but not force the child to a marriage. If you force someone to marry then it's not going to lead to a happy marriage and the child will either divorce or cheat. I do see the value in an arranged marriage as long as the child still has the final decision.

Now as for a "free" marriage, the kind that isn't arranged by the parents, while you might think that's the best way to go, one problem is sometimes the child doesn't know how to select the right partner or isn't in the right frame of mind. ( Las Vegas marriages anyone? ) In this situation a parent can be helpful to provide guidance as long as the parent understands and respects that it is ultimately the child's decision and consequence to live with.
 
except one can have hateful money grasping parents..As for divorce or cheat,in those countries woman no rights to divorce and cheating that sorted out quick stoning
 
Caz, the stoning thing or the honor killing is much more prevalent in the north of India than in the south.
 
deafdrummer said:
Caz, the stoning thing or the honor killing is much more prevalent in the north of India than in the south.
Click to expand...

To be honest, I'm talking about in kerala state I don't care about other states but the thing in keralities (kerala state peoples) don't do any kind of disgusting things and they're mostly educated and is more literacy than other states . Other than that the marriage in kerala state has completely changed and it is no more old style ... nowadays their woman (18+) has their own rights to marry the person they love in different castes with no problem .. couples can be married without even going to temple (its not a big deal) couples must have a certificate from court even its a issue of caste ... Because its urbanized state I guess
 
Honestly, I hate the idea of arranged marriages because my mother wanted to get one for me. She tried to one of her friend's daughter to pair up with me. I didn't feel like it because I didn't grew up in China. So long story short, my mother gave up after I wasn't that interested in marrying because I want to have a career before marrying.
There seems to be cases for arranged marriages in China, often through briberies. I was in China a few years back that one of my clan member(There are clans in southern china that emphasizes kinship in clans. One of my elder cousin(No one in my generations is a girl and the rest are all boys, it is really a big problems with gender difference in china) was arranged into a marriage. He liked the fact that he didn't have to court. The girl, on the other hand looked to me like she hated doing it.
So IMHO, I think arranged marriages is outdated and archaic in practice because of all the abuses that comes with it. Love marriages are better since it allows 2 parties to get together and be in love with the right to divorce if they want to.
 
IF my mother had introduced me to guy look like Seaun Connery really kind to me(.Provide me with platioun cred card would be an extra bonus )kiss and worship ground I walk on treat me like a Queen then arrange marriage don't sound so bad
 
I wouldnt marry someone that I didnt love. I cant imagine having sex with a person that I dont have feeling for.
 
believe me sex with someone don't love you either stop having sex or think (in my case England or yours America)that passion sexual abandon it thing of romance novels..An arranged marriage people surppose get to know each other first if they don't or child marriage done for money that is against religious laws..In proper arranged marriage where they have got to know each other like each other love will follow they work on it
 
caz said:
believe me sex with someone don't love you either stop having sex or think (in my case England or yours America)that passion sexual abandon it thing of romance novels..An arranged marriage people surppose get to know each other first if they don't or child marriage done for money that is against religious laws..In proper arranged marriage where they have got to know each other like each other love will follow they work on it
Click to expand...

True that though
 
Back
Top