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I vote I don't know. I would say, if they should go to marriage and family counselor to solve the problem.
Stay married or not?
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SherryCherish
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well, the parents shouldn't use the kids middle of the marriage such like, stay in marriage becuz of "kids" thats was wrong. Parents need to have a happiness as kids MUST have both of parents' love and attention.
Other thing, the kids prolly feel blamed cuz the parents don't love each other and stay together becz of them.
Its up to ur friend, go to counlser to work it out or separate.
Other thing, the kids prolly feel blamed cuz the parents don't love each other and stay together becz of them.
Its up to ur friend, go to counlser to work it out or separate.
I agree with you 100 percent, SherryCherish.
I feel the same way, children should be living in a loving, and stable environment with parents that love one another, not having the children become the victims of marital war, if they stay together for the sake of their children.- Joined
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I am sorry about judge you wrong. Okay? I cannot give you an answer about your friends. I don't want give them wrong answer.
ScubaladyTx
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That is hard to say !
Because, What if they got divorce then it will OR can affect their children's future lifetime.
Hope, they can find a way to problem solve in their marriage. Good luck !
M-
Because, What if they got divorce then it will OR can affect their children's future lifetime.
Hope, they can find a way to problem solve in their marriage. Good luck !
M-
Hmmm..., well, I honestly don't know what to say about this because it's not my place to say whether they should get a divorce or remain married since really the decision should be up to the couples themseleves not us....I don't live in that householder so I don't really know what's going on behind the closed door and this is more of what she says, than what he says I haven't heard her husband's side of it yet, as I believe in three sides of the story here...and if it's effect their children then why agrue in front of them? I was raise not to agrue or fight in front of my children.. sometimes the fight or agruements may get carried away and we forget there are children around, that's understandable, but doing it more often when we already know that we have children in the house, that's not looking good on both parents....So I 
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Hmmm..., well, I honestly don't know what to say about this because it's not my place to say whether they should get a divorce or remain married since really the decision should be up to the couples themseleves not us....I don't live in that householder so I don't really know what's going on behind the closed door and this is more of what she says, than what he says I haven't heard her husband's side of it yet, as I believe in three sides of the story here...and if it's effect their children then why agrue in front of them? I was raise not to agrue or fight in front of my children.. sometimes the fight or agruements may get carried away and we forget there are children around, that's understandable, but doing it more often when we already know that we have children in the house, that's not looking good on both parents....So I
I agree with angel. that why I cannot give an answers.
Shel already said she was using her friend as an example for that question on page one, but the poll is not about her, It's about all parents in general, therefore there is no wrong or right answer, just placed your opinion based on what you believe. It's not a suggestion what she should do for her friend.
I just wishes members here would read the entire thread before pressing the submit key..... *smh*
I just wishes members here would read the entire thread before pressing the submit key..... *smh*
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Thank u!! This is not about my friend..this is about your opinions on whether if any parents who cant stand each other should or should not stay married for their kids' sake?
My friend will make her own decisions and she will figure it out. I just hope she can soon. I just realized that I need to back off and let her deal with it but I will always be there to listen to her.
Just thought to bring it up cuz my grandparents stayed married for their kids' sake even though they couldnt stand each other. Even my mom and her sisters were THRILLED when they finally split up. Now, my friend is doing the same thing so it got me wondering what everyone's point of view on that issue was.
Lil_country_gal
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I believe if they've tried to make a loving home and it's not working they shouldn't make the home even worse They should sit down and make a desicion together. If the home is just going to be filled with hate than i think maybe they should split up but if they think they can make it work and the house won't be filled with love than they should stay together
racheleggert
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It reminds me that one of my ex boyfriend's parent had to wait until last kid graduate from high school then they can get divorce finalized. It would be easier on kids, unless if its abusive or something like that- it would be different story.
sillycat
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I don't believe in divorce unless there are good reasons such as any kind of abuse, cheating, any kind of addiction such as drugs, gambling, etc.
If its just hating each other then there go see a counselor who supports marriage and help them find a way out of problems. Sometimes spouses start getting mad at each other all the time then it becomes a habit for so long that they forgot why they loved each other in the first place.
Here is a website on how to save marriages (it takes some reading books and forum to figure it out. If u can afford, counseling is provided.)
Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save Your Marriage, Stop My Divorce, Stop Your Divorce
Hope this helps.
If its just hating each other then there go see a counselor who supports marriage and help them find a way out of problems. Sometimes spouses start getting mad at each other all the time then it becomes a habit for so long that they forgot why they loved each other in the first place.
Here is a website on how to save marriages (it takes some reading books and forum to figure it out. If u can afford, counseling is provided.)
Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save Your Marriage, Stop My Divorce, Stop Your Divorce
Hope this helps.
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Hmmm..., well, I honestly don't know what to say about this because it's not my place to say whether they should get a divorce or remain married since really the decision should be up to the couples themseleves not us....I don't live in that householder so I don't really know what's going on behind the closed door and this is more of what she says, than what he says I haven't heard her husband's side of it yet, as I believe in three sides of the story here...and if it's effect their children then why agrue in front of them? I was raise not to agrue or fight in front of my children.. sometimes the fight or agruements may get carried away and we forget there are children around, that's understandable, but doing it more often when we already know that we have children in the house, that's not looking good on both parents....So I
Yes, I second that.
Shel90,
Your desciption about them are unhealthy evironment... which unfair on children... I would advise them to go family counsellor...
I can't advise you to get your friend to leave her husband because they are an adult and know what they do. To me, it's fault on both sides is your friend & her husband because they are too busy to upset each other to think/care about their children's interest which is not right.
InTheGenes
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This hit a little close to home for me, because my parents lived in a loveless marriage for 25 years, all for the sake of "the kids" (my siblings and me). It was horrible... it felt like our family was being held hostage, and invariably in situations like these, parents begin to use their children as pawns against one another (sometimes without even meaning to).
I would MUCH rather my parents had gotten a divorce early on, rather than subjecting themselves and our entire family to the misery of it all. Say what you will about the trauma that children go through when parents divorce... in my opinion, MORE damage can be done over the long term when a family is held hostage the way mine was.
When my parents finally DID get a divorce, they were both much happier, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.
But you have to ask yourself... what kind of lessons are you teaching your children if you stay in that kind of relationship? Are your children going to see how mom and dad interact with one another and think that that is the NORMAL way moms and dads treat one another? Sure, there's something to be said for trying to make things work... but that can only go so far, and at some point, you have to do whatever will make you happy. It sounds selfish, perhaps, but sometimes you need to be a little selfish for yourself (and for your kids). Otherwise, you wind up a bitter, jaded individual... and one day you wake up and wonder where your life went.
I would MUCH rather my parents had gotten a divorce early on, rather than subjecting themselves and our entire family to the misery of it all. Say what you will about the trauma that children go through when parents divorce... in my opinion, MORE damage can be done over the long term when a family is held hostage the way mine was.
When my parents finally DID get a divorce, they were both much happier, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.
But you have to ask yourself... what kind of lessons are you teaching your children if you stay in that kind of relationship? Are your children going to see how mom and dad interact with one another and think that that is the NORMAL way moms and dads treat one another? Sure, there's something to be said for trying to make things work... but that can only go so far, and at some point, you have to do whatever will make you happy. It sounds selfish, perhaps, but sometimes you need to be a little selfish for yourself (and for your kids). Otherwise, you wind up a bitter, jaded individual... and one day you wake up and wonder where your life went.
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Hi
Um--- I vote to staying in marriage, B U T that is all depend how bad situations in marriage, but imporant is that commuications first it might will work out in marriage... so in my opion is that depend whoever is open and listen and discussing ofc...IF whoever is abusive, or bad fight or some reason then it is a good RESAON to split up.
My sister married the 2nd hubby will be 14 years this summer, but they do fight sometimes, they commucations better than her 1st hubby who is really ingore her, or fight often and ofc he drinking alot.... so anyway.
My vote is staying in marriage because there is LOVE! commucations, discussing more strong in marriage...
Um--- I vote to staying in marriage, B U T that is all depend how bad situations in marriage, but imporant is that commuications first it might will work out in marriage... so in my opion is that depend whoever is open and listen and discussing ofc...IF whoever is abusive, or bad fight or some reason then it is a good RESAON to split up.
My sister married the 2nd hubby will be 14 years this summer, but they do fight sometimes, they commucations better than her 1st hubby who is really ingore her, or fight often and ofc he drinking alot.... so anyway.
My vote is staying in marriage because there is LOVE! commucations, discussing more strong in marriage...
GalaxyAngel
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Depend the cases...
1. If your partner still coutine fighting, unhappy relationship and many different issues... not related to children.. Your choice file divorce or not...
2. If your partner still ongoing affair and ongoing playing game w/your partner.. Isn't good marriage... because no an excuse reason it will loop over again over again... Isn't good marriage lifestyle... Proceed divorce come with good reason.. make sure not effect to your children(s) unless you have to stay firm parental role and be there their children(s) all the time. You're not allowed to tell your children about your Mother or Father.. because children feel in the middle whole take your adult problems. I do not like you that way what r u did.. .
3. If your partner still ongoing abusive you... Your rights walk out and file the divorce right away.. don't go look back where you belong.. you'll regret it.
4. If your partner still battle the problems over the household and ongoing not solved the problems so many different issues.. front of children..
That major problem you want wait till Children turn 18yrs old...then file divorce. I think you're wasting time and await too long.. make you more worst regret pain your mental emotions ongoing! Isn't good idea!
Last case:
5. Combo... Your decision and want stay fight your marriage... then GO COUNSELORING and speak it out your mind front of your spouse, How r u feeling.. it will long way battle to heal your emotions drainage til solved the problem.. Your choice stay or divorce.. depend your situation!
KEY.... OPEN COMMUNICATION requires be honest each together...
Good Luck.........
1. If your partner still coutine fighting, unhappy relationship and many different issues... not related to children.. Your choice file divorce or not...
2. If your partner still ongoing affair and ongoing playing game w/your partner.. Isn't good marriage... because no an excuse reason it will loop over again over again... Isn't good marriage lifestyle... Proceed divorce come with good reason.. make sure not effect to your children(s) unless you have to stay firm parental role and be there their children(s) all the time. You're not allowed to tell your children about your Mother or Father.. because children feel in the middle whole take your adult problems. I do not like you that way what r u did.. .
3. If your partner still ongoing abusive you... Your rights walk out and file the divorce right away.. don't go look back where you belong.. you'll regret it.
4. If your partner still battle the problems over the household and ongoing not solved the problems so many different issues.. front of children..
That major problem you want wait till Children turn 18yrs old...then file divorce. I think you're wasting time and await too long.. make you more worst regret pain your mental emotions ongoing! Isn't good idea!
Last case:
5. Combo... Your decision and want stay fight your marriage... then GO COUNSELORING and speak it out your mind front of your spouse, How r u feeling.. it will long way battle to heal your emotions drainage til solved the problem.. Your choice stay or divorce.. depend your situation!
KEY.... OPEN COMMUNICATION requires be honest each together...
Good Luck.........
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This is an very interesting topic to talk about. I'm glad you brought this up, Shel90.
I couldn't help notice but what InTheGenes said -
I do agree that both situations are traumatic but however, I can imagine it is alot worse seeing your parents being in a "loveless" marriage and suffering all those damages.
That also has hit home to me because when I growing up, my parents got divorced at a early age. I was only 3 when it happened and they remarried and got divorced again when I was 5. I don't remember much of what has happened but I do know that they have used me and my sister as pawns and "ping-ponging" us every other weekend. Their feud still remains to this day even though my sister and I are both adults.
It can be both traumatic for children who are going through the divorce as much as children who are in the "loveless" marriage of their parent. In my opinion, I think it is pretty much similar but of course, You might say - Some of it is worse than other but, really - It's just how tense it gets at home with all those verbal stuffs flying around saying "Your dad did not give me a dime" or other such things like that.
So, Shel - I'd recommend for them to spilt up (I know it's not our job to have a say in their marriage because it is ultimately up to them) but before they seriously consider that, Try to give some insight and tell them to think about how it will be affecting the children and the family. It's just my opinion. In the meantime, You can always give her a "shoulder' to cry on or just be there to listen her out whenever she vents out her frustrations, so and on.
I couldn't help notice but what InTheGenes said -
I do agree that both situations are traumatic but however, I can imagine it is alot worse seeing your parents being in a "loveless" marriage and suffering all those damages.
That also has hit home to me because when I growing up, my parents got divorced at a early age. I was only 3 when it happened and they remarried and got divorced again when I was 5. I don't remember much of what has happened but I do know that they have used me and my sister as pawns and "ping-ponging" us every other weekend. Their feud still remains to this day even though my sister and I are both adults.
It can be both traumatic for children who are going through the divorce as much as children who are in the "loveless" marriage of their parent. In my opinion, I think it is pretty much similar but of course, You might say - Some of it is worse than other but, really - It's just how tense it gets at home with all those verbal stuffs flying around saying "Your dad did not give me a dime" or other such things like that.
So, Shel - I'd recommend for them to spilt up (I know it's not our job to have a say in their marriage because it is ultimately up to them) but before they seriously consider that, Try to give some insight and tell them to think about how it will be affecting the children and the family. It's just my opinion. In the meantime, You can always give her a "shoulder' to cry on or just be there to listen her out whenever she vents out her frustrations, so and on.
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I think I probably started this thread off in the wrong foot...I meant for what does everyone think about should parents in general stay together for the sake of their kids or divorce..
I was using my friend as an example... At the time I posted this thread, I was new to this forum so now I realize that was a mistake so from now on, I wont use people's situations as an example cuz it seems to send the wrong message.
This thread is not really about my friend ..not about whether she should stay or not. That is her business and for her figure out. My mistake...oops!
This was just something I was wondering what people thought if there are a lot of marriages in which that the couple just really can not stand each other but stay together for their kids"s sake.
That was all but thanks for all the advice and feedback everyone! Really appreciate it!
I was using my friend as an example... At the time I posted this thread, I was new to this forum so now I realize that was a mistake so from now on, I wont use people's situations as an example cuz it seems to send the wrong message.
This thread is not really about my friend ..not about whether she should stay or not. That is her business and for her figure out. My mistake...oops!
This was just something I was wondering what people thought if there are a lot of marriages in which that the couple just really can not stand each other but stay together for their kids"s sake.
That was all but thanks for all the advice and feedback everyone! Really appreciate it!
XBGMER
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I am with GHSH's beautful comments.. Just leave them alone and respect their personal pravicy. let them work it out and figure how to solve their marriage problems...
my advice, don't ruin their marriage.. just walk out of person who married somebody... if person don't like husband nor wife, it is their problem, not yours.. get it?
Like instance, person has own childern, she or he dislike one of their own childern. let between one of parent and one of childern work out in thier relationship child and parent.. leave them alone.. that is their problem where they can solve, not ourselves... I bet that you would tell her, better throw one out of childern into foster place or adoption place that would be solve... i tell you, it won't be solve period...
get pic?
sara1981
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my vote says Yes, people should stay married.
many million people who still married for long time and how know what years been married?
and also mostly old people been still married for longtimes like for over 25-50 years because more good marriages,trust,circle trust in their families,whatevers and also loyal marriages.
and also mostly people have trouble in marriages because have affair,fighting,or file divorces.
mostly parents always hates each other because not trust in marriages have problems in marriages.
my parents have fighting and my mom got files for divorces so my parents got divorces in 1990 when i was 9 years old but i dont hates my dad i do love my dad very much but mostly kids dont hates dad or do hates dad because of problems in parents marriages.
my Aunt got divorces from her first husband because my mom told me says my aunt's first husband give her cheat for more reasons so my cousin really means at her dad its family busniess.
my uncle and his wife been married for 13 years will be 14 will be on May 1st i think so.
my aunt and her husband been married for 22 years but both will celebration on 23 years on June so still been married good years
many million people who still married for long time and how know what years been married?
and also mostly old people been still married for longtimes like for over 25-50 years because more good marriages,trust,circle trust in their families,whatevers and also loyal marriages.
and also mostly people have trouble in marriages because have affair,fighting,or file divorces.
mostly parents always hates each other because not trust in marriages have problems in marriages.
my parents have fighting and my mom got files for divorces so my parents got divorces in 1990 when i was 9 years old but i dont hates my dad i do love my dad very much but mostly kids dont hates dad or do hates dad because of problems in parents marriages.
my Aunt got divorces from her first husband because my mom told me says my aunt's first husband give her cheat for more reasons so my cousin really means at her dad its family busniess.
my uncle and his wife been married for 13 years will be 14 will be on May 1st i think so.
my aunt and her husband been married for 22 years but both will celebration on 23 years on June so still been married good years