Start dating again?

mbrek said:
^^^Ok, Sunny. We look a little crazy here when they pull the Spam post.

"But she was here, really!!! We both saw her!!!" LOL
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I not know what you talk about. *Halo*
 
You creep! You edited your post! Make me out to be a crazy... :nono:
 
mbrek, sunshine, you guys :crazy:



.
..
... (I'm J/K :giggle:)
 
mbrek said:
You're lucky in that respect. I can still HEAR them!

"So I was all, like, nuh-ah. Then she was, like, all yeah. Then I go no way, and I was, like, all...." :blah:

Aaaaargh!!!!
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I can still hear in person, just can't understand everything being said. It's worse trying to listen over the phone though.

Really I can't believe how stupid I looked when I used to talk on the phone lol
 
I don't think I should give you any advice because all of the people I've been in relationships I've met online before I met them in person and they knew my circumstances so..I have the exact same problem with people in person and I don't know how to overcome that and I wouldn't suggest having your entire life online because it feels asif you miss out on a heck of a lot of things in the world
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I can still hear in person, just can't understand everything being said. It's worse trying to listen over the phone though.

Really I can't believe how stupid I looked when I used to talk on the phone lol
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LOL awww, I refuse to talk on the phone XD
 
It's true - This whole experience has definitely made me discover who my true friends are. I really hate feeling like I am a burden to be around because I can't communicate like I used to, but it's nice to know that there's a group of friends out there who are really truly my friends and who are willing to work to include me and be with me.

-Lauren

ladysolitary85 said:
Isn't it amazing that once something life changing happens to you, some will bail. Some of my "friends" wont even take the time to text me because its just too much of a inconvenience to them and talking is easier for them. They didn't last long in my circle of friends. I used to talk on the phone all the time but even with my hearing aid on, its a struggle so I decided I'm strictly texting because its too much stress for me to listen and try to understand (lip reading is whats saved my ass numerous of times, when you watch tv focus on the person's lips it helped me at a young age.) What makes this funny for me, is now when I'm people watching, I notice how people talk on the phone and it kinda looks a bit annoying to me now lol. Not because I can't do it but I never realized how annoying it really looked.
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glickchick said:
It's true - This whole experience has definitely made me discover who my true friends are. I really hate feeling like I am a burden to be around because I can't communicate like I used to, but it's nice to know that there's a group of friends out there who are really truly my friends and who are willing to work to include me and be with me.

-Lauren
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If I was in NY I'd hang with you :) I have no one in my area really that understands what its like.
 
As someone whe grew up orally deaf, I dated and was in a marriage with someone who didnt sign. Didnt have great experiences with those dates nor with my marriage. I learned ASL and vowed never be involved with hearing men again but then again what I really meant with a non-signer. At the time I didnt realize what I was thinking. Now, I am married for the 2nd time to a hearing man but he is moderately fluent in ASL and it is so much easier.

I was a great lipreader but it required more work on my part than on my ex husband's to maintain clear communication. It felt like the burden was on me because I could speak so well so therefore I should be able hear just as well. Many people, especially my ex husband, couldnt understand that so a lot of miscommunication and blaming went on. I blamed myself and hated myself.

Now, I recognized that the burden shouldnt be all on me...if the hearing person wants to be in a relationship with a deaf person, then they should take on some of the willingness to accodomate to meet the deaf person's needs.
 
Hi everyone!

Thanks for all the comments. An update - earlier this week, i went out on my first date since becoming deaf.

It was with a guy from school who i had a class with last year. We weren't exactly friends, but acquaintances, and we had spoken a few times outside of class. He's actually pretty good friends with a friend of mine, and he had asked her about me, since he hasn't seen me often around campus (not sure why - as big as University of Michigan is, it's small at the same time - everyone knows everyone lol). Their conversation progressed, and my friend let him know about my new deafness, which he wasn't aware of. He asked her for my number and then texted me. We spoke for a day or two via text and IM, and finally made plans to meet at a restaurant right near campus.

I think it went really well. I brought a pad and paper (as I usually do), and addressed my deafness right from the start. I was definitely nervous, as I have been going voice-off (personal choice - can't stand not knowing what i am saying and/or how I sound - weird phobia I can't seem to shake), but he seemed to understand me just fine, and only asked me to repeat myself a few times. I told him that I was going to try to read his lips and that he should just talk normally. He did, and for the most part, I was able to understand him. There were a few times where we had to resort to the pad/paper, but it wasn't too bad. We talked about everything from school to sports to the news, and everything in between. He did ask me how I was coping with adjusting to my hearing loss, and I gave him the honest answer of "as good as I can be expected to be". He even offered to attend ASL classes with me so that we can learn together, which I thought was a super good sign. At the end of our date, i felt like a regular girl, which is what I am striving for. We did make plans for date # 2, which is going to happen next week after thanksgiving.

So overall it felt good, even with the communication challenges. We'll see where it goes - and i will definitely keep everyone posted!

-Lauren
 
glickchick said:
Hi everyone!

Thanks for all the comments. An update - earlier this week, i went out on my first date since becoming deaf.

It was with a guy from school who i had a class with last year. We weren't exactly friends, but acquaintances, and we had spoken a few times outside of class. He's actually pretty good friends with a friend of mine, and he had asked her about me, since he hasn't seen me often around campus (not sure why - as big as University of Michigan is, it's small at the same time - everyone knows everyone lol). Their conversation progressed, and my friend let him know about my new deafness, which he wasn't aware of. He asked her for my number and then texted me. We spoke for a day or two via text and IM, and finally made plans to meet at a restaurant right near campus.

I think it went really well. I brought a pad and paper (as I usually do), and addressed my deafness right from the start. I was definitely nervous, as I have been going voice-off (personal choice - can't stand not knowing what i am saying and/or how I sound - weird phobia I can't seem to shake), but he seemed to understand me just fine, and only asked me to repeat myself a few times. I told him that I was going to try to read his lips and that he should just talk normally. He did, and for the most part, I was able to understand him. There were a few times where we had to resort to the pad/paper, but it wasn't too bad. We talked about everything from school to sports to the news, and everything in between. He did ask me how I was coping with adjusting to my hearing loss, and I gave him the honest answer of "as good as I can be expected to be". He even offered to attend ASL classes with me so that we can learn together, which I thought was a super good sign. At the end of our date, i felt like a regular girl, which is what I am striving for. We did make plans for date # 2, which is going to happen next week after thanksgiving.

So overall it felt good, even with the communication challenges. We'll see where it goes - and i will definitely keep everyone posted!

-Lauren
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You are off to a good start!

I found that if I am upfront with my deafness and my needs, about half of the hearing people I meet are usually accodomating and very understanding.
 
Yep - It definitely went better than I expected! I also find that when I tell people about my deafness they do try to help and accommodate my needs too.

-Lauren

shel90 said:
You are off to a good start!

I found that if I am upfront with my deafness and my needs, about half of the hearing people I meet are usually accodomating and very understanding.
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Two things I saw in what you described stood out as warnings:

1) If he's known (of) you for over a year now, why did he wait until he found out you had become deaf to ask you out? Perhaps things just came together at that time, but I would ask him this for yourself when the time is right.

2) It's very sweet that he offered to take ASL classes with you, but I am a little surprised he said this on the first date. Learning ASL just to the point where it is an effective communication aid is a big commitment. Perhaps his overture is genuine, but just be aware that many hearing men have used this line on deaf women: "I'll learn ASL for you!" because they know it's what the woman wants to hear, even though they have no real intention of following through. This forum is rife with stories like that.

But it's definitely a good thing that you "felt like a regular girl" at the end of the date. In the end, always trust your instincts. Good luck!
 
I was at U of M last month with my girlfriend going to a football game. Glad to see things seem to go well at U of M.
 
Yeah, him offering to ASL so early is a little odd, but maybe it's just his way of showing that he's into me. As far as him waiting till he knew I was deaf to ask me out, he actually didn't know about my hearing loss until after he asked my friend for my number.

I guess I still find it really, really odd that there are people who are specifically attracted to others BECAUSE of their deafness!

-Lauren

TheWriteAlex said:
Two things I saw in what you described stood out as warnings:

1) If he's known (of) you for over a year now, why did he wait until he found out you had become deaf to ask you out? Perhaps things just came together at that time, but I would ask him this for yourself when the time is right.

2) It's very sweet that he offered to take ASL classes with you, but I am a little surprised he said this on the first date. Learning ASL just to the point where it is an effective communication aid is a big commitment. Perhaps his overture is genuine, but just be aware that many hearing men have used this line on deaf women: "I'll learn ASL for you!" because they know it's what the woman wants to hear, even though they have no real intention of following through. This forum is rife with stories like that.

But it's definitely a good thing that you "felt like a regular girl" at the end of the date. In the end, always trust your instincts. Good luck!
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TheWriteAlex said:
Two things I saw in what you described stood out as warnings:

1) If he's known (of) you for over a year now, why did he wait until he found out you had become deaf to ask you out? Perhaps things just came together at that time, but I would ask him this for yourself when the time is right.

2) It's very sweet that he offered to take ASL classes with you, but I am a little surprised he said this on the first date. Learning ASL just to the point where it is an effective communication aid is a big commitment. Perhaps his overture is genuine, but just be aware that many hearing men have used this line on deaf women: "I'll learn ASL for you!" because they know it's what the woman wants to hear, even though they have no real intention of following through. This forum is rife with stories like that.

But it's definitely a good thing that you "felt like a regular girl" at the end of the date. In the end, always trust your instincts. Good luck!
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I have to echo TWA's concerns because I have seen that happen to few of my deaf friends when they have met a hearing guy who were all into learning ASL for them only to end up not learning at all.

It is a serious commitment. ASL is completely different from English.
 
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