Advice please: son doesn't want to wear HAs

jillio said:
No offense, but everyone seems to be searching for the solution in the hearing aid. Listen to the kid. The aid is probably functioning just fine. He just is not getting the benefit from it, or it is creating such jumbled sounds that it interferes with his ability to discriminate.
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:wave: Hi Jill!

Personally I'd be willing to bet that the kid's right HA is not programmed in a way that he can wear it comfortably for reasons stated in post #66.

I also think that this thread has a lot of posts that reflects people's personal experiences. Mine definitely do. My HAs were not the right fit for me for most of my life. I know it made a big difference to me when my HAs' settings and adjustments actually started being suitable for my hearing loss. No doubt that explains why I've been writing up a storm on this topic.

Anyway, I'm just about posted out on this subject. So I probably won't be writing that many more posts on HAs, at least not for a while. :)
 
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deafskeptic said:
If someone had told me at age 13 that i would stop wearing HAs as an adult, I would have told them they were crazy.
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Ohhhhhhhh GOOD POINT! I think the point that we're trying to make to a hearing parent, is that what's right at one age might not be right at another age.
Oh, and rivenoak when you mentioned that he may not have the language to describe what is wrong......that is a REALLY good sign that it might be a good idea to resume ASL, and maybe opt for Deaf specific ed A big part of the reason why we are pro ASL (along with speech training etc) is that, while a lot of us can function as hoh kids, oral only (even for kids who thrive orally) is still concentrating on the weakest sense. As a result, it can be VERY hard for us to articulate sophiscated feelings and emotions verbally. I've experianced that myself......bursting into tears with my Hannah when I wanted to tell her I loved her, acting out when something's wrong etc. Heck, I don't even talk to my parents about what's wrong b/c it's too hard for me to do so (but thank goddess I have a second mom who actually is fluent in ASL!) Maybe adding ASL would really head off a lot of problems in that area.
 
Grummer said:
your boy might be deaf but also have a Deaf personality, dont push it out or he'd start having mistrusting feelings, if not now, it will likely to develop later on in life, and that bitterness from him is just isnt worth it, like say if he got well -educated but the society remains disabling, then how are you going to answer "i tried my best' when in fact you decided that he should be hearing...its painful, let him be let him be. He, like most d/Deaf arent stupid we KNOW we got cheated...dont let this happen.
You see, having a deaf child is not like 'oh my child is deaf but society is hearing, we'd try fit him in, it doesnt work like that, its more like -dare i say- you have to be on his sde to show him how society needs to fit to him, hate to say you got more than you bargained for, and so does he. in so saying, ypu need to support him from the way we, d/Deaf people can share and give you ideas and support to go through this Just because "Experts" like doctors, TODs are paid, employed and waves the badge with big words like Audiologist, therapist, etc doesnt mean much to d/Deaf people in fact, most of us would consider them as the enemy against our rights to life. We aren't Born to be your clever parrots with broken ears, we got feelings too, and listen to your boy too, he is telling you something, now its probably not so clear because at his age, he doesnt have the vocabulary or the maturity to tell you whats he's thinking or feeling, so try be mindful of that OK, those 'experts' assumes they know what you boy wants - BULLSHIT - even if this means he wants to play with hearing children in the playground, its nothing to do with deafness, just basic instinch that he wants to play, BUT now when you think about Deaf children playing together ' they might talk rubbish amongst each other (so do hearing kids- except Maybe with more 'accuracy' of understanding the world in 'game-play' that is only because of home life, dinner table talks.... dont imagine for a second that a child with hearing aids is going to have this same oppurtunity - we never did, - if you look around in All Deaf you'd seen ALOT of US had the same experience regardless of the wide range 'hearing loss' , they story remains the same. Again this is you have to consider - homelife, schoollife, his feelings, learning pace,the stress involved...
just something to ponder on.
Hope you come away with more thoughts on what you are doing if you forcing him to use HA, and/or denying the use of ASL...do both NOW, but communicate with him thur ASL for his feelings and see how much more he can say to you in sign, you will see also Tell him your his mother and you will sign because you want to talk and be his freinds not a 'surrogate speech-therapist as parent'...
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Great post!

To the first bolded. This is what I think from reading what she write. That he simply have a Deaf personality. That he desire to just be d/Deaf.

To the second bolded. If hearing parents only understood that, in first language, we can express so much more than trying to communicate feelings in English. Even as adult I always find I'm trying to find the right word. It's frustrating. When I switch to ASL I can say *SO* much more.

Very good post.
 
jillio said:
No offense, but everyone seems to be searching for the solution in the hearing aid. Listen to the kid. The aid is probably functioning just fine. He just is not getting the benefit from it, or it is creating such jumbled sounds that it interferes with his ability to discriminate.
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I do not understand either. Why do others want to try to fix him? Especially when it seem he do not like HA?

You say in another thread, "does not need to be cured, but is simply a different way of being." Very profound and could apply to hearie parent who want to stop deaf child from being deaf.
 
That's not the way I see it. We live in an age where we have a lot of technological tools. Why not use them? I can really only speak for myself so please forgive the I-centric in the rest of this post.

When I rent a car or ride my bike, I'm not saying that my legs are broken. I'm just taking advantage of being able to use a car or bike sometimes and enjoying it. And when I use my HAs I'm not saying that I'm broken -- I'm just using one of the tools available to me.

But I don't wear them all the time because they are not helpful to me or comfortable for me all the time. I wear them when its useful and I put them away when they're not or I've had enough.

HAs are hard to fit, I personally believe that there are a lot of people out there with HAs not fitted appropriately for them. If rivenoak can get a better fit for her son's right ear, great. If she can't, I've no doubt he will still have a fine life.

I enjoy riding my bike partially because it's the right size for me. If I were given a bike that was too tiny or too large for me, I wouldn't be able to enjoy riding that bike. Same things for HAs, in order to be usable they have to be set appropriately for the person using them. IMHO, I believe they often aren't. That's why I wrote all those long techie posts about HAs and their features.

HAs are just tools. The more we understand our tools the more likely we can use them effectively. Just like computers.

Okie doke. I've got to pick up some fresh batteries for Hurricane Irene. I forgot to do that the other day.
 
Wirelessly posted

rebeccalj said:
jillio said:
No offense, but everyone seems to be searching for the solution in the hearing aid. Listen to the kid. The aid is probably functioning just fine. He just is not getting the benefit from it, or it is creating such jumbled sounds that it interferes with his ability to discriminate.
Click to expand...

I do not understand either. Why do others want to try to fix him? Especially when it seem he do not like HA?

You say in another thread, "does not need to be cured, but is simply a different way of being." Very profound and could apply to hearie parent who want to stop deaf child from being deaf.
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no one is trying to stop any child from being deaf. That is impossible. And it is disgusting to say that a parent doesn't love their child because they choose amplification.
 
It's just like a whole large bunch of mentally ill people jumping on the bandwagon to tell their own trauma, with no relation to what the OP asked.

Hearing and deaf both. No innocents here.
 
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Bottesini said:
It's just like a whole large bunch of mentally ill people jumping on the bandwagon to tell their own trauma, with no relation to what the OP asked.

Hearing and deaf both. No innocents here.
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bott, you are the most wise person on this entire site. You are fair, reasonable and always rise above pettiness and see the truth.

we are lucky to have you.
 
faire_jour said:
Wirelessly posted



bott, you are the most wise person on this entire site. You are fair, reasonable and always rise above pettiness and see the truth.

we are lucky to have you.
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She was telling you to scram. :giggle:
 
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Beowulf said:
faire_jour said:
Wirelessly posted



bott, you are the most wise person on this entire site. You are fair, reasonable and always rise above pettiness and see the truth.

we are lucky to have you.
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She was telling you to scram. :giggle:
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she alone is willing to say how ridiculous theses threads become. People would rather dump their garbage on the OP than actually try to help.

she doesn't call names, tell others to "stfu" or demand that they leave. I for one have nothing but respect for her.
 
faire_jour said:
Wirelessly posted



she alone is willing to say how ridiculous theses threads become. People would rather dump their garbage on the OP than actually try to help.

she doesn't call names, tell others to "stfu" or demand that they leave. I for one have nothing but respect for her.
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Wow, I have heard of brown noses before, but brown heads??? :shock:
 
Jazzberry said:
That's not the way I see it. We live in an age where we have a lot of technological tools. Why not use them? I can really only speak for myself so please forgive the I-centric in the rest of this post.

When I rent a car or ride my bike, I'm not saying that my legs are broken. I'm just taking advantage of being able to use a car or bike sometimes and enjoying it. And when I use my HAs I'm not saying that I'm broken -- I'm just using one of the tools available to me.

But I don't wear them all the time because they are not helpful to me or comfortable for me all the time. I wear them when its useful and I put them away when they're not or I've had enough.

HAs are hard to fit, I personally believe that there are a lot of people out there with HAs not fitted appropriately for them. If rivenoak can get a better fit for her son's right ear, great. If she can't, I've no doubt he will still have a fine life.

I enjoy riding my bike partially because it's the right size for me. If I were given a bike that was too tiny or too large for me, I wouldn't be able to enjoy riding that bike. Same things for HAs, in order to be usable they have to be set appropriately for the person using them. IMHO, I believe they often aren't. That's why I wrote all those long techie posts about HAs and their features.

HAs are just tools. The more we understand our tools the more likely we can use them effectively. Just like computers.

Okie doke. I've got to pick up some fresh batteries for Hurricane Irene. I forgot to do that the other day.
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I agree with what you are saying. I generally use mine if giving presentation to group because I can't lipread 4 conversations at once and need to know who is asking questions.

They are a good tool but, in this case, the son is telling Mum, in so many ways, that he do not like them. No use bribing him. Let him wear them when he is comfortable and, if he is not, and want to take them out, or turn off, then also fine.
 
Jazzberry said:
That's not the way I see it. We live in an age where we have a lot of technological tools. Why not use them? I can really only speak for myself so please forgive the I-centric in the rest of this post.

When I rent a car or ride my bike, I'm not saying that my legs are broken. I'm just taking advantage of being able to use a car or bike sometimes and enjoying it. And when I use my HAs I'm not saying that I'm broken -- I'm just using one of the tools available to me.

But I don't wear them all the time because they are not helpful to me or comfortable for me all the time. I wear them when its useful and I put them away when they're not or I've had enough.

HAs are hard to fit, I personally believe that there are a lot of people out there with HAs not fitted appropriately for them. If rivenoak can get a better fit for her son's right ear, great. If she can't, I've no doubt he will still have a fine life.

I enjoy riding my bike partially because it's the right size for me. If I were given a bike that was too tiny or too large for me, I wouldn't be able to enjoy riding that bike. Same things for HAs, in order to be usable they have to be set appropriately for the person using them. IMHO, I believe they often aren't. That's why I wrote all those long techie posts about HAs and their features.

HAs are just tools. The more we understand our tools the more likely we can use them effectively. Just like computers.

Okie doke. I've got to pick up some fresh batteries for Hurricane Irene. I forgot to do that the other day.
Click to expand...

Sometimes those tools are not appropriate for the individual. In those cases, one needs to accept that and stop trying to use a tool to accomplish a goal that is not possible. Behind that tool is a living, breathing, thinking, feeling child. That should be the primary focus, not the innanimate tool.
 
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