Upset about being deaf

CatoCooper13

CatoCooper13

New Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2003
Messages
6,441
Reaction score
4
I have been approached about this subject by my husband as he and his ex wife thinks that the son's frustrated and not happy with his deafness.
How do I deal with that? I have tried to talk with him about it, but he refused to broach on the issue -- was so vague about it. He seems unsure of talking about it.
So, how do you all deal with that if you have experienced it before? I know I have been through that with my anger and hatred of being deaf, but just don't know how to approach the issue with him.

Thanks very muchly!
 
I can only say that the best of the 2 ways u can broach it is suggest to him that whenever he s ready to talk abt it he can come to u guys and express it out, OR, suggest seeing a counselor to discuss his feelings, its the only thing i can think of u can't force the issue just have to wait and let him come to u.
 
Yeah, he's seeing a psychiatric, but he's not talking much there either. :( I think I understand where he's coming from because I was like that, too. I refused to talk with a counselor regarding my frustrations and anger, just slept through the session until it was finished. :o
 
im sure he will eventually come around. just show support and tell him nothing wrong with being deaf and etc.
 
whoa i was like that before i was never happy to being deaf cuz my family don;t understand that like " i can do it " now they realiz it i understand how he feel
 
I know growing up Deaf wasn't very easy because I was almost never involved in conversations whenever there were adults talking with my parents or hearing kids who tried to talk with me but couldn't quite get around the fact that I was deaf and didn't have much 'patience'. You know?
Thankfully, today -- more people are more aware about deafness and the culture -- of course, not much in depth...but at least SOME! Plus, they do have more patience in talking with me and getting me become part of the conversations, etc. :)
 
I grew up for being hate myself cuz of DEAF. at that time, I lived in the boring country with limited education program for the Deaf. Made me feel unhappy with my Deaf. Struggling for me to understand why I am over and over.

Till my grandma transfered me to another program for the deaf as mainstream in bigh city (Houston). See some deaf kids there. With deaf culture, make me feel glow and less hateful myself.


Again, I told my grandma I want enroll Deaf school for full four years of high school. She said OK. After i got there, made me so happy and excited. But few things I tried beat my frustation with Deaf culture and ASL.

Not feel any upset or hateful about my deaf since I join Deaf community and more deaf kids (not few kids). Also I pick some facts about Deafness make me realize I feel good for being Deaf. That's how it worked for me.
 
I used to be like that sometimes

but then I started to appericate myself for who I am and what I am.

I am deaf and nobody cares because i'm human too.

sure, you would feel different that you are like from a different universe to a hearing universe but we are all in one universe. everyone's different.

If some ppl don't appericate who you are or whatever, then fuck them. they are just chicken shit when they don't understand that ppl are different.

So don't blame yourself...

just be happy that you are deaf because there's always a reason for that.

one of the reasons is that we are deaf so we can ignore assholes. lol
 
He is probably unsure about himself and his life. Everyone is like that sometimes. I'm sure he'll grow out of it.
 
Take him out to different deaf events....and maybe that'll help prevent some kinds of withdrawls....
 
SilenceGold said:
Take him out to different deaf events....and maybe that'll help prevent some kinds of withdrawls....
Click to expand...


I have tried -- and whenever there were deaf events -- he did enjoy them, but when events happened to fall on a weekend that wasn't our access weekend, we'd ask the mother if we could take him. She'd say no. She's the problem. :(
 
I'm curious, how old is the son? Has he been deaf for a long time? or it just happened? How much of a deafness does he have?
 
BostonIceFire said:
I'm curious, how old is the son? Has he been deaf for a long time? or it just happened? How much of a deafness does he have?
Click to expand...

He's 15 and he's been deaf since birth. He has a C.I. -- he knows he's deaf, but he's having trouble accepting the fact and his mother has been trying to make him think he can hear (like a hearing person and being a hearing person). She doesn't sign all that much. When she does, she appears recluntant in using sign. When step son is with me, he signs all the time and loves to sign.
 
Seems that the mother is the fault not urs or hubby, i can tell hubby is VERY supportive and understanding of the culture whilist the mother thinks its a diease, which is not, as for her saying no seems she doesn't want him to be *deaf* for any reason whatsoever, he was born this way and he should be accepted by ALL the family members, I think she needs to hush and relize her son is growing and searching, whilist u both ( u and hubby) has gone all out abt this, its sad to see that a mother can't accept her own flesh and blood for who he is, isn t there a certain age where he's allowed to make deicsions at this age? whilist mother has no say despite his living in her house? and if so, tell him he has the right to decide weather to stay at mother's house or stay with u? I mean i just wondered. I know the stories u have gone thru with ur hubby and the kids, seems hes more happier with U all and unhappy and confused cuz his mother trying to * brainwash* him saying its not acceptable!
 
javapride said:
Seems that the mother is the fault not urs or hubby, i can tell hubby is VERY supportive and understanding of the culture whilist the mother thinks its a diease, which is not, as for her saying no seems she doesn't want him to be *deaf* for any reason whatsoever, he was born this way and he should be accepted by ALL the family members, I think she needs to hush and relize her son is growing and searching, whilist u both ( u and hubby) has gone all out abt this, its sad to see that a mother can't accept her own flesh and blood for who he is, isn t there a certain age where he's allowed to make deicsions at this age? whilist mother has no say despite his living in her house? and if so, tell him he has the right to decide weather to stay at mother's house or stay with u? I mean i just wondered. I know the stories u have gone thru with ur hubby and the kids, seems hes more happier with U all and unhappy and confused cuz his mother trying to * brainwash* him saying its not acceptable!
Click to expand...
yes that what i think she is try do and the son try to do something for himseft but he worry about the mother got mad at him
 
just got to be patient with him, he will eventually know where he stands. It's a battle but he will need to figure it out on his own with or without help
 
WaterRats13 said:
I have tried -- and whenever there were deaf events -- he did enjoy them, but when events happened to fall on a weekend that wasn't our access weekend, we'd ask the mother if we could take him. She'd say no. She's the problem. :(
Click to expand...


So if his mother came up to you for help....you just got the rights (permission) to tell her what's on your mind...which especially when she is being selfish for your step-son.

It'll be up to her to accept it or hate you further more...but it'll be better than being guilty if your son screams in your face in 5yrs later that you should have stood up for him in the first place....when it came to this deaf socialization. :/

Yes, it's tough being in your shoes. Just do what you think feels right for yourself and the son's relationship.
 
ACtually he needs to test his pride in his own deafness. Yes we all get frustrated most of the times but we realize that we overcome the challenge among the hearing world. Give it a time. He will overcome soon.
 
WaterRats13 said:
He's 15 and he's been deaf since birth. He has a C.I. -- he knows he's deaf, but he's having trouble accepting the fact and his mother has been trying to make him think he can hear (like a hearing person and being a hearing person). She doesn't sign all that much. When she does, she appears recluntant in using sign. When step son is with me, he signs all the time and loves to sign.
Click to expand...
I hate to say this... CI sometimes does that. With CI, you're like a hearing person. Without CI, you're deaf. Many people who get CI end up getting confused with who he/she is. They either stop signing, forget deaf culture, and move on with being oral only. Some others learn to talk while they still remember deaf culture. Some just hate it and lose the CI, then stick with deaf culture.
 
Yeah, I'll just have to let time go by a bit -- and still talk with him as much as I possibly can regarding deaf culture and the sorts.
 
Back
Top