Advice about a friend's FB status

shel90 said:
...So, I just commented saying "Deaf person here and pls pls ask me any questions or concerns. I will be more than happy to help out. Hang in there!" Something like that. Just kept it simple as I am sure my friend is feeling scared as well....
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:thumb: for your reply.

You might want to add that you are a teacher of deaf kids so the mom knows that you have the perspective and experience of a deaf person plus the professional experience to give insight into the girl's education options.

This is really tough for the girl to go thru such change mid-school year. No time to carefully plan out an IEP and get the assistance that she needs in the classroom. Everything is happening BAM! POW!
 
DeafCaroline said:
There's no question that losing hearing later in life can be quite shocking and devastating. I am just not sure how multiple facebook comments on how horrible deafness is would be of any consolation to the teen in question.
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I agree. All the negative comments can scare her even more.
 
Reba said:
:thumb: for your reply.

You might want to add that you are a teacher of deaf kids so the mom knows that you have the perspective and experience of a deaf person plus the professional experience to give insight into the girl's education options.

This is really tough for the girl to go thru such change mid-school year. No time to carefully plan out an IEP and get the assistance that she needs in the classroom. Everything is happening BAM! POW!
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She knows that I work as a teacher for deaf kids. Like she said, they are taking her to see a specialist so I am not sure if it was something that happened overnight or gradually. It seems like they dont have all the answers yet to see what course of action to take...like how much hearing loss, whether if it is permanment, or if it is something else. I just let her know if she has any questions. They all live in AZ.

That's the first time she has ever posted anything like that.

She hasnt replied to any of our comments yet so I am sure she is at work or dont have access to FB right now.
 
My comment would say:
"Aww! I am so sorry about her hearing loss. I sympathetically understand her feeling.

Good news, there are many great programs for hearing aids and/or cochlear implants that would help to hear something. I encourage you to do some researches to find what best hearing devices for her. Try to offer her some visual & audio technological tools if needed. But, I should note something: being deaf is not necessarily horrible. For explain, say thunderstorms. Deafness have some great advantages. There are a plenty of Deaf, deaf and hard of hearing people are doing great! They can speak, play a music, sing, play a sport, and etc.

I strongly encourage you to get some help with her hearing loss. To make her feel she'll be okay."
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Something like that. I know my advice is not that good but that is what I think if I comment on that status.
 
DeafCaroline said:
There's no question that losing hearing later in life can be quite shocking and devastating. I am just not sure how multiple facebook comments on how horrible deafness is would be of any consolation to the teen in question.

I don't know, like others say, maybe wait and see what shel90 says.
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I dont know if the teen is reading the comments as it is on her mother's FB page. I just can only guess that as a mother, she is probably overwhelmed and feeling anxiety about her daughter.

In my high school, my best friend and I never addressed our deafness with our friends. We ignored it and worked our hardest to fit in and pretend to "hear" better than we could so our friends never really asked us any questions. It was like our deaf issues were swept under the rug with my best friend's and my help.

Yea, we were both so much in denial about our deafness back then and even when we reconnected 10 years later at the renunion, we returned to the same behavior. At that time, I was starting to find my deaf identity after being in denial about it for so long.

Then, we reconnected on FB but it is not the same as being in person.
 
KarissaMann05 said:
My comment would say: "Aww! I am so sorry about her hearing loss. I sympathetically understand her feeling.

Good news, there are many great programs for hearing aids and/or cochlear implants that would help to hear something. I encourage you to do some researches to find what best hearing devices for her. Try to offer her some visual & audio technological tools if needed. But, I should note something: being deaf is not necessarily horrible. For explain, say thunderstorms. Deafness have some great advantages. There are a plenty of Deaf, deaf and hard of hearing people are doing great! They can speak, play a music, sing, play a sport, and etc.

I strongly encourage you to get some help with her hearing loss. To make her feel she'll be okay."

Something like that. I know my advice is not that good but that is what I think if I comment on that status.
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Like I said, I am waiting to offer any resources until they see the specialist. It could be a temporary thing.

Thanks.
 
I think right at the time somebody is dealing with a huge change, especially one that involves loss of something familiar, comfortable, and cherished, like hearing, it actually does help for people to acknowledge that this is hard and sad. To be told right then at that moment that it's not a big deal, when to that person, it is- that feels dismissive, and that person may get the idea that their feelings do not matter.
A comment that says something like, 'yes, this is a big change for you, and that is hard,' acknowledges their feelings and can be followed by, 'but you do have a deaf friend who is here to help you adjust if you want to talk to me, and my life as a deaf person has not been so tragic,' maybe something like that, combining sympathy with just a hint to other readers that you're not in agony over being deaf, could do the job of helping your friend and making some of her other friends stop and think?

Never mind- I didn't see Karissa's comment, or I wouldn't have posted because she already said kind of the same thing I did.
 
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Grayma said:
I think right at the time somebody is dealing with a huge change, especially one that involves loss of something familiar, comfortable, and cherished, like hearing, it actually does help for people to acknowledge that this is hard and sad. To be told right then at that moment that it's not a big deal, when to that person, it is- that feels dismissive, and that person may get the idea that their feelings do not matter.
A comment that says something like, 'yes, this is a big change for you, and that is hard,' acknowledges their feelings and can be followed by, 'but you do have a deaf friend who is here to help you adjust if you want to talk to me, and my life as a deaf person has not been so tragic,' maybe something like that, combining sympathy with just a hint to other readers that you're not in agony over being deaf, could do the job of helping your friend and making some of her other friends stop and think?
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That's a good one. I will keep that in mind if she makes more statuses updating this situation.

She hasnt been back since posting the status and now there are close to 50 comments.

However, interesting to see that after I posted my comment, all of the comments after that were just offering prayers. No more negative stuff about deafness or deaf people. I am the 38th or 39th comment.
 
shel90 said:
No No...the comments actually SAY that. Read my first post. I said that many of them say deafness is horrible and negative stuff about it while others offer prayers. I am not confused.
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Shel90, I not saying the posters did not actually write those things. You are a third party looking in on your friend( or acquaintance) post. The object of her post (IMO) was the loss of hearing.

If you translate what was written:

From
"Oh no! Being deaf has to be horrible! You have my prayers."
To
Oh no! Losing your hearing has to be horrible! You have my prayers."

While I agree, hearing people don't think being deaf is a good thing. I don't see malice in those statements which contains disrespect to deaf people. It is simply their perspective.

I think what is more important here is how the young girl feels about her loss rather that whether some adults feel their culture has been insulted.

Honestly, the kid is probably devastated by this and she is where the focus should be.

I agree with the other posters. I feel, at this time, you shouldn't go off on a tangent in that post. Later, you could probably just post that, "while losing your hearing is horrible it is not the end of the world" and leave it at that or explain how life is for you.

I have deaf friends that laugh about me going deaf and it is incredibly insulting, but as an adult I have to see both sides of it.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Shel90, I not saying the posters did not actually write those things. You are a third party looking in on your friend( or acquaintance) post. The object of her post (IMO) was the loss of hearing.

If you translate what was written:

From
"Oh no! Being deaf has to be horrible! You have my prayers."
To
Oh no! Losing your hearing has to be horrible! You have my prayers."

While I agree, hearing people don't think being deaf is a good thing. I don't see malice in those statements which contains disrespect to deaf people. It is simply their perspective.

I think what is more important here is how the young girl feels about her loss rather that whether some adults feel their culture has been insulted.

Honestly, the kid is probably devastated by this and she is where the focus should be.

I agree with the other posters. I feel, at this time, you shouldn't go off on a tangent in that post. Later, you could probably just post that, "while losing your hearing is horrible it is not the end of the world" and leave it at that or explain how life is for you.

I have deaf friends that laugh about me going deaf and it is incredibly insulting, but as an adult I have to see both sides of it.
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So, does that mean we shouldn't offer some positive advice then?
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Shel90, I not saying the posters did not actually write those things. You are a third party looking in on your friend( or acquaintance) post. The object of her post (IMO) was the loss of hearing.

If you translate what was written:

From
"Oh no! Being deaf has to be horrible! You have my prayers."
To
Oh no! Losing your hearing has to be horrible! You have my prayers."

While I agree, hearing people don't think being deaf is a good thing. I don't see malice in those statements which contains disrespect to deaf people. It is simply their perspective.

I think what is more important here is how the young girl feels about her loss rather that whether some adults feel their culture has been insulted.

Honestly, the kid is probably devastated by this and she is where the focus should be.

I agree with the other posters. I feel, at this time, you shouldn't go off on a tangent in that post. Later, you could probably just post that, "while losing your hearing is horrible it is not the end of the world" and leave it at that or explain how life is for you.

I have deaf friends that laugh about me going deaf and it is incredibly insulting, but as an adult I have to see both sides of it.
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Excuse me..did I say that I was going off on a tangent? I was saying that they make me cringe and that I was wondering if they were making the mother more scared instead of being helpful. If you preach about being tactful, I suggest you practice it because you arent being tactful here with me.
 
VacationGuy - now's a time for you to take a vacation from this thread.

Shel - I would just PM her with information, assurance, etc and that she should feel free to contact you anytime if she has any questions. there's really no need to go public about it in comment section because you're going to deal with idiots anyway.
 
Jiro said:
VacationGuy - now's a time for you to take a vacation from this thread.

Shel - I would just PM her with information, assurance, etc and that she should feel free to contact you anytime if she has any questions. there's really no need to go public about it in comment section because you're going to deal with idiots anyway.
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Yea, that is what I was thinking of doing it. I am talking with my best friend about it now. We were both thinking of sending her an email from the both of us.

Thanks!
 
shel90 said:
Excuse me..did I say that I was going off on a tangent? I was saying that they make me cringe and that I was wondering if they were making the mother more scared instead of being helpful. If you preach about being tactful, I suggest you practice it because you arent being tactful here with me.
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You need to re-read the post. And, you're an adult, I don't have to be tactful with you because you're the one who should be able to read the truth, unlike that poor kid.

You asked for the advice, but you don't have to take it.
 
shel90 said:
She knows that I work as a teacher for deaf kids. Like she said, they are taking her to see a specialist so I am not sure if it was something that happened overnight or gradually. It seems like they dont have all the answers yet to see what course of action to take...like how much hearing loss, whether if it is permanment, or if it is something else. I just let her know if she has any questions. They all live in AZ.

That's the first time she has ever posted anything like that.

She hasnt replied to any of our comments yet so I am sure she is at work or dont have access to FB right now.
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Got it.

You've made a good post to her, so I guess now wait and see what develops.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
You need to re-read the post. And, you're an adult, I don't have to be tactful with you because you're the one who should be able to read the truth, unlike that poor kid.

You asked for the advice, but you don't have to take it.
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You started off by telling me that I was confused and that I was going off on a tangent.

That is offensive.
 
shel90 said:
You started off by telling me that I was confused and that I was going off on a tangent.

That is offensive.
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Shel09, re-read the post, I'll post it again here.

"You are confusing deafness with the act of someone losing their hearing which is two different things"

I said you were confusing two different things not that you were confused.

And I didn't say you were on a tangent I told you not to go off on one.

You shouldn't be offended when you ask for advice and people tell you what they think you are doing wrong. Advice is not a personal attack and nobody is forcing you to take it.
 
Reba said:
Got it.

You've made a good post to her, so I guess now wait and see what develops.
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Thanks...she replied to all of our comments by saying , "Thank you everyone."

Hope everything works out for them.
 
shel90 said:
An old high school friend of mine and my deaf best friend's posted something on FB last night and I read it this morning in which I need your advice about. A little background...My deaf friend and I were mainstreamed all the way until graduation so all of our friends were hearing. This friend used to hang out with my best friend all the time for one or two years in high school..going on double dates to high school dances, proms and just hanging out. They were really close. She was more of an acquaintance to me but still a nice girl and we did hang out along with my best friend sometimes. We reconnected at our 10 year high school renunion and then on FB 2 years ago and keep touch via FB. She has been around deaf people (my best friend and I).

Anyways, last night, she posted asked for prayers for her 15 year old daughter who apparently has lost of lot of her hearing. I dont know how but she stated that she will be taking her to the specialist later this week. There were like over 38 comments from many people I know and many I dont know. Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate.

However, I dont want to offer prayers because it would show that I agree with everyone that deafness is terrible when I say I am proud of it. I also want to offer suggestions but I prefer to wait until the results from the specialist. Right now, I didnt comment but I have commented on 90% of that friend's status and now I am just stumped.

Advice or feedback? Especially those who lost their hearing as teens. I am sure her daughter is feeling overwhelmed.

Thanks
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She is a friend who asked for prayer.....seems pretty simple to me
 
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