Two things that happened this week that made me mad and really think...

I agree with almost all of you in here.

I think we all have to live with that for the rest of our lives. K75, Its very true that we do have to sit and wait til they finish their conversations then one of them would explain but that's not the whole story. Even my sister knew her ABC's and is a fast fingerspeller but never come to explain to me either. It does happen to alot of deaf people with hearing family.

My family used to tell me that I offended them for leaving early on any special occasions but I have to remind them... to come with me to a Deaf Party alone.. and see how she/he would feel.. I asked my cousin to come to Gallaudet with me and she did. boy she was totally lost.. kept asking me what they said.. and I'd tell her brief story then she'd say .. but that wasn't all. then later on.. the deaf group were going to a club and i tagged along.. my cousin said where are we going??? i said Ohhh we're going to the bar. Well after we got back, she was like ... that was a crazy night! I asked her why she thought it was she said she never could pick up what everyone was saying. I told her.... that's how i feel with the family gathering back at home. She gulped. but did it improve ?? no.. same ole... they still talk and laugh while i'm just sitting there staring at the wall. It does piss me off but how can i tell them to go take a class when they don't want to?

it sucks and always will.
 
Awww I know how you feel Rebelgirl, same thing goes on with my family as well, my ex boyfriend's family are awesome and great people, when I went to the wedding with him, his mom sign every thing people were saying at the tables, even what music was played, and his parents are hearing and signs so well too. I was impressed, that his mom involves us in everything, what they were laughing about, and who says what, and what's going on, what's the plans, every little details, she would just sign it out to us made us felt so conformable, I just love her!
 
shel90 said:
Yea, we need more parents like u. I have a feeling the parents of deaf children who are members here are very open minded and are understanding of their child's deaf needs and limitations.

As for concentrating on spoken language first, that is where I think it gets risky. If u focus on it solely at first for the sake to make the CI work but if for some reason the child is not picking up on the spoken language doesnt that put the child at a risk for language development delays? Why not focus on both learning ASL and spoken language from the start?

Believe me, there are parents out there that refuse to learn sign language. My parents are in that group. :/
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Absolutely, shel. I've seena ny numbersof parents that refuse to learn sign, or will learn only limited phrases when their child is so language delayed that they can't get the message across any other way. Itis so true that concentrating on verbal language first is risky. That is the stuff that language delays, lowered reading scores, annd woefully limited vocabularies are made of.
 
Good venting...

Communication should be established from day 1..
 
RebelGirl said:
I agree with almost all of you in here.

I think we all have to live with that for the rest of our lives. K75, Its very true that we do have to sit and wait til they finish their conversations then one of them would explain but that's not the whole story. Even my sister knew her ABC's and is a fast fingerspeller but never come to explain to me either. It does happen to alot of deaf people with hearing family.

My family used to tell me that I offended them for leaving early on any special occasions but I have to remind them... to come with me to a Deaf Party alone.. and see how she/he would feel.. I asked my cousin to come to Gallaudet with me and she did. boy she was totally lost.. kept asking me what they said.. and I'd tell her brief story then she'd say .. but that wasn't all. then later on.. the deaf group were going to a club and i tagged along.. my cousin said where are we going??? i said Ohhh we're going to the bar. Well after we got back, she was like ... that was a crazy night! I asked her why she thought it was she said she never could pick up what everyone was saying. I told her.... that's how i feel with the family gathering back at home. She gulped. but did it improve ?? no.. same ole... they still talk and laugh while i'm just sitting there staring at the wall. It does piss me off but how can i tell them to go take a class when they don't want to?

it sucks and always will.
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I know the feeling. Funny thing is I didnt realize that growing up being oral and all that. I didnt know any different until I learned ASL and went to Gallaudet. For the first time in my life, I could understand EVERYTHING and for ONCE I didnt have to ask anyone to tell me what everyone else was saying. Once I got that experience, I finally understood why my deaf brother had a bad attitude going to family gatherings growing up. Also, now that I know what it is like to be fully immersed into the conversation or conversations, there was no going back to the non-signing hearing world for me. I guess that is why I dont have the patience for it anymore and 2 hours is my limit. If that makes me selfish, I do not care cuz I think I paid my dues growing up staring at enough walls to memorize every crease in them!
 
I agree with you shel90. When i met my now best friend i didn't know any sign. I had never met a Deaf person. I felt i had to learn sign because we just clicked and that is rare for me. He tells me all the time that he appreciates it so much that i did that. He has had friends for years that have never learned sign, or know very very little. I ask what they do. He said he reads their lips (he is also very good with voicing) or they write. How can you call yourself a friend if you cannot do something as simple as be able to communicate. Same goes for parents. A parent's love for their child is supposed to be the greatest thing in the world. You have children you know. These hearing parents that refuse to learn ASL..... it just makes me angry. How can you do that to your child??
I feel you on the tone with your family situation, although totally different situation. I spend a few hours with my parents on occasion and my sister bitches at me about it. The reason is they do not know i am gay. I have to control my manner of speach, how i act, what i talk about, how i walk, what i look at, what i wear.... it's exhausting. i am uncomfortable. I am a very out going boisterous person. I have to keep that under wraps for the most part at my parents house. i sit there quietly for the most part... unless i am in the kitchen with my mom then a little of me comes out. Even then sometimes she gives me a look. Shel90 at your husband's family's house you must feel constricted. You can't be you, and they cannot see you for who you are because of the communication problem. It's annoying.
 
shel90 said:
I know the feeling. Funny thing is I didnt realize that growing up being oral and all that. I didnt know any different until I learned ASL and went to Gallaudet. For the first time in my life, I could understand EVERYTHING and for ONCE I didnt have to ask anyone to tell me what everyone else was saying. Once I got that experience, I finally understood why my deaf brother had a bad attitude going to family gatherings growing up. Also, now that I know what it is like to be fully immersed into the conversation or conversations, there was no going back to the non-signing hearing world for me. I guess that is why I dont have the patience for it anymore and 2 hours is my limit. If that makes me selfish, I do not care cuz I think I paid my dues growing up staring at enough walls to memorize every crease in them!
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yep.. we're in the same boat!
 
I can certainly understand how frustrating it must be to constantly be "out of the loop" in the situations you describe.

It can be frustrating being the one doing the interpreting, sometimes, too. Much of my family is from the Netherlands, Belgium and France. I remember being a teenager, attending some family gatherings, and having to act as an amateur interpreter for various older relatives, interpreting between French, Dutch/Flemish and English! It was exhausting. And of course, the more I did it, the more it became expected of me. It got to the point, though, that I wasn't able to enjoy these get-togethers (by spending any time with with my cousins and siblings that were closer to my own age), because all the adults hogged me for interpreting duties! :P And yet, I felt duty-bound to continue, because I didn't want anyone to feel left out.

It was really only a problem for the oldest generation. These days, most of my relatives (in the younger generation) have a common language (English) they can use to communicate, when their native language isn't spoken by "the other side".

I've tried thinking what it would be like to sit in a room where everyone around me spoke the same language, but I didn't... and I don't know if I'd be able to last 2 hours! I think it would feel VERY uncomfortable. So, Shel, I don't blame you for feeling the way you felt about spending an entire day "boxed in".
 
shel90 said:
I know the feeling. Funny thing is I didnt realize that growing up being oral and all that. I didnt know any different until I learned ASL and went to Gallaudet. For the first time in my life, I could understand EVERYTHING and for ONCE I didnt have to ask anyone to tell me what everyone else was saying. Once I got that experience, I finally understood why my deaf brother had a bad attitude going to family gatherings growing up. Also, now that I know what it is like to be fully immersed into the conversation or conversations, there was no going back to the non-signing hearing world for me. I guess that is why I dont have the patience for it anymore and 2 hours is my limit. If that makes me selfish, I do not care cuz I think I paid my dues growing up staring at enough walls to memorize every crease in them!
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Hey Shel,
I'm in same boat with you. I grew up oral and never learn sign language. I remember , I had go to speech therapy everyday. I really hate it!! My family never sign and so is my mom. I learn sign language when I was 15 and first time in deaf school. Now, my mom want to learn sign language, she told me she felt so bad about it. I told her don't worry about it.
I have same problem, when I'm around with my family and all they do is yapping. I'm right over my head . I do I have hard time to communicate with my family. If I say something and all they do is just NOD thier head.
 
So it's not about refuseing to sign but when a parent chooses the CI, obviously they want their child to talk and to make it work you have to concentrate on spoken language first. I just think it gets misunderstood at times but then again like i said i have'nt met any parents who have refused to sign and if they are out there then it is a shame.
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Yeah, but there does seem to be a significent subpopulation of hearing parents who really buy into the stigma of ASL as something that's only for HANDICAPPED people! Some of them almost seem to think that the oral route is some sort of grand glorious utopia that will magically enable their kids to assimulate 100% into hearing society.
I have nothing against oral firsters.............Oral skills rock........just don't demonize or outrightly reject sign b/c of the speshal needs stigma.
I have seen younger parents seeming to be more accepting of ASL as a possible tool to use......maybe that's b/c they grew up in a culture that saw ASL and Deaf studies as something really fun.
 
I'm not sure I can totally blame the parents for the "fix-it" with a CI mentality. After all, that is what doctors and audiologists hammer into them while trying to make a sale...., er I mean, ...help them know what to do with their unexpected deaf child.
 
I agree with you on the parents learning ASL or making whatever sacrafices are needed to be able to communicate with their child. It is a two way street. Weither you agree or not the majority of people are hearing and if you expect the hearing to accomidate the deaf then you must also make efforts to communicate with the hearing. Again, it's a two way street. The sad reality is that for most hearing people, if they don't have a deaf child, relative or friend. they most likely wont make any efforts to learn to communicate with deaf people. Put youself in the shoes of a hearing person that has never had to deal with deafness on any level. Would you get upset with them if you met them and they were unable to communicate with you?
 
dkf747 said:
I'm not sure I can totally blame the parents for the "fix-it" with a CI mentality. After all, that is what doctors and audiologists hammer into them while trying to make a sale...., er I mean, ...help them know what to do with their unexpected deaf child.
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I only partially agree with that. If they opted for the CI route and it doesn't work as the doctors advertised, then they should do everything in their power to do whatever it takes to communicate with their child. It will mean extra effort on their part but if they don't think their child is worth the effort then I would consider them to be bad parents. I am in that exact situation where my child is profoundly deaf and has a usless CI stuck in his head. I have not given up on communicating with my child and am learning ASL. It's not easy for me as an older person but I persist and will continue to do so until I am able to efficiently communicate with my child. Anything less is unacceptable.
 
:gpost:
rockdrummer said:
I only partially agree with that. If they opted for the CI route and it doesn't work as the doctors advertised, then they should do everything in their power to do whatever it takes to communicate with their child. It will mean extra effort on their part but if they don't think their child is worth the effort then I would consider them to be bad parents. I am in that exact situation where my child is profoundly deaf and has a usless CI stuck in his head. I have not given up on communicating with my child and am learning ASL. It's not easy for me as an older person but I persist and will continue to do so until I am able to efficiently communicate with my child. Anything less is unacceptable.
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While the medical community does give a skewed, and often very unrealistic view to parents much of the time, it is the parent's responsibility to find the information that is out there.
 
jillio said:
:gpost:

While the medical community does give a skewed, and often very unrealistic view to parents much of the time, it is the parent's responsibility to find the information that is out there.
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hmm... That is eaiser said than done. Just look through this message board in the CI section. There is a whole lot of "mis-information" out there too.. I feel for the parents faced with the decision and also think that after they wade through all of it they are probably more confused than educated. Some say there advantages, some say there aren't. Some say the younger the better and some say it doesn't matter. Some say get the perspective of the deaf community and we know how well that goes over in a communitiy divided on the issue. For me, the more I understand the more I realize how much I don't know.
 
deafdyke said:
Yeah, but there does seem to be a significent subpopulation of hearing parents who really buy into the stigma of ASL as something that's only for HANDICAPPED people! Some of them almost seem to think that the oral route is some sort of grand glorious utopia that will magically enable their kids to assimulate 100% into hearing society.
I have nothing against oral firsters.............Oral skills rock........just don't demonize or outrightly reject sign b/c of the speshal needs stigma.
I have seen younger parents seeming to be more accepting of ASL as a possible tool to use......maybe that's b/c they grew up in a culture that saw ASL and Deaf studies as something really fun.
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The one thing you have to understand is that when you unexpectedly have a child who is born dhh and you have no expierence with anyone who is dhh, you automatically think "omg, how is my child going to make it in this world being deaf and not being able to speak?" Of course i know better now epecially after meeting alot of people here and educating myself about the dhh that that's not the case at all. Like everybody says here "the only thing that deaf people can't do is hear". But before learning about dhh people i used to label dhh people as being disabled. i think thats why some parents choose the oral route first but hopefully they too will see and learn that sign will be a helpful tool for their child. I see it in my daughters case anyways. I hope nobody here takes offense to how i USED to think, but i did'nt know any better back then.
 
RebelGirl said:
I agree with almost all of you in here.

I think we all have to live with that for the rest of our lives. K75, Its very true that we do have to sit and wait til they finish their conversations then one of them would explain but that's not the whole story. Even my sister knew her ABC's and is a fast fingerspeller but never come to explain to me either. It does happen to alot of deaf people with hearing family.

My family used to tell me that I offended them for leaving early on any special occasions but I have to remind them... to come with me to a Deaf Party alone.. and see how she/he would feel.. I asked my cousin to come to Gallaudet with me and she did. boy she was totally lost.. kept asking me what they said.. and I'd tell her brief story then she'd say .. but that wasn't all. then later on.. the deaf group were going to a club and i tagged along.. my cousin said where are we going??? i said Ohhh we're going to the bar. Well after we got back, she was like ... that was a crazy night! I asked her why she thought it was she said she never could pick up what everyone was saying. I told her.... that's how i feel with the family gathering back at home. She gulped. but did it improve ?? no.. same ole... they still talk and laugh while i'm just sitting there staring at the wall. It does piss me off but how can i tell them to go take a class when they don't want to?

it sucks and always will.
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Aw I know the feelings, been there and is going through that myself along with my sister as well too....I guess there nothing we can do to make them see how we really felt even through when we tried so hard to show them, but it goes back to the same old thing as being left out all over again....I guess we just have to accept the fact that it will never change no matter how hard we tried to give them a chance to go half way in this....so yeah it's sucks I guess that explain why some people say life is never that simple....we just have to stuggle on living our life as it is....
 
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