no, I've been listening to Darren Hayes, its got me less moody, but i'm still not happy.
And I have to wonder even if I did complete the degree eventually, would I ever be happy?
Is all this effort a vain search for satisfaction?
Last week I felt like I was on the verge of something wonderful, but now I'm back at square one and wondering. Maybe this is god's way of saying - you're meant to be stupid, don't bother going to school!
It's irritating, dissatisfying, and I really dont feel like spending the next 20-30 years on line 10 checking breast meat, and rightfully so because with this company I have no retirement. They simply do not pay retirement to any of their employees. Even the ones that have been on from day one. The company has just celebrated 25 years of operation, so you know some people have spent their lives in the hellhole.
It would be nice if I could take some vocational training just to get a certificate - but even that is no longer good enough in the US. To move up you've got to have at least a Bachelor's Degree in something.
Unfortunately they don't hand out a Bachelor's Degree in Failure because god I feel like that's all it's been.
If I had an actual decent talent I wouldnt mind trying out for one of those televised talent shows. Even the runners up get a consolation prize (usually a smaller record deal than the winner.)
I think yesterday was just bad in general. I had a serious lack of sleep, my father had already called me every obscenity you could imagine, I had to spend half the day taking my DD to the doctor for her yearly physical, I had to go work the dogs at the kennel - the owner was out of town, and I had to take my DD to bible school in the evening. I think it was just too much all at once maybe. But you know me, if I am not sleeping, I'm running.
Maybe this was a call for some R&R, but god I hate sitting around doing nothing. I have this incredible urge to always be doing something you know.