I try to think positive, but reality has a way of showing back up and kicking my ass all the time.
I was thinking positive and trying to gauge my interests with something that could be profitable. I was looking at this motorcycle and considering acquiring it, fixing it and selling it since it doesn't sound like it needs too much work.
1984 HONDA VF1000
Reality set in on that idea which saddens me..
I have a real interest in motorcycles and computers. I tried majoring in computers, but some of the required classes I was too stupid for like the math and accounting requirement and I'm being hopeful DARS will contact me back soon and tell me I've been accepted into their mechanic's vocational training, but not hearing from them in a while has me doubting it.
I do keep waking up every afternoon (I can't sleep most of the time and don't want to because of certain dreams) after bad dreams about the person I have strong feelings for that I previously mentioned and I try to be positive, I put out applications, the whole time feeling it's a waste of time since I never heard from anyone.
I'm also trying to come out to my family, but can't seem to do it, even though I have the letter ready to go. You say be positive, how, please tell me how to be positive when you do feel your life is so worthless in every regard, that you'd be better off not living. I just get irritated and angry trying to force happiness and positivity that really isn't there.
Hello Saavik,
You are not alone any more as you do have friends here.
I think you feel lonely and blue. The good Lord has made a little baby in which grew up to be a young lady and by the sounds of it very educated too.
You are reaching out for a little help as we all are, this is life of maturing .
I have found out if you keep busy helping someone and get active in some social organizations etc. Church,Salvation Army , and other social clubs it does help your mind get organized to other things in life.
Remember we are all deaf and have to deal with it, most of us have dealt with this or trying too.
Watch old funny movies in which make you laugh and enjoy laughing it does help.
I do not know if you work or going to school but do the best you can at what ever you do keep busy.
If you are 50 plus then you are going through the change of life men and women do.
Hope this will help you keep smiling and laughing as we all do it will get better you will see.
God bless you Saavik for your one of his children you know a little prayer helps too.
Trainman
I'm sorry, I don't believe in god and not meaning to offend you, but religious pep talks don't mean anything to me.
You're wrong, was born externally male, internally female and I'm not sure how you think I'm educated, my SAT score would say otherwise.
Yes, I agree with you that keeping busy with something would be good for me, but with PTSD and Anxiety disorder, you have to understand that social things aren't the best for me. I wish I could find a solo activity that wasn't expensive and would let me either learn something new or at least get me thinking and having fun.
No, I'm not employed, I can't seem to find work and yes I'm reaching out for help, I'm entirely alone in the world and I'm tired of feeling the way I do, especially since people apparently think I'm insane when I do reach out and share my honest and open feelings.
Lastly, no, I'm a year away from only being half-way to 50, so if I can manage to survive that long, then that will be a valid thing for me to keep in mind.