What is best way confront friend being negative about herself?

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JillyBean.MI

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My "friend" is a lifelong alcoholic. She has made comments about not caring if she gets shot in bad part of town & God can take her any day because of unhappiness on Earth.

How I found out was reading messages on my sister's Ipad and her & my SIL were commenting on her negativity.

Ironically, this friend that I'm referring to has pushed me away because I used to speak negative & sad things to her. Then I got help & live more positive
 
Unless her dependence on alcohol is dealt with, there is nothing you can do about her negative attitude. She has to get sober first, and that's her decision.
 
Depression and alcohol is a very deadly together , you could try and drive your friend to ER if she will go . Your friend could be trying to ask for help , you could call hotline and see what they suggest you to do. I would not just stop talking to her . Does she have kids ?
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Depression and alcohol is a very deadly together , you could try and drive your friend to ER if she will go . Your friend could be trying to ask for help , you could call hotline and see what they suggest you to do. I would not just stop talking to her . Does she have kids ?
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She has a husband who is also an alcoholic, and 3 surviving adult children. 2 of them are alcoholics and the other is a recovering addict. 1 of their adult children passed on.

When she is before her drunk point in drinking, she's seems happy. It's when in her "super drunk" stage after having 7-8 beers, she gets sad & negative.
 
JillyBean.MI said:
She has a husband who is also an alcoholic, and 3 surviving adult children. 2 of them are alcoholics and the other is a recovering addict. 1 of their adult children passed on.

When she is before her drunk point in drinking, she's seems happy. It's when in her "super drunk" stage after having 7-8 beers, she gets sad & negative.
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Her body is so used to alcohol that when she drinks just a sustaining amount she doesn't feel its effects. When she drinks more, then she feels the effects. Chemically, alcohol is a depressant, so that's the effect she feels.
 
JillyBean.MI said:
She has a husband who is also an alcoholic, and 3 surviving adult children. 2 of them are alcoholics and the other is a recovering addict. 1 of their adult children passed on.

When she is before her drunk point in drinking, she's seems happy. It's when in her "super drunk" stage after having 7-8 beers, she gets sad & negative.
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Then she needs to admit she is an alcoholic and go to AA , but I feel the negative feeling are already there and she when she get drunk she let everything spill out. Alcoholic does not made you depress , dad was an
alcoholic , he drink to try and forget things but it brought out his anger more. This is tough , I personally hate being near people that drink now.
 
Until she kicks, it wont change...and considering shes a lifer with the bottle as in.a long term drunk....they are one of the hardest to treat.
Best you can.do is offer support when.she aska,but dontt get dragged down
A peeson drowning in misery,just like the person drowning inwater. Will grsb to drag you down with them.
 
Waste of time to confront her. To be well you have to want to be well.

It has to be her own realization that she needs help.
 
Yeah..I think the first thing you gotta do is to draw some lines, like some boundaries. Secondly let her know that she can't abuse you and the boundaries in any form. If she breaks any of them, then back off letting her know why. Be firm. It's going be very upsetting and difficult for you so be careful. Don't let her drag you down. Only support her as long as you can stay healthy mentally and physically. If you don't you'll end up feeling really down and caught up in her issues and messes. Don't ever let her draw you back in…she'll be using lines like "You don't care about me!! If you love me you wouldn't do this!! If you love me you'll do this!! I'm only doing this to you (whatever abuse she's hurling at you) because I care about you!! etc etc."

Anyway be very careful ok? Don't be at her beck and call.
 
she needs to get AWAY from it to get FREE of it. If hubby and kids do it, so will she.

Needs to get into rehab, they all do.
 
My solution for you if you want to keep your friendship with her is to go into the Al-Non meetings for yourself.

She has to hit rock bottom to become aware of her drinking and she might be scare of what she had consume from drinking too much. It is up to her if she want to quit drinking and attend the Alcoholic Anonymous meetings. It will take time probably a long time to try to stay sober. She will have a sponsor to help her keep track of not be able to elapse back to her old drinking.

You can not force her to quit drinking nor if you want her to attend the AA meetings. She had to come to the AA meetings on her own without you pushing her to go into it. This is the rule from AA.

Yes, I agree with others saying that you can still talk with her just be supportive and be there for her. Remember that alcohol can do damage to the body like poison.

If she start to get angry with you, just step out of her way until she calm down or cool off, like leave the house or public place.
 
she needs but more importantly wants go to a rehab get detox then find reason why she drinks and the tools to stay off the drink..i don't think you can do much more
 
grab her, take her on the road trip, go somewhere where there's a hot pool and sun or if no sun, then where's there naked men walking around....that'd cheer her up
 
Grummer said:
grab her, take her on the road trip, go somewhere where there's a hot pool and sun or if no sun, then where's there naked men walking around....that'd cheer her up
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I don't think she nz grum where da men are men and da women are men..what I give be in hot nz spring surrounded by ferns saw some naked bathers as said they nzer hard tell difference:lol:
 
caz said:
she needs but more importantly wants go to a rehab get detox then find reason why she drinks and the tools to stay off the drink..i don't think you can do much more
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Being the age she is and a life-long drinker 40+ years surrounded by other family members who are also alcoholics, it's a slim chance of her changing.

Grummer said:
grab her, take her on the road trip, go somewhere where there's a hot pool and sun or if no sun, then where's there naked men walking around....that'd cheer her up
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LOL., Doubt her husband would allow that.
 
never to late to change but I suspect her liver kidney brain have some damaged
when you say her husband wont let her then that maybe the area to look at...she person in her own right permission from spouse borders on cruelty..she be her own woman not something be owned if she wants go to e.g nz or next town tell him don't ask him
 
You can still be her friend, just wash your hands of the situation not of her. That's how one friend said it to me regarding a situation that I am dealing with right now. All you can do is encourage her, maybe give her ideas but the rest is up to her really. If she doesn't want to do anything or refuses to, let that go and just be her friend. As others said if it gets to the point that it's overwhelming to you, it's good to step away from her completely for a while- more of a break than full abandonment.

Sounds like she doesn't see herself as needing help, that it's 'normal' for her.
 
Grummer said:
grab her, take her on the road trip, go somewhere where there's a hot pool and sun or if no sun, then where's there naked men walking around....that'd cheer her up
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Grummer, I am glad that you are back. Just be good to yourself and us.

:welcome: back to AllDeaf. :wave: :thumb:
 
One of my neighbors was a "drunk" and a "lush"....a friend had to take her to the hospital with chest pains while she was falling down drunk once....another time, she was sitting on her patio and started having seizures....No amount of encouragement or talking to her worked...

She was a lifetime drunk...and always talking about the wrong things that had happened to her...basically, blaming everybody else for her problems. She would walk round with vodka bottles and beer...At age 48, she looked 70.....

You can't help somebody that don't want the help...as I learned that the hard way from her....She said alcohol and drinking "made her happy"....:hmm:

And the same for drug addicts....She finally left the state after her boyfriend kicked her out (he had done so many times)....and her children don't want a thing to do with her....but, she had no place to go and could never hold down a job due to her drinking....

I expect her to be back within a month or so...looking for a place to stay...but sure as hell, it won't be in my house!...I can't deal with drunks/drug addicts....

As far as Rehab...think she was there a few times...and just walked out of it all....
 
The harsh reality is that you may have to steer away from this person until he/she decide to clean up their acts.
 
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