Thanks Tosito for the Flash vid. It was quite painful to watch, but really good to talk about these things out in the open.
When I was like 3 years old, I would watch my parents fight physically and my mother would end up crying after being thrown across the room. I would cry along with her, and be the one to comfort her. We often would walk on eggshells, too. It was just horrible, but it was something I could learn from about the negative uses of power. That's one good thing about having bad things happen to you. You become stronger from them. I swore to myself that I would not be like my father, being a scary person like that who hurts others emotionally or physically on a power trip. I've had him insulting and bettling me while I was growing up, and he wouldnt hesitate to hit me if I talked back which I did often when he was home. Guess why I liked being away at res schools! Well, one day, when he slapped me.. I had enough, and I hit back... of course, and getting out of the way immediately. He never hit me again. Altho, I don't fight physically. That's not me. I also was screwed up emotionally after dumping my ex (the same one in Dell Hell) for a year... my poor Imp had to weather my anger emotionally. Fortunately I never abused him physically.. altho he has felt like he was walking on eggshells around me. I am frankly shocked he is still with me today! He is my babylove, and I have accepted responsibility for myself.. making amends, and modifying my ways of thinking. We have a great relationship, and we continue to surprise each other. I understand that I am no victim, and I can't blame people or be angry at them. That's not how life works. It's all me!
You know what? Today, my dad and I have a very healthy relationship... impossible, right? No! I realized violence wasn't the answer, even if I hit my dad that night. He kept up with the belittling, anyway. One of these days, you just gotta be the better person and it will follow! My husband was a catalyst, bless his heart... indirectly, though! My dad and I were corresponding via emails about a few years ago. By that time, I knew he loved me... just had those nasty learned behaviors, and he probably didn't learn a better way of expressing his love when he was a child. He was telling me about his fears of me being with a man whom I've met online, and claimed everyone on internet was a killer. I told him in reply, that I loved him no matter what and how many wives he has married (on his 4th now).. that really got him there! He totally caved in, and got to meet Imp - and loved him like a son. I was so blown away! That simple declaration of unconditional love really influenced a child's monster just like that. He've always meant everything to me, and he still does. I'm just happy we have gotten the ball rolling on this one... I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells around him anymore. He totally listens to me, and even asks me to help with my younger sister and other siblings. Now I have a half brother who was just born to him and his 4th wife and I am happy for them and for me. I am way proud of my dad!
I hope this story helps to serve you that even the abusers are people who probably haven't had good upbringing, and are just good people stuck in learned behavior patterns that just don't work for us.... and they are usually feeling that powerlessness, and using the learned behavior to control a situation. Blaming others is usually a negative use of power, too, for both the victim and the abuser. Yes, the abuser needs to acknowledge the damage and take the next step himself/herself.. accept responsibility and be the change one wants to be. Don't blame others, but don't pity yourself either -- you are stronger than you realize! All is my opinion and observation, feel free to drop what doesn't resonate with you.
This has been very emotional for me to write this.... I have written this post with my eyes full of tears. It means everything to me. Gotta really feel those, baby!
take ur time whenever u feel u want to post u can do so on ur own -- u have SO many ppl that loves u and i KNOW i definately do!!!!
that was her who is my ex. At least she apologized to me what she ve done to me in the past. But ofc there is no way for us to go back together. She knows I am good woman with good heart even tho she kept one of my word