Adjustment to late onset deafness

It's a great group here. We understand what you are going through as well...either we went through it, or we are going through it.

There is also much kindness here. When I was feeling particularly down a few weeks ago, several people reached out to me personally. It meant a lot more than I can express.

I'm finding that deafness or being hard of hearing is not the end of the world, it's just a different one.
 
A Hearie or a Deafie or Something in between?

I'm reposting this because it was in the wrong category. =)

I'm totally new to this forum but I've been reading a lot, trying to get myself familiar with deaf culture and the world that we all live in, and something is bugging me. I have been HOH since I was little (around 4 years old). I'm now 24 and my hearing has been getting progressively worse over the years. For the past year or so my hearing loss has sped up dramatically and the doctors say that it could go completely at pretty much any time.

In all this time, I haven't been a part of the deaf community at all (I had no idea it even WAS a community, I was very uneducated about all of this) and now that it looks like I'll be going deaf pretty soon I want to learn as much about the community and the culture as possible. I'm already ok at lip reading, I'm starting to learn ASL and I'm doing my best to join in here too.

At this point I'm wondering, am I a Hearie or a Deafie? From what I've read on this forum so far, the general feeling toward Hearies is that they are very ignorant oF Deaf culture and that they do really stupid things when interacting with deaf people. The more I read, the more I realize that I was one of those ignorant people, because I've had so little experience with people who are deaf, even though I've been HOH nearly my whole life. How do I bridge the gap? How do I learn everything I need to know? How do I teach my loved ones all that they need to know? Who am I at this point in my hearing loss and how much is going to change as my hearing loss gets worse?

I understand that the general attitude toward deafness seems to be very positive within the deaf community. I feel very blessed that I've had some of my hearing for as long as I have. At the same time, I go back and forth between being scared about my hearing loss and thankful that I'll eventually be able to experience life in a new way. I will have gained two different perspectives during my lifetime. So many people only ever get to experience one. But I still get scared sometimes.

Where do I go from here?
 
aurakle said:
I'm reposting this because it was in the wrong category. =)

I'm totally new to this forum but I've been reading a lot, trying to get myself familiar with deaf culture and the world that we all live in, and something is bugging me. I have been HOH since I was little (around 4 years old). I'm now 24 and my hearing has been getting progressively worse over the years. For the past year or so my hearing loss has sped up dramatically and the doctors say that it could go completely at pretty much any time.

In all this time, I haven't been a part of the deaf community at all (I had no idea it even WAS a community, I was very uneducated about all of this) and now that it looks like I'll be going deaf pretty soon I want to learn as much about the community and the culture as possible. I'm already ok at lip reading, I'm starting to learn ASL and I'm doing my best to join in here too.

At this point I'm wondering, am I a Hearie or a Deafie? From what I've read on this forum so far, the general feeling toward Hearies is that they are very ignorant oF Deaf culture and that they do really stupid things when interacting with deaf people. The more I read, the more I realize that I was one of those ignorant people, because I've had so little experience with people who are deaf, even though I've been HOH nearly my whole life. How do I bridge the gap? How do I learn everything I need to know? How do I teach my loved ones all that they need to know? Who am I at this point in my hearing loss and how much is going to change as my hearing loss gets worse?

I understand that the general attitude toward deafness seems to be very positive within the deaf community. I feel very blessed that I've had some of my hearing for as long as I have. At the same time, I go back and forth between being scared about my hearing loss and thankful that I'll eventually be able to experience life in a new way. I will have gained two different perspectives during my lifetime. So many people only ever get to experience one. But I still get scared sometimes.

Where do I go from here?
Click to expand...
@aurakle

I totally understand where you're coming from. I discovered I was HOH during paramedic training as I had trouble hearing with a stethoscope. I was the only one not able to find rhythmic problems and I failed because of that. I got a audiogram and met an ENT the week after and they couldn't believe how "adapted" I was seeing my hearing test results. Anyway I got hearing aids after that and went through the stages of grief (I have progressive sensorineural hearing loss, so Deaf is my near future). That was 6 years ago!

It won't be easy, but knowing people are here for you helps! I would suggest you do what every smart being would do in this situation: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! Learn ASL, get HAs if you can. Don't let people put you down!
 
aurakle said:
I'm reposting this because it was in the wrong category. =)

I'm totally new to this forum but I've been reading a lot, trying to get myself familiar with deaf culture and the world that we all live in, and something is bugging me. I have been HOH since I was little (around 4 years old). I'm now 24 and my hearing has been getting progressively worse over the years. For the past year or so my hearing loss has sped up dramatically and the doctors say that it could go completely at pretty much any time.

In all this time, I haven't been a part of the deaf community at all (I had no idea it even WAS a community, I was very uneducated about all of this) and now that it looks like I'll be going deaf pretty soon I want to learn as much about the community and the culture as possible. I'm already ok at lip reading, I'm starting to learn ASL and I'm doing my best to join in here too.

At this point I'm wondering, am I a Hearie or a Deafie? From what I've read on this forum so far, the general feeling toward Hearies is that they are very ignorant oF Deaf culture and that they do really stupid things when interacting with deaf people. The more I read, the more I realize that I was one of those ignorant people, because I've had so little experience with people who are deaf, even though I've been HOH nearly my whole life. How do I bridge the gap? How do I learn everything I need to know? How do I teach my loved ones all that they need to know? Who am I at this point in my hearing loss and how much is going to change as my hearing loss gets worse?

I understand that the general attitude toward deafness seems to be very positive within the deaf community. I feel very blessed that I've had some of my hearing for as long as I have. At the same time, I go back and forth between being scared about my hearing loss and thankful that I'll eventually be able to experience life in a new way. I will have gained two different perspectives during my lifetime. So many people only ever get to experience one. But I still get scared sometimes.

Where do I go from here?
Click to expand...

Your experience is not uncommon here on AllDeaf (AD), feeling that you don't belong to either the Deaf or Hearing world. It is the same for people like myself (an oral deafie - i.e a deaf person who lives entirely with hearing people) and for people who are born hearing and then lose it (late-deafened).

You will read many comments on this thread about learning it is a journey and it is a painful and unsettling process trying to work out your new identity - a process that has been forced upon you by your progressive HL. As I see it, there are essentially three main options:
1. Try and stay in the Hearing world, using technology, lip-reading & oral skills
2. Learn sign language and enter into the Deaf world and adopt their culture
3. Become a maverick, choosing to live a unique & more lonely lifestyle that doesn't fit into any larger groups, Deaf or Hearing.
(Note you can pick and choose and blend these options such as becoming bi-cultural)

There's something to be said for learning sign language regardless as it will give you flexibility and options. I read of one HOH lady who had no interest at all in becoming part of the Deaf community, but has learnt ASL as she often finds herself at cultural events where an ASL interpretor is provided, but not CART (Captioned Access in Real Time - essentially live subtitles provided by a person with a laptop).

The important thing to realize is that you do have options and that you do have a future to look forward to, even if it isn't what you anticipated or originally wanted.
 
Just got out of the audi's office today... 70dB average loss in the right, 75dB in the left... didn't expect this kind of drop from my last appointment 6 years ago... (I was at 28 right and 35 left) This is going WAY FASTER than I expected... Still a bit shocked I guess.
 
lilybear said:
Just got out of the audi's office today... 70dB average loss in the right, 75dB in the left... didn't expect this kind of drop from my last appointment 6 years ago... (I was at 28 right and 35 left) This is going WAY FASTER than I expected... Still a bit shocked I guess.
Click to expand...

Wow! That's a big drop and a big shock for you :hug:
 
Not in my case... well not so far. He knows it's progressive obviously, and that it is sensorineural. I have 2 deaf cousins on my father's side (which I don't have any way to contact as we never got in touch after my father and grand-father died) so it's probably genetic in some way. Why doesn't matter I think... because it won't change the result.
 
AJWSmith said:
Your experience is not uncommon here on AllDeaf (AD), feeling that you don't belong to either the Deaf or Hearing world. It is the same for people like myself (an oral deafie - i.e a deaf person who lives entirely with hearing people) and for people who are born hearing and then lose it (late-deafened).

You will read many comments on this thread about learning it is a journey and it is a painful and unsettling process trying to work out your new identity - a process that has been forced upon you by your progressive HL. As I see it, there are essentially three main options:
1. Try and stay in the Hearing world, using technology, lip-reading & oral skills
2. Learn sign language and enter into the Deaf world and adopt their culture
3. Become a maverick, choosing to live a unique & more lonely lifestyle that doesn't fit into any larger groups, Deaf or Hearing.
(Note you can pick and choose and blend these options such as becoming bi-cultural)

There's something to be said for learning sign language regardless as it will give you flexibility and options. I read of one HOH lady who had no interest at all in becoming part of the Deaf community, but has learnt ASL as she often finds herself at cultural events where an ASL interpretor is provided, but not CART (Captioned Access in Real Time - essentially live subtitles provided by a person with a laptop).

The important thing to realize is that you do have options and that you do have a future to look forward to, even if it isn't what you anticipated or originally wanted.
Click to expand...

lilybear said:
@aurakle

I totally understand where you're coming from. I discovered I was HOH during paramedic training as I had trouble hearing with a stethoscope. I was the only one not able to find rhythmic problems and I failed because of that. I got a audiogram and met an ENT the week after and they couldn't believe how "adapted" I was seeing my hearing test results. Anyway I got hearing aids after that and went through the stages of grief (I have progressive sensorineural hearing loss, so Deaf is my near future). That was 6 years ago!

It won't be easy, but knowing people are here for you helps! I would suggest you do what every smart being would do in this situation: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! Learn ASL, get HAs if you can. Don't let people put you down!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for the support, guys! Are there any resources you can recommend for me to check out? I'm trying to get as prepared as possible.
 
If you tell us your general location (city or state), we can give you more specific recommendations.
 
Thanks, Bott. I missed that. Maybe someone from California will offer specific recommendations. I'm far from California. Welcome to AD, aurakle! Glad that you joined us here. :wave:
 
Yep, I'm from Los Angeles, California. If anyone has info that could help me, I'd really appreciate it! =)
 
lilybear said:
Just got out of the audi's office today... 70dB average loss in the right, 75dB in the left... didn't expect this kind of drop from my last appointment 6 years ago... (I was at 28 right and 35 left) This is going WAY FASTER than I expected... Still a bit shocked I guess.
Click to expand...

*hugs* for you. I know it can be a bit of a shock... When I read your history, it sounds eerily familiar.

I was told 8 years ago that in all likelihood my hearing would get progressively worse--and that if I didn't wear my HA's, that process would be sped up. The one audiologist predicted I'd be profoundly deaf by my 30s. Well... I didn't wear my HA's (I am still paying for that first set--my friend's cat ate them), and I didn't really believe the guy.

I went back in to the audiologist in January because I was having some major problems with my online school, and they refused to make any accommodations for me without a written order from a doctor. I had just planned on getting a quick hearing test, and be done with it... but when I got my results, I just about fell out of the chair. My hearing had gone down from about 50 db loss to 90 db loss in my good ear. I knew, of course I knew, that my hearing had gone down significantly, but I was still shocked by how FAST it had happened. I hadn't believed the doctor, but now I sure do.

The hard part is... I have spent my whole life pretending I don't have hearing issues. I lipread, I make due, I never make a big deal over my hearing. My friends are all hearing, and although they know I'm hoh, they don't understand. They don't understand that it is harder for me now than it was before. They don't understand why I don't answer the phone, why I don't like to go out to restaurants or hang out in big groups.

And then, of course, there's the issue of identity, but that is for another thread...

I'm glad I found this group. I wish you all well.
 
I have noticed that a lot of people that post in this thread don't really post in other places on this site. This site is full of a lot of knowledge, and the people who know what you are going through. A lot may not know exactly what you are experiencing but a lot do and they are more understanding than you may think. I came to this site scared as all hell and I have made so many wonderful friends. I felt the same way, do I fit in, do I not.. We all share one thing in common here, either we know someone or we are Deaf or HOH... this is the place to ask questions, to find info...
I have Menieres Disease and I have had a few people PM me about it and I am always willing to help or give info, a lot of people here are the same way.
So glad to see this forum come together like this :) oxox
 
candybrowneyes said:
I have noticed that a lot of people that post in this thread don't really post in other places on this site. This site is full of a lot of knowledge, and the people who know what you are going through. A lot may not know exactly what you are experiencing but a lot do and they are more understanding than you may think. I came to this site scared as all hell and I have made so many wonderful friends. I felt the same way, do I fit in, do I not.. We all share one thing in common here, either we know someone or we are Deaf or HOH... this is the place to ask questions, to find info...
I have Menieres Disease and I have had a few people PM me about it and I am always willing to help or give info, a lot of people here are the same way.
So glad to see this forum come together like this :) oxox
Click to expand...

Lots of times they adjust better if I am not their first contact...

I remember you came here and got really upset about the first time I said anything to you.. And I was trying to give you good advice! :lol:
 
Bottesini said:
Lots of times they adjust better if I am not their first contact...

I remember you came here and got really upset about the first time I said anything to you.. And I was trying to give you good advice! :lol:
Click to expand...

lol Bottes you are a real hard ass sometimes :) but we all know how soft you are really :) YOU DONT FOOL ME ANYMORE woman! But I really do love your strong personality :aw:
 
Bottesini said:
Lots of times they adjust better if I am not their first contact...

I remember you came here and got really upset about the first time I said anything to you.. And I was trying to give you good advice! :lol:
Click to expand...

it was love at first sight :aw:
 
Hey all,

Just a quick update. So I started ASL classes last week. It's going well, but man, it is really hard. It's going to take a long time to learn this, but I know I need to do it (not too many other choices now that I am totally deaf). 2 of my friends and my family (mom, dad, and sister) are taking the class with me, which is helping.

Still struggling with my new life here. I'm trying to adapt, but honestly, I miss my hearing. When does it get easier?
 
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