Adjustment to late onset deafness

KristinaB said:
Not sure if this is normal or not. Lately, hubby and I have been having problems and as I think about it so does the rest of family. It seems that since I have lost all my hearing and I have now been without it for a little over 3 years, I am not making sense when I talk (I guess :hmm:).

I was trying to have a small conversation with hubby this am, but he didn't understand what I was trying to say. Needless to say, little hot-headed me snapped back and took offense. When I write things out in a note, it makes more sense to him (and he has problems reading).

In light of all these issues, hearing loss, financial, living with mother-in-law and raising 2 teens, I still try to find the positive in all thinks. Hubby only thinks of the negative and that really brings me down and starts the anger and frustration.

Any ideas?
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It sounds like he is overwhelmed and isnt handling the stress well by being negative. I agree with Botts..he needs counseling but only if he is receptive to it.
 
Sounds like depression. It also effects concentration and memory. First, a medical check up to rule out any medical cause, then a psych evaluation to diagnose mental health issues. A psych doc can prescribe meds (a therapist can't). The psych dr is a good source for therapist recommendations. I realize that this is a tall order considering the economy and state of health care. Hugs to you.
 
Hubby was born with slight brain damage and was constantly belittled by parents. "You're too stupid to amount to anything" and things like that. I have been able to deal with it mostly and while we were out of state he really did good, but we are now living with his mother and it is starting all over again. I realize she is a big problem, but currently, we are at her mercy as we can't afford our own housing and we are helping her.

He and I had a long, long talk today and things are a little better. He has promised to try and be more like he was before we moved to Florida. He will also try to work with me more to learn ASL as he can. He has also told his mother "that he is married to Kristina and not her and therefore, he needs to do things according to my wishes before hers" and that she needs to clear more space for us or we will find a way to move out. Needless to say, she has said that she will work on things more for us and make it easier for me. I will just see how long it lasts.
 
Sounds like you're on the right track. I hope that ya'll can get your own place soon. His mom sounds like a huge problem.
 
sallylou said:
Sounds like you're on the right track. I hope that ya'll can get your own place soon. His mom sounds like a huge problem.
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She is a major pain, but I think we need to stay here. She is not able to take care of house by herself. She broke a shoulder and it never healed properly, she's not licensed to drive anymore, (no peripheral vision) and can't clean the house. Hubby does the yard and I do the rest while she provides the roof, water and electric. I made a promise to her when we decided to move back to Florida that I would help her and in return, she is leaving the house to us. It is totally paid off and includes 2 lots. The house and carport oare on one and the 2nd lot has the 3 bay garage. If we move out, she will make arrangements to have it sold and the money going to the kids and not me or hubby. Sounds better to stay and deal with it. Her health isn't real good. Not that I'm wishing her dead, but I don't think she will be here for more than another 5-10 years, if that long. My mother may die first.
 
KristinaB said:
She is a major pain, but I think we need to stay here. She is not able to take care of house by herself. She broke a shoulder and it never healed properly, she's not licensed to drive anymore, (no peripheral vision) and can't clean the house. Hubby does the yard and I do the rest while she provides the roof, water and electric. I made a promise to her when we decided to move back to Florida that I would help her and in return, she is leaving the house to us. It is totally paid off and includes 2 lots. The house and carport oare on one and the 2nd lot has the 3 bay garage. If we move out, she will make arrangements to have it sold and the money going to the kids and not me or hubby. Sounds better to stay and deal with it. Her health isn't real good. Not that I'm wishing her dead, but I don't think she will be here for more than another 5-10 years, if that long. My mother may die first.
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can you find a way to do a small addition like add an apartment over the three bay garage or something until that time comes? possibly buy a a mobile home to put in the back maybe? would be worth a shot to help your husbands mental health, to be able to go somewhere she isn't to get a break from her verbal abuse... just a thought, my husband and I got a small mobile home and set it up in my parents back yard and it saved my sanity, They couldn't just walk in anymore, it gave us more peace than we had living in the basement of their house.
 
:wave: FX, just wanted to write how happy I am to read about your great time at Social :):ty: for sharing the fun:)
 
I'm freaking out a little. I've been invited to my best friend's house for Thanksgiving. Her whole family is coming. None have been around Deaf, my friend is the only one who signs a little, and my lipreading is lousy. To top it off, her mother is a mumbler--you know, the kind that rolls her eyes during the entire conversation, even when she's speaking. And she dominates conversations. I don't want my friend to feel obligated to stop and interpret for me every time her family speaks, she's the hostess. No luck hiring a terp for the evening, I tried. I don't want to back out, but I'm really anxious about this. Any suggestions?
 
DeafDoc1 said:
I'm freaking out a little. I've been invited to my best friend's house for Thanksgiving. Her whole family is coming. None have been around Deaf, my friend is the only one who signs a little, and my lipreading is lousy. To top it off, her mother is a mumbler--you know, the kind that rolls her eyes during the entire conversation, even when she's speaking. And she dominates conversations. I don't want my friend to feel obligated to stop and interpret for me every time her family speaks, she's the hostess. No luck hiring a terp for the evening, I tried. I don't want to back out, but I'm really anxious about this. Any suggestions?
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Eat a lot, smile pleasantly, and if you have a netbook take it and write notes. The other guests can write you notes too.
 
Bottesini said:
Eat a lot, smile pleasantly, and if you have a netbook take it and write notes. The other guests can write you notes too.
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Thanks for the suggestion, Botti. I can still speak clearly, most people understand me, but I have lousy control of my volume--typically much too soft. But writing notes may help, thought awkward during the meal itself. My dad suggested I also excuse myself shortly after dinner and avoid the "post-mortem" chat. I'm hoping for a good football game to watch until dinner starts.
 
DeafDoc1 said:
Thanks for the suggestion, Botti. I can still speak clearly, most people understand me, but I have lousy control of my volume--typically much too soft. But writing notes may help, thought awkward during the meal itself. My dad suggested I also excuse myself shortly after dinner and avoid the "post-mortem" chat. I'm hoping for a good football game to watch until dinner starts.
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I forgot that talking thing with late deafened people. Nobody understands me! :P

I should just stay out of here!
 
Your friend wants you to come and to be comfortable. The friend probably wants a break from the nonstop-talking mother who rolls her eyes. Your presence is probably comforting to your friend. Relax and know that you're wanted. You have a great sense of humor and that will break the ice. Just be you!
 
DeafDoc1 said:
Thanks for the suggestion, Botti. I can still speak clearly, most people understand me, but I have lousy control of my volume--typically much too soft. But writing notes may help, thought awkward during the meal itself. My dad suggested I also excuse myself shortly after dinner and avoid the "post-mortem" chat. I'm hoping for a good football game to watch until dinner starts.
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In my house and when I have been at another's house for dinner, there was no problem with writing notes. You start by letting everyone know your situation and most people are understanding. Who knows, they might even pick up a little sign while you and your friend are conversing. You never know.
 
Hello

I don't quite have late onset deafness, but the severity now is to extreme to be able to survive in society unaided. I just received my first (useful) hearing aids.
 
KristinaB said:
Not sure if this is normal or not. Lately, hubby and I have been having problems and as I think about it so does the rest of family. It seems that since I have lost all my hearing and I have now been without it for a little over 3 years, I am not making sense when I talk (I guess :hmm:).


Do late-deafened adults generally start having significant speech changes? When I went in to look at HAs, the audiologist told me I'd eventually need speech therapy.

That never occurred to me. I'm in my mid-30s. The deaf people I know are either deaf from early childhood, or deafened much later in life (70s and up.) Before my hearing started to go, I hadn't noticed any difference in my older late-deafened relatives' voices (other than volume.)

I didn't ask the audiologist what he meant at the time. Thinking about it later, I wish I did.

So questions for other late-deafened folks out there: Have you had voice changes, and what kind? What, if anything, did you do about it?
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I dunno if I speak any different. Family and friend members havent said if I do. Its me telling people to say something again; sometimes people say it to me but not often.
 
ms redcat, my hearing loss has effected my speech. I quit saying certain letters as I lost my hearing because I couldn't hear myself saying them. Yea, I should have gotten HAs sooner but you know that denial stage in which you invent clever coping skills. Now that I have HAs and I am aware of the problem, I've consciously started using these letters again. It's taken some effort. I don't know what will happen in the future as I lose more hearing. I have progressive genetic loss so it will be an ongoing issue for me. Let me know how you progress. I'm interested in learning more.
 
Some folks tell me my tone is flat, I have a bit of trouble with beginning or endings, so they say.
It took about 10 yrs of progressive loss, then deafness before anyone commented. Hubby says its fine. Boss mostly comments.
 
ms_redcat said:
KristinaB said:
Not sure if this is normal or not. Lately, hubby and I have been having problems and as I think about it so does the rest of family. It seems that since I have lost all my hearing and I have now been without it for a little over 3 years, I am not making sense when I talk (I guess :hmm:).


Do late-deafened adults generally start having significant speech changes? When I went in to look at HAs, the audiologist told me I'd eventually need speech therapy.

That never occurred to me. I'm in my mid-30s. The deaf people I know are either deaf from early childhood, or deafened much later in life (70s and up.) Before my hearing started to go, I hadn't noticed any difference in my older late-deafened relatives' voices (other than volume.)

I didn't ask the audiologist what he meant at the time. Thinking about it later, I wish I did.

So questions for other late-deafened folks out there: Have you had voice changes, and what kind? What, if anything, did you do about it?
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My voice never changed. In fact, I have people who say that my speech and diction is so clear they can't believe I can't hear a thing. What I am running into is there are times when I will forget how to say simple words that are in everyday speech. It's almost like I get tired or something. Just today, I could not remember how to say number, but after sounding it out and having my family correct me, I finally got it after 2-3 minutes. Very frustrating. However, I am going without speaking more often since the hearing world doesn't believe I am deaf.
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Although at moment I am not late-deaf, I have wondered about this, too as my speech is affected by speech and languages issues I had as child. People who know me understand me, but I often run into times in daily life where strangers or acquaintances have difficulty.
 
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