OMG...........that's almost exactly like ME!!! I am so excited for your daughter!!!!! I think that the FSDB placement would be perfect. The residental placement would allow development of independant living skills and really really enrich her life. I can imagine that it will be hard for you to let her live at school..........but at least she's not wicked young. (like elementary school or even preschool age) At least you'll be able to see her every weekend.....and you can go and visit her any time you want! I'd totally push for the residental placement...........sounds awesome!
Trying to find the best situation for my daughter
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annebunney
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best school?
The best school is the one that your daughter feels happyest in. Most deaf schools are happy to give children a weeks trial to see if the child feels this is the right place for them. Wright and ask, they can only say know and nothings lost. The key is information. You may find a school with an additonal needs unit that will suite her more if she is aural. I coped well with this and went to Uni. My husband on the other hand didn't. Our son goes to The Royal School for deaf children in Derby England and loves it to peaces. Infomation is the key. Find out as much as possable, then go with were your daughter feels happy. Good luck.
The best school is the one that your daughter feels happyest in. Most deaf schools are happy to give children a weeks trial to see if the child feels this is the right place for them. Wright and ask, they can only say know and nothings lost. The key is information. You may find a school with an additonal needs unit that will suite her more if she is aural. I coped well with this and went to Uni. My husband on the other hand didn't. Our son goes to The Royal School for deaf children in Derby England and loves it to peaces. Infomation is the key. Find out as much as possable, then go with were your daughter feels happy. Good luck.
Boarding Schools
Thanks for your input! Quick question--in America, we have our view about "boarding schools", but is it very common for British kids to go off to boarding school? I think this cultural difference may be why I am having a hard time dealing with the issue---basically, to many Americans, rich people send their "spoiled brats" off to boarding school so they don't have to deal with them---and there is also the stereotype of sending troubled kids to "military school"--yes, all stereotypes, but the way MANY Americans view the idea of sending kids away to school. Forgive me for my "stereotyping", but many of us also think of English culture based on movies such as Harry Potter--common for 12 year olds to go to boarding school in England--true or not true? Then bring in the deaf issues, and the idea of "sending kids away", even if the school is the best place for them, is a very difficult concept. I am just wondering if my American views about boarding school are making this harder on me and if it would be an easier decision in a place like England--assuming boarding schools are common and accepted by Brits as a good thing. Hope this make sense--was just wondering about the cultural differences. I think we Americans need to rewrite our "stereotypes" and start being more accepting of things--this applies to MANY things. I love the internet--the ability to compare WORLDWIDE views as opposed to simply American views is a wonderful opportunity! Thanks for your input!
Thanks for your input! Quick question--in America, we have our view about "boarding schools", but is it very common for British kids to go off to boarding school? I think this cultural difference may be why I am having a hard time dealing with the issue---basically, to many Americans, rich people send their "spoiled brats" off to boarding school so they don't have to deal with them---and there is also the stereotype of sending troubled kids to "military school"--yes, all stereotypes, but the way MANY Americans view the idea of sending kids away to school. Forgive me for my "stereotyping", but many of us also think of English culture based on movies such as Harry Potter--common for 12 year olds to go to boarding school in England--true or not true? Then bring in the deaf issues, and the idea of "sending kids away", even if the school is the best place for them, is a very difficult concept. I am just wondering if my American views about boarding school are making this harder on me and if it would be an easier decision in a place like England--assuming boarding schools are common and accepted by Brits as a good thing. Hope this make sense--was just wondering about the cultural differences. I think we Americans need to rewrite our "stereotypes" and start being more accepting of things--this applies to MANY things. I love the internet--the ability to compare WORLDWIDE views as opposed to simply American views is a wonderful opportunity! Thanks for your input!
Well Deborah, it's actually not TOO unusual for a kid with a disablity to go away to school. Maybe it would be healthier to look at it this way.......it would be like wealthy parents wanting their kids to get a better education then that's available in the local area.
And actually until recently boarding schools were kinda common in America....Like remember reading about the convent schools that some kids went to back in the old old days?
And actually until recently boarding schools were kinda common in America....Like remember reading about the convent schools that some kids went to back in the old old days?
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Wow Deborah..u have a lot to deal with these days but I applaud you for thinking of your daughter's needs and happiness. As for the sending her away issue, I dont blame you for feeling this way. I would feel the same in your shoes.
I know of two children who are full time dorm students at their school which in other words, they stay at the dorms from Sunday evening to Friday and then go home on Friday afternoon, who are age 4 and 5. I just cannot imagine the heartbreak their parents must have felt but from my understanding they lived about 4 hours away and those two students weren't picking up on any oral/listening skills and were starting to have behavior issues from having no language so I am sure it was the last option their families wanted to take but what could they do? Continue to deprive them of no language? At the time, I really feel for thier families cuz both are practically babies!
Everything has a way of working itself out but it seems that your daughter really came out of her shell at FSDB. I have a few friends that graduated from there and they had nothing but good memories of the school.
Good luck and looking forward to your updates.
I know of two children who are full time dorm students at their school which in other words, they stay at the dorms from Sunday evening to Friday and then go home on Friday afternoon, who are age 4 and 5. I just cannot imagine the heartbreak their parents must have felt but from my understanding they lived about 4 hours away and those two students weren't picking up on any oral/listening skills and were starting to have behavior issues from having no language so I am sure it was the last option their families wanted to take but what could they do? Continue to deprive them of no language? At the time, I really feel for thier families cuz both are practically babies!
Everything has a way of working itself out but it seems that your daughter really came out of her shell at FSDB. I have a few friends that graduated from there and they had nothing but good memories of the school.
Good luck and looking forward to your updates.
jillio
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I understand everything that you are going through. I relocated in order that my son could attend St. Rita School for the Deaf. He went as a day student, not residential, but that was because, like you, I had trouble letting go. He would have been happy to stay there through the week.
It is SO typical that all of these problems begint o develop at the age your daughter is now. I'm sure that all the deaf members of this board could tell you the same thing. Alot of it has to do with cognitive development and the shift from preoperational thinking to operational thinking in kids.
Hang in there. I know your heart breaks when you watch your daughter stuggle with the unfairness in the way she is sometimes treated. But I've said it before--a Deaf environment is a great isultaor against the harshness sometimes experienced int he hearing world. Not a place to escape from the hearing world--just a place to receive reasuurance and acceptance.
Good luck to your family.
It is SO typical that all of these problems begint o develop at the age your daughter is now. I'm sure that all the deaf members of this board could tell you the same thing. Alot of it has to do with cognitive development and the shift from preoperational thinking to operational thinking in kids.
Hang in there. I know your heart breaks when you watch your daughter stuggle with the unfairness in the way she is sometimes treated. But I've said it before--a Deaf environment is a great isultaor against the harshness sometimes experienced int he hearing world. Not a place to escape from the hearing world--just a place to receive reasuurance and acceptance.
Good luck to your family.
And it can be a really good enviroment to let your daughter really THRIVE, instead of just plodding along doing sorta OK in the mainstream. Emoitional acceptance can and does have a HUGE bearing on school acheivement.....I wasn't accepted and thus not very happy (to put it mildly) in the mainstream. I really wish someone had told my parents. "Look......Deafdyke, might be able to REALLY REALLY suceed in a Deaf school, instead of just plodding along in a mainstream school. The mainstream isn't utopia!" There should be NO stigma attacched to alternative "non mainstream placements" It shouldn't be the placement of last resort!
Support From Other Parents
I think I am going to let her do this: she talks about it constantly and has told all of her friends that she is going to "deaf boarding school." She has made up her mind---this is what she wants to do. And I have to admit, FSDB does seem like the best placement for her. I am sure that the deaf/hofh program in Orlando is good, but it wouldn't be that much different than what she is doing now--special education at a mainstream school. The difference would be that she wouldn't be the only deaf student, but there really aren't that many--maybe 12? Compared to the hundreds at FSDB?--I can see why she would feel more comfortable there!
At first my concern was whether she would be accepted because she is oral and doesn't know ASL--my fears were put to rest when we visited and met many people who spoke to her and assured her that she would learn ASL quickly. Before visiting FSDB, I had a preconceived idea about deaf schools--I got it from reading about Heather Whitestone's experience when she visited AIDB and was shunned and rejected for being oral--maybe things were different in the 80s, or maybe it is still that way at some schools, but I think that things are changing now. It seems that my daughter is coming of age in a world that is much more accepting of differences--and that includes among deaf and hard of hearing peers. There will always be militants on either side, but I think those tend to be older people or people who have been brainwashed by the "old regime"--just as the younger generation cannot fathom racial or sexual discrimination because they are being raised to be multi-cultural and to respect diversity, I think the younger generation of deaf and hard of hearing kids are learning to accept each other across the spectrum--you talk, cool...you sign, cool...you do both, cool. Unless the old militants get to them, they will grow up seeing that being deaf/hard of hearing can mean many different things--they are not all the same, and that is cool. I felt that kind of acceptance on the campus of FSDB.
Now, the other hard part is dealing with the concept of boarding school---I will miss her terribly, and I have to admit that it makes me feel guilty to think about sending her away to school. But I am trying to look at this different ways--I had a hard time sending my kids to preschool and school, but I did it--I didn't think homeschooling was the right thing for us. This isn't that different, really--if FSDB is the BEST school for her, than why in the world would I keep her from having the best--I've always tried to find the best education for her, why stop now?
I know what I need--I need to meet some of the parents whose kids are currently boarding there. There appears to be about 55 kids just from the Orlando area, so I need to meet their parents. To be honest, that is my problem--I don't know any other parents of deaf kids right now, at least not "in person." When my daughter was in preschool at St. Joseph's in St. Louis, we had a wonderful parent's group--then we moved away. We don't know anyone here who is going through similar issues. So when we discuss these things with them, they just don't understand--parents of "regular kids" just absolutely do not understand what we are going through!! And mention the idea of boarding school to these middle class suburbanites, and the old stereotypes come shining through. I need new friends!--friends who truly understand!!---this is a really tough thing to go through without that kind of support!
So, I am really looking forward to moving to Florida in the summer---I want to spend the whole summer just bonding with my daughter before she goes off to school--and I need to keep reminding myself that she will be home EVERY weekend for further bonding!! And hopefully we can meet some of the Orlando-based parents and students this summer, too--so my daughter can begin bonding with the kids who will ride the bus back and forth with her, and so I can begin to build friendships with people who are going through some of the same issues. I think I will feel much better about this decision once I get to know other parents who are doing this, too--instead of getting puzzled looks and questions loaded with implications, I will be able to discuss how it really feels with those who know. You know, parenting is loaded with "peer pressure" too--it hurts to be the outsider in a parenting group, and it feels good to fit in with a group of parents who are "like you"--what's that song, "High School Never Ends"?--even parents of teenagers have that need to "fit in" with other parents!! I think I will feel much better once I also "find my group"--just as my daughter needed to find hers and it seems that she has, I need to get to know her FSDB friends and their parents--seems that we BOTH can find "our group" that way!
I think I am going to let her do this: she talks about it constantly and has told all of her friends that she is going to "deaf boarding school." She has made up her mind---this is what she wants to do. And I have to admit, FSDB does seem like the best placement for her. I am sure that the deaf/hofh program in Orlando is good, but it wouldn't be that much different than what she is doing now--special education at a mainstream school. The difference would be that she wouldn't be the only deaf student, but there really aren't that many--maybe 12? Compared to the hundreds at FSDB?--I can see why she would feel more comfortable there!
At first my concern was whether she would be accepted because she is oral and doesn't know ASL--my fears were put to rest when we visited and met many people who spoke to her and assured her that she would learn ASL quickly. Before visiting FSDB, I had a preconceived idea about deaf schools--I got it from reading about Heather Whitestone's experience when she visited AIDB and was shunned and rejected for being oral--maybe things were different in the 80s, or maybe it is still that way at some schools, but I think that things are changing now. It seems that my daughter is coming of age in a world that is much more accepting of differences--and that includes among deaf and hard of hearing peers. There will always be militants on either side, but I think those tend to be older people or people who have been brainwashed by the "old regime"--just as the younger generation cannot fathom racial or sexual discrimination because they are being raised to be multi-cultural and to respect diversity, I think the younger generation of deaf and hard of hearing kids are learning to accept each other across the spectrum--you talk, cool...you sign, cool...you do both, cool. Unless the old militants get to them, they will grow up seeing that being deaf/hard of hearing can mean many different things--they are not all the same, and that is cool. I felt that kind of acceptance on the campus of FSDB.
Now, the other hard part is dealing with the concept of boarding school---I will miss her terribly, and I have to admit that it makes me feel guilty to think about sending her away to school. But I am trying to look at this different ways--I had a hard time sending my kids to preschool and school, but I did it--I didn't think homeschooling was the right thing for us. This isn't that different, really--if FSDB is the BEST school for her, than why in the world would I keep her from having the best--I've always tried to find the best education for her, why stop now?
I know what I need--I need to meet some of the parents whose kids are currently boarding there. There appears to be about 55 kids just from the Orlando area, so I need to meet their parents. To be honest, that is my problem--I don't know any other parents of deaf kids right now, at least not "in person." When my daughter was in preschool at St. Joseph's in St. Louis, we had a wonderful parent's group--then we moved away. We don't know anyone here who is going through similar issues. So when we discuss these things with them, they just don't understand--parents of "regular kids" just absolutely do not understand what we are going through!! And mention the idea of boarding school to these middle class suburbanites, and the old stereotypes come shining through. I need new friends!--friends who truly understand!!---this is a really tough thing to go through without that kind of support!
So, I am really looking forward to moving to Florida in the summer---I want to spend the whole summer just bonding with my daughter before she goes off to school--and I need to keep reminding myself that she will be home EVERY weekend for further bonding!! And hopefully we can meet some of the Orlando-based parents and students this summer, too--so my daughter can begin bonding with the kids who will ride the bus back and forth with her, and so I can begin to build friendships with people who are going through some of the same issues. I think I will feel much better about this decision once I get to know other parents who are doing this, too--instead of getting puzzled looks and questions loaded with implications, I will be able to discuss how it really feels with those who know. You know, parenting is loaded with "peer pressure" too--it hurts to be the outsider in a parenting group, and it feels good to fit in with a group of parents who are "like you"--what's that song, "High School Never Ends"?--even parents of teenagers have that need to "fit in" with other parents!! I think I will feel much better once I also "find my group"--just as my daughter needed to find hers and it seems that she has, I need to get to know her FSDB friends and their parents--seems that we BOTH can find "our group" that way!
jillio
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I know its tough emotionally to let go--particuarly when it is a child that you have devoted more than the usual amount of time to in tending to her communication needs, educational needs, etc. But just remember that you have worked very hard to give her the skills she needs to be independant, andthe fact that she is so ready togo to school on a residential basis means that you have done a wonderful job in parenting her. Stay in touch. AD is a great place to get the feedback we all need.
Well its hard to say. I've heard so many mixed things. But generally if you're dhh, and grew up oral-only, you'll be accepted if you really express an interest in learning Sign and Deaf culture. It's fairly common for oral kids to pick up ASL as a second language.
I think the reaction that Heather experianced may have been from some militants. Plus, from what I've read in back issues of Volta Voices, and heard from people here, her mom was kind of the stereotypical "oral at all costs b/c it seems so "normal" (like the ones who are very against ASL as an option even as a second language) Heather may have picked up that attitude from her mom. There are some oral only dhh who really do look down on ASL, and can be very "high and mighty" about being oral. I'm rather neutral on the issue, since I really don't know the facts.
Deborah, have you joined the American Society for Deaf Children yet? It's a lot better organization, then AG Bell. I have seen FSDB being talked about a lot on their listserv.
and here are the links: American Society for Deaf Children
and a related listserv where you may be able to find other parents to network with! Archives of PARENTDEAF-HH@LISTSERV.KENT.EDU
and a related listserv where you may be able to find other parents to network with! Archives of PARENTDEAF-HH@LISTSERV.KENT.EDU