Your very, very first relationship...

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

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I'm dating a woman who is 28. It's her very first relationship. I've been in few relationship in the past. There is always first time. You know how it goes. Do you remember your very first relationship? If you don't mind, I've few questions.

1. Do you remember how long your first relationship lasted?

2. When you were in your relationship were you thinking:

A) The buck stops here. I'm done with dating. I love him/her very much. I don't want to see someone else.

B)I do like him/her a lot, but this is my very first relationship. I want to date just to get the feeling of dating.

C) What a horrible person!! I'm happy to be out of the relationship!!

3. Do you keep in touch with your very first relationship? Are you married or just friends with your very first relationship?

Remember that I'm interested in your very first relationship. I'm through rough patch with my girlfriend and would use some feedbacks and "expert" advices.
 
What do you mean exactly by "relationship?" First person to date, to be in love with, to sleep with? Those were 3 different people for me.

I was 34 when I met my husband, so had been in love with a few people before him. It took about a year to be really serious, and we were married about another year after that - almost exactly 2 years after we met. He was supposed to be "just a fling." Ha! Didn't work out that way. :lol:

We will celebrate our 25th anniversary this October. Guess we've had our share of "rough patches," but nothing too bad. We discussed a lot of things and worked out any issues between us before getting married, so there weren't any huge negative surprises after that. There were some nice positive surprises, though.

Of previous loves: I'm still in touch with a former boyfriend and a guy who was a really good friend, but never a boyfriend, from back in college. It's nice to have people in your life who go way back to your early history.

I've only broken up with one person where I felt "Wow, thank God THAT's over." Mostly I dated nice guys. When the relationships didn't lead to marriage, they were still nice guys, it was just that we just wanted different things out of life. A relationship doesn't have to last forever to still be good and be worthwhile. And breaking up doesn't mean the person is terrible and awful (necessarily), just not the right forever partner.
 
By this I would mean date.

She loves me but we have been dating for just 5 months. She doesn't want to sleep together until after marriage.
 
Are you ok with that? Is that coming from strong religious convictions on her part, that she also lives in other aspects of her life? Do you respect her views, even if you don't share them?
 
I couldn't do that, sex isn't everything but it is a big part of a relationship. You can't wait until you've committed to a life together to find out if you're physically compatible.
 
True for me also, but at the same time, there are a lot of things that will tell you if you're on the right track to being physically compatible before you have sex. Things like liking each other's smell and taste, feeling good when you hold hands or cuddle, enjoying how you fit together when you're dancing, laughing at each other's jokes, being in accord with each other's basic life values.

The most important one is feeling really comfortable with each other and feeling absolutely ready to move to that step in that relationship, without feeling pressured. It can take women longer to get to that place. Some men seem to feel absolutely ready to move to that step about five minutes after meeting. :lol:

That's not usually true of women, especially if they are serious about looking for a lifelong partner vs. a one-night stand.
 
Thanks for the load of stereotypes. Some women want to have sex. Lots of it! :lol:
 
Glenn, if I were single. . .:naughty: but I'm married. :lol:
 
sallylou said:
Thanks for the load of stereotypes. Some women want to have sex. Lots of it! :lol:
Click to expand...

Never said they didn't.

But in cases where a woman wants to wait, like Derek's girlfriend, there's nothing wrong with that either and doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, IF the guy can respect her reasons for waiting. They both need to be clear with each other about where they see the relationship going.
 
Nothing wrong with it but not a requirement that entitles anyone to judge.

I had several boyfriends before marrying my husband. I couldn't ever see myself married to the other boyfriends. I decided that my husband was a keeper.
 
I was in third grader and she was a fifth grader. We use to hide behind a giant tree during PE and French kiss.
 
Aww. And are you still in touch?

I'm actually Facebook friends with my kindergarten "boyfriend." Technically I guess he's the first boy I ever kissed!
 
I had my first boyfriend in 6th grade, but that only lasted 2 weeks because of a jealous girl.

Had my first REAL boyfriend when I was 19. The relationship lasted 4 years and now that I look back, I think to myself, "What was I thinking?" I'm still somewhat in touch with him though, talk to him like 3 times a year... I found that if you have a long relationship and break up, it's better not to talk at all. It's just easier that way. If it's a short relationship, it's like "whatever, what's up?"

I think that sex is a very important part of having a relationship. Waiting until marriage is getting a bit too old fashioned, but if that's her choice. It's up to you whether to respect it or not. If you feel that she's a keeper, then it's worth waiting for. Just hope that you guys are physically compatible. ;)
 
Interesting thread. To answer the OP questions.

1) First relationship lasted 6 months.

2) My thoughts changed over time. At first, I was flattered with the attention that no guy has ever given to me before - flowers, secret letters, ect. After some time, it was apparent that we had differences. I did not voice my concern or my preferences because I didn't want to mess up something important. We broke up because he was interested in another girl. Some heartbreak at first, but in end, I honestly felt relieved that it ended. It gave me clues as to what to look for in the next guy.

3) I do not keep in touch with the guy - but he did marry the other girl!
 
1) My first relationship lasted a bit over 8 months.
2) In my relationship I thought that I was being treated the way I deserved to be, but later on I realized that the way he treated me was abusive. I think that every relationship is different though, and no one's first relationship will be the same as anyone elses. For example, two of my friends have been dating for over five years, and they have never been with anyone else. I think it has more to do with the people in the relationship and their compatibility rather than whether it is a first or not.
 
Beach girl said:
Are you ok with that? Is that coming from strong religious convictions on her part, that she also lives in other aspects of her life? Do you respect her views, even if you don't share them?
Click to expand...

She is a very strong Christian woman. She goes to Church on Sunday.
 
My first real relationship was in grade 10. We dated for about 6 months before I realized he was too much like a brother to me. We're still in touch! We remained the best of friends all throughout high school after the breakup. Then I moved away for university and we lost touch but periodically emailed each other every few years to catch up. He was a truly nice guy.
 
DeafCaroline said:
My first real relationship was in grade 10. We dated for about 6 months before I realized he was too much like a brother to me. We're still in touch! We remained the best of friends all throughout high school after the breakup. Then I moved away for university and we lost touch but periodically emailed each other every few years to catch up. He was a truly nice guy.
Click to expand...

Those are nice relationships to have.
 
dereksbicycles said:
She is a very strong Christian woman. She goes to Church on Sunday.
Click to expand...

And you? Do you share those beliefs, or do you respect those beliefs even if you don't share them, or do you wish she would change?

Options A and B make the relationship workable, Option C, not so much.

Relationships can work out in all sorts of ways, and successful couples might have all sorts of different timetables for when they first have sex, anywhere from "almost immediately" to "waited until after the wedding," but the really crucial thing is accepting, understanding and appreciating each other's values. If you don't have that, it's a very rocky road indeed.
 
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