What would you do??

AandEMomma

AandEMomma

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My Fiance' and I have been together for 5 years and have had one child together the other is mine from an jerk face. Well, this year has been hard on us and we have had our moments of fighting and not talking for a week MAX now we live together and none of us moved out during these fights or left just was silent.

In the past ive walked in on him masturbating which made me embarrassed and i didnt know what to say. I figured it was natural and let it roll. Well on tuesday i was on the computer and seen he had emails from Plenty of fish.com (its a dating website) this is from when i lived in Martinsburg (anywhere between april and sep) well I said something to him and he said it was old and it took him 2 days to delete it. I am still upset over that. Well today I found a email from Adult Friend Finder.com (a hook up only website for sex) and that was made in February this year I do not know what to do.

So I need advice if it was you what would you do?

Part of me says :

Hes good with my son which is HOH and has behavioral issues. I cant support both of my kids on my own and I have 5 years invested.

THe other part says:

Leave the asshole he has ambitions of cheating on you and why wait for him to. He made his mind up when he made the pages.

Has anyone been through this? Is this normal to do this? Im lost Please help me
 
I would sign up for counseling with someone who specializes in relationships...he probably won't go, but invite him to go along with you. Talk with a counselor to get to the bottom of what is causing the friction between the two of you. I have a hutch that would be a good start.

His actions are hurtful, and I understand where you are coming from. It's not a good feeling when he neglects your needs and only focus on his own, with wandering eyes and talking inappropriately with others. In my book, that is a form of cheating. And it hurts. I feel hurt when my SO makes comments about other women, regardless of his intentions. I feel those words should be reserved for me, and me only. ESPECIALLY when he never say those kinds of things to me or about me...but is quick to say it about other women. Ouch.

If you need a shoulder, PM me. Good luck and I hope it gets resolved soon for you.
 
There is no cure for a wandering eye! Your guy will not change , and I think you should leave him you will only end up getting really hurt if you do marry him!
 
I read this with trepidation. It's why I divorced my ex. The whole lack of trust, the wandering eye, masturbating to porn sites, etc. I had enough. I'm now with someone else that treats me like a queen. I suspect you need someone who will treat you well (and you should want that!), and I'm not sure the guy you're with is the one. Sorry to be blunt. I've been there and done that. :(
 
I agree with the others. Yes, it is hard to leave someone but the long term ramifications are going to be worse.
 
Masturbation is natural- there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It becomes an issue if that's what he is using instead of being intimate with the lady, and it becomes more of a habit to the point that he rather do that than actually be with her. Also, guys who are self-centered often will not make sure the lady is satisfied during love-making/sex. A guy who has the "bam-bam-thank-you ma'am" mentality are selfish, cold, and not worth it. I mean, occasionally there should be some quickies (those are fun!) but not as a habit.

Wandering eye...sure. But if he starts making comments, initiating conversations, and uses intimate words with another person (even things like "xoxo", "honey", or "<3" are inappropriate, in my opinion), then he's crossed a line.

Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen.
 
One other point - just like dealing with money, it doesn't matter how many years you have invested with something/someone. What matters is where you think the market is going to go next.

So, don't look to your "5 years invested" as meaning much of anything. What he is likely to do next is what matters.
 
AandEMomma said:
My Fiance' and I have been together for 5 years and have had one child together the other is mine from an jerk face. Well, this year has been hard on us and we have had our moments of fighting and not talking for a week MAX now we live together and none of us moved out during these fights or left just was silent.

In the past ive walked in on him masturbating which made me embarrassed and i didnt know what to say. I figured it was natural and let it roll. Well on tuesday i was on the computer and seen he had emails from Plenty of fish.com (its a dating website) this is from when i lived in Martinsburg (anywhere between april and sep) well I said something to him and he said it was old and it took him 2 days to delete it. I am still upset over that. Well today I found a email from Adult Friend Finder.com (a hook up only website for sex) and that was made in February this year I do not know what to do.

So I need advice if it was you what would you do?

Part of me says :

Hes good with my son which is HOH and has behavioral issues. I cant support both of my kids on my own and I have 5 years invested.

THe other part says:

Leave the asshole he has ambitions of cheating on you and why wait for him to. He made his mind up when he made the pages.

Has anyone been through this? Is this normal to do this? Im lost Please help me
Click to expand...

Oooo man! This is a guy who obviously can't be trusted alone on a computer? If you accidently caught him, what stops your kids from accidently finding him masturbate?! I don't understand when people do that, and they don't loc the door. He obviously has a sex/porn problem where he either wants it more, or has no control over it. Sucks!! He might be an addict. Ask him about it. Btw, I don't think the drama is worth staying around. Can you move in with family? Is it possible for you guys to live together, but for you to eventually save up to move?
 
AandEMomma said:
My Fiance' and I have been together for 5 years and have had one child together the other is mine from an jerk face. Well, this year has been hard on us and we have had our moments of fighting and not talking for a week MAX now we live together and none of us moved out during these fights or left just was silent.

In the past ive walked in on him masturbating which made me embarrassed and i didnt know what to say. I figured it was natural and let it roll. Well on tuesday i was on the computer and seen he had emails from Plenty of fish.com (its a dating website) this is from when i lived in Martinsburg (anywhere between april and sep) well I said something to him and he said it was old and it took him 2 days to delete it. I am still upset over that. Well today I found a email from Adult Friend Finder.com (a hook up only website for sex) and that was made in February this year I do not know what to do.

So I need advice if it was you what would you do?

Part of me says :

Hes good with my son which is HOH and has behavioral issues. I cant support both of my kids on my own and I have 5 years invested.

THe other part says:

Leave the asshole he has ambitions of cheating on you and why wait for him to. He made his mind up when he made the pages.

Has anyone been through this? Is this normal to do this? Im lost Please help me
Click to expand...

what you are describing are the precursors to a very serious problem...
The way I see it, you have 2 choices....stay or go. period. Everything else falls in behind that.

Now my opinion is this:

If you stay with him for the kids' sake, the kids(both of them) are the ones who will end up with the short end of the stick...what I mean is, you may get hurt(emotionally) but the kids are going to get tore up worse. Long term effects on the children could be devastating.

If you leave him ASAP, everyone will get tore up for a while, but time will heal them wounds...long term effects on the children will be minimal.

I am not gonna tell you what to do, nor will I tell you what you should do...that is a decision that you must make for the 3 of you. I will only give you options.
 
If he hasn't already cheated on you, he is aroused by the thought of it. It is the very idea of being unfaithful that he is getting off on. How in the world can you repair that? Staying with this man is a total lost cause. Every minute you spend is putting you and your children at danger--STD's, more erratic/secretive behavior, etc. etc.

GET OUT!

Worry about the other shit later.
 
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