You Have to Be Hard of Hearing to Understand

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Nancy

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From URL: http://deafness.about.com/od/deafliteratureandfun/a/hohpoem.htm

You Have to Be Hard of Hearing to Understand

From Brian M. Lalonde (1986)

Hard of Hearing People Have Feelings Too

As a teenager, Brian Lalonde wrote the following poem/essay to express how he felt about being hard of hearing: Don’t forget about hard of hearing because we belong to same world too. You never think about us because both worlds think that they are true. Really we belong to both worlds the hearing and the deaf. But when you’re hard of hearing you are always left out. You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

In hearing world people see us with hearing aid and they think we are deaf. But we have some good speech we were brought up in the hearing world.
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

In the deaf world we use our speech very well and also we sign. They are turned off if they see us speak. No matter, when we sign they think we belong to hearing world. That is not true.
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

We have been on both sides of the world because we can speak and sign. We can still communicate with two worlds. Many times the hearing has made fun of us because of our hearing aids. Deaf make fun of us because of our good speech.
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

We feel like we have lost interest in both of the worlds. Many times we miss the hearing’s conversation but they say to us "You are not important." If we miss what the deaf say, they sign "Train gone."
You know how we feel?
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

Sometimes hearing people see us following a hearing person’s conversation. They say to us "You don’t need an interpreter." We have to tell them many times that we can lip-read most of the time.
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.

We learn to accept the worlds and try to ignore negative things about our speech or sign. We are happy that we can still communication with two worlds.
You have to be hard of hearing to understand.
 
ur absolutely right!!!!!!

thats deep!!! that was nice... you worded it so perfectly.. i understand how u feel but then again coming from ur point of view.. i dont really think i would u nderstand considering im not hard of hearing.. im hearing and i enjoyed reading wat u had to say and i do believe that thats absolutely true... its just i feel the same way coming from over here... im hearing and when i sign and if i dont catch something a deaf person says then i get rejected with the quickness... its just hard tryin got be accepted into a culture u rnot from... wat do i do???
 
Interesting perspective....but you know, MANY (and I mean MANY) groups have the "Oh you're not really_____" attitude. I'm bisexual, and some gay and lesbian people claim I'm not really "one of them." One of my friends is black and s/he (they are transgendered) gets shit on b/c s/he acts too white.
Yes, there are extremists who are "deafer then thou" but, I have been very accepted in the Deaf World, even thou I can hear and speak. Many people in the Deaf world understand that I did not willingly choose to be oral.
I wish more radical Deafies understood that it's not the oral skills/amount of hearing that you have that makes you Deaf, but rather it's your state of mind! That would REALLY benifit a lot of hoh kids....who sadly are not exposed to the Deaf world that often b/c of stupid experts who think that we're more hearing then Deaf!
 
Nancy said:
You Have to Be Hard of Hearing to Understand
From Brian M. Lalonde (1986)
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Ah... so true!

Went to Deaf Club tonight and there was a leak in the ceiling so, an older Deaf gentleman told me about it and asked me to call the custodian. I whipped out my Blackberry and made the call. I was very self-conscience that I was using my voice that I moved away from the rest to get the call out of the way. Still, I was glad to help in my own way.

My mother-in-law said "train-gone-sorry" to me Friday night. She was talking to her sister and I wasn't really paying attention until I saw her sign my name. She was just messing with me and she did repeat what she said when I asked her again.

My own addition... And of course the family of the HoH sees no reason to learn sign language. They think speak so clearly that all deaf people can lip-read them. Especially the deaf in-laws. I think all HoH and Deaf understand this one!

Steve
 
Yeah, I know what you mean. I am self-conscious about the way I talk...even with hearing people.
Actually Steve, I've noticed a LOT more families of Hoh kids being open to learning Sign....they see it as something that can enrich their lives or something "fun" rather then as something that is "speshal needs!" Maybe this generation of hoh kids will be more emotionally healtheir and feel like they fit in both worlds. I hate how we hohies are pushed, pushed pushed towards the hearing world as thou there is no value in the Deaf world.
 
I feel this way too. I can talk for myself. I can sign for myself. Only problem, I'm in the grey area that neither the black side nor the white side wants to work with. At NTID, there are a lot of students to take great pride in "Deaf Pride" and/or their deaf culture. According to these expectations, I am an outcast. Hearing people avoid me cuz they think I may not understand them well. Deaf people avoid me cuz they think they are "all that". It sucks.
 
Vampy, on the other hand I remember a post at a certain outofdate site, by someone who said that if they could choose, they wouldn't choose to be deaf or hearing....but rather they'd choose to be Hoh, b/c that way you get the best of BOTH worlds! I know...it seems like we hohies never fit in totally 100%, but at the same time we have access to BOTH worlds!
Hearing people avoid me cuz they think I may not understand them well. Deaf people avoid me cuz they think they are "all that". It sucks.
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I LOVE how some Deafies think that the illusion of hearing makes you a hearie.Nereologically I am NOT hearing...I don't hear like a hearing person, and I definitly don't process sound and speech the way hearing people do! (and I have a pure conductive loss, which means I simply need the volumne turned up...but I hear though bone conduction)
 
deafdyke said:
Vampy, on the other hand I remember a post at a certain outofdate site, by someone who said that if they could choose, they wouldn't choose to be deaf or hearing....but rather they'd choose to be Hoh, b/c that way you get the best of BOTH worlds! I know...it seems like we hohies never fit in totally 100%, but at the same time we have access to BOTH worlds!

I LOVE how some Deafies think that the illusion of hearing makes you a hearie.Nereologically I am NOT hearing...I don't hear like a hearing person, and I definitly don't process sound and speech the way hearing people do! (and I have a pure conductive loss, which means I simply need the volumne turned up...but I hear though bone conduction)
Click to expand...
I agree with you. I would rather be hard-of-hearing. I get to experience both worlds. The only problem is, most of both worlds don't see it that way. :(
 
The only problem is, most of both worlds don't see it that way.
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That's b/c we tend towards binaries in our society...male/female, GL/hetro, and so on....it irritates me immensely.
 
VamPyroX said:
I agree with you. I would rather be hard-of-hearing. I get to experience both worlds. The only problem is, most of both worlds don't see it that way. :(
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I'm HoH - and truthfully about 90% of the time I'd rather be deaf ... as least that way I wouldn't be "expected" to listen sooooo darn hard all the time. For some odd reason the majority of Hearing people seem to think
HoH = "mostly hearing , and we should just try harder"

I feel way too often like I don't fit into either world - not even close to hearing enough to "get" the Hearing world, and not quite deaf enough to be completely confortable in the Deaf World ( I grew up without any Deaf contact at ALL which was horrible ) ... it's SUCH a tightrope act trying to live in both worlds.

Of course I think of myself as Hoh & Deaf, which is an even more complicated identity than choosing one or the other. The only thing I DON'T feel at all is Hearing !


I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence though huh ??
 
I know exactly what you mean Anji!!!! I sometimes wish I WAS deaf so that I wouldn't have to deal with acting psedo-hearing all the time. I like being a part of the hearing world, but sometimes, I envy those kids whose parents decided to raise them ASL only with no speech or hearing therapy. (I know a couple of those)
 
I envy those kids whose parents decided to raise them ASL only with no speech or hearing therapy.
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I don't know anyone who's ASL only, I know people who use ASL , and written english only - hopefully THAT's what you mean ? It's VERY important to have good written english ( or whatever the community language is ) skills.

I guess what I really mean is that I almost wish I didn't "try 200% all the time" growing up ... I was sooo worried that I'd disappoint my parents, and becaus my parents didn't have the "proper guidance" I've become caught in the loop of constantly being expected to work 200% at understanding things.

I wouldn't want to pretend I'm something I'm not ... I just wish people would accept me for who I really am !

hmmm did I clarify my post .. or make it more confusing lol
 
Yes, that's what I mean....ASL and fluency in written English, but no speech and listening therapy. I gotta say...I wish more parents of hoh kids understood or realized the ramicfications of going oral-only....they are saying in essence that they think that life should be a constant therapy session.
I like having the skills to be able to interact with the hearing world, BUT I hated that the experts and doctors thought that life should be a constant therapy session. I could go on for HOURS and HOURS about this!!!
 
I like what Brian said...

I printed it up.. I'm going to frame it! actually this is REALLY true!



Wendy
 
It is difficult for hearing people to understand. Many hearing people can understand what deafness is, at least in an abstract sense. It's because it's an extreme. A deaf person cannot hear. HoH is different because hearies don't understand how you can hear some stuff but not all stuff. I'm pretty sensitive about it (or so I like to think) but I sit next to a HoH girl in my ASL class, and sometimes she whispers to me, but if I try to whisper back she cannot always hear it.

I had a HoH roommate who could not hear when I talked to him from behind, but he could pick up my stereo no matter how quietly I played it. This is much harder to understand than somebody who can't hear at all.
 
WBHarley said:
I like what Brian said...

I printed it up.. I'm going to frame it! actually this is REALLY true!



Wendy
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I think I'll do that as well actually.
 
VamPyroX said:
I feel this way too. I can talk for myself. I can sign for myself. Only problem, I'm in the grey area that neither the black side nor the white side wants to work with. At NTID, there are a lot of students to take great pride in "Deaf Pride" and/or their deaf culture. According to these expectations, I am an outcast. Hearing people avoid me cuz they think I may not understand them well. Deaf people avoid me cuz they think they are "all that". It sucks.
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Vampy, I am the same way as you have just described here. :) It is hard to be very HOH!

When I am with hearing people in groups, sometimes I get a "summary" of what was said, like "Chinese". I am like, "What Chinese? Chinese food? Chinese restuarant? Chinese people?" Other times, they do say more of what was said, but then I am back to being feeling like an outcast when they started saying something else. That's why sometimes I avoid sitting with them at work during lunch....I got tired of trying to understand what was said and trying to be involved with them, also I missed the joke when everyone was laughing when someone said something. You know what I mean? :/
 
But yes, I feel like I can cross a bridge between two worlds (deaf and hearing), even though I don't fit in either one of them! :)
 
Nancy said:
When I am with hearing people in groups, sometimes I get a "summary" of what was said, like "Chinese". I am like, "What Chinese? Chinese food? Chinese restuarant? Chinese people?" Other times, they do say more of what was said, but then I am back to being feeling like an outcast when they started saying something else. That's why sometimes I avoid sitting with them at work during lunch....I got tired of trying to understand what was said and trying to be involved with them, also I missed the joke when everyone was laughing when someone said something. You know what I mean? :/
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Nancy, when that happens with me in a group of hearies - I can only lipread one at a time (I was HoH as a kid, and became Deaf as a teen) I try to decide who is the person most dominating the converstation in the group, then pay more attention to trying to understand what they say so I don't miss so much of the conversation. If I try to follow what everyone is saying I can't follow anyone! The other thing I do is if people are telling jokes, rather than just making spontanious wize cracks etc, then sometimes I have asked friends in the group that if they know someone is about to tell a joke or funny story to subtlely indicate to me to try to understand that person, so I don't miss it. When I've asked this, people have finally understood that I really do want to be included, and that I want to know the joke too. I found they became more considerate overall of including me, just by mentioning that one example. I guess it got them thinking. So try it too if you want. :)
 
I'm in the same world too.

I'm HoH myself and I face both worlds too. It is difficult but I've learned that this is not something I chose to have. I've learned to accept that I am HoH and I've found ways to adjust to both worlds. It works most of the time but there are times when it doesn't work.

My husband is deaf and many times I have him "talk" to people like writing to them because he has good communication skills. He knows how hearing people think and talk. He tells me all the time that I should not use deaf culture language with hearing people because it's too blunt for them. This helps me realized why I had problems communicating with my hearing family because I was too blunt in everything I was saying and they find me offensive. So I try to speak more tactful or like the hearing ways.

I get the comments from hearing people all the time, "Well you can read lips and speak well, so you don't need an interpreter." When I was pregnant with my daughter, I've learned to turn off my voice and allow the interpreter speak for me at the doctor office. I made it so much easier for myself by not letting the office know that I can hear them and speak well. So they think I am totally deaf and can't speak.

Then my daughter was born, and her pediatirican decided to stop by without notice to see her. I didn't have an interpreter with me at that time, and she had questions she needed to ask me since my daughter was in ICU. I used my voice and then I requested for an interpreter when we come to visit her office. I got the same comment from her "Well you can read lips and speak well, so you don't need an interpreter." I told her "Yes, I do need an interpreter no matter how well I can hear or speak."

She realized at the office that I needed an interpreter when I kept turning my back to my daughter to undress or dress her for a check up and I completely miss everything when she is speaking to the interpreter. The interpreter had to tell her to hold on or repeat everything again.

Basically, I just pretend to be deaf instead of Hoh around hearing people when I know it will sav me a lot of trouble. I can be myself around deaf people and if they don't accept I am HOH, then that's their problem because they lost a good friend.
 
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