There's been a death in your family and you're devastated

Byrdie714 said:
The holidays isn't easy, especially when one has a set of traditions that they have shared with their loved ones. And when they are gone--it's hard to carry out the traditions that you have shared with them. Whether it's reading the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to your little child or dickering with one of your parents on what's the best way to hang Christmas lights on the house or your Grandmother's famous chicken noodles.

I don't have the liberty of the above three anymore. Grandma passed at an old ripe age of 98, my father passed of a heart attack at 78--and of course, we all know about my daughter, Ally, if you don't know Kalista--she was murdered right before Christmas at the age of 6.

But it's important to remember them at this time of the year--things may not be the same but nevertheless--they are there in spirit.

How are they there in spirit--well.....I have my Grandmother's recipe for the chicken noodles and am going to make them this year. I make it every year at Christmas--so she is still there with me so to speak. As for my father--I would have to stop and think how he would hang the Christmas lights and just do it to his specifications. The neat thing about it is that I still have his "special tools" that he uses at Christmas to hang the lights.

As for my daughter--that was the hardest. I didn't celebrate Christmas for almost 3 years as I was pretty upset and bitter over it. But eventually, time and patience won out. I started to hang up decorations and such. I still hang her stocking by the fireplace--even though she isn't here with me--it the memory of her on Christmas morning. The way her eyes lighted up, waking me up at an ungodly hour to let me know Santa has arrived, etc, etc.

This year is different. A couple of days ago, I was getting ready to decorate my house again and came across a box that hasn't been open in a long time. I thought it was college memorabilia--so I opened it and inside were three Christmas gifts that are for me from Ally. Unopened.

Right now--they are sitting underneath the Christmas tree--waiting to be opened. I get teary eye over it but it's okay. Like I said, I can't wait for Christmas morning to see what my little girl got me! :)

So...if you need to cry--go ahead and cry. If you want to laugh--laugh. But above all--cherish the memory you have of them at Christmas whether it's a favorite Christmas recipe, story, or tradition.

Hope it helps because I know it's helping me. It ain't easy but we will get through it!

Merry Christmas Kalista. It will get better :kiss: :hug:
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As my mother myself...your story just makes me want to cry. I am impressed that you still think positive after your tradegies especially the one involving your daughter.
 
Byrdie714 said:
The holidays isn't easy, especially when one has a set of traditions that they have shared with their loved ones. And when they are gone--it's hard to carry out the traditions that you have shared with them. Whether it's reading the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to your little child or dickering with one of your parents on what's the best way to hang Christmas lights on the house or your Grandmother's famous chicken noodles.

I don't have the liberty of the above three anymore. Grandma passed at an old ripe age of 98, my father passed of a heart attack at 78--and of course, we all know about my daughter, Ally, if you don't know Kalista--she was murdered right before Christmas at the age of 6.

But it's important to remember them at this time of the year--things may not be the same but nevertheless--they are there in spirit.

How are they there in spirit--well.....I have my Grandmother's recipe for the chicken noodles and am going to make them this year. I make it every year at Christmas--so she is still there with me so to speak. As for my father--I would have to stop and think how he would hang the Christmas lights and just do it to his specifications. The neat thing about it is that I still have his "special tools" that he uses at Christmas to hang the lights.

As for my daughter--that was the hardest. I didn't celebrate Christmas for almost 3 years as I was pretty upset and bitter over it. But eventually, time and patience won out. I started to hang up decorations and such. I still hang her stocking by the fireplace--even though she isn't here with me--it the memory of her on Christmas morning. The way her eyes lighted up, waking me up at an ungodly hour to let me know Santa has arrived, etc, etc.

This year is different. A couple of days ago, I was getting ready to decorate my house again and came across a box that hasn't been open in a long time. I thought it was college memorabilia--so I opened it and inside were three Christmas gifts that are for me from Ally. Unopened.

Right now--they are sitting underneath the Christmas tree--waiting to be opened. I get teary eye over it but it's okay. Like I said, I can't wait for Christmas morning to see what my little girl got me! :)

So...if you need to cry--go ahead and cry. If you want to laugh--laugh. But above all--cherish the memory you have of them at Christmas whether it's a favorite Christmas recipe, story, or tradition.

Hope it helps because I know it's helping me. It ain't easy but we will get through it!

Merry Christmas Kalista. It will get better :kiss: :hug:
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I admire your strength and your character, Byrdie, more than you will ever know.:hug:
 
shel90 said:
As my mother myself...your story just makes me want to cry. I am impressed that you still think positive after your tradegies especially the one involving your daughter.
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It's been hard and it isn't easy.

Guess we all have our crosses to bear.
 
Awww Byrdie714, I'm running out of tissues, Your post brought tears to my eyes, and you're right, Ally is there in spirit and you might won't see her, but she sees you. I can't wait to see what Ally got you for Christmas. :hug:
 
I lost my father way back in 1979 and yes, I missed him but time do make things a bit better. I also lost few of my cousins, the recent one was September of this year (cancer). This one shocked me because I didn't know about her cancer and she was only 46.

You (and all of us) have two choices. First choice is continuing mourning. Second choice is to live the life to the fullest. I choose the latter as I would have lot more stories to tell to my relatives/friends when my time is up.
 
:hug:

I never experienced loosing someone so close to the holidays but I have experienced the loss of a parent.

I lost my mother due to Cancer in May 2001 and I was only 14 years old. Then year after that, I lost a family friend in May 2002 due to Heart attack and year after that, I lost my grandma to diabetes in May 2003...as you can see I hate May because I lost a lot of people in that month. But then recently, my great uncle died in October 2005, just four months before I was due to have my first child.

Loosing someone you love or someone you know is hard but you'll be able to move on eventually when you're able to heal. For everyone, it's different...not everyone have same healing progress or same grieving. I was able to move on quickly, and I know that may be odd, but I have comfort in me that it's not forever good bye, that I'll see them again when it's my time to go and that they're in better place. That's how I was able to heal and move on. Plus I have memories of them close to my heart, and that keeps me in good spirit.

I'm sorry for the loss of your parents and your husband, I know time is hard but it'll get easier eventually.
 
i know all too well what it's like to lose loved ones.

i lost my beloved mother, my beloved father, my beloved sister and a very dear, close friend.

shortly after my mother's death i found a really wonderful poem about spending a first christmas with jesus in heaven. if the mods see this post and give me permission, i will post it here. just let me know because it was a real consolation to me during the time i was struggling with my mother's death.

here's a :grouphug: for all of you who are struggling. it may not feel like it right now, but time *does* heal all wounds.

having said that, there *are* still times where i grieve over the loss of my mother, father, sister and close friend. i think crying is important in helping is deal with our emotions. keeping our feelings bottled up inside only makes things that much more difficult to cope with in the long run.
 
[QUOThttp://www.alldeaf.com/images/editor/separator.gifE=Kalista;1185891]How would you be able to deal during the hoildays when there is a death in your family during your grieving path? Most grief takes more than six months or a year to process. It is hard to believe, my Dad was passing away last week. We saw my mother's coffin in the ground and wait for my Dad buried next to her. It was horrible grieving and painful since both of my parents gone at my young age.

Life is not fair! My life will never be the same. It will always grieve that loss of my husband and both of my parents. But I am learning to love again and move on with my life.

I have no motivation to celebrate any of those hoildays this year. Oh gosh, I can't wait Christmas will be over in few days....

There's been a death in your family and you're devastated[/QUOTE]

I am sorry, and i understand. Especially if their birthday was around the holidays. i sympathize. I hope you feel better. :hug:
 
It was a beautful Christmas....

This one is definately going to be treasured and remembered for a long time.

For starters--I have a new addition to the household--a dog! Pictures will be coming.

Secondly people have been asking about the Christmas gifts from Ally. :) The one was a picture taken at Halloween when I dressed up as Peter Pan and Ally as Tinkerbell. She wanted to dress up as Tinkerbell and wanted me to dress up as Peter Pan and when I refused--she wasn't going to get involved with Halloween. So--as a dad--I relented and dressed up as Peter Pan. It was the last picture of the two of us taken before her murder.

The second gift was a story book. She was the 'star' of the fairy tale with pictures of her in it.

The third gift was the hardest of all. It is a men's bracelet saying, "Ally--Daddy's Princess."

I been wearing it and haven't taken it off.

Don't think I will. :)
 
Byrdie714 said:
It was a beautful Christmas....

This one is definately going to be treasured and remembered for a long time.

For starters--I have a new addition to the household--a dog! Pictures will be coming.

Secondly people have been asking about the Christmas gifts from Ally. :) The one was a picture taken at Halloween when I dressed up as Peter Pan and Ally as Tinkerbell. She wanted to dress up as Tinkerbell and wanted me to dress up as Peter Pan and when I refused--she wasn't going to get involved with Halloween. So--as a dad--I relented and dressed up as Peter Pan. It was the last picture of the two of us taken before her murder.

The second gift was a story book. She was the 'star' of the fairy tale with pictures of her in it.

The third gift was the hardest of all. It is a men's bracelet saying, "Ally--Daddy's Princess."

I been wearing it and haven't taken it off.

Don't think I will. :)
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What beautiful, beautiful gifts! This was indeed, a very special Christmas for you.
 
Kalista said:
How would you be able to deal during the hoildays when there is a death in your family during your grieving path? Most grief takes more than six months or a year to process. It is hard to believe, my Dad was passing away last week. We saw my mother's coffin in the ground and wait for my Dad buried next to her. It was horrible grieving and painful since both of my parents gone at my young age.)

Hey, I was 34 when lost both my parents suddenly - and I was only child. It is so horrible, I was out of my mind with grief for one year. I feel for you so much I can't explain.
That was 6 years ago, now I changed everything about how I celebrate holidays, especially Xmas day, I don't celebrate it anymore, now I have friends around for Xmas eve and we also feed the homeless people in our area. And I light candles for my parents on their birthdays, day they died, Xmas and new year, and I talk to them in my mind.
There is no quick or easy way to deal with such a big loss. The only way out, is through.
Oh yes, for 2 years I also volunteered at a non-profit organisation, my specific role was to help other adult orphans to deal with the practical side of their loss - sorting stuff, giving to charity, dealing with wills etc. It helped them, but I think it maybe helped me more 'cos I had something useful to do.
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Byrdie714 said:
It was a beautful Christmas....

This one is definately going to be treasured and remembered for a long time.

For starters--I have a new addition to the household--a dog! Pictures will be coming.

Secondly people have been asking about the Christmas gifts from Ally. :) The one was a picture taken at Halloween when I dressed up as Peter Pan and Ally as Tinkerbell. She wanted to dress up as Tinkerbell and wanted me to dress up as Peter Pan and when I refused--she wasn't going to get involved with Halloween. So--as a dad--I relented and dressed up as Peter Pan. It was the last picture of the two of us taken before her murder.

The second gift was a story book. She was the 'star' of the fairy tale with pictures of her in it.

The third gift was the hardest of all. It is a men's bracelet saying, "Ally--Daddy's Princess."

I been wearing it and haven't taken it off.

Don't think I will. :)
Click to expand...

wow that was SO beautiful presents you got from your little girl always cherish her in your heart and the bracelet too :)
it got me teared up
 
Had to chime in. Christmas is really tough on us. My grandmother who I was VERY close to died in April of 2004 (3 months before Chris was born) that same year on Thanksgiving day my uncle was murdered. He wasn't suppose to be home that night. His birthday was Christmas Eve. They are always in our hearts and in spirit for the holidays
 
I overlooked this thread and wow... I didn't realize it.. :( You all guys, I'm very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: And, thank you for shared some stories with us. :grouphug: a lot.

Byrdie714 said:
I hope that Karissa can take something from it. :)
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:confused: Me? Or do you mean someone else?

General post here -- I don't have any member of my own family die on holidays, which I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with it. :cold: I hope it don't come up to my family and I...
 
KarissaMann05 said:
I overlooked this thread and wow... I didn't realize it.. :( You all guys, I'm very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: And, thank you for shared some stories with us. :grouphug: a lot.



:confused: Me? Or do you mean someone else?

General post here -- I don't have any member of my own family die on holidays, which I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with it. :cold: I hope it don't come up to my family and I...
Click to expand...

Actually I meant Kalista since she is the OP on this thread. While participating on this thread--I ended up getting Kalista and Karissa mived up! Opps!
 
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