What would you do if a friend wouldn't take blame for a problem that he caused?

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SweetOrchid

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I had a friend who shut me out and refuse to be friends with me again or work out the difference between the two of us. When something happened like.. If a friend said "I promise I won't tell anyone and you too". Another friend of mine asked me if it was true that something did happened between me and another person, not only that I said anything in the first place. I knew that person let it slip out of the mouth, and I had voucher the information on what happened.

Then the person blames me for telling everyone, which I did not say a word and that PERSON has BIG MOUTH and let whatever slips out of the mouth. We all got in to a big argument and friend of mine brought up what happened between me and another person. It makes me mad when a MAN won't admit the truth and knew what happened. Not only that he said something about me staring at him whether it means I like him or not. The only reason was that what happened between me and him was a MISTAKE and I admit it, but he wouldn't. We all been good friends and have good time, now it's like 50/50 visit with our friends, like When I'm there visiting with them and he won't be there. If I'm not there and he'll be there. It's like HE STILL CARRY with that problem for almost 2 years now and that is OLD NEWS. I am not worry about past, but seems to me he is bothered by it, because he said I LIED. I don't lie about what happened TWICE was because HE ASKED and I KEPT IT SECRET, but he let it SLIP so He should be blaming on himself than to be Blaming on me, because I don't talk or brag about who I sleep with.

Now seems to me that he still IMMATURE and needs to GROW UP to let that GO and that was OLD PAST. He is against me, because saying that I LIE about things, I haven't lie to either any of my friends about what is true and what's not true. Whatever my name comes up in conversation when he's there and he be like he doesn't want to hear my name mention in any conversation. I told my friend ONE DAY it's gonna be a BIG BOMB and I'll be up all in his face tell him to GROW THE F*** UP and LET IT GO. I done nothing WRONG TO YOU and YOU DONE ME WRONG by making me LOOK LIKE A LIAR or is it You have problem with BLACK PEOPLE Or iWOMEN? That makes me soo mad as I want to PUNCH HIM in the Face for lying to them. My friend said "Let it Go". I'm letting that PAST GO, but I'm just sick of this acting like 50/50 Visit and we are not their PARENTS acting like Spliting Custody with FRIENDS. He said that's 2nd time happen, It's like I didn't start anything HE DID, because he KNOWS HIS MOUTH will get him in trouble and knows that he will cause problems if he can't CONTROL HIS MOUTH on what he say to people. I told him before... He will Lose Friends if he don't watch his MOUTH.
 
i am sorry to hear about this but still dont worry about the idiot.. u know what happened.. just know he did it so let it go and put it in past. ok. :)
 
Freaky Cat said:
i am sorry to hear about this but still dont worry about the idiot.. u know what happened.. just know he did it so let it go and put it in past. ok. :)
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I already put that in past 1 and half year ago when that happened within 3 months I let it go. Cuz I got more BALLS than he do to let stuff like that GO and forget it. I don't mean BALLS DOWN THERE :giggle:
 
I have had that happen to me with a coworker. She is always telling me things and telling me not to share with others. Then a week later, she bawls me out about how others know. I was like whatever so I asked those who she named and u knwo what they said? They said she was the one who told them not me! So, we all confronted her and problem solved! I cant stand her cuz she worries about gossip and high school stuff. I am not interested in any of that. :ugh:
 
That guy sounds so much alike to my dad, I understand how you feel... It's very annoying and I proved him many times..

I remember when I was little, my dad put the army surivival foods in the closet in the hall and I went in the bathroom which was near to that closet, I took a bath at that bathroom. After I was done, I open the door and my mom came to me, asking me if I put those in that closet and I told her I didn't.. Then my dad came out of his bedroom and yell at me that it was me that put those in the closet, and my mom yell at him BULLSHIT!!! My mom told him that my mom knew he bought those, then my dad got pissed off at me blaming me that I made mom mad. I was like what the hell, I feel like everything's throwing at me..

It's very rude to put blame on inconnect people with troubles...
 
Sweet Orchid. Drop him. Find other friends who are nicer and won't get you all upset.
 
"IF" a good friend and would do the same for me then yeah I would do it. I there not such a good friend then no. But if something legal I have to know why first. But Some friends are not always true friends so you have to becareful who you trust if they do the same for you.
 
shel90 said:
I have had that happen to me with a coworker. She is always telling me things and telling me not to share with others. Then a week later, she bawls me out about how others know. I was like whatever so I asked those who she named and u knwo what they said? They said she was the one who told them not me! So, we all confronted her and problem solved! I cant stand her cuz she worries about gossip and high school stuff. I am not interested in any of that. :ugh:
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Shel - MWAH I love you hon, you just solved my problem for me! I'll PM you the details in a min so I wont hijack the thread.

But to the OP - sounds to me like this guy has some maturity issues. Two years? Im not saying go crawling back to him (I wouldnt), but if he's still got a grudge against you after all this time and STILL telling people that it was you, when in fact it was HIM that told all these people, then just tell it like it is when it becomes the topic of conversation amongst friends. Dont add to the story, dont take away from it, just call it how you see it is my advice, also Shel had some really good advice above, but after two years of this, its going to be hard to confront him about it. But if he does it again, then use Shel's tactic to bust him right out in front of everyone. Let him die of his own embarrassment.:afro:
 
PuyoPiyo said:
That guy sounds so much alike to my dad, I understand how you feel... It's very annoying and I proved him many times..

I remember when I was little, my dad put the army surivival foods in the closet in the hall and I went in the bathroom which was near to that closet, I took a bath at that bathroom. After I was done, I open the door and my mom came to me, asking me if I put those in that closet and I told her I didn't.. Then my dad came out of his bedroom and yell at me that it was me that put those in the closet, and my mom yell at him BULLSHIT!!! My mom told him that my mom knew he bought those, then my dad got pissed off at me blaming me that I made mom mad. I was like what the hell, I feel like everything's throwing at me..

It's very rude to put blame on inconnect people with troubles...
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Oh my! Wow. If my husband did that to my children! I would leave. Lying and passing the blame to a child. My heart really goes out to ya. To me that is a form of Child abuse. (mental) sheesh! Then turned around and blamed you for getting him in trouble. Well he got himself in trouble. Did your father do that frequently or was that just a one time incident? I see above where you said you proved him wrong many times. Was it on lying or blaming you all the time?
 
SweetOrchid said:
I had a friend who shut me out and refuse to be friends with me again or work out the difference between the two of us. When something happened like.. If a friend said "I promise I won't tell anyone and you too". Another friend of mine asked me if it was true that something did happened between me and another person, not only that I said anything in the first place. I knew that person let it slip out of the mouth, and I had voucher the information on what happened.

Then the person blames me for telling everyone, which I did not say a word and that PERSON has BIG MOUTH and let whatever slips out of the mouth. We all got in to a big argument and friend of mine brought up what happened between me and another person. It makes me mad when a MAN won't admit the truth and knew what happened. Not only that he said something about me staring at him whether it means I like him or not. The only reason was that what happened between me and him was a MISTAKE and I admit it, but he wouldn't. We all been good friends and have good time, now it's like 50/50 visit with our friends, like When I'm there visiting with them and he won't be there. If I'm not there and he'll be there. It's like HE STILL CARRY with that problem for almost 2 years now and that is OLD NEWS. I am not worry about past, but seems to me he is bothered by it, because he said I LIED. I don't lie about what happened TWICE was because HE ASKED and I KEPT IT SECRET, but he let it SLIP so He should be blaming on himself than to be Blaming on me, because I don't talk or brag about who I sleep with.

Now seems to me that he still IMMATURE and needs to GROW UP to let that GO and that was OLD PAST. He is against me, because saying that I LIE about things, I haven't lie to either any of my friends about what is true and what's not true. Whatever my name comes up in conversation when he's there and he be like he doesn't want to hear my name mention in any conversation. I told my friend ONE DAY it's gonna be a BIG BOMB and I'll be up all in his face tell him to GROW THE F*** UP and LET IT GO. I done nothing WRONG TO YOU and YOU DONE ME WRONG by making me LOOK LIKE A LIAR or is it You have problem with BLACK PEOPLE Or iWOMEN? That makes me soo mad as I want to PUNCH HIM in the Face for lying to them. My friend said "Let it Go". I'm letting that PAST GO, but I'm just sick of this acting like 50/50 Visit and we are not their PARENTS acting like Spliting Custody with FRIENDS. He said that's 2nd time happen, It's like I didn't start anything HE DID, because he KNOWS HIS MOUTH will get him in trouble and knows that he will cause problems if he can't CONTROL HIS MOUTH on what he say to people. I told him before... He will Lose Friends if he don't watch his MOUTH.
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Seems like your friend just wants someone to blame for his problem.. He thinks by blaming you makes him "look" good. He refuses to admit it due to his own insecurities. I would not worry about him because he isn't a friend.
 
Been there and done that. One of those day the truth will come out. Just be patience and enjoy your life. I happened to me many time and I let it go.

As for a child who get blame for nothing from a parent that is wrong. I know my stepkids went thru it and I am sure my son do too. I cant prove it but by my guts feeling.
 
Babyblue said:
Oh my! Wow. If my husband did that to my children! I would leave. Lying and passing the blame to a child. My heart really goes out to ya. To me that is a form of Child abuse. (mental) sheesh! Then turned around and blamed you for getting him in trouble. Well he got himself in trouble. Did your father do that frequently or was that just a one time incident? I see above where you said you proved him wrong many times. Was it on lying or blaming you all the time?
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Well to me it's not really seriously, he just won't admit that he was mistake that's all.
 
SweetOchid, Your story remind me of my ex friend. That person is still bother me, I simple ignore that person for oh let me see 4 yrs. That person is still babbling abt me being lie but you know what. my deaf friends knew this person and walked away because the same story kept going on and on. We all were like scoff and ignored this person. It works for me. I do not need this sh*t like you dont need it too. I moved on and forget abt this past. You did which is good because it isnt healthy to keep going on and on. Its in the trash and move on to meet new friends and hang out with old friends. Your friend is wrong and it isnt good for his healthy to keep doing this. One day, he ll regret. He will never know.

Keep your chin up and smile!! ;)
 
RedheadGrrl said:
SweetOchid, Your story remind me of my ex friend. That person is still bother me, I simple ignore that person for oh let me see 4 yrs. That person is still babbling abt me being lie but you know what. my deaf friends knew this person and walked away because the same story kept going on and on. We all were like scoff and ignored this person. It works for me. I do not need this sh*t like you dont need it too. I moved on and forget abt this past. You did which is good because it isnt healthy to keep going on and on. Its in the trash and move on to meet new friends and hang out with old friends. Your friend is wrong and it isnt good for his healthy to keep doing this. One day, he ll regret. He will never know.

Keep your chin up and smile!! ;)
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I agree and that is why I come on AD to look up other people's story, advices, experience on hardship dealing with what they go through everyday. The thing is MY VP be OFF all day and my IMs are on INVISIBLE. That's when I feel at PEACE reading ALMOST reading everyone's posts.

So Everyone has GOOD POINT OF VIEW on certain things about Don't have to DEAL WITH Sh*t like that. I'm glad I signed up with AD and PROUD to be a MEMBER of AD.:wiggle:
 
Well, that's wonderful, SweetOrchid! We like you, too! (Group hug everyone!!!!) :grouphug:

You know, I have a friend that has been a little angry with me because I discontinued my myspace website (no, the person isn't on these forums) and thinks the same as your "so-called friend" in that guy. Nothing could be further from the truth, so don't let this guy bother you. This gal even questioned me why I dropped her as a friend on it, which isn't the half of it, as she gives me the third degree when we, ah, :ugh3: excuse me, SHE discusses it. I've hung up the phone on her a good many times. Don't feel bad, SweetOrchid, as this person is acting much like the village idiot. ;)
 
SweetOrchid said:
I agree and that is why I come on AD to look up other people's story, advices, experience on hardship dealing with what they go through everyday. The thing is MY VP be OFF all day and my IMs are on INVISIBLE. That's when I feel at PEACE reading ALMOST reading everyone's posts.

So Everyone has GOOD POINT OF VIEW on certain things about Don't have to DEAL WITH Sh*t like that. I'm glad I signed up with AD and PROUD to be a MEMBER of AD.:wiggle:
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Glad you become the member of AD too. :hug:
 
aww ur story remind me of this friend of mine she did was blaming me for when i do nothing that i end our friendship after she threat me i don't need to be threated like that. i am much in peace without her.
look that person have treat you badly not let this person get to you or treating you badly this person is not good person to be friend with if he is blaming you for things that he DID start not you.
i am glad that you found this forum very helpful smile
 
Hello! SweetOrchid.

My advice is that just let him ago... not let him bothering you or ingoring. I had the same with my ex gf YEARS ago... it was very annoyed and other things, but after I decided I "shutted" her out means that I decide not to keeping fighting, or whatever you name it, Anyway it stopped so quiet after probably 1 year later I felt more peaceful. :) so keep in mind just keep that postive thought and LOVE! :) ;)

SpicyGrrl
 
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