this topic pisses me off cuz everyone is so hard on deaf guys. Calling them everything from masturbators to rapists.
Women are naturally more verbal than men. And if the man communication skills is compromised by hearing loss or deafness, he is going to have a harder time connecting with women. Not every deaf guy was taught sign language as a child and might miss out on developing the language area of the brain. Dont under estimate the effect of this on relationships.
Also there is social hierachy in groups. Women tend to be attracted to the men higher up in rank. The so called alpha male. Studys have shown that mainstreamed deaf and hoh students are left out or even rejected by their peers. Leaving them on the bottom of the totem pole of social hierachy.
And if being at the bottom wasnt bad enough. The peer rejection wreaks havoc on the poor deaf guys self esteem. Leaving him anxious and neurotic and needy. Women find clingyness and needyness to be undesirable traits. Or maybe being rejected and left out by peers prevents deaf guy a chance to develope his social skills. So he ends up acting childish and immature.
This obviously isnt true for all deaf guys but I suspect this is the case for a lot of the perpetually single ones.
I cant believe how cruel and insensitive some of you people are. Laughing and ridiculing deaf guys lonelyness and misery.
This is the summation of most "perpetually" single deaf men. I met quite a few of these unfortunates at some deaf activity event and they look somewhat miserable.
I'm also one of these unfortunates, as well.
Experience in mainstreamed schooling can be either positive or negative.
For successfully mainstreamed Deaf/HoH students with hearing aids/CI consistently worn and excel in lip-reading skill, they are more confident.
For mainstreamed Deaf students who choose not to wear hearing aids (or parents cannot afford CI), the rate of post-secondary school "failure" in life is quite high, with dependence on SSI/SSDI when unable to find/hold down job because of discrimination or severely limited opportunity.
The solution is attending college to finish useful degree in order to "advance" in hierarchical working society (i.e. meritocracy), but even college can be frustrating and stressful.
It is my contention a Deaf man "cannot" advance in society unless one has a "promise" of advancement through hard work with good job, positive personal trait (i.e. stylish clothes and strong confidence) and living standard (path to home ownership by savings from good [NOT minimum wage, which is less respectable in society's view] job).
Hearing women, if they "like" deaf man, are typically timid and don't know how to communicate with Deaf single men unless they know some ASL or are willing to interact using pen and paper if Deaf man don't have good lipreading and clear speaking skills. If Deaf single man is unable to or could not initiate communication with hearing woman, Deaf man always loses (i.e. wasted opportunity) and is relegated to permanent singlehood. It is important for a Deaf man to have some confidence and initiate conservation with hearing woman who looks interested. Hearing women expect men to be "proactive" in communicative reciprocity to be "impressed," hearing or deaf.
From my experience, Deaf women are very picky and may prefer hearing men because Deaf women might know that hearing men are more likely to succeed (salary and quality of home life) than Deaf single male counterparts with less or no "ambition" (struggle with college or no college diploma, difficulty to find work/no job regardless of state of economy, poor self-esteem related to loneliness/societal rejection).
Exception is a Deaf man who proves he has the ambition and has a college diploma or job skill to make a living wage, for which a Deaf woman will accept the suitor to date and eventually wed. (I met a few of this "lucky" type, and they are the happiest and well-contented Deaf men with children)
For Deaf single men with poor/fair communication and interpersonal skills that parlay to poor self-esteem (lack of confidence) for whatever reason (i.e. negative background such as inept rearing by "stupid" hearing parents and poor familial relations with hearing family members), nothing can "kick" them out of this lifetime misery.
I talked to a few Deaf men ("lucky" type) who told me they knew Deaf male peers who turn to alcohol abuse/hard drugs (always jobless and live on SSI for a long time) and then commit suicide due to perpetual loneliness.
Here's the pointer for Deaf single men: get over misery and self-pity, learn job skill at vocational school or college (even years-long apprenticeship), try to find work that pays fair or well and work your way up with good reputation and some savings towards vehicle/house ownership.
Get a pet as therapy, like a dog, to help alleviate loneliness and depression (not applicable to rented apartment with landlord's rule; that's why home ownership is recommended). Try to develop confidence by interacting with people socially, both hearing (some) and Deaf. Try to be proactive in social events with the deaf wherever it happens. Change your personality traits to positive from negative.
Don't mope over the past and being lonely/depressed, try to find some ways to redirect negative energy to positive energy such as going out for a walk and relaxing (park, trail, sidewalk, etc), dining on the counter with newspaper read at casual restaurants where employees know you like a family member, and keep connected to family members who care.
As for dating and marriage, it's the game of luck predicated on positive personality (outlook, attitude) and adequate/good social skills (open to communicate, not shy/withdrawn/anti-social), as well as good personal habits/traits that appeal to the other people (hygiene and fashion style).
Without these critical "social life" skills, Deaf single men are "screwed" to perpetual singlehood that is unhealthy (physical and mental), unhappy and miserable, for the rest of their lives or end up choosing the path of accidental OD or suicide.
Sadly, I saw this in other "perpetually single" Deaf male peers, and they look grim, profoundly unhappy, and occasionally irritable/angry. Same with hearing men who are not "lucky" as well. Remember lunatic shooter George
Sodini?
Positive, mutual relationship (romance, marriage) do mellow men out (I observed this in male family members).
Without this mellowing effect, these men are likely to be more emotionally unstable/volatile, dangerous and criminally inclined proportionate with frustration and desperation in unvoluntary solitary life. This is combined with minimum wage job (no respect and no chance of promotion) or unemployment depending on SSI to sustain "miserable, pathetic" existence.
That's why the older perpetually single men become, the creepier and more emotionally volatile they are (irritable/angry/irrational thinking), which cause society to reject them further that only push them to the downward spiral that end up in self-destruction.
(this poster is early 30's/male/profoundly Deaf)
I approached them just fine. They were just bunch of cheap ladies at the end anyhow.
I totally disagree with you.
and I have a date this weekend 
