What/how you deal with temper children?

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling,

Yes, it's general doesn't matter whoever calling names to the child is spoil brat! That what I disagree w/this wording!

Exactly

Welcome Mother's club who have nearly teenager!

I myself have a teenage son... Welcome Mother´s club...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, I am aware of that Liebling that some would labelled them "spoil rotten child" "spoil brat", I don't agree with those terms, the problem lies in un-educate, they don't even know why the child is acting this way, unless they read articles, books, or by consulting with their child's doctor.

Yeah, that´s what I call is ignorant and uneducation because they doesn´t bother to focus children´s development ... All what they label toddlers as spoil brat because they saw their public temper tantrums...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I guess this is one of those "to each his own" kind of situations. I feel that works for one child may not work for another.

Yes, I am agree on this.

I have opted to follow the parenting techniques exhibited by Dr. James Dobson in his book Dare to Discipline, which includes spanking when necessary, and only for children under the age of 10, done in love, not in anger or frustration.

Yes I have seen "Dare to Discipline" where you linked in my thread and respectfully disagree with James Dobson´s form of discipline. To me, it´s bit harsh - IMO but it´s good to know that it works on you with your children great.

I would say that you can't judge the parent based solely upon whether he/she spanks their children or not.

No it has nothing do with judge but fact.

Spanking is not abuse.

For you not, but for me yes.

 

[Star]

As for me the way I deal with my child temper. I ingore her until she calm down. She think she can get away with it. Nope, it will not get away with it. I have teenage son, I have not see his temper for long time. He is pretty much control himself. I taught him how to control anger and cool down. I told him to take deep breath. I did spank my little girl and I know it is wrong to spank when she have temper. I have to learn to stay calm and control myself. When, I spank her, I feel so guilty what I did. Because, I did not pay attention to her and what she need. I know I was out of patience with her. I have to learn to change myself. I don't like the idea to spank the child. I feel bad when I do that. So, far I have not spank her. I learn to accept my child behavior and listen more often to my kids. Pay more attention, what they need. That's right they are not spoiled brat. I learn how to deal with it. I read a book, its called" A mindful parenting" and " Buddhism for mother". These books taught me to stay calm and focus to my kids. I realize that, what I did wrong in the past. But, I can't change the past what I did. But, I look the present where I am right now. I am looking forward and being a better parent.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

As for me the way I deal with my child temper. I ingore her until she calm down.

Yes I do the same as you... I don´t beleive to spank them because they throw temper tantrums but focus on their feeling where their pains are...

I have teenage son, I have not see his temper for long time. He is pretty much control himself.

Yes I noticed my teenage son as well... He is a respect person and know how to respect in manner way in the house or public..

I taught him how to control anger and cool down. I told him to take deep breath.

´

Yes I taught my children the same.

I did spank my little girl and I know it is wrong to spank when she have temper. I have to learn to stay calm and control myself. When, I spank her, I feel so guilty what I did. Because, I did not pay attention to her and what she need. I know I was out of patience with her. I have to learn to change myself. I don't like the idea to spank the child. I feel bad when I do that. So, far I have not spank her. I learn to accept my child behavior and listen more often to my kids. Pay more attention, what they need.

You are not alone but everyone including myself make mistakes and then improve our mistake which is good.

That's right they are not spoiled brat.

Excatly

I learn how to deal with it. I read a book, its called" A mindful parenting" and " Buddhism for mother". These books taught me to stay calm and focus to my kids.

Interesting, can you provide me some link about A mindful parenting and Buddhism for mother? I´m curious what their form of discipline is. It´s my hobby to focus...

I realize that, what I did wrong in the past. But, I can't change the past what I did. But, I look the present where I am right now. I am looking forward and being a better parent.

Very true... We are not prefect but we CAN improve our mistakes and move on...

 

[Star]

Very true... We are not prefect but we CAN improve our mistakes and move on...

Quote:
Interesting, can you provide me some link about A mindful parenting and Buddhism for mother? I´m curious what their form of discipline is. It´s my hobby to focus...


ok, the book is called."The inner work of Mindful Parenting". and the other book is called " buddhism for mothers". I got that for x-mas present. Anyway you look up google a "books stuff". I got this from amazon websites. I made my wishlist for that x-mas. mindful parenting the author name Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn and the other one author name sarah napthali for buddhism for mothers.
mindful parenting -- Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn - YES! A Journal of Positive Futures
This is about mindful parenting interview.

Booktopia - Buddhism for Mothers, Sarah Napthali, 9781741140101
This is about buddhism for mothers.

Hope this help. if not. I will write down what this book is all about.

 

[Eve]

Yes I have seen "Dare to Discipline" where you linked in my thread and respectfully disagree with James Dobson´s form of discipline. To me, it´s bit harsh - IMO but it´s good to know that it works on you with your children great.

I failed to mention that Dr. Dobson suggests that spanking only be used in cases of direct defiance. I have found Dr. Dobson’s strategies to be far less harsh than other methods.

 

[Star]

Twelve Excercises for Mindful Parenting

1. Try to imagine the world from your child’s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.

2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child’s point of view; imagine having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?

3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. Work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.

4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children, and consider whether they are truly in your children’s best interests. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.

5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn’t some common ground where your needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.

6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done.

7. Try embodying silent presence. Listen carefully.

8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. See what is “workable” if you are willing to trust your intuition and best instincts.

9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing, and they demonstrate that you see a situation more clearly, or more from your child’s point of view. But “I’m sorry” loses its meaning if we are always saying it, or if we make regret a habit.

10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.

11. There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with our children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid and controlling.

12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves.

 

[jillio]

Just fpound this thread, but wanted to support you int he way that you handle the outbursts from your son. He is 13, and that is a natural way for 13 year olds to behave. He is testing his limits and trying to grow up. But he still needs to know that you are in charge. It gives him a sense of security to know that your authority is constant, even when they feel like everything else is changing. Teenagers are hit with a lot of issues and one time, and its difficult not just for the parent, but for the teenagers as well. Just keep doing what you are doing leibling, and it will get better. My son is 20 now, and has gotten past all of that--thank heaven!

 

[Eve]

I can't wait for my 13-yr-old to out grow this stage *exasperated*

 

[jillio]

I know what you mean. It can be exhausting!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Star,

Sorry for not reply your post an earlier.

Yes, it´s interesting to learn where you come from... the description of "buddishm for mothers" and "Mindful Parenting" sound bit same as form of discipline I use on my both sons.

Yes, I do apologize my both sons if I realize that I made mistakes as the same as they apologize us when they realize that they made mistakes...

I focus my sons´s feeling and listen their talk and let them share their feeling/suggestion with me.

My sons know what I am as the same I know what they are...

Thank you for share interesting links.

jillio´s post
Just fpound this thread, but wanted to support you int he way that you handle the outbursts from your son. He is 13, and that is a natural way for 13 year olds to behave. He is testing his limits and trying to grow up. But he still needs to know that you are in charge. It gives him a sense of security to know that your authority is constant, even when they feel like everything else is changing. Teenagers are hit with a lot of issues and one time, and its difficult not just for the parent, but for the teenagers as well. Just keep doing what you are doing leibling, and it will get better. My son is 20 now, and has gotten past all of that--thank heaven!

Yeah, I have no problem to deal with oldest son.. .He is soon to be 14 year old. Oh yes he have his temper sometimes is normal... I accept it but I have to say that he is a good teenager who knows his respect/limit... I really have a little problem with him... I aware that he is not same as I know him as a little boy... He is 5 inches tall than me... He look down to me when I talk or up to him when I tell him to tidy up his room... Oh yes, my both boys like to test their limits but I stay hard. I warned them what I say is ONCE, not twice... and NO remain NO. They know me well and keep quiet. My younger son, soon to be 11 years old... He also has his temper/grumply... Normal for his age... He is still learn .... My both boys are my responsible and rather to have them experiement their curiously from us, not go to wrong crowd.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I can't wait for my 13-yr-old to out grow this stage *exasperated*

Jillos
I know what you mean. It can be exhausting!

Oh yeah... It´s children´s normal development.

 

[jillio]

This is not about child's temper tantrum, but posts about spanking remind me. I have to be honest, and say I sank my son twice when he was 5, but only one smack on butt. Here is why: He was misbehaving and I was trying to correct him in sign and he closed his eyes so he couldn't see my signs to correct him. I swat on his butt to get him to open eyes! Guilty!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

This is not about child's temper tantrum, but posts about spanking remind me. I have to be honest, and say I sank my son twice when he was 5, but only one smack on butt. Here is why: He was misbehaving and I was trying to correct him in sign and he closed his eyes so he couldn't see my signs to correct him. I swat on his butt to get him to open eyes! Guilty!!

Oh, I thought we talk about child's temper tantrum...

Yes I know what you mean... The children know how to make the parents anger... they like to test their parents. My children did it but I won't let them...

 

[Star]

Liebling,
You're welcome. My daughter had been doing good so far.. Pretty well behave. Some of my friend from work. They notice my daughter is well behave. I told them yes she is , but sometime she is not. It is depend her mood. She does get bad temper, when I was trying to figure out what is wrong with her. I know why she get bad temper, like she is tired, hungry and not enough energy. I make sure, that she is getting enough sleep, make sure she getting enough breaksfast, lunch and dinner. Ofc snack, if she get good reward. So, far I have not spank her. I learn how to deal with it. I have to be more patience and figure out what is wrong with her.
Soon, my son will be 14 yrs old on this april. I have notice he is getting moody. I was thinking, it could be his hormones changing. His voice changing too. I told him, try stay calm and not to get moody all the time. Its becaue you are teenger and there is nothing I can do about it. Sometime, he try to get his way and but I won't let him do that as long as he still living with us.

 

[mecooncat]

My aunt told me about this. When I was little, I got mad at my mother and my mother was talking to me so I turn off the hearing aids. Boy, she didn't like it one bit. I still do it today when my kids are fighting with each other and comes running to me. I told them that I don't want to hear it. Told them that I don't take sides and they both have to learn to work it out. My kids don't like it when I shut off my hearing aids.

If one of my kids had temper-tantrums, I usually walked away and they'll get over it. They knows the answer and they're not getting what they want.

 

[Star]

My aunt told me about this. When I was little, I got mad at my mother and my mother was talking to me so I turn off the hearing aids. Boy, she didn't like it one bit. I still do it today when my kids are fighting with each other and comes running to me. I told them that I don't want to hear it. Told them that I don't take sides and they both have to learn to work it out. My kids don't like it when I shut off my hearing aids.

If one of my kids had temper-tantrums, I usually walked away and they'll get over it. They knows the answer and they're not getting what they want.

I did that too. When I was kid, I turned my hearing aids off. When my aunt was nagging at me, I turn it off. My aunt know that. Oh well.. My kids get temper too. I ignore them too.