The "now I hear you-now I don't" game: ???

Messymama, you're the mother and you know what your child needs. Not the doctors or therapists. If he's happy and it's working for him, that's great. :D
 
messymama said:
Ok, Jillio and berry, both of your answers are very useful... Since probably they explain the reasons of the "game"! He tries sometimes, to make us happy, but basically the whole thing is not very interesting for him at the moment. He's growing up fast anyway, and we are learning more signs every week so we are more relaxed now about his comprehension of what happens around him. We'll have to fight for having a terp at school (he starts in september), but with his loss and his personality I hope they'll realize that strict oralism was and is NOT an option in any case (wasn't our way anyway, but I'm sure nothing would change in his attitude with a CI, even if all doctors are sure it would).

He's now making experiments with his voice, at the mirror, saying "uuuu" and "aaaa" and "la"... Once he gets the sound/effect (?) he wants, he stops and try something else. He sometimes starts to laugh by himself, when he's in a quiet (read: boring) environment, and makes himself laughing (probably hears himself laughing or enjoying the vibe of his chest or who knows, anyway the result is his own laughing makes him laugh more). Seems that he's doing speech therapy by himself:lol:since therapist is working on sign now...

I guess all that he finds funny is good, he's a kid and needs to enjoy life in any way. He's made big progress since we use sign on a daily basis and he's more quiet too... Less frustration in trying to understand what's going on, especially in noisy situations (on the bus, with other kids etc). When things are quiet I do like my hearing daughter and explain many times, with voice and sign, why I ask him to do/not to do things, and he usually sits on my knees or stay close to me, with his ear (prefers the right one - the better one) close to my mouth, with his back laying on my chest. I do sign putting my hands in front of his face (I don't know how to picture this, sorry for my poor English). I guess that's not conventional and our therapist don't approve since he cannot lipread this way... But he seems to be able to listen to me for a long time this way, and seems to understand too, so I keep doing it when I really need to explain something difficult (for example "why I don't want you to run across the street" or "when the lights are green we all walk thru the street, when it's red we all stop" or "we can't but a toy since the shop is closed"... HARD things to understand at 2yo).

Having his attention is really difficult anyway, so Berry, if he's like you (and I'm a bit like that too - are you sure you don't have any asperger's traits? There's even an online test if you like to know:D) I definitely need to improve my arguments... My conversation must be quite boring at the moment:D

Thank you all for the points you showed me, it's very useful to see things through other's eyes!
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I love the fact that you said, "He is a kid and needs to enjoy being a kid." Too many parents get so caught up in trying to "correct" their child's deafness that they fail to let their children be a child and enjoy their childhood. They become overly directive with their kids, and as a consequence, the relationship between parent and child suffers. He is a child first. Always allow that to stay foremost in your mind, and the both of you will be fine!
 
Berry said:
My wife swears up and down I have a touch of Asperger's syndrome. When I "tune out" she calls it my "Asperagus mode".

I never heard of Asperger's until recently, and I'm not really sure if I care whether I have it or not. I love being me. That is what I think REALLY counts.
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Would it really matter if you did?
 
jillio said:
Would it really matter if you did?
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Not to me. Not unless somebody tried to give me meds to "manage" it or tried to send me to a special school so I could learn how to "manage" it.

I am the best "me" I know how to be and working on becoming more so.
 
Berry said:
Not to me. Not unless somebody tried to give me meds to "manage" it or tried to send me to a special school so I could learn how to "manage" it.

I am the best "me" I know how to be and working on becoming more so.
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And that is the way it should be!
 
jillio said:
I love the fact that you said, "He is a kid and needs to enjoy being a kid." Too many parents get so caught up in trying to "correct" their child's deafness that they fail to let their children be a child and enjoy their childhood. They become overly directive with their kids, and as a consequence, the relationship between parent and child suffers. He is a child first. Always allow that to stay foremost in your mind, and the both of you will be fine!
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You have a point. However, there's still more than one way for the parents to let their "deaf child" be a child. And I do know of families that took the "d"eaf route for their child, yet it did not affect the parents / deaf child's relationship one bit. If anything, they were usually very close.
 
Hohtopics said:
You have a point. However, there's still more than one way for the parents to let their "deaf child" be a child. And I do know of families that took the "d"eaf route for their child, yet it did not affect the parents / deaf child's relationship one bit. If anything, they were usually very close.
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What exactly is the "d"eaf route? How do you know that it did not affect the relationship one bit? What exactly is your comparison base to make that determination?

Very close can be an issue in and of itself, particularly past a certain age.
 
messymama said:
Ok, Jillio and berry, both of your answers are very useful... Since probably they explain the reasons of the "game"! He tries sometimes, to make us happy, but basically the whole thing is not very interesting for him at the moment. He's growing up fast anyway, and we are learning more signs every week so we are more relaxed now about his comprehension of what happens around him. We'll have to fight for having a terp at school (he starts in september), but with his loss and his personality I hope they'll realize that strict oralism was and is NOT an option in any case (wasn't our way anyway, but I'm sure nothing would change in his attitude with a CI, even if all doctors are sure it would).
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I might've missed this since I didn't read through the entirety of the thread, but since you're raising him in an immersive ASL environment, have you looked into seeing whether there are any Deaf Schools in your area?

messymama said:
Having his attention is really difficult anyway, so Berry, if he's like you (and I'm a bit like that too - are you sure you don't have any asperger's traits? There's even an online test if you like to know :D) I definitely need to improve my arguments... My conversation must be quite boring at the moment:D
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Just a minor quibble - online tests, especially things like IQ tests or mental tests telling you what mental problems you have, are entirely meaningless, because to be accurate they require a high level of personalized interpretation, which a program on the internet can't provide.
 
I was kidding about the test, of course online tests are just for fun...

He's not immerse in ASL, we're just beginning to learn LIS (italian sign language) and no, no deaf schools in our area. The closest one is more than 2 hours away and I don't even drive :roll:
 
messymama said:
I was kidding about the test, of course online tests are just for fun...

He's not immerse in ASL, we're just beginning to learn LIS (italian sign language) and no, no deaf schools in our area. The closest one is more than 2 hours away and I don't even drive :roll:
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Keep doing what you're doing, messymama. I see a mom that has it together.
 
God knows I hope so:lol:

He's starting to use some sign these days, I've been able to recognize a "no" and some other small sign. Apart from the ones he invents and we're not always able to find out what he means :roll: But I'm so happy he's finally trying to sign!
Plus, he sometimes aks for water saying "AHA" or "AHNA" ("acqua", I guess).
He's also working hard to distinguish blowing (for ex, to blow a candle off) from making the sound "OO"... I blow up a candle and he gets close and say a loud "OOOOOOOH" then look at me like asking "Why doesn't it blow off, that damn thing??" :lol: So hard not to laugh at him sometimes!
 
messymama said:
God knows I hope so:lol:

He's starting to use some sign these days, I've been able to recognize a "no" and some other small sign. Apart from the ones he invents and we're not always able to find out what he means :roll: But I'm so happy he's finally trying to sign!
Plus, he sometimes aks for water saying "AHA" or "AHNA" ("acqua", I guess).
He's also working hard to distinguish blowing (for ex, to blow a candle off) from making the sound "OO"... I blow up a candle and he gets close and say a loud "OOOOOOOH" then look at me like asking "Why doesn't it blow off, that damn thing??" :lol: So hard not to laugh at him sometimes!
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Funny how quickly they learn that "no" sign, isn't it? I can relate to the frustration of those early attempts to communicate, but you have no idea what he is trying to tell you. I used to tell my son, "Show me." Sometimes it would work, sometimes not.

They are cute at that age, and are trying so hard to do what they need to do. Enjoy those humorous moments. They will help you get through the more frustrating ones.
 
InfamousMacBook said:
I read most of the posts and then stopped just so you know. Not because of lack of interest because this is very interesting and I will go back and read when I am not suffering fatigue.

2 Years olds love to be in control of their environments. They learn they can say no and learn to control things and aggravate a person. I would wait for implant you are still in the realm of reason to have him implanted at 4 instead of two that way he is more willing to understand about hearing test and be willing to sit through mapping on a CI.

As for as which course you take with your son rather it is HA or CI or possibly neither. I think it would benefit the child to learn ASL and have that as his primary along with English. Therefore if he is older in school or college even with a CI or HA he may not ear speech clearly from across the room to understand the teacher (I know that is why they have FM Systems now) and his hearing aids are damaged, lost, or in for repair.

I was almost 21 when I lost all my hearing in both ears. One ear doesn't hear any sound even with hearing aid and my right well, I can hear but not make out speech and have been learning to read lips. Hearing aids do not allow you to ear the world as you would with working ears I have learned the hard way. I don't have access to a deaf community close by that I can find and do not know ASL so at this point I have to go to college to learn ASL to go to college to for my degree. I don't have money or healthcare but, was able to get hearing aids from a non profit organization.

Hope this helps but, in my opinion he should really learn ASL no matter what you choose.
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You said (but, was able to get hearing aids from a non profit organization) also you said I lost all my hearing at 21 ??? now cmon you get hearing aids because you have something working that helps with hearing aids..Me Im Totally Deaf..NOTHING WILL HELP ME... Now thats losing ALL, Becoming TOTALLY Deaf....
 
This is good to know!

sallylou said:
Sometimes, I can hear and sometimes I can't. Listening takes a lot of effort. A person cannot keep up that kind of effort all of the time. It's exhausting. Sometimes, I just take my hearing aids out and give myself a break.
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stueyyy said:
You said (but, was able to get hearing aids from a non profit organization) also you said I lost all my hearing at 21 ??? now cmon you get hearing aids because you have something working that helps with hearing aids..Me Im Totally Deaf..NOTHING WILL HELP ME... Now thats losing ALL, Becoming TOTALLY Deaf....
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That's right! You tell them! Your life is worse than anyone's....
 
I still get told that I have "selective hearing". I think my one brother has started drinking again since he called my mother and started rambling on the phone about how much I have selective hearing and how much I am milking my mother for everything she has and when is he getting his fair share. Mom was just flabbergasted to get that call. She hung up on him and called back after a little while and got his "soon-to-be-ex" wife. Yes, he is drinking again, and he's has been going off on this tangent for the better part of 2 weeks. He felt that we should have sent my niece a better graduation gift. She was sent the same amount of money that the other niece and both nephews got. $200 in a visa gift card. He expected more money as the cost of things has risen since his son graduated. There's 8 years between them. Brother also thinks that he should have gotten something as well. Mom asked if he had done all of his daughter's school work for her and is that why he wanted it.

I just don't get why he thinks I have selective hearing. He's known all along I had a hearing loss, and he knew I then lost it all. He thinks there is something out there that will help and that I need to give up on this house and sell everything I have to find a (Get ready for this) "cure". I wanted to reach in a beat him to a pulp for that.
 
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