Hearing women dating deaf/HoH men

TheWriteAlex said:
Oh, I should discuss the flipside of this. The reason why hearing men don't seem to have a problem with deaf women is because for them, non-visual biological differences are not as much a concern. Men are much more attracted to physicality than women. In fact, deafness is often a desirable trait to men. Some men like to be a "protector" and in extreme cases, this is taken to a controlling degree. I think some hearing men look at a deaf woman and like the idea that they can take care of her, that they can "protect" her and help her with her "disability." Let's face it, too, the hearing person in a relationship is easily able to control the deaf person in many situations, since most of society is auditory based. But then we all know the stories about Deaf women dating hearing men who take the man to the Deaf community, and the man gets pissed off because suddenly he's the one in the position of meekness. I can't help but feel that most of the time when a hearing man wants to date a deaf woman, even if he's not aware of it himself, he's reacting to his biological need to control and protect. I don't like that I feel like that, but I do.


I don't know. Maybe I've got it all wrong... :shrug:
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I decided to crack open one of my books from a previous ASL class. The book is called "For Hearing People Only" now before I get flamed for such a title it is written by Deaf for Hearing as a "Hey don't f**k up by doing this", cultural questions, etc. It's a nice read and it was suggested by the faculty. Anyhow... chapter 104's title, "What problems, difficulties, or challenges would a 'hearing and deaf' couple face as they relate to anoe another (i.e., dating, marriage)?"

Paraphrased (So I don't get sued for copying :giggle:) It lists the book The Feel of Silence by Bonnie Poitras Tucker in that she was in a marriage with a hearing man. She finds most deaf men benefit more from a marriage to a hearing woman than if a deaf woman were married to a hearing man for this reason: Deaf men derive support from their hearing wives and list loyalty, compassion, commitment as those qualities. While with the reverse, deaf women haven't found the same kind of support from their husbands.

Next page lists some letters written in from various people. One woman states her husband refused to be involved in the Deaf community while she doesn't feel too comfortable being around the hearing for too long due to communication barriers.


This is just from that book (no flaming ME LOL) that kind of reinforces what you've stated Alex.
 
Hmm, I have just had an epiphany.

The problem for me is not biological/evolutionary; the problem is that I think too damn much about this! Good god, what am I doing, writing a friggin textbook?

Time to turn off my brain :D
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Hmm, I have just had an epiphany.

The problem for me is not biological/evolutionary; the problem is that I think too damn much about this! Good god, what am I doing, writing a friggin textbook?

Time to turn off my brain :D
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:giggle:
 
Em903 said:
I decided to crack open one of my books from a previous ASL class. The book is called "For Hearing People Only" now before I get flamed for such a title it is written by Deaf for Hearing as a "Hey don't f**k up by doing this", cultural questions, etc. It's a nice read and it was suggested by the faculty. Anyhow... chapter 104's title, "What problems, difficulties, or challenges would a 'hearing and deaf' couple face as they relate to anoe another (i.e., dating, marriage)?"

Paraphrased (So I don't get sued for copying :giggle:) It lists the book The Feel of Silence by Bonnie Poitras Tucker in that she was in a marriage with a hearing man. She finds most deaf men benefit more from a marriage to a hearing woman than if a deaf woman were married to a hearing man for this reason: Deaf men derive support from their hearing wives and list loyalty, compassion, commitment as those qualities. While with the reverse, deaf women haven't found the same kind of support from their husbands.

Next page lists some letters written in from various people. One woman states her husband refused to be involved in the Deaf community while she doesn't feel too comfortable being around the hearing for too long due to communication barriers.


This is just from that book (no flaming ME LOL) that kind of reinforces what you've stated Alex.
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What I wonder, though, is why these deaf women got started in these relationships in the first place, and why they continued to stay in them?
 
TheWriteAlex said:
What I wonder, though, is why these deaf women got started in these relationships in the first place, and why they continued to stay in them?
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Do you really want to go down that road though? The mind of a person in an abusive relationship? Now THAT will be a long thread I can tell you that much personally!
 
Em903 said:
Do you really want to go down that road though? The mind of a person in an abusive relationship? Now THAT will be a long thread I can tell you that much personally!
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Sigh, I know. Let's not. I hope that their deafness didn't have a role in that, but I can't help but feel like they themselves felt inadequate and defective because of their deafness, and that if they left the relationship, nobody would accept them. I really hope that's not the case.

I don't know your own experience, but I'm glad it's not going on anymore. I hate abusers: emotionally, verbally, or physically. They're all scumbags.
 
This is a interesting thread, sometimes I am in the same boat. :| Hearing girls just look at me, and then, fuck it, he's deaf - too hard. C'mon!
 
JClarke said:
This is a interesting thread, sometimes I am in the same boat. :| Hearing girls just look at me, and then, fuck it, he's deaf - too hard. C'mon!
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Aw but you both are good lookin guys and very sweet too :) bah, if they don't give you their time, they are not worth yours!
 
Em903 said:
Aw but you both are good lookin guys and very sweet too :) bah, if they don't give you their time, they are not worth yours!
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Actually, this is what I tell myself as well. If she can't love me for who I am, F--- her. Having a hearing loss is actually kinda nice in that it's an in-built scumbag/bitch detector. The people who treat you different or are rude, etc. are not worth your time, and you find this out a lot sooner than other people.'

Keep your chin up JClarke. You a balla, boooyeeee :D
 
Aight BOtt... heres an exception...
I've loved deaf culture since i was 8.. now im 20... and still oh so in love...
and not that i want to become "one of you" I just love.. deaf culture in general.
the same could happen with something else.. if i became interested in it..
But.. also as a hearing.. im not against dating a deafie.. or a hearie.. whatever comes i'll accept.
and to me its not about earnings. because whatever.. he makes ( as corny as it may sound i still stick by it) doesn't make him a bad or better person. as long as he gives his best.
i dont know why it is that.. hearing women tend to date less deafies.
I know my friend stopped dating her deaf boyfriend because he was just plain lazy and didnt want to work.. and just lived off his gov money.
but i think any woman (wise) would have an issue with that.
 
JClarke said:
This is a interesting thread, sometimes I am in the same boat. :| Hearing girls just look at me, and then, fuck it, he's deaf - too hard. C'mon!
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aww you're not too hard.. just too far away :giggle: :P
 
I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May.

For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf.

Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.
 
It's hard for anyone (hearing or deaf) to find the right person for a relationship. I married my husband because he has a big heart. I just knew that he was the right one for me. Once you find that person with a big heart, you won't need to worry about those other details. Don't give up. It happens when you least expect it. ;)
 
NintyFresh said:
I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May.

For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf.

Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.
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:gpost:
 
Thank you for the compliments, ladies.

At the least, I got plenty of time ;)
 
im been dating some deaf boys and some hearing boys whether i would chose but my parents dont care about that!!

Im grown adult i can makes my own decision having boyfriend in my lifes but im been dating my British boyfriend James Windsor for 2 years since 2006 but im not sure in my mind.

whether how tall boyfriend would be?!? but my boyfriend James is 6'4 than me but im also 6'2
 
I dont trust hearing men that want to exclusively date deaf women. I think they have some personal issues.
 
Ive had no luck dating and have never been asked out. Well once when I was 11 and in summer camp, this girl, also 11 had a crush on me. I would have liked her if she wasn't so weird. She wanted to stick her tongue in my mouth and lick my tongue with her tongue. Ewww, can we say cooties? I even pointed out I could get all kinds of germs that way but she didn't care.

My hearing impairment/deafness makes communication more difficult, even with my great ability to read lips, it's not as good as a hearing person being able to understand pratically 100%. Also some people don't speak clearly, their lips don't properly move and don't form the correct shape. They may actually make good ventriloquists! Women consider good communication a very important aspect in a relationship and given the choice, she would rather date a hearie than a HOH/deaf man. Perhaps ill have more luck dating a HOH/deaf woman myself, but then ive been told those women also prefer to date hearing men!
 
Many of my deaf male friends are in relationships whether married or not married with hearing women. Much more than a handful.
 
shel90 said:
Many of my deaf male friends are in relationships whether married or not married with hearing women. Much more than a handful.
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A couple questions: first, is that number higher than the amount of Deaf women that you know in relationships with hearing men? Second, how many of those hearing women were already fluent at signing and involved in the Deaf community in one way or another when they met your deaf male friends?
 
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