Tell me your views on Single parenting

GarnetTigerMom said:
I have to agree with you that a single mother have to play two roles instead of one. It can be very challenging and very emotional. I am in for a very long haul, but I love my daughter more than words can say. :)
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I agree with Jolie that we have to play 2 roles when we are single parents. I raised m,y son by myself after his father died when he was only 6. The hardest part I think, was trying to be in the father role as well as the mother role. Especially since he was a little boy, and I had never been a little boy. I relied on my brother to give me advice a lot, though. Some things that I would worry about, my brother would say, "Don't worry. He's just being a boy and doing what boys do!"
 
My anut is single mother of three children which are my cousins and she had been good mother since, but there are some difference I can see between my cousins behaviors and my brother/I with both father and mother, they usually seems more emotionally and egoism compare to me and my brother. Other than that, nothing wrong to be a single mother :) I know it's hard, but the children need adult with them all the times.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
I got lot of cousins that all have end up in bitter divorces. And some turn out okay and other have anger issue when the parents slipt up so since they gotten older they learn to deal with their anger much better than they did before. I am sure it must be hard on the parents gets divorce and effect the children. But I am glad you turning out pretty good. :) :cool2:
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yeah but in my case there were no divorce. My parents never marry so they were just a common in law marriage. When I found out that they arent married. That hurts. lot of lying and finger pointing. hence why i was depressed ever since 11 yrs old. I did had counseling. so it helped lot. that explains why i didnt get married till later in life but to a wrong person.

My sister never fully recovered from this split up and having to take care of my dad while he was sick with AIDS. She have bioplar disorder and depression. She also abuse drugs. She never talk about Dad either. she did went to counseling one time but refused to talk as she ran out and never came back. To this day she is not better as she still is angry all times then next day beautiful then acting out and all of the dramas. :ugh3:
 
I have nothing against them as being single parent. Honeslty I do not know how they raise their kids alone without help of their partners. It can be exhausted for them especially when their kids reach teenage years. I have watched my friends' kids turned into drugs and got kicked out of high school and trouble with laws. And some of them got pregnant out of wedlock. I think being single parents is hardest job than having two parents together to raise kids. I feel for them.
 
I never ever dreamed or thought I would be a single mom. It is my strongest belief that a child should have both a father and a mother to raise her. When I decided to get a divorce, my entire family actually shunned me because they don't believe in divorces, period. But it came to the point that I finally just couldn't put up with my husband any longer. A part of me actually died when I married him. But in order to save the rest of me, I knew I had to get out. During the process of the divorce, he actually raped me. So my second daughter was conceived from this incident. Though it may sound strange, I'm thankful it happened because I could not imagine a life without her. Being a mother is the most important - yet the most scariest- job I can ever ask to have. It is also the most awesome job. I love being their mother and wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, there were nights I didn't have the energy to even get out of my work clothes after working all day, getting the kids home, fed, bathed, etc. But then the precious nights are the ones that keep me going. They would snuggle with me in my bed as we read Brown Bear for the 100th time. I like to go in and watch them sleep. Nothing is more blissful than a sleeping baby, warm and content. The downside to being a single mom is that it is hard to have a life outside of motherhood...such as finding time for myself (and not feeling so guilty about it) and dating. I've been offered a lot of dates, but every time I would think of the girls, I'm like - this doesn't just affect me...it affects them, too. I would never, ever introduce someone into their lives until I was very sure this person was a good person, etc. However, I have to learn how to maintain a healthy balance...and that is really hard to do. By doing this job (being a single mother) I've searched deep and found strength and courage in myself that I never knew existed.
 
deafbajagal said:
I never ever dreamed or thought I would be a single mom. It is my strongest belief that a child should have both a father and a mother to raise her. When I decided to get a divorce, my entire family actually shunned me because they don't believe in divorces, period. But it came to the point that I finally just couldn't put up with my husband any longer. A part of me actually died when I married him. But in order to save the rest of me, I knew I had to get out. During the process of the divorce, he actually raped me. So my second daughter was conceived from this incident. Though it may sound strange, I'm thankful it happened because I could not imagine a life without her. Being a mother is the most important - yet the most scariest- job I can ever ask to have. It is also the most awesome job. I love being their mother and wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, there were nights I didn't have the energy to even get out of my work clothes after working all day, getting the kids home, fed, bathed, etc. But then the precious nights are the ones that keep me going. They would snuggle with me in my bed as we read Brown Bear for the 100th time. I like to go in and watch them sleep. Nothing is more blissful than a sleeping baby, warm and content. The downside to being a single mom is that it is hard to have a life outside of motherhood...such as finding time for myself (and not feeling so guilty about it) and dating. I've been offered a lot of dates, but every time I would think of the girls, I'm like - this doesn't just affect me...it affects them, too. I would never, ever introduce someone into their lives until I was very sure this person was a good person, etc. However, I have to learn how to maintain a healthy balance...and that is really hard to do. By doing this job (being a single mother) I've searched deep and found strength and courage in myself that I never knew existed.
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Wow! What a very powerful and moving post! I am proud of you for getting out. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you not to have your family's support in your decision. My mom and dad were very supportive whne I was going through my divorce with my ex hubby. At first my mom judged me thinking I was the problem but she was in AZ and I was in MD. When she came to MD and I told her everything, she realized what I went through and has been my supporter ever since.

I have a friend who is stuck in an unhappy marriage where her hearing husband controls her and I see her slowly dying inside. I want to save her but I tried and tried for so many years but she wont allow anyone to save her. She stays with him because of her parents' old fashioned traditional views against divorce and her mom didnt support her during the numerous times she cried out for help to her mom about getting out causing her to feel guilty and doubt herself. If her mom had put aside her 1950s view on women and marriage and been there for her daughter, she probably would have had the courage to get out. However, it is too late because her mom passed away a year ago and since then it seems like she has changed for the worse. It is like she has to become her mom and work harder at being a good wife which is has been...it is her husband who treats her like dirt. It is heartbreaking to witness this and I dont know what to do. *sighs*

I think single parenting is a lot better than being in an unhappy marriage. That's my opinion.
 
Mod's note:

Thread is moved to correct forum.
 
shel90 said:
Wow! What a very powerful and moving post! I am proud of you for getting out. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you not to have your family's support in your decision. My mom and dad were very supportive whne I was going through my divorce with my ex hubby. At first my mom judged me thinking I was the problem but she was in AZ and I was in MD. When she came to MD and I told her everything, she realized what I went through and has been my supporter ever since.

I have a friend who is stuck in an unhappy marriage where her hearing husband controls her and I see her slowly dying inside. I want to save her but I tried and tried for so many years but she wont allow anyone to save her. She stays with him because of her parents' old fashioned traditional views against divorce and her mom didnt support her during the numerous times she cried out for help to her mom about getting out causing her to feel guilty and doubt herself. If her mom had put aside her 1950s view on women and marriage and been there for her daughter, she probably would have had the courage to get out. However, it is too late because her mom passed away a year ago and since then it seems like she has changed for the worse. It is like she has to become her mom and work harder at being a good wife which is has been...it is her husband who treats her like dirt. It is heartbreaking to witness this and I dont know what to do. *sighs*

I think single parenting is a lot better than being in an unhappy marriage. That's my opinion.
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Is your friend in any danger? There's not much you can do for her except to let her know that your door is open any time she needs an open door.

Looking back, I've come to realized that I was always a single mom, even when I was married because of the lack of support from him. And I've realized I cannot do both roles - I cannot and will not try to be both the father and mother. I'm not designed in any way to be both parents. I can, however, be the best mother they ever could get and hope that is good enough to tide them through life.
 
deafbajagal said:
Is your friend in any danger? There's not much you can do for her except to let her know that your door is open any time she needs an open door.

Looking back, I've come to realized that I was always a single mom, even when I was married because of the lack of support from him. And I've realized I cannot do both roles - I cannot and will not try to be both the father and mother. I'm not designed in any way to be both parents. I can, however, be the best mother they ever could get and hope that is good enough to tide them through life.
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No, she is not in danger. He just looks down on her and doesnt show her respect. Like if she disciplines the kids and they go running to him, he would say "Your momma is being a mean mommie and no, u are not punished." Stuff like that...just very very degrading comments to her day in and day out. It is awful!
 
That is awful...mental and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physcial abuse, if not more damaging. And you know as well as I do she's not the only one suffering. The kids are, too. The effects may not be obvious now but it will be. They need that consistency between both parents and need to see a model of a healthy, loving relationship built on trust and mutal respect. Love would be nice, too. I'm sorry that you have to see your friend go through this.

I think many women think they can't do parenting alone...that's why I was happy to see this thread. We all single moms need to get together and let them know that it is doable and well worth it. An unhappy marriage is not only bad for the victim in the marriage, but for the kids as well. They deserve a loving, warm home where they can expect nuturing and support.
 
deafbajagal said:
That is awful...mental and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physcial abuse, if not more damaging. And you know as well as I do she's not the only one suffering. The kids are, too. The effects may not be obvious now but it will be. They need that consistency between both parents and need to see a model of a healthy, loving relationship built on trust and mutal respect. Love would be nice, too. I'm sorry that you have to see your friend go through this.

I think many women think they can't do parenting alone...that's why I was happy to see this thread. We all single moms need to get together and let them know that it is doable and even at times, well worth it.
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I know that mental and emotional abuse is just as bad. When u asked me if she was in danger, I was thinking in terms of physically. I guess she is in danger as in losing her own identity, confidence and so many more. Yes, her girls are suffering and there has been incidents showing the effects.

Yea, I want her to leave him so badly but now that her mom has died, it seems like she is hell bent on honoring her mom's wishes by being the good housewife. It makes me sick.
 
I am not a mother yet...

But I grew up with only one parent without two parent: my dearest mother.

I can tell how is so hard to be single mom as I watched how she went through while I grew up from an infant to, now, adult. She is doing her best for my young siblings and me no matter how is difficult situation that I deal with. Sure, I never know who my father is but, really, I don't need a father because I grew up doing all right and well. Being a single parent is not so easy, still I thank my mother for whatever she can do her best job for us to keep us happy. My sister and mother were used to almost never get along easily (for reason, she was totally rebel girl), but now, my sister is more mature than before (she's a legally adult now) and their relationship is finally improved a lot since *around* her 16th birthday. As for my baby brother, well, he's still young and only soon to be nine years old. Luckily, his mom and he are pretty get along but, of course, not always. Due to his bratty attitude sometimes, aha. :D So, I still visit my family weekly for my work.

I am very happy that my family get better and better because my mom is doing try her do best. Everything had been improved lately. I appuded (sp) her for that.

So, I agree with most of you guys about being single mom. :)
 
Liebling:-))) said:
:lol: Maria, I see why not to consider your pet as your own baby... It's normal... I remember from your posts somewhere that you adopted one dog then later have puppies... I thought it could be that you own 2 or 3 dogs... ?

You know that Kim, my 3 years old cat had 4 kitten at 2 years ago. I keep 2 of 4 kitten and name them Flecky & Blacky and consider them as my Granddaughters... I have 2 adoptive daughters and Granddaughters. I took care of my Granddaughter Flecky & Blacky since their mother Kim killed by road accident last year.

I know my post sound :crazy: but I consider cats as my own babies... :giggle:
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:lol: I feel the same thing, too. I lost my favorite pet, Misha and Melba. They are still my children.. Misha was died last February and my Melba was killed in July 1997 when I was only around 11 years old. Now right, I don't have any pet yet. My mother had her deaf kitty, Gracier... =/
 
I respect single parent more than anyone else, really.
They've had to make so much sacrifices for their children and on occassion, themselves.

It's a pity that there is not always support for them when they needed it.

Deafbajagal, you did the right thing to get out of that marriage. When you said you were always a single mother even married. That resonated with me because that's what it was like for my mother.

My mother does not want to see any of her daughters become a single parent because she knew firsthand how hard it is. But sometimes there's no choice but to be a single parent than be miserable yourself and the kids too.

She's wonderfully supportive of my sister who's a single parent and does find it hard. But she's got a support system from us and the children's paternal family, which is vital.

I have to admit I find it a scary prospect to be a single parent and I'm not a mother.

Ps: I loathe men who must make themselves superior by breaking their wife's soul and spirit. What a great example for the kids to learn from *sarcasm*.
 
Miss-Delectable said:
I respect single parent more than anyone else, really.
They've had to make so much sacrifices for their children and on occassion, themselves.

It's a pity that there is not always support for them when they needed it.

Deafbajagal, you did the right thing to get out of that marriage. When you said you were always a single mother even married. That resonated with me because that's what it was like for my mother.

My mother does not want to see any of her daughters become a single parent because she knew firsthand how hard it is. But sometimes there's no choice but to be a single parent than be miserable yourself and the kids too.

She's wonderfully supportive of my sister who's a single parent and does find it hard. But she's got a support system from us and the children's paternal family, which is vital.

I have to admit I find it a scary prospect to be a single parent and I'm not a mother.

Ps: I loathe men who must make themselves superior by breaking their wife's soul and spirit. What a great example for the kids to learn from *sarcasm*.
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Don't forget that some boyfriends or ex get a woman pregnant don't want to grow up or even take responbilities for their action. The single mothers are always the one to have it the hardest. But I would not trade anything for having my daughter and I love her more than anything in the entire world. So, yeah it hard being a single mom. But I have never been miserable being a single mom. I had to be strong for myself and the sake of my child. Once you have a child it will change your life forever. For a while is scary being a pregnant single mother. But I had to over come my fear and think about what best for my child. She will always come first before anyone else. :)
 
Being a single mother is BIG STRUGGLE.... I had been there ... but it was all worth of my time.. i love my children...
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
Don't forget that some boyfriends or ex get a woman pregnant don't want to grow up or even take responbilities for their action. The single mothers are always the one to have it the hardest. But I would not trade anything for having my daughter and I love her more than anything in the entire world. So, yeah it hard being a single mom. But I have never been miserable being a single mom. I had to be strong for myself and the sake of my child. Once you have a child it will change your life forever. For a while is scary being a pregnant single mother. But I had to over come my fear and think about what best for my child. She will always come first before anyone else. :)
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I know that does happen all the time. The choice to support you and the child has been taken away from you because the so-called father prefer to be run than be the man he could be by taking responsibilities.

I love the US laws on child support and how tough they are. I, especially, love the part where deadbeat parent can't obtain an passport until they've paid up all the behind payments in child support.
 
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