I am sick and fed up with some people yelling at me. ARE YOU DEAF? and I keep saying maybe i am and maybe i am not. What I mean is I do have hearing lose. The thing I love the most is I do not have to listen to anybody if I do not want to.
What is wrong with some people?
- Thread starter Pepsi
- Start date
Canuckian_Chick
New Member
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2007
- Messages
- 863
- Reaction score
- 1
People today aren't like before as too many stereotypes, if they try to say excuse me when you can't hear that then they will flip... grrr... I just don't let it gets to me as they have a problem not you... I just walk away make them or just say nicely yes I'm deaf then they'll either shut up or be embarrassed.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2006
- Messages
- 13,367
- Reaction score
- 3
I dont think it is so much the words, but rather it is HOW those words were spoken to said person. People think because we are deaf or HoH that we cant tell that they are yelling (which is a stupid assumption altogether). And if we dont respond to them they also believe that we must also be stupid. (again, dumb assumption).
I think the person is going about it the wrong way. She sould simply calmly ask in a normal tone and decibel "Are you deaf?". Most deafies even if they are not oralists they seem to know how to lipread this one question because they get it so much thoroughout their lives.
When someone does this shouting "ARE YOU DEAF?" Respond back loudly - "YES- BUT YOUR SHOUTING IS MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND YOU!". I think that would get them to realize - oops, that was not very wise of me to shout the question. *gulp*
I think the person is going about it the wrong way. She sould simply calmly ask in a normal tone and decibel "Are you deaf?". Most deafies even if they are not oralists they seem to know how to lipread this one question because they get it so much thoroughout their lives.
When someone does this shouting "ARE YOU DEAF?" Respond back loudly - "YES- BUT YOUR SHOUTING IS MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND YOU!". I think that would get them to realize - oops, that was not very wise of me to shout the question. *gulp*
Thank you
Yes I know you are right. The people in the town where I live never shut up or get embarrassed.
Yes I know you are right. The people in the town where I live never shut up or get embarrassed.
pek1
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2005
- Messages
- 3,991
- Reaction score
- 0
Well, then, you're gonna have to figure out a way to make them shut up, huh? You can be sickeningly sweet like this: "Oh, I'm sorry. Actually I am deaf, why do you want to know? I wear two hearing aids." Or if you wear one, you know what to do. Kill them with kindness or, as a former boss of mine said, "you can attrack more friends with honey than with vinegar." All of these things I mentioned also came from him, so, go ahead and have a little fun. If they don't work, find something else that will. But, always keep your sense of humor, as you can laugh at them later when they're out of sight.
Let them look like idiots, don't join their club.
VamPyroX
bloody phreak from hell
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2003
- Messages
- 34,374
- Reaction score
- 21
Some people just don't know what to expect. It has happened to me before when I was on the phone with a customer years ago. The phone rang and I answered it. The person on the other end started speaking really fast and really quiet... that I couldn't understand her. When she was done, I calmly and politely asked her to repeat a bit louder and slower. She immediately yelled back, "What are you... DEAF or what!?" I calmly replied, "Yes, ma'am... I am deaf." She gulped and said, "Oh, sorry... umm..." and hung up. Heh!
SJCSue
Active Member
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2004
- Messages
- 785
- Reaction score
- 28
I had a similar situation earlier this year with the nursing home where my grandmother is. The phone was ringing and I checked the caller id. It was the nursing home. I picked up the phone and the woman started talking. However, she was talking very soft and I could not hear or understand her words. So, I told her, "I could not hear you." She hung up very fast.
I told my mom about the phone call and told me she would call the nursing home.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2006
- Messages
- 13,367
- Reaction score
- 3
@ Vampy - I bet the look on the customers face was priceless at that moment. I had a similar moment when I worked at the nursing home. A coworker behind me screamed "ARE YOU DEAF?" After I asked her nicely to repeat what she said to me because I wanted to be sure I heard her correctly. I responded in a professional tone - Why yes as a matter of fact I am, why do you ask?? My charge nurse was standing there and knew before hand that I was deaf in one ear and was trying all she could to keep her composure in front of the nursing home residents. All I heard after that moment was - "well I must be working with a deaf moron anyhow...." She was later wrote up because some of the residents complained of her loud voice that sounded ugly. LOL
Next time, get a sign and write down I'm deaf!
I am same your shoes.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2006
- Messages
- 45,078
- Reaction score
- 335
If they ask nicely like in a curious or unsure way and say "Are u deaf?" like they could tell by my voice or mannerism but wanted to make sure, I dont get offended.
What I get seriously is when they say "What are u, deaf?" like being deaf is such a bad thing and something I am at fault for. I do NOT tolerate that and I tell them to FUCK OFF..I dont care who is around me.
What I get seriously
is when they say "What are u, deaf?" like being deaf is such a bad thing and something I am at fault for. I do NOT tolerate that and I tell them to FUCK OFF..I dont care who is around me.
Tousi
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2003
- Messages
- 18,461
- Reaction score
- 184
Yup, I agree that it's all in HOW you broach this issue; there's a lotta things in life that are unfair and this issue is one of them so best to develop the skill to minimize the hurtfulness some of you mentioned.
I have a recent example; I was at the checkstand the other day at Lowe's in Oregon where we are vacationing, yakking with my in-laws when the cashier said something to me and I said, "I'm sorry what was that? I forgot to mention I'm hard of hearing." She replied, jokingly, "Oh, that's alright, all men are hard-of-hearing". We all cracked up over that one! Then I craned
my neck around and pointed to my hearing aid, saying, "Well, ma'am, I assure you this isn't a radio". She said, "Ohhhhh" and we all had another laugh at that.....and away we went, with no one feeling bad.
I have a recent example; I was at the checkstand the other day at Lowe's in Oregon where we are vacationing, yakking with my in-laws when the cashier said something to me and I said, "I'm sorry what was that? I forgot to mention I'm hard of hearing." She replied, jokingly, "Oh, that's alright, all men are hard-of-hearing". We all cracked up over that one! Then I craned
my neck around and pointed to my hearing aid, saying, "Well, ma'am, I assure you this isn't a radio". She said, "Ohhhhh" and we all had another laugh at that.....and away we went, with no one feeling bad.
BearBeauty
New Member
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2006
- Messages
- 818
- Reaction score
- 0
I get the "are you deaf?" a lot because apparently people mistake me for a hearing person all the time.
But the thing i hate is the idea that most people think because you're deaf, they should talk louder, practically screaming. I've had friends, co-workers, relatives tell people that they can talk as loud as they want, I'm not gonna hear them.
But the thing i hate is the idea that most people think because you're deaf, they should talk louder, practically screaming. I've had friends, co-workers, relatives tell people that they can talk as loud as they want, I'm not gonna hear them.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2006
- Messages
- 13,367
- Reaction score
- 3
Youve got to be kidding. Yes maybe without your aids that you would not hear them at a conversational level but you would hear them if they yelled and would know if they yelled. I cant believe well educated people can be that ludicrous when it comes to being around deaf/HH people. Like vision loos, there is also different degrees of hearing loss, and people often do not recognize that.When a hearing person shouts something like "are you deaf!?" They never expect you to actually be deaf or hoh. The best response is something like "yes I am, thank you for asking."
They say "are you deaf" but they're thinking "why are you a jerk!?" As other people have mentioned in this thread, it's important to answer politely. It's better that the person is a little embarrassed than for them to decide that you really are a jerk. (and if you're rude back to them they won't be sure if you're serious about being deaf, which can cause more problems in the future.)
They say "are you deaf" but they're thinking "why are you a jerk!?" As other people have mentioned in this thread, it's important to answer politely. It's better that the person is a little embarrassed than for them to decide that you really are a jerk. (and if you're rude back to them they won't be sure if you're serious about being deaf, which can cause more problems in the future.)
I had a similar incident. I was on my lunch break. I went from the breakroom to a backroom that's near the jewelry case. I don't pay attention to them if I am on break, but they never realize when I am on break. I feel that it's my time when I am on break, and they need to respect me when I am on one. Sometimes they insist I get someone during my break! I am like, go get someone else who is not on break!
Anyway, well, I came right back out when I was done with break (which wasn't that long left), and there was a lady standing by the jewelry case, so I just came right out to my register like nothing. Then, I guess I heard her and turned around. This lady said, "I was just calling you there. Can you hear? Can you hear?" While pointing her finger to her ear like a curious and nosy person. I wasn't pleased with the way she asked, so I just said, "that's fine, and I went over to the jewelry case to help her." She was trying to ask like she had a right to know, and I went on to ask what she wanted to see ignoring her "can you hear?" question. She then pointed to something. I am like, "What is it? A necklace?" It could be a bracelet or necklace. So she told me, and she was still curious to know if I was deaf. She was talking to me a bit differently. Then, she was done. Anyway, then came another customer talking to me normally, and the lady was looking to see if I acted 'deaf.' lol.
Anyway, well, I went back to the register, and the other girl who was backing me up on register said she wanted to punch her face, and she felt it was stupid of her to ask "can you hear? can you hear? while pointing to her ear. It was kind of embarrassing to be honest.
I felt she was being unpolite, and it's dumb to ask "can you hear?" because I can, but just not like a normal hearing person especially when it's noisy or the person is more quiet spoken than others for me to hear them. Some people ask if I am deaf, so I answer, 'yes.' But this lady was just grrr!!! Even the other girl felt the same 'cuz she was right there seeing the whole thing.
I think the lady was uncomfortable that she didn't stay much in the store and left because I couldn't find her. Sometimes I just don't know what to tell them. It seemed she was asking in a nosy way.
I haven't encountered anyone make a big deal about it if I can't hear them. Sometimes they stand behind me, and the customer in front of me will tell me someone's behind me without further thought if I am deaf or not. Others just come up and ask if I don't respond like they don't give much thought when I 'ignore' them, you know?
This lady was just grr!!
I am sorry it happens to you. I guess just ignore them or try to find a clever way of responding to them that makes them realize they are being jerk while you remain cool. Or just ignore the question and say, "I am sorry I didn't hear you..do you need help?" in a polite way or something. It'll probably throw them offguard. I mean, there will be some people who will clam up and go like "never mind." Then, just let them and mentally shrug your shoulder like you don't care because they are the ones who gave up and you didn't. Try to remember that there are a few who don't know how to be polite.
Anyway, well, I came right back out when I was done with break (which wasn't that long left), and there was a lady standing by the jewelry case, so I just came right out to my register like nothing. Then, I guess I heard her and turned around. This lady said, "I was just calling you there. Can you hear? Can you hear?" While pointing her finger to her ear like a curious and nosy person. I wasn't pleased with the way she asked, so I just said, "that's fine, and I went over to the jewelry case to help her." She was trying to ask like she had a right to know, and I went on to ask what she wanted to see ignoring her "can you hear?" question. She then pointed to something. I am like, "What is it? A necklace?" It could be a bracelet or necklace. So she told me, and she was still curious to know if I was deaf. She was talking to me a bit differently. Then, she was done. Anyway, then came another customer talking to me normally, and the lady was looking to see if I acted 'deaf.' lol.
Anyway, well, I went back to the register, and the other girl who was backing me up on register said she wanted to punch her face, and she felt it was stupid of her to ask "can you hear? can you hear? while pointing to her ear. It was kind of embarrassing to be honest.
I felt she was being unpolite, and it's dumb to ask "can you hear?" because I can, but just not like a normal hearing person especially when it's noisy or the person is more quiet spoken than others for me to hear them. Some people ask if I am deaf, so I answer, 'yes.' But this lady was just grrr!!! Even the other girl felt the same 'cuz she was right there seeing the whole thing.
I think the lady was uncomfortable that she didn't stay much in the store and left because I couldn't find her. Sometimes I just don't know what to tell them. It seemed she was asking in a nosy way.
I haven't encountered anyone make a big deal about it if I can't hear them. Sometimes they stand behind me, and the customer in front of me will tell me someone's behind me without further thought if I am deaf or not. Others just come up and ask if I don't respond like they don't give much thought when I 'ignore' them, you know?
This lady was just grr!!
I am sorry it happens to you. I guess just ignore them or try to find a clever way of responding to them that makes them realize they are being jerk while you remain cool. Or just ignore the question and say, "I am sorry I didn't hear you..do you need help?" in a polite way or something. It'll probably throw them offguard. I mean, there will be some people who will clam up and go like "never mind." Then, just let them and mentally shrug your shoulder like you don't care because they are the ones who gave up and you didn't. Try to remember that there are a few who don't know how to be polite.
pek1
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2005
- Messages
- 3,991
- Reaction score
- 0
If they ask nicely like in a curious or unsure way and say "Are u deaf?" like they could tell by my voice or mannerism but wanted to make sure, I dont get offended.
What I get seriously
:-o I can't believe you swore, shel! I'm shocked!