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Destiny's Sister

Destiny's Sister

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I've been thinking about the threads I've read where there is a distinctive animosity towards students coming to this site to learn about the deaf/HOH. I'm new here so I guess i haven't got annoyed yet by answering somebody's questions about our various issues. The common response seems to be to go out and ACTUALLY MEET some of us in person. I get that, but lately I've been wondering, "Where do deaf/hoh people hang out anyway?" I'd really like to know because they certainly don't hang out in the choir I just quit, or the Tennis club, or in the Doggie park. They're not at any of my former workplaces. They're not the Moms who keep showing up at school events for their kids. , They're not the school volunteers, they're not at the community centre I volunteered at, they're not at the Ski club, they're not in the Pilates classes, they're not in the gym and DEFINITELY not partaking in Karaoke like I have a twisted habit of doing. I'm the ONLY ONE I know who is HOH other than my 94 year old Mum, who can actually hear better than me in spite of her Alzheimers. I live in an exclusively hearing world. How does one fit in half way between 'completely Deaf' and 'normal hearing' worlds?
 
I think much of what you've picked up on is frustration of all the students who ask us complete surveys and do their homework, and then say "ok thanks bye!" And never come back. We feel used here. And unfortunately some of the newer arrivals are getting the brunt of that, even if it's not their fault. I've been here 12 years, so I've seen it all.
 
AlleyCat said:
I think much of what you've picked up on is frustration of all the students who ask us complete surveys and do their homework, and then say "ok thanks bye!" And never come back. We feel used here. And unfortunately some of the newer arrivals are getting the brunt of that, even if it's not their fault. I've been here 12 years, so I've seen it all.
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Ooh it gets frustrating fast, haven't been around here for a year yet and have that already. Often they don't even come back to say thanks :p

@Destiny's Sister on meeting hoh/Deaf people So far IRL without planning and paying attention if I happen to see someone signing only came across 2 persons so far.
And am slightly afraid I disappointed one of them. Ran in to 2 people signing in the airport, so typical me and my big mouth, or well hands in this case, "hi, you 2 Deaf ? " "yeah, you deaf too ? " " hearing I, learning ASL" end of conversation and noticed the disappointment on her face :(

Ok no clue which sign language they were using as well, since this was in an airport in Germany.

As for planned meeting hoh/deaf people, in US seems pretty easy to find Deaf/hoh people through meetups of the Deaf club on the area or Facebook groups. And for Flanders same thing.

Good luck
 
AlleyCat said:
I think much of what you've picked up on is frustration of all the students who ask us complete surveys and do their homework, and then say "ok thanks bye!" And never come back. We feel used here. And unfortunately some of the newer arrivals are getting the brunt of that, even if it's not their fault. I've been here 12 years, so I've seen it all.
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Ah, so they'd be more welcome if they showed a little respect. I see. Wow, 12 years. I guess I came to the right place. Can't have that kind of longevity without a great group of people.
 
Ok no clue which sign language they were using as well, since this was in an airport in Germany.

As for planned meeting hoh/deaf people, in US seems pretty easy to find Deaf/hoh people through meetups of the Deaf club on the area or Facebook groups. And for Flanders same thing.

Good luck
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I guess it doesn't matter, I just want to meet people who are tolerant and who like doing stuff that doesn't require normal hearing. Still keeping an eye out for deaf/HOH groups in my area though.
 
By finding deaf/hoh people I guess the first question is do you mean audiologically deaf/hh or culturally Deaf? There are probably audiologically deaf/hh people at all of those places and other places you go regularly (mall, grocery store, book store, concerts, etc). Many deaf people enjoy music so there could be some at the karaoke place too. There are probably some culturally Deaf people there too but likely to be fewer or less frequent. People often refer to deafness as invisible because unless someone is aware of it or looking for it it is usually unnoticed.

If I go out with my wife, people will spot that I am Deaf because I'll be signing with her. When I go out on my own, unless someone notices my hearing aids most of the people around me are unaware except for when I have some direct interaction with them. Sometimes even then they are still clueless. For some hearing people deafness is just something that never occurs to them so they don't pick up on it.

I tend to spot more because I am looking. I catch subtle mannerisms that suggests someone is a more visual person (gestures or direct eye contact).

As Mieke mentioned, rather than waiting for a chance meeting, you can look into the different meetup groups or ASL clubs to see if there are any within a reasonable distance. As I have said on other threads, even if it is a bit of a drive, I find it worth the effort to attend Deaf events.

Few have the luxury of living completely in a d/Deaf world. Most d/Deaf people move back and forth between hearing and deaf worlds as a reality of life.
 
zephren said:
By finding deaf/hoh people I guess the first question is do you mean audiologically deaf/hh or culturally Deaf? There are probably audiologically deaf/hh people at all of those places and other places you go regularly (mall, grocery store, book store, concerts, etc). Many deaf people enjoy music so there could be some at the karaoke place too. There are probably some culturally Deaf people there too but likely to be fewer or less frequent. People often refer to deafness as invisible because unless someone is aware of it or looking for it it is usually unnoticed.

If I go out with my wife, people will spot that I am Deaf because I'll be signing with her. When I go out on my own, unless someone notices my hearing aids most of the people around me are unaware except for when I have some direct interaction with them. Sometimes even then they are still clueless. For some hearing people deafness is just something that never occurs to them so they don't pick up on it.

I tend to spot more because I am looking. I catch subtle mannerisms that suggests someone is a more visual person (gestures or direct eye contact).

As Mieke mentioned, rather than waiting for a chance meeting, you can look into the different meetup groups or ASL clubs to see if there are any within a reasonable distance. As I have said on other threads, even if it is a bit of a drive, I find it worth the effort to attend Deaf events.

Few have the luxury of living completely in a d/Deaf world. Most d/Deaf people move back and forth between hearing and deaf worlds as a reality of life.
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I guess I just kinda want people to get where I'm coming from. My guess is that's most likely to happen here, in this forum and not out there IRL. As you say, unless people are signing, being d/Deaf/HOH is pretty invisible. It's even more invisible when you go from 'not understanding a single word' (background noise, thick accent, low/fast/mumbling talker) to hearing 100% (no background noise, good enunciator, good projector, faces me when speaking etc). I do have to start putting myself in environments that I can function better in though.
 
I had a job at a casino once and I was signing with my husband when this man, who I have even seen, jumped into my conversation one day during lunch. He was so happy to see my signing because him and I were the only people that knew sign in the whole casino. He had worked there for 15 years as a card dealer and has not had anyone to talk to. He would eat alone and hope a deaf player came in that day. Him and I became good friends but when I told him I got a new job far away from the casino but I wanted to keep in contact with him, he walked away sadly. I haven't seen him since :( I try to find him when I go back but I can't get back out there as often as I like. Anyways I just thought that was a great story on how some deaf/Deaf people are so isolated that they will seek people that are signing so that they have a voice.
 
I think I understand where our OP is coming from. I seem to live in a ghost town as far as a deaf population is concerned. I first tried taking sign language in the 1980's (beginning course two different semesters at a local community college) and made no contacts to actually use it. Thus, I have forgotten 99% of what I did learn. It has been soooo many years since I saw any one signing in any of the local stores for example that I have forgotten when it was.

I got to know very slightly one guy that has a CI but haven't seen him in several years. I have talked to 2 or 3 others that I noticed with one in a restaurant or store because I have been considering one for some years.
 
It sounds to me like it is time for some awareness-building. I just told my chiropractor that I can't hear the radio playing in the background (other than random, garbled noises), and that I also can't hear a word her assistant is saying. I just kind of nod, or clue in when she stares at me with the appointment book open or puts the credit card machine on the counter. She said she would (politely) talk to her assistant. All this is WITH my hearing aids in. Maybe we should come up with some kind of ribbon or emblem or something that identifies us to each other.
 
I don't think the ribbon concept is going to fly. I can't speak for others, but I bet I speak for many, if not most, that we are content to live our lives as is, just as anybody else does. You're asking the blind, cerebal palsy, anyone one else with disabilities to do the same. Whether you meet another deaf person or not, will happen or not, but no way would I wear a ribbon saying "look! I'm deaf!"
 
@Destiny's Sister where do you live? Maybe there are even people on this site that live close to you or have some connections in your area that could point you to some events near you.
 
I'm deaf, I don't consider myself Deaf yet, because I'm not fluent in ASL. However I'm actively learning ASL now, and seeking for Deaf events around.
I found that there is a Deaf church close to my home, and will be joining them to make new connections.
There are also few Deaf events every third Friday, every last Sunday of the months, and every Thursday. Most of the events happen a bit too late, when I want to sleep.
I normally don't like to go out too late, like till 11pm-1am. I live in San Francisco Bay Area.

@authentic I can't wait to meet you in person. Let me know when you plan to go out to any event. I missed chats with you. Sorry, it took me long to start to learn ASL.
 
I wouldn't want to wear or use a ribbon either. About the only time I would is to have a card on hand in the car if I were ever pulled over by the cops (the last time I was pulled over I REALLY wished I had something like that as well as a accessible writing board (like the Boogie board). Wouldn't like to 'advertise' that much like a ribbon or a magnet on my car.

I do find it interesting that most people don't take notice of hearing aids... or if they do they never say anything- even when I was growing up or younger. About the only time were kids- mostly under 5 who noticed my body aid!
 
Mieke said:
@Destiny's Sister where do you live? Maybe there are even people on this site that live close to you or have some connections in your area that could point you to some events near you.
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I live in Toronto, Canada. It' a big city. One would think there would be more going on here but I haven't found anything. A school for the deaf an hour across town, that seems to be about it. I don't think i could learn ASL at the moment, I'm just not ready for that. Like you say though, maybe somebody here could point me in the right direction.
 
Destiny's Sister said:
I live in Toronto, Canada. It' a big city. One would think there would be more going on here but I haven't found anything. A school for the deaf an hour across town, that seems to be about it. I don't think i could learn ASL at the moment, I'm just not ready for that. Like you say though, maybe somebody here could point me in the right direction.
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I was on your place before. I had no opportunity to learn ASL before, was too busy. We just moved to the United States 5 years ago, and basically were surviving first 3 years.
Now things have changed a lot.

I too, thought there are not much events and socials. But there are PLENTY! Look for the ASL classes at the local colleges, make sure that the teacher is Deaf. He gave us a lot of information on how to find Deaf events. Now I pretty much enjoy these events, and local Deaf community greeted me with warm hugs :)
 
Destiny's Sister said:
I live in Toronto, Canada. It' a big city. One would think there would be more going on here but I haven't found anything. A school for the deaf an hour across town, that seems to be about it. I don't think i could learn ASL at the moment, I'm just not ready for that. Like you say though, maybe somebody here could point me in the right direction.
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Ontario is province that has a biggest deaf population in Canada, mostly in Toronto.
 
DeafDucky said:
I wouldn't want to wear or use a ribbon either.
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. Interesting...second person to say that here. I'm new here so I'm just getting to know how people cope/accept/adapt to their varying levels of hearing/deafness. I guess I can understand the desire to be seen as 'normal'. I must admit, when I first got hearing aids I wanted them to be as invisible as possible. But then I realized that I preferred to be seen as HOH rather than 'stupid' or 'odd' or 'slow'.
 
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