Abusive Relationship

My story isn't as severe as some of the ladies on this post. In my first year of marriage, my husband used to hit, throw me around, or back me into a corner and threaten me. I was in love with him, and wanted our marriage to work, for myself and my kids. The last time he hit me, was when my daughter saw him, and screamed "Don't you ever hit my Mommy again!" My husband whirled around and saw the terror on my daughter's face, he broke down in tears. I kicked him out. An hour later I called him, to "talk." Now we've been married for 4 years physical and verbal abuse free.
Granted I was one of the lucky ones.
 
Ginette said:
My story isn't as severe as some of the ladies on this post. In my first year of marriage, my husband used to hit, throw me around, or back me into a corner and threaten me. I was in love with him, and wanted our marriage to work, for myself and my kids. The last time he hit me, was when my daughter saw him, and screamed "Don't you ever hit my Mommy again!" My husband whirled around and saw the terror on my daughter's face, he broke down in tears. I kicked him out. An hour later I called him, to "talk." Now we've been married for 4 years physical and verbal abuse free.
Granted I was one of the lucky ones.
Click to expand...
u are very JUJU (lucky) wow!!! keep on!
 
I was sexually abused (still too painful to
talk about more about this) it was NOT
physically, but I was abused emotionally
so I am NOT able to have
a normal relationship afterward ....

That kind of sexual abuse already damaged me
almost 100% for the rest of my life. I cannot
get this fixed.. almost impossible !!

Therefore, "friendships" work better than
"relationships".
Is this something wrong that way ???

A friendship is easier than a relationship.
 
Last edited:
Abusive ways in any form isn't healthy or tolerable...it's sad to know or see anyone that has gone through terrible times of abuses however it occured. I've had my share of seeing others going through different stages of abuses...and have always encourage each one with renewed hopes and giving them any support or rapport for their sakes. Like myself, I have been a victim of an abuse many years ago, but I do not feel it's appropriate for me to divulge the details of my experiences through what I have suffered. Yet, my heart and thoughts do go out to the many who have expressed their abusive relations here in Alldeaf...hoping and wishing each of you much strength and support from family, love ones, etc...to help you back in the kind of life you deserve truly! :)
 
I'm truly sorry what you all have been through. I'm admire you all what you get out of those abusive experiences. I'm mixed feeling & sad when I read all of your topic - It´s terrible you all have been suffered. I want hug you all. I can't believe what my mother can't do like you all. I can't understand her...
Angel, I already respond your thread at other forum... Please read it...
I admire you all for open your heart onto this topic..
It make me think twice what my mother had been through since I read this & other topic.
It's good for me to doing is write & get out of my chest on this topic since my husband often suggest me to write a book which it should be over 300 pages. I do is help the children & parents who are victim of abusive relationship... Do something to prevent them before it goes worst is go to Social Worker or relatives for the help & ignore parent's threaten. They will be there for you. I'm happy that the new law to protect the victims of Abusive situation. ... From now the social workers will listen them for their safety. I'm happy for that because my time was not like that... My social worker didn't listen my cries for the help because they believe my parents. Now no anymore...

My mother had been beaten up by her 3 husbands.
Her 1st husband is my father who had 3 children (incl. me) with her is a gambler & womanizer. He beat her up sometimes front of us. He left her to struggle with 3 toddlers for the fun. My mother begged anyone for the support to buy the foods for us until she met her 2nd husband whom he's best friend of my Dad. She fell in love with his charm... We also thought wonderful of him... He spoilt us with foods, toys, restaurants, park etc. (he show us the kind of life what we never see before...). She left Dad for him because she thought he's a good man who care of her children etc.. He moved to live with us & make our home into beautiful home... to improve our life better... It's our first holiday in Majorca, Spain... Everything what you named it is a dream until they married after 6 months living together...
He turn into monster, jealous & sex manic from charmer, wonderful & good heart man after married. Our life with him goes real hell & mainly worst! He beat my mother up to death like he beat the men up. The blood are everywhere on her... He bang my mother's head with the plate..., also bang her head to the wall, whipped her & us with belt... fist with his big hand to her face & body.. kick her... rape... We must do what he want... We must do what he say... We must obey him... We scared of him... Very painful... Those horrible, I never forget in my life... My 2 siblings & I cries all the time when he started it to mum front of us. He & my mother abused me & my siblings very nasty because we cries to anyone for the help. Accord to them, we are not allowed to tell anyone... He raped my mother front of us dozen of times after beat her up to blood...
My mother ended in hospital dozen of times & make an excuses how she did etc to protect him. She also have been miscarriages, too until they have a daughter whom I am close to. (She didn't know what her father did to our mother & us).
He forced us (3) watch him have sex with my mother because we should learn what the sex is, that's time I was 9 years old. It's not a first time what he did to us... He want to know if we have public hair... He forced us to show it to him. It's most horrible I ever had in my life... Thank god, that he didn't touch us but just look us in the different ways... (He played himself when he look at us)... They have sex after lunch time... in the kitchen, living room, etc at most time without send us away...
Good thing for me to stay at boarding school to keep away from my family but I know it's terrible for my 2 siblings. Their life goes real hell with him all the time. I came home every 2 weekends, Easter, summer & Christmas holiday.
He is a wonderful father to her daughter but he was arrested for bank robbery when she was 1 month old. After court, we watched our mother cried for him because he was put in jail for 10 years... We don't understand her because she should be happy to rid of him at last. All is what she said: We can't have everything what we wish because he is in prison... My mother begin to neglect us & spent her time is write a letter to him everyday... We read her letters during her absence which she tried hide from us. It's sex letter. She begin to have a glass of wine to cheer her up during writing a letter to him everyday... that's how she begin to addict the alcoholic more & more....... The situation goes worst... She can't afford to pay me to come home every 2 weekends anymore so I only came home from school three time a year... Easter, Summer, Autumn & Christmas holiday.
She begin to bring different men (incl. Dad)..., then go hospitals more often... The situation goes worst. No money for the foods because she spent all of children support to boozing. I can't bear anymore & run away to Dad's parents & relatives but Dad convinced them that I'm a liar (he knew very well that my mum is drinking) so Dad took me back to her & my siblings. (he don't want to be custody of his children because he want his freedom). My parents beat me up, then call me nasty names. My siblings are only one who comfort me. I feel happier when I returned to boarding school after school holiday... I feel panic when the school holiday comes near... I beg my teacher to not send me back to home so she called Social Worker to find out something for me. I received no greeting from my parents when I come home from school holiday. They do all is call me nasty name & why I did betrayed them back their behind because the social worker will come with the accord from my teacher.
Unfortunalately my parents convinced the social worker that it's nothing what I claimed. (My siblings can't stated that it's true because they are too scared). Terrible... My siblings realized that it doesn't work because the social worker & Dad's relatives believe my parents after see how the drinking destroy my mother's soul & mind. We (4) decided to help each other & run away together to Dad's parents... It convinced them at last because our word are against Dad's. They disgusted what Dad did to us to protect mum because of his freedom... Then call Social Worker... They choose me to live with them because I didn't come home very much (I was away at boarding school then college, that's where I met Red Rum there).. My siblings live at children home...
My mother met her 3rd husband at secure home to cure alcohol problems... He's 10 years younger than her. I haven't see her ever since... until I met her for a first time at town... her face are full of bruised... (Oh No again, I thought to myself). I make up peace with her... I visited to see her once a month... She was pregnant with 5th child. She & her 3rd husband are still drinking... After birth to daughter when I was 19 years old... I take care of her as my own daughter... Remember her, RedRum... Everyone thought it's my daughter when I went with her for a walk... I fought with mom over breast feeding because she's breast feed to her during alcohol which it's no good for her daughter... The situation goes worst until her 3rd husband killed himself by cut his throat. Police, etc etc etc... terrible condition...

Few years after that my husband & I visited to see my family in England to see how they are... We visited my mom because I want to see how my 7 years old baby sister get on... I was fainted with shock how my mom & stranger are in the bed to neglect her... too skinny & withdraw... remind me in the past... I blew my head & forced my siblings to call Social Worker but my mom tried to hit me up so I hit her back to defend myself... My hubby & I want to have her... Unfortunalately the Social Worker won't let me to have her because we are in Germany so they let her to live with foster parents... My mom told Social Worker that she won't want to have her because she doesn't wish to have her... It shock a little girl what her mom said like this... The foster parents adopted her...
 
2nd pages
Anyway, other subject what I had been through with my ex boyfriend.

After college I got a good job after 3 month unemployment I got a appartment straight way with the help from the social worker. I take care of my new life... I met & fall in love Graham & let him to move to live with me within 6 months after our first meet. I was puzzled when he asked me to cancel the holiday book to Tenerife which I planned with my friends before I met him. I told him firm that I won't let my friends down because we planned it for a long time. He respect me... That's I realized how person he is... possessive & jealous after let him to move with me.... I suddenly notice when he suggested me to add his name on my appartment. I rejected it & told him that I rather wait... (Oh god, I'm very lucky - I know an experience what I had been through in the past). He dislike an idea of what the kind of life I use like to have... something like that... I met Red Rum at her work every Wednesday for chat & also met my friends etc. sport etc. He want me all for himself... He dislike me to bring my friends to my appartment... (incl. Red Rum). I was shock when he started to hit me... I knew straight it would come so I want to throw him out of my appartment... He plea for his forgive... I gave him the chance... I was in Tenerife for 2 weeks holiday with my friends & had a good thought about our future... After holiday I asked him to leave my appartment because I know it's no good future for us because we're too different. He won't go...because he love me... He started to hit me again for little things... I escaped to Red Rum for the help... The situation goes worst... I begged Red Rum to stay with me for a while... She can't bear anymore of Graham's insult on us... so she brought her boyfriend with her... it stop Graham do something to me... I become scared of him & realized how my mother did with her 3 husbands... I knew I can't carry on like this so I told him to leave because I don't love him anymore... He realized that I stay firm so he tried to threaten me so I ignore it & was about went to my neighbor but he stop me & become very abusive & beat me up so I took kitchen knife to defend myself against him to let me go out. I cut his body with the knife to hurt himself then run away to neighbor to call the police. The police took him away... Oh my god... I'm glad that I'm doing right... Accord court order, it must be 10 miles distance between my home & his area... He's not allow to near me... but I still am scared to be alone case Graham come to kill me so I begged Red Rum to live with me. She's always be there when I need her. She always is there to comfort me & support me during family life & Graham's condition...
I feel more relax & more happier since Red Rum moved to live with me until I married & live in Germany... She went to Australia for 1 year working visa one month later after I left for Germany... met her husband.... We saw each other for a first time after 16 years no see in 2000/2001. We still talking about this...
 
NOBODY in family are involved in abusive relatioinship. I never had one. But, my long-time friend. :shock: I saw him in my own eyes. I was mad at him for beat up his ex-girlfriend. I had to call cop to report. He almost go to jail. I told them to drop the case and give him a chance. I hope he will not do that again.
 
only because he's your "friend"?...

I say he should stay in jail until he decides that he'll take anger management
 
illustrator said:
But, my l I told them to drop the case and give him a chance. I hope he will not do that again.
Click to expand...

:nono: Bad Idea....Once someone abuse someone...they will always keep doing it unless they do get HELP not always they will be 100% better there will be times someone would tick that person off and the abuse start again and again....doesn't matter if theyre truly sorry....I have heard the word ' I am so sorry' a million of times and it didn't STOP....and even offer him to get help..did he? no....He just deny he has a temper and abusive problem....
 
Y said:
I was sexually abused (still too painful to
talk about more about this) it was NOT
physically, but I was abused emotionally
so I am NOT able to have
a normal relationship afterward ....

That kind of sexual abuse already damaged me
almost 100% for the rest of my life. I cannot
get this fixed.. almost impossible !!

Therefore, "friendships" work better than
"relationships".
Is this something wrong that way ???

A friendship is easier than a relationship.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry if you are embrassassed when I'm asking you about this, but just wanna know something. HOW were you abused emotionally instead of physically? I had a friend who was in that kind of sitation with my long time best friend and said that he did some inapporiate things to her so I dunno...I didnt really believe her because she kept changing her story just abit so I wouldnt know...anyway, it seems that most deafies were sexually ambused more than the hearies because they think the deafies wouldn't say a thing about it or try to say something because they wouldn't speak or anything like that...it's like we were treated as a sex toy and treat us like crap for nothing...it's very ambusing and pathetic.

So do you mind if you tell us how you were ambused emotionally? if you dont feel like expressing those things out of your chest, I understand. Better to keep things private than to let another know about it...
 
^Angel^ said:
:nono: Bad Idea....Once someone abuse someone...they will always keep doing it unless they do get HELP not always they will be 100% better there will be times someone would tick that person off and the abuse start again and again....doesn't matter if theyre truly sorry....I have heard the word ' I am so sorry' a million of times and it didn't STOP....and even offer him to get help..did he? no....He just deny he has a temper and abusive problem....
Click to expand...
:werd:
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I'm truly sorry what you all have been through. I'm admire you all what you get out of those abusive experiences. I'm mixed feeling & sad when I read all of your topic - It´s terrible you all have been suffered. I want hug you all. I can't believe what my mother can't do like you all. I can't understand her...
Angel, I already respond your thread at other forum... Please read it...
I admire you all for open your heart onto this topic..
It make me think twice what my mother had been through since I read this & other topic.
It's good for me to doing is write & get out of my chest on this topic since my husband often suggest me to write a book which it should be over 300 pages. I do is help the children & parents who are victim of abusive relationship... Do something to prevent them before it goes worst is go to Social Worker or relatives for the help & ignore parent's threaten. They will be there for you. I'm happy that the new law to protect the victims of Abusive situation. ... From now the social workers will listen them for their safety. I'm happy for that because my time was not like that... My social worker didn't listen my cries for the help because they believe my parents. Now no anymore...

My mother had been beaten up by her 3 husbands.
Her 1st husband is my father who had 3 children (incl. me) with her is a gambler & womanizer. He beat her up sometimes front of us. He left her to struggle with 3 toddlers for the fun. My mother begged anyone for the support to buy the foods for us until she met her 2nd husband whom he's best friend of my Dad. She fell in love with his charm... We also thought wonderful of him... He spoilt us with foods, toys, restaurants, park etc. (he show us the kind of life what we never see before...). She left Dad for him because she thought he's a good man who care of her children etc.. He moved to live with us & make our home into beautiful home... to improve our life better... It's our first holiday in Majorca, Spain... Everything what you named it is a dream until they married after 6 months living together...
He turn into monster, jealous & sex manic from charmer, wonderful & good heart man after married. Our life with him goes real hell & mainly worst! He beat my mother up to death like he beat the men up. The blood are everywhere on her... He bang my mother's head with the plate..., also bang her head to the wall, whipped her & us with belt... fist with his big hand to her face & body.. kick her... rape... We must do what he want... We must do what he say... We must obey him... We scared of him... Very painful... Those horrible, I never forget in my life... My 2 siblings & I cries all the time when he started it to mum front of us. He & my mother abused me & my siblings very nasty because we cries to anyone for the help. Accord to them, we are not allowed to tell anyone... He raped my mother front of us dozen of times after beat her up to blood...
My mother ended in hospital dozen of times & make an excuses how she did etc to protect him. She also have been miscarriages, too until they have a daughter whom I am close to. (She didn't know what her father did to our mother & us).
He forced us (3) watch him have sex with my mother because we should learn what the sex is, that's time I was 9 years old. It's not a first time what he did to us... He want to know if we have public hair... He forced us to show it to him. It's most horrible I ever had in my life... Thank god, that he didn't touch us but just look us in the different ways... (He played himself when he look at us)... They have sex after lunch time... in the kitchen, living room, etc at most time without send us away...
Good thing for me to stay at boarding school to keep away from my family but I know it's terrible for my 2 siblings. Their life goes real hell with him all the time. I came home every 2 weekends, Easter, summer & Christmas holiday.
He is a wonderful father to her daughter but he was arrested for bank robbery when she was 1 month old. After court, we watched our mother cried for him because he was put in jail for 10 years... We don't understand her because she should be happy to rid of him at last. All is what she said: We can't have everything what we wish because he is in prison... My mother begin to neglect us & spent her time is write a letter to him everyday... We read her letters during her absence which she tried hide from us. It's sex letter. She begin to have a glass of wine to cheer her up during writing a letter to him everyday... that's how she begin to addict the alcoholic more & more....... The situation goes worst... She can't afford to pay me to come home every 2 weekends anymore so I only came home from school three time a year... Easter, Summer, Autumn & Christmas holiday.
She begin to bring different men (incl. Dad)..., then go hospitals more often... The situation goes worst. No money for the foods because she spent all of children support to boozing. I can't bear anymore & run away to Dad's parents & relatives but Dad convinced them that I'm a liar (he knew very well that my mum is drinking) so Dad took me back to her & my siblings. (he don't want to be custody of his children because he want his freedom). My parents beat me up, then call me nasty names. My siblings are only one who comfort me. I feel happier when I returned to boarding school after school holiday... I feel panic when the school holiday comes near... I beg my teacher to not send me back to home so she called Social Worker to find out something for me. I received no greeting from my parents when I come home from school holiday. They do all is call me nasty name & why I did betrayed them back their behind because the social worker will come with the accord from my teacher.
Unfortunalately my parents convinced the social worker that it's nothing what I claimed. (My siblings can't stated that it's true because they are too scared). Terrible... My siblings realized that it doesn't work because the social worker & Dad's relatives believe my parents after see how the drinking destroy my mother's soul & mind. We (4) decided to help each other & run away together to Dad's parents... It convinced them at last because our word are against Dad's. They disgusted what Dad did to us to protect mum because of his freedom... Then call Social Worker... They choose me to live with them because I didn't come home very much (I was away at boarding school then college, that's where I met Red Rum there).. My siblings live at children home...
My mother met her 3rd husband at secure home to cure alcohol problems... He's 10 years younger than her. I haven't see her ever since... until I met her for a first time at town... her face are full of bruised... (Oh No again, I thought to myself). I make up peace with her... I visited to see her once a month... She was pregnant with 5th child. She & her 3rd husband are still drinking... After birth to daughter when I was 19 years old... I take care of her as my own daughter... Remember her, RedRum... Everyone thought it's my daughter when I went with her for a walk... I fought with mom over breast feeding because she's breast feed to her during alcohol which it's no good for her daughter... The situation goes worst until her 3rd husband killed himself by cut his throat. Police, etc etc etc... terrible condition...

Few years after that my husband & I visited to see my family in England to see how they are... We visited my mom because I want to see how my 7 years old baby sister get on... I was fainted with shock how my mom & stranger are in the bed to neglect her... too skinny & withdraw... remind me in the past... I blew my head & forced my siblings to call Social Worker but my mom tried to hit me up so I hit her back to defend myself... My hubby & I want to have her... Unfortunalately the Social Worker won't let me to have her because we are in Germany so they let her to live with foster parents... My mom told Social Worker that she won't want to have her because she doesn't wish to have her... It shock a little girl what her mom said like this... The foster parents adopted her...
Click to expand...

:jaw: OMG!!! that sooo AWFUL!! but i am telling u, u are soo BRAVE lady ever i see!!! i mean it.. u are lucky have Red Rum who be there for u whenever u need her!! thats so GREAT!! oh man, i am very totally sowwy abt ur life has bad when u was young but right now u have new life with ur hubby! smile.. not worry abt in the past but ofc i know it been hard for u think in past cuz of this awful!!! i do uddy that.. *hugs tight* :cuddle:
 
TweetyBird said:
:jaw: OMG!!! that sooo AWFUL!! but i am telling u, u are soo BRAVE lady ever i see!!! i mean it.. u are lucky have Red Rum who be there for u whenever u need her!! thats so GREAT!! oh man, i am very totally sowwy abt ur life has bad when u was young but right now u have new life with ur hubby! smile.. not worry abt in the past but ofc i know it been hard for u think in past cuz of this awful!!! i do uddy that.. *hugs tight* :cuddle:
Click to expand...

Thank you, hugs... I´m sorry about your marriage life... miscarriage... I know how terrible it´s really is...
True, but it´s hard for me to forget the past... I do think about this sometimes... It´s not very easy... since I´m mother of 2 boys... it makes me love them more... I don´t understand my mother. :tears:
 
Steel said:
only because he's your "friend"?...

I say he should stay in jail until he decides that he'll take anger management
Click to expand...

I know him since 1st grade. We practice to be brother. Can't I?
 
^Angel^ said:
:nono: Bad Idea....Once someone abuse someone...they will always keep doing it unless they do get HELP not always they will be 100% better there will be times someone would tick that person off and the abuse start again and again....doesn't matter if theyre truly sorry....I have heard the word ' I am so sorry' a million of times and it didn't STOP....and even offer him to get help..did he? no....He just deny he has a temper and abusive problem....
Click to expand...

He haven't done anymore since. I took him to church to put better sense on him. God has serve him well.
 
Umm...I really don't know what to say, here. A lot of these posts hit me so close to home.

I do have some issues...but I'm not sure I want to talk about them here. :tears: I'm really not good at talking about them at all, anywhere. I kind of have to feel comfortable with someone before I get into any of the grisly details. So, you know, maybe I'll take a rain check on posting my story. Hell, if someone really wants to know and if it might help someone else, then yeah, just look me up and we'll talk.

But, my god. I soooo know what you're all talking about. Tweety, I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experiences when you were married. No one deserves that. Angel, we've talked about it some...and my heart goes out to you and your gorgeous sons. Liebling...you may not have been abused physically, but I would definitely say this husband of your mother's played with your emotions and I'd say it's mental and/or emotional abuse at the very least. Especially when you watch someone you love being hurt in so many ways. And Y....I don't know you at all, but in yet another respect, I know how you're feeling. Bullymom...I'm so so so glad that you have a good man in your life now, and a beautiful family to show for it.

The hardest thing in the world, I think, is knowing that you've been abused, and coming forward with it.

So, to everyone here - whether you're a survivor not - thumbs-up to you. I do hope everything works out for you...all of you...and that you aren't hurt unjustly again.

Huggles, :cry:
Malfoyish
 
Angel, I already respond your thread at other forum... Please read it...
I admire you all for open your heart onto this topic..
Click to expand...

aww Thank you Liebling , I read it soon as I read this one....and I don't post in DL anymore but Thank you for posting one and for letting me know....

I am truly sorry to hear what your mother been thru ....It is awful that she had to go thru this by three different men....and most of all, having the children witness this horrible events that happen in that householder.....I know that not alot of people would willing to hear a child out...even if someone in the family been abused :( ......I really do admire you also for being able to open up the wound in your heart....*hugs*....I am here if you ever need someone to listen!... :mrgreen:

:ily:
 
:tears: awww Malfoyish ..*Hugs*...If you feel you are not ready to speak out.....Its ok and its very understandable....Nothing is easy....but if you ever need to someone to listen Ill be there. :mrgreen: ...U know that !.... :ily:

:grouphug: ...
 
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