vent my feeling.....

[fei ku]

i dont know where to go....who i can turn to talk to .....i dont know what to do ....except to go in here and just vent my feeling out....no matter what...here i goes....i dont know where to begin.....for 6 months i have been chatting with this awesome guy....and next month i will visit him....for some reason...i become more and more drama than before....i dont know why...but at the begin when i first met him....i all of a sudden like him...he is soo amazing that u can trust him with ANYTHING and u can tell him EVERYTHING...he treat me like he knew what i like and want....(we arent sweetheart, just like each other alot) *chuckles* everytime he im me or i im him and when he response to me....it like lift my moody up....put smile on my face no matter what...make my heart dance....he bright my day everyday...even i am upset with him or angry or anything like that....i am just glad that he stick with me and be there for me....and when i go out with friends and do something out of this house....i always have smile on my face....just cuz of him....i was like walk around with smile on my face, just happy....he make me feel more alive than ever....when he said that i am beautiful or gergous *sp* or cute or pretty or whatever he call me...it make me soo happy just hear it from him...i cherish every word he said...i am grateful god everyday that i met him...he make me feel very special....he is beyond the words...that u cant describe abt him in words...he is a world to me meant everything to me....he apprecation me alot.....this month i was becoming too drama and i dont undy what is going on with me...is there something wrong with me....he said it might be that i am too nervous to meet him by next month....but i dunno if it is THAT reason why i am like that....everytime i get drama i tend to say something that i dont mean to be mean or harsh or anything....i get upset and under stress and i think it all my fault for screw up and i am start to get the feeling that he start to like me less and less cuz of the way i am now....u know what is really funny? online...i tend to be drama ...but in person i am very easy going and dont get drama...not that much really...why are that so different? when i asked him the question...if he do enjoy to chat with me everyday and do it make him happy just to hear from me? then he told me he rather me to answer his first the same question so i answer yes very much then i asked him again and he said yeah....i dont know if it is my imagine or not...but i feel that he isnt that happy or something.. that why i feel that he start to like me less and less....i am trying my best not to be drama and all i cant help it...i feel like i want to scream and said "why me?!" i know that being online....it isnt enough since everything are just words....no action ...in person.....i really want to show everything to him in person how much i really like him....i cant use "L" anymore cuz of what happened in few months ago....since i wanna to show him how much he is to me....one plm is my shyness...i tend to rather him to move on me first so i can feel comfortable to open mine to him....since i feel that he like me less and less...it like he follow my answer to answer my question....it like he dont want to hurt my feeling if he answer my question first that he isnt happy or something like that....i really want to know how he feel abt chatting with me and all.....i still cant stop talk abt him to ppl that i know and close to....i talk abt him alot to sweetheart, justice, patrice, and to other ppl too ....it not like i am obessed abt him....just that i am over the heels abt him....it like when i first met him online...for some weird reason it tag my heart to him so hard and fast....i am trying very very hard to hang in there...and be very strong and patient until next month or else i will be gone crazy lol *laughs* i will undy very clearly if he isnt happy with me or whatever cuz of my behavior lately....i am truly sorry if all of this freak him out or whatever with my feeling like this....i wud give him alot of chance...cuz he didnt do anything wrong to me....he mostly tell me the truth alot...i trust him even if it is around girls or whatever...hentai or porn...i will always remmy that he do like me alot and i burn that words in my mind like scar and keep on remmy and keep think positive....it is very tough for me to do that but at least i am still hang in there.....i just hope that he still like me as i do like him...i am still crazy abt him and i dont want to let him go....i dont want to end this not one bit....but if he want to....i will always respect him.....last time i was very very CLOSE to lose him....very very close....it like i am dying inside that i cried so hard and all...it is worse one i ever had...i dont ever want that to happen not in zillion year...but he did gave me other chance....i am so grateful he did....*smiles, thinking* hmm when i see him sign on...my heart goes exciting and dance like crazy and pound really hard and i was waiting until either of us response and when he does my heart just melt....just tooo happy ....i love his smile...his smile cud make me become weak in my knee *chuckles nervous* whenever i see something that he like or what he tend to do or whatever it is abt him...it remind me of him....*sighs* i dont know abt him....this is my real feeling abt him...there i go....*let go a deep breath* there...i feel better now... i dont know abt u guys...what u think and all...but at least i take all of this off my chest and i feel little whole alot better thro.....*look down and smile a little bit* *bows to thank u guys for read this* *wave to say ciao*

 

[CODAchild]

Fei Ku, this is truly a wonderful story. It sounds like you both have built quite a friendship together of trust, sharing, and support. Now you both are developing feelings for each other, and granted, you both haven't met each other yet, I think what's happening here is, maybe you are excited and nervous at the same time to meet this person next month. When we are about to meet a person for the first time, the gears in our mind start to run. Will he still like me? Will we still have this great friendship, etc. All these things run through your mind, and what's happening is your emotions start to fly. Like you said in your thread, you are dramatizing and this is part of the emotional flow that you are experiencing. With that, it is being taken out on this person.
He wanted you to answer first, because I feel he really needed to know how you felt, and your answer made him feel better. You're getting caught up in all the excitement, the happiness and being on Cloud 9 this person has made you feel, and that is a great thing. This person has been right by your side from day 1, and that is a very good sign. This person has given you a second chance, another very good sign. Now, to help you relax, just focus on these plans that you are making with this person in meeting them next month. Stay in touch with this person, let them know how much they mean to you in your life and how they have changed it for the better.
This person maybe feeling and experiencing the same dramatization that you're feeling about him. So, let them know how you feel, and how this person has changed your life for the better. Don't worry about making the first move, that will come naturally. Just be yourself, the person that he likes, and just let him know how sorry you are, and you're just getting caught up in all the excitement. Things will straighten out, and pick up where you left off, and just keep on going in that positive direction. You both will feel better. Good luck Fei Ku, you are a wonderful and sweet person, and I am sure this young man sees the same thing!!!

 

[SimpleMan]

Fei Ku, I know how you're feeling, and it's incredible.... But, I can only suggest you try to take it easy and don't fall too much for those feelings. Take your time, and be careful. I wish youz the best, I truly do.... but you know my story. If you ever need to vent or someone to talk to, you know you can IM me on AIM.

If you don't remember who I am, PM me here

 

[darkflare83]

yeah that s cool dudette ya know me i would say go for it you ve wait long enough so go for it dudeet i m rootin for ya