When a Child Says No

Liebling:-))) said:
Respectfully disagree.

We have health and surgical books here. The children has the right to know what kind of surgical is about. We allow my children to read them and positive their questions and explain why we need surgical to correct/improve something and also watch TV as well.

My hubby got facial paralysis and heart rhythm at 3 years ago. The doctor showed me and children the grapic picture of facial paralysis and heart rhythm treatment before I signed agreement contracts. (first facial paralysis and 2 weeks later then heart rhythm). Of course my children look at them and find interest and question the doctor because we want to save his life.

After that my oldest son had a head surgery after bicycle accident at 2 years ago. Yes, it's understandable that he is fear to have a head surgery because of risk surgical. The doctor convinced him that he did with head surgery a lot of time. It took us hours to take my son's fear away due our patience. We convinced him why head surgery is an emergency before part of his body will become paralysis within one year later. He agreed to have surgery.

Tell the children the truth is the best than hide something from them. Its about trust and bond communication. The children have the feeling.

I beleive that a girl didn't think twice and just thought that it's just CI until she convinced that she has to go speech therapy after CI surgery OR she has no idea what/why surgical is about. Educate the children an earlier is the best then they will aware what surgical is about.
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You and I have same thinking... that poor child all of sudden backed off the CI surgery after they told her about speech theraphy in which she hated it as she did grow learning the speeches.. and failed miserablely and she feels more comfortable with ASL.. and also is fluent with ASL... I can remember when my uncle tried to force me to speak instead of using ASL... I refused.... even tho i can speak when i wanted to....I did not like being forced to speak without ASL... he was my deaf mother's brother... He always tried to control me as I grew up.. I rebelled.... even tried to force me to be a Mormon... I refused.....

I was born HOH.. but my parents were deaf.. so ASL was my first langauge before i learned to speak at age of 5...without hearing aids.. i can hear and dance to the music.... Now I am totally deaf for 6 yrs now...
 
Dixie said:
What was I getting at with CI and transgender is that they are both life changing events. Yes the surgical procedure is overnight but the actual transformation from one to the other is NOT overnight. I knew the analogy would be a bit out there but thats what I came up with. Not knocking those that are transgender though.

I watched a show on NBC the other night on transgender chidren and their are two sides to this debate. One group advocates changing the sex at an early age so the child learns to accept themselves as one or the other and not a boy or girl stuck in the wrong body. Alot of these kids have emotional problems as it is because their parents do not accept them for what they are. There are deaf kids out there whose parents do not accept them for what they are and push them for a oral lifestyle and make big fuss of the child being deaf which is asking for trouble in the long run.

Growing up my parents always made a big fuss over my deafness/HH, and they pushed me for an oral lifestyle. They would get mad if I did not hear them and often it made me feel very insecure about myself. Even to this day I have self confidence problems.

I just more parents would accept the children for what they are and not push them to be something they are not. If the child is 10 or 11 years old and wants the CI after much thought talk and debate then let the child get the CI, but if she is flat out refusing it and wants to maintain a signing lifestyle then the parents need to accept that and quit making up stupid exscuses to push their child into being something she is not and has no desire to be.
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Dixie, I see what you are saying but to my mind waiting until a child is 10 or 11 to see if they want CI just makes it harder, the early years are so important for learning speech. However I know that no one is going to "win" this debate of oralism/signing, implanting or not implanting. Every one has such radical views on this subject. We can only go by our own experiences and my oral experience has been a great success. I know what you mean about confidence, surprisingly enough I have become much more confident since being on my own after 28 yrs of marriage, not being able to hide behind the husband.

I have a good friend who went thru the sexual transition at 52 yrs old, she is still pre op owing to cost of operation. I would never want to change places with her for world, family rejection, suicide attempts, work disputes, (she is a butcher of all things)
 
dreama said:
:ty:

Yes I'm deafblind. I wasn't born deafblind though. I was born HOH (40db), with underactive thyroid and mild Asperger syndrome. I didn't become blind until I was 17. I started self harming when I was 13 so it started before my sight loss although that didn't help matters. Deafblindness, once one learns how to cope with it, isn't as bad as people think it is really. Depression is worse.
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Can you give me a bit of background on your day to day life, I am fairly new here and very interested to know how a person copes with everyday things that the sighted take for granted. Do you live alone, with family, flatmates etc? How do you use the computer? My biggest fear has always been losing my sight so please understand I am not picking , just very interested.

I do hope you are in a better place now and the self harm is a thing of the past.
 
Raykat said:
Dixie, I see what you are saying but to my mind waiting until a child is 10 or 11 to see if they want CI just makes it harder, the early years are so important for learning speech. However I know that no one is going to "win" this debate of oralism/signing, implanting or not implanting. Every one has such radical views on this subject. We can only go by our own experiences and my oral experience has been a great success. I know what you mean about confidence, surprisingly enough I have become much more confident since being on my own after 28 yrs of marriage, not being able to hide behind the husband.

I have a good friend who went thru the sexual transition at 52 yrs old, she is still pre op owing to cost of operation. I would never want to change places with her for world, family rejection, suicide attempts, work disputes, (she is a butcher of all things)
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Iam glad u felt your oral upbringing was a success. I used to think like u until I became fluent in ASL and realized that I missed out on so much growing up as far as what was happening around me. ASL gave me that so with that perspective, my oral upbringing wasn't as successful as it seemed before. I just wish I had both and have a good balance between the both but I can't complain cuz I can't change the past. I used to think that ASL wasn't for me and all that so my sharing your views reminds me so much of myself before learning ASL and getting involved with the deaf community so I can understand where u r coming from. 11 years ago, I would have agreed with u on everything. Amazing how much can change in such a short time. :)
 
Well, my parents didn't asked me if I wanted the CI implants. So, they told the doctors to implanted it in my head. But I don't blame my parents. I love my CIs.
 
Is this an issue of access or an issue of removing those symptom which identitfy the person as deaf? If it is an issue of access, we, at this point more than any other time in history, have technology available that will allow the Deaf individual to interact with the hearing world. This is an issue of making the individual appear to be less deaf, to remove those things identified as symptoms, but which are, in fact, linguistic and cultural differences.
 
Can someone please give me some background on ASL. My main question is, is a person who relys entirely on ASL, no oral at all, able to conduct their business, shopping banking etc on their own, or do they need a terp to go with them? I should imagine there would not be very many shopkeepers etc that would know ASL. Who do they handle classes, especially university? Does this need a terp as well?

I am a very independant person, hate having to ask other to do anything for me so I am trying get my head around having another person involved in everything I do.
 
Raykat said:
Can someone please give me some background on ASL. My main question is, is a person who relys entirely on ASL, no oral at all, able to conduct their business, shopping banking etc on their own, or do they need a terp to go with them? I should imagine there would not be very many shopkeepers etc that would know ASL. Who do they handle classes, especially university? Does this need a terp as well?

I am a very independant person, hate having to ask other to do anything for me so I am trying get my head around having another person involved in everything I do.
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Although I am not entirely reliant on ASL and I can speak well, I know some people who are ASL only. Shopping can be done with out a terp for the most part and you can order things from the internet as well. As for banking, most of the the time, you shouldn't need a terp unless you need a loan.

As for ordering fast food at a drive in, a Deaf friend taught me how to order it even though I couldn't understand the speaker. I'm told many hearing have a hard time with it. Basically, you just write down your order and drive past the speaker and give your written order to the cashier. Let's hope they can read too. Once I came to a drive in and the workers and the manager were so illiterate (no, they weren't foreigners either) I had to draw my order and indicate thru sign what size my order was to be.

For classes, you do need a terp in many cases. Although I could have done ok with out a terp, it's much much easier to follow the lessons with a terp as I'm very near sighted .

It's also useful to have a note taker. Even the oralists need them as they can't look at the teacher and take the notes at the same time.
 
Raykat said:
I am a very independant person, hate having to ask other to do anything for me so I am trying get my head around having another person involved in everything I do.
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Yes, so am I. I don't have an interpreter for anything at the moment except for the pottery class I go to. To communicate with hearing people I use a card with the alphabete written on it in Braille and print. Hearing people put my finger on the braille letters which are just above the print letters to spell out words. I can speak back to them though. I think that if a deaf person couldn't speak they would use pen and paper to communicate with hearing people.

You were asking about how I manage as a deafblind person. I live with my guide dog Jilli and rescue animals. I'm the only human living here. I have help from a friend with cleaning my rat and chinchilla cages and she also chin sits for me when I visit my dad.

I spend most of my time reading braille books, surfing the net, and taking my guide dog Jilli for lots of long walks. I catch the bus to Solihul or Birmingham town centre to do shopping. Birmingham town centre is best as their is a vegan store. The people who run it are very helpful. Unfortunately it doesn't sell everything so I have to go elsewhere for the things that it does not stock.

I use a system called Zoomtext on the computer. It enlarges print.

I understand what you say about a fear of blindness. Most people have that. This is why Being Blind is much easier then going blind. Once you have learnt how to cope blindness is no big deal.

Yes, the self harming deffinately is a thing of the past. When my mum died of cancer I did feel like self harming but I didn't. I just kept tearing up cardboard boxes instead.
 
jillio said:
Is this an issue of access or an issue of removing those symptom which identitfy the person as deaf? If it is an issue of access, we, at this point more than any other time in history, have technology available that will allow the Deaf individual to interact with the hearing world. This is an issue of making the individual appear to be less deaf, to remove those things identified as symptoms, but which are, in fact, linguistic and cultural differences.
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I totally agree.
 
deafskeptic said:
Although I am not entirely reliant on ASL and I can speak well, I know some people who are ASL only. Shopping can be done with out a terp for the most part and you can order things from the internet as well. As for banking, most of the the time, you shouldn't need a terp unless you need a loan.

As for ordering fast food at a drive in, a Deaf friend taught me how to order it even though I couldn't understand the speaker. I'm told many hearing have a hard time with it. Basically, you just write down your order and drive past the speaker and give your written order to the cashier. Let's hope they can read too. Once I came to a drive in and the workers and the manager were so illiterate (no, they weren't foreigners either) I had to draw my order and indicate thru sign what size my order was to be.

For classes, you do need a terp in many cases. Although I could have done ok with out a terp, it's much much easier to follow the lessons with a terp as I'm very near sighted .

It's also useful to have a note taker. Even the oralists need them as they can't look at the teacher and take the notes at the same time.
Click to expand...

For classes there are terps, there is CART, there are notetakers. These people do not do anything FOR you, so to speak. They provide support services. As far as conducting business, you can use a TDD, you can use a terp, you can use text and email, and you can use written English.
 
Raykat said:
Can someone please give me some background on ASL. My main question is, is a person who relys entirely on ASL, no oral at all, able to conduct their business, shopping banking etc on their own, or do they need a terp to go with them? I should imagine there would not be very many shopkeepers etc that would know ASL. Who do they handle classes, especially university? Does this need a terp as well?

I am a very independant person, hate having to ask other to do anything for me so I am trying get my head around having another person involved in everything I do.
Click to expand...

For classes, yes will need terps ..even myself who is oral needed an oral terp (that was before learning ASL) in all of my university classes.

I know soo many Deaf people who don't have any oral skills and they do just fine like the ones with oral skils. They have professional jobs, college degrees, own homes, have children and so much more. It is not a really as big of an obstacle as before. The only big obstacles if there was no terps for big meetings but most of us don't go to big meetings that often in our personal lives. In fact, my good friend who is from PR who knows little English but is fluent in Spanish and ASL (yes she is Deaf) is doing the settlement for her new house right now as I type. She hired a realtor who knows sign language..even if thre realtor didn't know sign language, the agency would have to provide a terp for that important meeting. Really, I don't use my oral skills much anymore and life is so much easier for me now. Not a big deal thanks to computers, email, pagers, so much more...
 
jillio said:
For classes there are terps, there is CART, there are notetakers. These people do not do anything FOR you, so to speak. They provide support services. As far as conducting business, you can use a TDD, you can use a terp, you can use text and email, and you can use written English.
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Thank you; I forgot to mention CART. Your post pretty much summerizes my post and it's better too.

A couple of months ago, I had to conduct some business with some insurance agents via Relay.

One of them simply could not get it past his head that a deaf person could use emails. He wouldn't believe me when I told him that I don't need to hear to use the computer. :roll:

Fortunately, my other agent was much more flexiable and she sent me e-mails concerning my car instead of insisting that I use the phone or voice mail.
 
dreama said:
Yes, so am I. I don't have an interpreter for anything at the moment except for the pottery class I go to. To communicate with hearing people I use a card with the alphabete written on it in Braille and print. Hearing people put my finger on the braille letters which are just above the print letters to spell out words. I can speak back to them though. I think that if a deaf person couldn't speak they would use pen and paper to communicate with hearing people.

You were asking about how I manage as a deafblind person. I live with my guide dog Jilli and rescue animals. I'm the only human living here. I have help from a friend with cleaning my rat and chinchilla cages and she also chin sits for me when I visit my dad.

I spend most of my time reading braille books, surfing the net, and taking my guide dog Jilli for lots of long walks. I catch the bus to Solihul or Birmingham town centre to do shopping. Birmingham town centre is best as their is a vegan store. The people who run it are very helpful. Unfortunately it doesn't sell everything so I have to go elsewhere for the things that it does not stock.

I use a system called Zoomtext on the computer. It enlarges print.

I understand what you say about a fear of blindness. Most people have that. This is why Being Blind is much easier then going blind. Once you have learnt how to cope blindness is no big deal.

Yes, the self harming deffinately is a thing of the past. When my mum died of cancer I did feel like self harming but I didn't. I just kept tearing up cardboard boxes instead.
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Thanks to every one who replied, its always interesting to hear about peoples everyday lives, the reason why daily tv soaps are so popular I suppose....lol

The communication tools like email and text are things I use but have never used a terp.

The fast food drive thrus I have never tried alone, always get out of car and go inside, not that I do it often, being on a perpetual diet!!!!!

Dreama....you sounds like you have a great life, lookign after your animals etc. Chinchillas would be a real cute pet, dont think we have them in NZ tho.

Can someone tell me if other countries automatically pay you a state benefit if you are are deaf or blind? In NZ they pay for legal blindness even if the person is capable of running a business, like something online. However they dont pay for deafness which I think is unfair as some deaf may not be equiped for the work force.
 
I think here in the US you can get paid a small disability benefit for being deaf but you have to prove that you have been unable to find work for an entire year due to your deafness before you can even start the application process.

The someone else told me due to my low income and because I am legally deaf I might qualify for partial disability benefits to supplement my income.

I think it varies from state to state in our country than in other places.
 
For classes, you do need a terp in many cases. Although I could have done ok with out a terp, it's much much easier to follow the lessons with a terp as I'm very near sighted .

It's also useful to have a note taker. Even the oralists need them as they can't look at the teacher and take the notes at the same time.
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Even a lot of oral sucesses use 'terps in educational, and beyond one on one situtions. ASL only tends to be pretty rare. Most kids are TC'd, or speech first and then they learn ASL later.
 
deafdyke said:
Even a lot of oral sucesses use 'terps in educational, and beyond one on one situtions. ASL only tends to be pretty rare. Most kids are TC'd, or speech first and then they learn ASL later.
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Yes, I should have remembered that. All the oralists that I've met have never used an oral terp. Most of the ones I've known usually use a notetaker or get students to take the notes for them. Some use CART as well. That doesn't mean that other oralists don't use oral terps.

However, I did see an oral terp during my days at NTID.
 
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