Visits -beware may upset

I have visited my parents' graves whenever I get the chance to do so.. havent done that for this winter but in the springtime I will visit.. after I move to the city.. hopefully by then me and my brothers and sister will have a new tombstone for my parents... then I will make time to visit the graves when I can have free time... I do miss my parents but I know they are around me in spirit and that's all I need...
 
I thought of something else. I am a cat and dog mom. I lost (had to put to sleep) 4 pets - 2 dogs and 2 cats - 4 years ago. I had them all cremated and had the ashes returned to me in boxes. I had the boxes in my closet until recently because I couldn't figure out what was the best thing to do with them. My boyfriend's parents (who I am very close to) own a lot of land (10+ acres) with dogs, cats, and horses. I finally made the decision to bury all the ashes in one place on their land. I did that just this past September and I feel so much more at peace than having their ashes sit in my closet. And, while I do not know if I will go back and visit the site that I buried them, I do know I've returned them to "Mother Earth," and their spirit is still with me.
 
I have had relatives pass away and I've either not been to the grave site or haven't been in a long time. I also had a couple good friends pass away, and I have not been to their burial sites, either. I agree with everyone else. I don't think one should feel guilty about it. There's lots of reasons why someone can't visit and that should be OK. Like it's also been mentioned, the burial site is just where the body is laid to rest. The important thing is that the deceased be remembered; not so much where the rememberance occurs.
 
Been awhile since I visited my dad's grave and I am only one in family who visited him few times. None of them ever come and visited him. I could not get to visit my grandparents' graveyard because they buried in Mo and Michigan while I live here in Ca.
 
I've only visited one grave and it was not my intention. My mom dragged me along when I was a little kid. It was for someone she knew... her grandmother or someone else old. (I don't remember. It was almost 30 years ago.)
 
VamPyroX said:
I've only visited one grave and it was not my intention. My mom dragged me along when I was a little kid. It was for someone she knew... her grandmother or someone else old. (I don't remember. It was almost 30 years ago.)
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are you kidding me!
 
I don't think it is wrong at all to not want to visit your loved one's gravesite, no matter what the reason. It is obviously a very uncomfortable thing to do for many people. Please do not feel bad about it. It's ok. The most important thing is that your loved one is in your thoughts, and that is all that matters. I always keep my late mother in my thought every single day of my life. The day she died, I swore to myself that I would NEVER forget her. And I haven't. I keep a picture of her and me in my wallet, from Christmas 1984. I'll scan it and upload it and put it on here tomorrow.

My mother died on June 28th, 1990, two months shy of my 10th birthday. I have not visited her grave since the summer of 2001 just before I moved out of Wisconsin. That was the first time in about 10 or 11 years that I had visited her grave since Mother's day in 1991. I have not visited her grave ever since. I wish she had been cremated instead, so that I would have an urn I could take anywhere with me when I move anywhere. I am in Texas and am about 3,000 miles away from her grave, so I cannot visit her grave. Also, it is rather uncomfortable for me anyway.

When she died, my heart broke into a million pieces. I miss her to this day with all of my heart, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
 
"Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I do not sleep."

this is beautiful and brought a smile to my face. thanks for sharing it, kai.
 
dreama said:
I have a web page dedicated to her and I also donate money to certain cancer charities* every year on the aniversery of her death. (*only ones that do not test on animals)
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my mother passed away from pancreatic cancer and i do the same thing every year for the american cancer society on the anniversary of her death.

i also donate to the american diabetes association and the american heart association since my father passed away from diabetes and heart related complications.
 
I take Mom to the cemetery twice a year: June and around Christmas.

Personally, I feel that remembering the deceased privately (such as in thinking about them once in a while, preferably with a fond memory) is better than a public display of flowers. My grandmother insisted on going to the cemetery several times a year, on the deceased's birthdays, the anniversary of death, military holidays (like Veteran's Day), Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc., etc. Since she needed my dad to take her, we all had to go along, and resented being forced to go to the cemetery when we'd rather be playing.

Everyone grieves in their own ways, so we shouldn't be critical of how other people remember their deceased loved ones.
 
I dont think it is wrong to not go someone's graves. I didn't go visit my grandpa's grave and other grandpa's grave too. They are not in my state. I always think about them.
 
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I do not sleep.


This made me smile too!!

I have lost so many relatives I just cant go to their grave sites/memorial places

Lost my sis when we was both 5 months old, my great grandma died when I was 7, my auntie when I was 12, my great grandma at 13 my dad at 14, my great grandad at 18. I get really worried about who is going to go next cos i love my family too much. Sometimes i do have nightmares and get really scared.
 
I stopped after seeing 20th person die. I was only 15 years old when the 20th person died from DUI. After that I stopped going to funerals. Because dying is part of life, I now realized that. They, who died, chose that and I respect that, but there's no more for me to go and pay my respect if everyone is gonna die. It doesnt' make sense to me at all. Or is it because all the people I knew, their fate were already made? Who knows.

I simply chose to not go to the services when I can actually do somethings for fun in the honor of them. i know they wouldn't want me to come to the service and cry for them. They want me to feel better and have a great life of my own. You should think the same if you are worried about this. The departed never wanted for anyone to dwell on them, all they wanted was people to continue living where they could not. Embrace, don't rebel.
 
We all grieve in our own way. My Dad passed away in 2004 and I used to visit his gravesite almost everyday. Then as time went on I began to feel empty when I would go visit. My Dad isn't in there, he is all around me. He lives on in me and my children. So now I rarely go but I still think of my Dad everyday.
 
I live in West Virginia, the ones who died in my family are in Maryland,when I do go to Baltimore I always visit the graves and lay flowers for my parents.
 
LuciaDisturbed said:
I don't think it is wrong at all to not want to visit your loved one's gravesite, no matter what the reason. It is obviously a very uncomfortable thing to do for many people. Please do not feel bad about it. It's ok. The most important thing is that your loved one is in your thoughts, and that is all that matters. I always keep my late mother in my thought every single day of my life. The day she died, I swore to myself that I would NEVER forget her. And I haven't. I keep a picture of her and me in my wallet, from Christmas 1984. I'll scan it and upload it and put it on here tomorrow.

My mother died on June 28th, 1990, two months shy of my 10th birthday. I have not visited her grave since the summer of 2001 just before I moved out of Wisconsin. That was the first time in about 10 or 11 years that I had visited her grave since Mother's day in 1991. I have not visited her grave ever since. I wish she had been cremated instead, so that I would have an urn I could take anywhere with me when I move anywhere. I am in Texas and am about 3,000 miles away from her grave, so I cannot visit her grave. Also, it is rather uncomfortable for me anyway.

When she died, my heart broke into a million pieces. I miss her to this day with all of my heart, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
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Yes I know what you mean and have feeling for you since I read your posts in different threads over your mother. :hug: :( I remember the picture you posted under Picture Section you as a little girl with your mother at several years ago. Your mother was very young to have you. I hope you don't mind me to ask you how she died because she was too young to die.
 
We visited MIL and Great Aunt's gravesite on their birthday, the date of their death, Easter, Xmas and New Year.
 
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