What are some good one-liners or humor to use when mentioning my hearing issues?

I can't hear you. Is your mute on?
 
Why are you shouting?....
now you're mumbling....
Say What?....
Who cares?...
what did you say a minute ago?
 
If I'm in a bad mood when I ask people to repeat themselves, when they do i say in a frustrated voice "Oh nevermind, I'll ask you later."
 
I've said things like:

"Wait-wait-wait- I'm waaay to deaf for you to talk that fast." :-P
"I'm sorry- I was over here being all deaf. Can you say that again?"
To a friend talking with their back turned, "And for all the deaf people in the audience, Jane just said...?"

If they are complaining about someone's music or some other noise, "I don't see what your problem is, it doesn't bother me."

If someone is babbling or being stupid, "Let me just adjust something here," and fiddle with my HA's. (That usually takes a second, but they get it) or if you want to be more direct, "Hush, or I swear I will turn your volume down. :-P"
 
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