"What?" or "Pardon me?"

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DeafCaroline

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My sister and I got into a tiff a few years ago when she pointed out that she didn't like my saying "what?" instead of "pardon me?" She thought I was displaying bad manners.

I am not going to apologize for my deafness everytime I didn't catch what someone said. I flat out refuse to. I'm deaf, why should I have to keep pardoning that to people?

I do make exceptions for my elders though.

What about you? Are you a "what?" or a "pardon me?"
 
I'm a little of both, depending, of course, on the situation.
 
Not sure now that I think about it. Nobody has really complained so I never thought about it too much.
 
I've read about that expression "pardon me" in books....I'm "what" or "huh"?
:lol:
 
I'm working on not saying, "huh?" all the time. Mostly because I do have more words in my vocabulary and I inwardly keep picturing myself with that face-scrunched-up look on my face so often! And to me, "what?" sounds far better than "huh". But, I'm still doing "huh" - it's a hard habit to break...

Hmmm, giving this some serious thought here - WHY should we apologize all over the place? If I'm around someone new who doesn't know I'm HOH, then I'd rather start with, "I didn't catch that. I'm hard of hearing." Once is enough for that long of a sentence in my mind. Now if someone wants to take the time and energy to ask along the lines of, "what is the best way for me to talk to you so it's better for you?", then I'm all for a longer discussion.

But why apologize over and over? To my way of thinking, "pardon me" is when one has done something wrong, something by accident, or having done something rude. Not hearing is none of those.
 
Hmmmmm

Hello and Happy Independence Day, smlle. I would like to say to you DeafCaroline, I really enjoy your posts and threads. You are an articulate young woman and I like your personal strength. With that said, Laughing,
I am not a what or a pardon me. I am an excellent lip reader and have the
Galaxy tablet with wonderful speech to text apps (about 12 total) to choose from. I can lay it on the table when out withfriends and simply glance at it to know what they said and answer. I use it for personal situations, or business meetings, wow this thing is amazing! But, when out, say shopping, if I can not read the lips of the person speaking to me I tell them I am deaf and need them to repeat or write what hey had said. Laughing, I am working on Tolerence..but if I get an eye roll, or any respone other then a coperative one, I say, So sorry my disability inconveniences you, and may I see a manager please. Laughing, they usually change the attitude in a hurry or get the manager who I relay what happened and that perhaps their employees could benefit from a workshop on dealing appropriately with the deaf. laughing, I give her my card and tell her I can facilitate the workshop.
Now by this time, I remind her of all the wasted time that has past because her emplyee was simply rude. I have always immediately been immediately
helped by the manager, with apologies. Yes I know it seems like I am going out of my way to get my point made, but I feel it MUST be made whenever I encounter it. Laughing, my friends know better,smile and I leave with my grace and dignity intact.....ahhhh...I love a happy ending..Midnight♥♥
 
for me i ask people to repeat themselves so often i like a bit of variation... i'm constantly saying 'what?', 'huh?', 'eh?', 'say again?', 'say what?', 'pardon?'

they all mean the same thing pretty much and from my experience people a more likely to get annoyed by you wanting them to repeat themselves than by whether you say 'what?' or 'pardon me?'

i'm defo with you on that one tho... i ain't apologising to nobody for my dodgy hearing!!
 
Of course, I don't apologize for my deafness, either....our deafness is mainly "invisible" to most hearies, (strangers).....and even hearies say "what" and "pardon me" when they miss what is being said.

Around friends/family, I usually say "what?" if I don't understand...around strangers, I say "pardon me?"...

If a deafie has no speech, then just pointing to their ear and shaking their head is sufficient, and that's not an apology....it's just letting the hearie know they can't hear....not an apology...And I've learned also, that when a deafie does that, most times the hearie will say "Oh, I'm sorry"..and try to repeat what they said, moving their mouth slower....then again, some hearies just walk off, or say "never mind"....

I used to get angry when the "I'm sorry" was quoted...but not anymore. It's not worth getting upset about and more than likely, what the hearie was trying to say was not really important anyway.

We can go thru life getting angry at hearies for their inability or ignorance of deafies and communication, or we can try to better it...taking out pen & paper.
 
I've noticed that when I sign, hearing people don't apologize. They just go with the flow - I never have to tell them I'm deaf, my signing makes that obvious. Whereas if i speak, and didn't hear what they said, then said "oh, I'm deaf, didn't hear what you said" then they apologize and walk away.
 
walking away just cos you say you didnt hear and that your deaf?? really??

if they walk away just cos of that then it's best for everyone if they just keep walking!
 
el...888 said:
walking away just cos you say you didnt hear and that your deaf?? really??

if they walk away just cos of that then it's best for everyone if they just keep walking!
Click to expand...

It's unfortunately common. It's because they don't know how to react or what to do so it's easier for them to walk away.
 
DeafCaroline said:
I've noticed that when I sign, hearing people don't apologize. They just go with the flow - I never have to tell them I'm deaf, my signing makes that obvious. Whereas if i speak, and didn't hear what they said, then said "oh, I'm deaf, didn't hear what you said" then they apologize and walk away.
Click to expand...

I've had one lady say..."Oh, she's deaf?....Ahhh...I just don't know how to talk to her"...It was apparent she wanted to "talk", just didn't know how..(I know that sounds "ignorant"....but my guess is that she did not know ASL, did not know that I lip-read...or even could "read & write").....I saw that same lady again a few weeks later, and she did "wave" at me...and I could see on her face, that she did want to talk further, but she had not "figured out" just how to go about it.....

There are many situations we deafies get into. So I do feel that if a deafie & a hearie really want to talk to each other, they will find a way.

Hearies basically "jibber and jabber" to each other while waiting in lines, etc. Seems their mouths can't stop moving! And it's all about silly/stupid stuff, mainly.....In more ways than none, I'm glad I can't hear all the stupid stuff being said by hearies....especially their profane language.

Some hearies are "lonely", just as some of us deafies are, and just want some communication. Some hearies can't be quiet, even for 10 minutes....and some hearies, whenever you let them know that you are deaf....and they keep on talking...basically, they are just running their mouth off about something stupid, not even caring who you are.....basically, they are just talking to themselves and are not even worth your time.
 
I didn't have access to closed captioning till about end of grade 8. Up till then, I was so curious what people were saying on TV - it looked like they had so much to say. Then when i got the CC box and hooked it up, I learned something new. 90% of what people say is not important. It's just oodles and oodles of words about nothing really.

Couldn't believe I had been wanting so much to understand tv for years and years only to find out I wasn't missing much :)
 
DeafCaroline said:
I didn't have access to closed captioning till about end of grade 8. Up till then, I was so curious what people were saying on TV - it looked like they had so much to say. Then when i got the CC box and hooked it up, I learned something new. 90% of what people say is not important. It's just oodles and oodles of words about nothing really.

Couldn't believe I had been wanting so much to understand tv for years and years only to find out I wasn't missing much :)
Click to expand...

true dat!...I watched TV without CC until the 80's...just lip-read and basically knew what was going on...had a friend ask me how I did it. And did you know that some hearies have a "listening" problem? My guess is that the reason is so much "outside interference", (noises). Hence, some require sound-proof booths/walls to be able to concentrate in their working environment. And I'm sure, that those hearies (who can afford it) have sound-proof walls in their homes also.
 
I'm a newsie sort of guy and that by watching CC and hearing them talk I got to see over time how CC improved while on occasion you get your flubs. Even though the CC is mostly there for my wife's I mainly just listen to my news and any talkie shows with narratives, etc (myth busters, History channel, A&E, etc) unless background noise on tv interferes enough I'll use the CC. Movies have a lot of music and background noise and so CC is great for that. I sure learn a lot by listening to what they have to say depending on the subject.
 
I do appreciate CC on educational channels and especially on the TCM channel featuring old movies. Really grateful for that.
 
For me it is equally important according to who is at fault.
I'll be the first to admit I'm sometimes lazy/moody/tired/etc....so it is my fault and I say "Sorry, I did not catch that"
On the other hand, people do often speak poorly and I have no idea what they are saying BUT they are not paying attention to me and don't consider it their fault.....so I say "What"
Which bring me to my main point of whenever anyone is in a conversation with others, pay strict attention to be sure they understand you. This alone will kill most problems.
 
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