Advice about a friend's FB status

shel90

shel90

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An old high school friend of mine and my deaf best friend's posted something on FB last night and I read it this morning in which I need your advice about. A little background...My deaf friend and I were mainstreamed all the way until graduation so all of our friends were hearing. This friend used to hang out with my best friend all the time for one or two years in high school..going on double dates to high school dances, proms and just hanging out. They were really close. She was more of an acquaintance to me but still a nice girl and we did hang out along with my best friend sometimes. We reconnected at our 10 year high school renunion and then on FB 2 years ago and keep touch via FB. She has been around deaf people (my best friend and I).

Anyways, last night, she posted asked for prayers for her 15 year old daughter who apparently has lost of lot of her hearing. I dont know how but she stated that she will be taking her to the specialist later this week. There were like over 38 comments from many people I know and many I dont know. Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate.

However, I dont want to offer prayers because it would show that I agree with everyone that deafness is terrible when I say I am proud of it. I also want to offer suggestions but I prefer to wait until the results from the specialist. Right now, I didnt comment but I have commented on 90% of that friend's status and now I am just stumped.

Advice or feedback? Especially those who lost their hearing as teens. I am sure her daughter is feeling overwhelmed.

Thanks
 
Deafness itself is not horrible. Having something taken away from you is. She had her hearing all the way up to her teen years and now it is taken from her in a sense. So yes, it is horrible for her. Since she has lost something she once had.

Blindness is not a horrible thing. If you lost it all at once how would you feel??

Some people offered me thoughts and prayers with lots of "I'm sorry" when they found out I have Usher Syndrome. Like it is a horrible disease that I will die from. Which in fact it is not. I will make adjustments and work thought it. Right now your friends daughter just need support. I would offer her resources that may help her adjust and learn about deafness.
 
I would pray that God provide grace, wisdom and strength for whatever they have to face during this serious change in their lives.

Change requires adjustment and new paths. Even positive, expected change brings new stresses. Think about wedding planning. A wedding is an expected positive event, yet their are many decisions to be made, lots of people giving their conflicting opinions, and a lot of stress involved.

Certainly any life changing event that just shows up, pow!, carries with it stress and confusion. Your acquaintence is probably overwhelmed and exhausted from all these opinions and suggestions from all sides.

Just let her know that you're there if she ever wants to chat about what's happening.

One more factor to consider. The girl is 15 years old. That is an age of insecurity and confusion as it is, even with perfect circumstances. Even the least change to a teen can feel like the end of the world.
 
One more factor to consider. The girl is 15 years old. That is an age of insecurity and confusion as it is, even with perfect circumstances. Even the least change to a teen can feel like the end of the world.
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Reba, You hit it right on the head of the nail!
 
Thanks BB and Reba..good suggestions and comments!


I understand about how it can be awful especially for a teenager. I wouldnt wish it on anyone's kid or even mine even though they are fluent in ASL. However, I wanted to tell my friend that it will be ok but there are like 20 out of the 38 comments with negative remarks about deafness which I am sure is not helping at all.

So, I just commented saying "Deaf person here and pls pls ask me any questions or concerns. I will be more than happy to help out. Hang in there!" Something like that. Just kept it simple as I am sure my friend is feeling scared as well.

One guy commented that he lost his hearing in one ear and how life has been so difficult for him and that he prays for full hearing in both ears.

Just wow @ the comments. Could they just making my friend more frightened?
 
shel90 said:
An old high school friend of mine and my deaf best friend's posted something on FB last night and I read it this morning in which I need your advice about. A little background...My deaf friend and I were mainstreamed all the way until graduation so all of our friends were hearing. This friend used to hang out with my best friend all the time for one or two years in high school..going on double dates to high school dances, proms and just hanging out. They were really close. She was more of an acquaintance to me but still a nice girl and we did hang out along with my best friend sometimes. We reconnected at our 10 year high school renunion and then on FB 2 years ago and keep touch via FB. She has been around deaf people (my best friend and I).

Anyways, last night, she posted asked for prayers for her 15 year old daughter who apparently has lost of lot of her hearing. I dont know how but she stated that she will be taking her to the specialist later this week. There were like over 38 comments from many people I know and many I dont know. Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate.

However, I dont want to offer prayers because it would show that I agree with everyone that deafness is terrible when I say I am proud of it. I also want to offer suggestions but I prefer to wait until the results from the specialist. Right now, I didnt comment but I have commented on 90% of that friend's status and now I am just stumped.

Advice or feedback? Especially those who lost their hearing as teens. I am sure her daughter is feeling overwhelmed.

Thanks
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Be honest. If you don't think deafness is a tragedy and that prayers are unnecessary, say so. Otherwise, all those ignorant hearing people, they're perpetuating the very myths and ignorance we're fighting hard to dispel.
 
shel90 said:
Thanks BB and Reba..good suggestions and comments!


I understand about how it can be awful especially for a teenager. I wouldnt wish it on anyone's kid or even mine even though they are fluent in ASL. However, I wanted to tell my friend that it will be ok but there are like 20 out of the 38 comments with negative remarks about deafness which I am sure is not helping at all.

So, I just commented saying "Deaf person here and pls pls ask me any questions or concerns. I will be more than happy to help out. Hang in there!" Something like that. Just kept it simple as I am sure my friend is feeling scared as well.

One guy commented that he lost his hearing in one ear and how life has been so difficult for him and that he prays for full hearing in both ears.

Just wow @ the comments. Could they just making my friend more frightened?
Click to expand...

I agree that the negative comments can only frighten her more. So this is why you can offer her support, and let her know you are there for her. I am sure she would love to hear from a Deaf person perspective. Just use common sense and do not bombard her.
 
shel90 said:
An old high school friend of mine and my deaf best friend's posted something on FB last night and I read it this morning in which I need your advice about. A little background...My deaf friend and I were mainstreamed all the way until graduation so all of our friends were hearing. This friend used to hang out with my best friend all the time for one or two years in high school..going on double dates to high school dances, proms and just hanging out. They were really close. She was more of an acquaintance to me but still a nice girl and we did hang out along with my best friend sometimes. We reconnected at our 10 year high school renunion and then on FB 2 years ago and keep touch via FB. She has been around deaf people (my best friend and I).

Anyways, last night, she posted asked for prayers for her 15 year old daughter who apparently has lost of lot of her hearing. I dont know how but she stated that she will be taking her to the specialist later this week. There were like over 38 comments from many people I know and many I dont know. Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate.

However, I dont want to offer prayers because it would show that I agree with everyone that deafness is terrible when I say I am proud of it. I also want to offer suggestions but I prefer to wait until the results from the specialist. Right now, I didnt comment but I have commented on 90% of that friend's status and now I am just stumped.

Advice or feedback? Especially those who lost their hearing as teens. I am sure her daughter is feeling overwhelmed.

Thanks
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If you could read my replies to her, you would think it is something sacred or holy. That is because it is. I would let her know that I envy her introduction to a new world, full of mystery and wonder, and that the heartbreaks are no different from those of hearing people. I would let her know that there are others in her world, and to seek them out.
 
shel90 said:
The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe
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You are confusing deafness with the act of someone losing their hearing which is two different things. The people offering prayer are offering it for the loss.

Try to imagine yourself losing a thumb or hand because that is what it is like to lose your hearing.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
You are confusing deafness with the act of someone losing their hearing which is two different things. The people offering prayer are offering it for the loss.

Try to imagine yourself losing a thumb or hand because that is what it is like to lose your hearing.
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Or perhaps the hearing people are confusing deafness with loss? According to shel90, they're saying deafness itself is horrible.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Be honest. If you don't think deafness is a tragedy and that prayers are unnecessary, say so. Otherwise, all those ignorant hearing people, they're perpetuating the very myths and ignorance we're fighting hard to dispel.
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Difference between losing something and having it all your life. Remember she is a teenager and she does not need anyone tellling her it is "Not a Big Deal" Because to her it is... It takes time for a person to adjust and telling her "Oh it's no big deal or Oh it isn't a tragedy" Is totally inappropriate. It is a major change for anyone.
There are ways to do it with out lashing out.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Or perhaps the hearing people are confusing deafness with loss? According to shel90, they're saying deafness itself is horrible.
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Granted, there is confusion on that side as well. However, I believe the actual post she is referring to is about the loss not deafness itself based on what the OP has told us, IMO.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Or perhaps the hearing people are confusing deafness with loss? According to shel90, they're saying deafness itself is horrible.
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Could be. I feel she is referring to the loss.


Either way, Perhaps Shel can clear it up.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Granted, there is confusion on that side as well. However, I believe the actual post she is referring to is about the loss not deafness itself based on what the OP has told us, IMO.
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"Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate."
 
I wish I can help but I can't view her status because I am not on her friends list...
 
DeafCaroline said:
"Most of them were saying how horrible it was, that deafness is terrible and other negative stuff about deafness plus others just gave prayers. The comments about deafness being horrible and all that made me cringe and makes me want to say something but I refrained as I dont want to turn her status into a debate."
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Let's say that is the case.

Shel can post and say something like. Deafness is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Tell them how she was born Deaf and how sucessful she is in life. It is not as crippling as people make it out to be. We can do anything but hear. Etc. Keep it educational and positive instead of turning into a debate.
 
Having lost my own hearing at age 14, was it "tragic" to me?...Horrific to my family & siblings?...Music was my life, as it was with most teens, and no longer being able to hear it, even the birds singing, everyday noises, people talking. My mother fainted and passed out when the doctor told her that I would never hear anything again. My siblings didn't know what to do with me....the adjustment from being hearing to becoming deaf wasn't easy....I withdrew into my own shell.

It took me a very long time to come to terms with it. I suffered from depression a very long time, in silence. No amount of encouragement helped me.

If my deafness were a gradual thing, perhaps I would have been better able to adjust. But it happened overnight, due to a surgery that damaged the nerves.

Fast forward to many years later....My faith has kept me strong. Have I adjusted 100%? Not quite....I know the sounds I am still missing. The adjustment of being a hearing person, then becoming a deaf person....is not easy.

So I do understand some people's perspective, Shel. Not to say it's the right one. but to "them", losing some of their hearing would be devastative to people. I've had people even say to me...."how do you do it?...it would drive me crazy if I was deaf....it must be terrible."....
 
rockin'robin said:
Having lost my own hearing at age 14, was it "tragic" to me?...Horrific to my family & siblings?...Music was my life, as it was with most teens, and no longer being able to hear it, even the birds singing, everyday noises, people talking. My mother fainted and passed out when the doctor told her that I would never hear anything again. My siblings didn't know what to do with me....the adjustment from being hearing to becoming deaf wasn't easy....I withdrew into my own shell.

It took me a very long time to come to terms with it. I suffered from depression a very long time, in silence. No amount of encouragement helped me.

If my deafness were a gradual thing, perhaps I would have been better able to adjust. But it happened overnight, due to a surgery that damaged the nerves.

Fast forward to many years later....My faith has kept me strong. Have I adjusted 100%? Not quite....I know the sounds I am still missing. The adjustment of being a hearing person, then becoming a deaf person....is not easy.

So I do understand some people's perspective, Shel. Not to say it's the right one. but to "them", losing some of their hearing would be devastative to people. I've had people even say to me...."how do you do it?...it would drive me crazy if I was deaf....it must be terrible."....
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There's no question that losing hearing later in life can be quite shocking and devastating. I am just not sure how multiple facebook comments on how horrible deafness is would be of any consolation to the teen in question.

I don't know, like others say, maybe wait and see what shel90 says.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
You are confusing deafness with the act of someone losing their hearing which is two different things. The people offering prayer are offering it for the loss.

Try to imagine yourself losing a thumb or hand because that is what it is like to lose your hearing.
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No No...the comments actually SAY that. Read my first post. I said that many of them say deafness is horrible and negative stuff about it while others offer prayers. I am not confused.
 
I can give some examples of some of them...

"Oh no! Being deaf has to be horrible! You have my prayers."

"Praying for full hearing in both ears! Being deaf makes for a difficult life."

Just a few of them as I dont want to quote every one of them but you get the idea.
 
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