Hearing women dating deaf/HoH men

I think maybe the issue with hearing/deaf relationships is the same issues with any relationships that involve two different cultures, no matter what those cultures might be.
Language and communication are an obvious one. A french woman and an english man couldn't date and have a healthy relationship without one (or both) of them learning the other language. How can you know each other without communicating? I think it would be the same for hearing and deaf. How can you really be together, if you aren't willing to learn the language that can allow you to communicate. The deaf person (whether the man or the woman) can't learn to hear, so the hearing person has to learn the communication method preferred by their partner. I don't know, it just seems incomprehensible to me that two people could be together and be happy without being comfortable communicating.
If the deaf/hoh partner is culturally Deaf, then the couple is going to have to be culturally savvy. Little misunderstandings are bound to happen when any two cultures meet. You have to be willing to step outside of what you know and look at things from someone else's perspective to try and understand how they're feeling or what they are thinking.

It's late, I'll stop rambling :)
 
TheWriteAlex said:
A couple questions: first, is that number higher than the amount of Deaf women that you know in relationships with hearing men? Second, how many of those hearing women were already fluent at signing and involved in the Deaf community in one way or another when they met your deaf male friends?
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It is hard to say because I know hundreds of people in the Deaf community.

I will think of my closest friends for now..

In my circle, it seems there are more deaf women with hearing guys than hearing women with deaf guys. I know several of my deaf friends say that they refuse to date anyone who do not know ASL already so it could be the reason. One of my friends recently broke up with his deaf girlfriend who didnt know any sign language because her parents put so much pressure on her about him being so dependent on ASL even though he had oral skills too.
 
hello
am actually a hearing person living in kenya
ever since i got into special education as a careef and i do speak sign language,my heart has gone for a deaf man'if you can hiik me with one who will be comfortable staying with a black woman.i will appreciate:wave:
 
congratulations
am also looking for a guy just like him
could he hook me up to his friend
al send you african regalia presents for your wedding
 
I don't know if my input counts but, as a hearing woman I would most certainly date a Deaf man if he was the right guy for me :) If we had things in common, we could communicate, and so on... I don't see why I wouldn't.
 
i'm hearing, and i've always wanted to date a h-o-h/deaf guy. since sign language is something i'm really passionate about, i want to be able to date someone who speaks the language :)

i actually just started dating a h-o-h guy at my college. he's awesome! :-D he's mainly oral, but he does sign...he just prefers to talk. we've signed a little, but it's usually one-ended (me signing to him and him replying aloud). he hasn't signed in 5 or so years though (although he knows exactly what i sign to him), so i understand that it makes him uncomfortable to sign...hopefully he'll eventually feel more comfortable with it while we're together :)
 
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this is actually a really interesting topic because i am a hearing girl and i have a deaf boyfriend. umm the wierd thing is that he had an ex who was deaf and she is telling me i cant go out with him because deaf boys should be with deaf girls. sometimes i get a litlle bit jealous because i am still only learning sign language and so i only know a little bit at the moment, and so i get jealiius when he talk to deaf women coz i dont know what hes saying.
i think one of the reasons women don't go for deaf men tho is because girls talk to much like on the phone and stuff all the time and its kinda hard with the lack of communication

but i love andrew heaps and could never imagine having a hearing boyfriend
 
I didn't read through all the posts. I'm going to after I put in my 2 cents but here's my opinion....

hearing men tend to care only about looks. It's the foundation for their attraction. Most men are shallow...they won't date a girl who isn't pretty to their liking

hearing women on the other hand care about status. It's the foundation for THEIR attraction. Having any form of disability is considered a negative status in the hearing world.

That's why a man would probably fuck a girl in a wheel chair if she was gorgeous but a woman wouldn't even fuck brad pitt in a wheel chair unless he was a celebrity.

Celebrity = High status hence why girls always go nuts over famous people. They're more attracted to their fame than anything. If the same guy she is CRAZY over wasn't famous and approached her at the bar with a corny pick-up line she'd turn him down in a second

So a guy isn't likely to date an ugly girl
and a girl isn't likely to date a low status guy

So the obvious statement here is that it's much harder for a deaf guy to find a relationship than it is for a deaf girl. Personally I think if a deaf girl dates outside of the community it's making it even harder because the only girls who know his position and can relate to him aren't available.

Edit: TheWrightAlex basically said the same thing on the first page. I think this is the most logical answer
 
I have read most of the posts by you people. I have few deaf girl friends who married hearing guys and divorced for reasons apart from being deaf. Some of them stay married and have family. Let me to be honest, I have not seen a lot of deaf guys with hearing girlfriends or a wife. Just about 1/8 the number of couples I have knew...(deaf girl with hearing guy).

I am deaf myself, never had problem dating hearing girls and all that but I do recall when being very young, I noticed few hearing girls were scared to give it a shot or did not want to adapt the language to communicate with me or other deaf boys. They want us but did not want to give it a shot. I have been asked out by two hearing girls during high school years. I believe it is just the security and the ability to adapt the culture. They said they often review the pros and cons before they give it a chance to influence their world. I was like *raspberry* what is the difference? We all are human beings!!! Hearing people can be lazy or busy as we are. But the problem I have with hearing girls is that I couldn't actually trust them because of my bad experiences being cheated on. Those two girls I dated who cheated on me didnt actually adapt the culture they just find it confusing and complicated to adapt so they went out with "normal boys" as they call it. But it didnt stop me from dating other hearing girls. I dated a hearing girl who was so crazy about me. We broke up because I did not feel she was ready and I needed time... later about three yrs later I got married to wrong deaf girl, she showed up at my wedding... I was shocked... she came to me and said, you should have proposed to me instead. I was mute for about an hour mumbling to myself.

So I believe it has to do about the worlds between deaf and hearing people who has the ability to adapt each other or not. It is similar to the idea of a person who is always on the run dating the partner who is always disabled who can not go anywhere. They both have to make it work, if not.. it wont be a success.
 
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Purlee said:
I didn't read through all the posts. I'm going to after I put in my 2 cents but here's my opinion....

hearing men tend to care only about looks. It's the foundation for their attraction. Most men are shallow...they won't date a girl who isn't pretty to their liking

hearing women on the other hand care about status. It's the foundation for THEIR attraction. Having any form of disability is considered a negative status in the hearing world.

That's why a man would probably fuck a girl in a wheel chair if she was gorgeous but a woman wouldn't even fuck brad pitt in a wheel chair unless he was a celebrity.

Celebrity = High status hence why girls always go nuts over famous people. They're more attracted to their fame than anything. If the same guy she is CRAZY over wasn't famous and approached her at the bar with a corny pick-up line she'd turn him down in a second

So a guy isn't likely to date an ugly girl
and a girl isn't likely to date a low status guy

So the obvious statement here is that it's much harder for a deaf guy to find a relationship than it is for a deaf girl. Personally I think if a deaf girl dates outside of the community it's making it even harder because the only girls who know his position and can relate to him aren't available.

Edit: TheWrightAlex basically said the same thing on the first page. I think this is the most logical answer
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I'm not sure this is entirely true, and I think its quite stereotypical! I don't agree that girls go for status! It is more that they go for support and stability but I don't see Deafness as a disability. I certainly wouldnt have a problem with dating a Deaf guy, infact, I'd quite like to, to be able to share my enthusiasm for such a beautiful language, but for those not aware of the Deaf culture it might seem a bit unusual, and by the time they have a chance to think about it, the opportunity is probably gone.

To be honest, I don't know anyone who would discount someone for a relationship due to their hearing status, but perhaps I just keep good company :)
 
TheWriteAlex said:
That does fit into my theory, but I think it's got to be more than just that...


Also, Bott, any idea why hearing women aren't as interested in deaf men?
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I think hearing women get tired of things pretty quickly. Especially if they are one of those I am the best types, who always thinks they can find someone better. Im a CODA, and I would acutally love to find a deaf guy. Most hearing guys shy away because they don't know how to communicate with my family etc. That could also be another reason why hearing women arent often seen with deaf guys. They don't realize the "work" thats involved in such a relationship.
If I repeated everything someone else said, I'm sorry haha. I didn't read all the way down this post.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
That does fit into my theory, but I think it's got to be more than just that...


Also, Bott, any idea why hearing women aren't as interested in deaf men?
Click to expand...

Bottesini said:
I'm deaf, so I don't think I can speak for hearing women, but we sure get a lot of teen girls and early twenties, hearing women.

They come in and swoon for a little while about how they love deaf culture, or served a deaf guy in a restaurant, so they want to become one with us.

They tire of it quickly and leave. But for a tiny while it is interesting to them.
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hearing.girl28 said:
I think hearing women get tired of things pretty quickly. Especially if they are one of those I am the best types, who always thinks they can find someone better. Im a CODA, and I would acutally love to find a deaf guy. Most hearing guys shy away because they don't know how to communicate with my family etc. That could also be another reason why hearing women arent often seen with deaf guys. They don't realize the "work" thats involved in such a relationship.
If I repeated everything someone else said, I'm sorry haha. I didn't read all the way down this post.
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Hello, hearing.girl28, I did not expect to meet another person with my name here. :wave:
 
hearing.girl28 said:
I'm confused?? I don't have the same name as you... haha maybe I'm missing something obvious.
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Just teasing you because it was a question that was addressed with me.

You should begin response thus, " Well Professor, obviously I can't pretend to have the intelligence, and analytical fervor of Bott, but this is something extra I might be able to contribute to her answer.":wave:
 
I have tried dating deaf young men and later middle age deaf men years ago. I find that their personalities and communication are different level than my level like my intelligent. :dunno: And the funny thing is that I do not have a click feeling of falling in love or a love feeling toward any relationship with deaf men. So I was attracted to hearing men for the simple reason that I can talk with my funny voice to communicate with them. I do have a feeling connection to the hearing men (One ex-husband and one present husband), but still they do not have any experience with deafness and do not want to learn sign language like ASL. I tried to teach them about deafness, but they do not care as long as I can communicate by oral. I would rather sign than oral.

As for hearing women dating deaf men, if the hearing women are not afraid to learn sign language to communicate with him. Communication is the key to the relationship. Do not forget there are CODA women who can married to Deaf men and probably get along much better than Deafies. :hmm:
 
In my own personal experience, I have dated several hearing women, but I think I've had A LOT of potential relationships that never developed because of my hearing. And even though my previous relationships ended for whatever reasons, I do think my hearing was a factor each time. Maybe that's a faulty view. (Maybe I'm just a jerk, LOL! but I don't think that's true either. At least I hope not! :|)



it does happened to me too,i have lost alots of potential relationship due to the same reason
 
Jessie Marie said:
this is actually a really interesting topic because i am a hearing girl and i have a deaf boyfriend. umm the wierd thing is that he had an ex who was deaf and she is telling me i cant go out with him because deaf boys should be with deaf girls. sometimes i get a litlle bit jealous because i am still only learning sign language and so i only know a little bit at the moment, and so i get jealiius when he talk to deaf women coz i dont know what hes saying.
i think one of the reasons women don't go for deaf men tho is because girls talk to much like on the phone and stuff all the time and its kinda hard with the lack of communication

but i love andrew heaps and could never imagine having a hearing boyfriend
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true talk
 


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