spouse with infidelity problems

hohDougRN

hohDougRN

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Im in a lot of emotional pain right now. I don't know if I'm getting a divorce now or what. I have had a rough time lately with my marriage because of my spouse having infidelity issues. I left her a couple weeks ago.(on Christmas day to be exact). Grrrrr! Why does this SHIT have to happen?! I'm just so angry and betrayed!
 
I am sorry to hear that :( buddy... My ex love from my local area had betrayed to me a year ago,too :(... The world had seemed so dark to me :( It was painful for my heart but I moved on and got a new world ..

Hope you can move on sooner or later ,too :hug: .. this is what I could say for now.. Build a new world to yourself.
 
Wow! On Christmas Day? I am sorry to read about your martial problems. I went thru that with my first husband with infidelity issues. I was very depressed...lost 30 lbs in like one month but time did heal my wounds and I have moved on. It will be hard at first but important, keep on going and dont give up! :)
 
sorry to hear abt your martial plms. You may want to check out website on saving marriage and read the info. on it. There are other couples who are dealing with cheating among other issues on the forum and I think that issue was covered in the website too. The counseling services is provided (with fees) and free forum, books and other things. Check out Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save Your Marriage, Stop My Divorce, Stop Your Divorce

I hope this helps and take your time figuring out what you want to do--give your marriage another shot or let it go. You may want to ask your wife why she did it and there may be other plms in the marriage that lead to it--it takes 2 to make the marriage successful unless your wife have sex addiction which is a whole another animal to deal with.
 
I'm so sorry, hohDougRN about your wife having affair. It's hard. If you want the marriage to work, maybe change some things in your marriage relationship so that it can be strong again? Will keep u in my prayers.
 
Thank you all for your support and sympathy. This actually is not the first time she's had an affair. Nobody is perfect in a marriage- I know I have my faults, but could possibly lead one to commit adultery. I feel this type of immorality is just unacceptable and a most severe transgression. I just keep getting so upset about it to where I get sick to my stomach.
 
Terrible!! I am sorry that it very hard for you. I divorced last 10 yrs ago. My former husband had bad an affair many times. If your wife have an affair then can go help counselor? If she wont it then not waste your time! Pray for you! I been suffered for long time through on March 1997 to Nov 2002. Finally!! I healed Last Nov 2002. Because I depend Lord however Lord helped me out of suffered pain.
 
Doug, please go to a counselor whether she goes or not, even if you don't want to stay married. A therapist can find out what is the problem, and help you cope with having had an unfaithful wife and getting separated/divorced. It's sad, but in the end remember to live your life for you from now on, and you know how the revenge is to.. live well. You'll find another woman who will be able to stay faithful and loving, ok? Take care of yourself!
 
sillycat said:
sorry to hear abt your martial plms. You may want to check out website on saving marriage and read the info. on it. There are other couples who are dealing with cheating among other issues on the forum and I think that issue was covered in the website too. The counseling services is provided (with fees) and free forum, books and other things. Check out Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save Your Marriage, Stop My Divorce, Stop Your Divorce
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Some marriages aren’t worth saving. If a spouse doesn’t have enough respect for the marriage to keep from straying then it isn’t much of a marriage.

Liza said:
Doug, please go to a counselor whether she goes or not, even if you don't want to stay married. A therapist can find out what is the problem, and help you cope with having had an unfaithful wife and getting separated/divorced. It's sad, but in the end remember to live your life for you from now on, and you know how the revenge is to.. live well.
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WONDERFUL ADVICE!

I had a husband, once upon a time, who couldn’t keep it in his pants. It nearly drove me to suicide. I kept giving him chance after chance after chance. He had no desire to salvage our marriage and I couldn’t make the marriage work by myself. Once I worked up enough courage to leave his sorry ass, I realized that it was his loss, not mine. I am worth much more than that, and he was taking me for granted. I knew there was someone out there who would appreciate me enough to be faithful, and I found that man.

You say this is not the first time your wife has cheated on you, so that proves that she has no desire to make your marriage work. It’s time to start respecting yourself, since it is obvious she has no respect for you.
 
Doug, I´m very sorry about your marriage.

I would advise you to take Liza´s advice.
 
After seeing the pain she caused you after the first "affair" she still went out and did this again? Whatever did she tell you after the first time you two discussed the transgression, that she would never do it again? Seems like she is telling you something here, and it isn't that you have a problem, it is her that has a problem taking a vow and keeping it. Wherever she goes from here, she will be looking for new "experiences" so feel sorry for the next victim as well. I have been in your spot, and it kept me on the sidelines for many years. Do not be like me, hoping she will change and come back and all is well. There are so many others out there that will respect you more and love you more. Any time wasted with a cheater is time taken away from the right soul mate you have not met yet. Good luck to you...
 
Eve said:
Some marriages aren’t worth saving. If a spouse doesn’t have enough respect for the marriage to keep from straying then it isn’t much of a marriage.

WONDERFUL ADVICE!

I had a husband, once upon a time, who couldn’t keep it in his pants. It nearly drove me to suicide. I kept giving him chance after chance after chance. He had no desire to salvage our marriage and I couldn’t make the marriage work by myself. Once I worked up enough courage to leave his sorry ass, I realized that it was his loss, not mine. I am worth much more than that, and he was taking me for granted. I knew there was someone out there who would appreciate me enough to be faithful, and I found that man.

You say this is not the first time your wife has cheated on you, so that proves that she has no desire to make your marriage work. It’s time to start respecting yourself, since it is obvious she has no respect for you.
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Wow, I am sorry to hear that your husband did that to u. Glad u didnt take the suicide path. People who do that to us are not worth our lives.

U know the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater"? My ex cheated on his girlfriend just like he did with me and now she is going thru the emotional ups and downs that I went thru 5 years ago. I am so glad I didnt stay with him cuz I did consider giving him another chance. *whew*!

Important, follow your heart about your marriage, Doug. :)
 
Marital infedility can be one of the most difficult things to deal with in your adult relationships. It's VERY difficult to be able to trust someone you cheats on you (whatever their reasons are/were). And in your case, Doug, it's happened MORE than once. :( And the problem with taking someone back after they've cheated on you is... they come to realize that you'll take them back, no matter what.

At some point, you're going to have to ask yourself the difficult question: is the relationship worth the aggravation? Is it worth the feelings of betrayal?

As painful as it might be to do... you might consider cutting your losses sooner, rather than later. If your partner is not committed to the relationship, there's nothing sadder than realizing that you're the only one in the relationship that gives a shit.

That said, I know it's hard to "give up" on something that obviously means a lot to YOU (even if it doesn't mean much of anything to the other person). Still, while I don't really know you... I do know that no one deserves to be treated like that.

Good luck to you, Doug, in whatever decision you make.
 
Thank you all again for your sound advice and sympathy as well as sharing your experiences with me. It has really helped me get better perspective.
I really don't think she'll change, nor wants to. I really feel bad for the guy she's seeing wife. I know where they live and want to go and tell her so bad. She shouldn't have to go through this lying and deception.
Being away from her for a couple weeks now, my missing her is fading a little bit, but my hurt does not go away....like I feel like I have no self image now cuz of all this.
 
Soon your self esteem will rebound and you will realize that you are too good for her and that she is the one missing out. When you start to respect yourself, others will do the same.
Also, think of this as a learning experience. Next time you meet a woman, you will know the signs to look for and won't go for the same type of woman. You will only look for the kind of woman who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Remember, this is HER loss, not yours!
 
If you have ever watched small children playing with toys, you will see this. There will be some toys that no one plays with for a long time. Then, one child will start playing with the toy nobody wants, and soon another child will want to grab that toy, and a fight will break out. This is the mentality of a cheater, to move to different places in life without regard to others. You have no reason to let your esteem drop; after all, she is a CHEATER and you were faithful. Believe me, that is a much better position from which to move on in life. Time will heal....
 
If she is not changing.. You can file for divorce from her.. And It will take couple months to process.. And then you can be free as eagle..

Affair during marriage can hurt big time... You don't want to feel all the pains and depression, the best for you to deal and learn to move on with your own life where you can be happier.

How to get divorce paper - go to courthouse, and ask for a divorce paper, and it probably would cost 35 dollars to get the paper to fill out and turn in to file... If you have a lawyer, it will cost more, you go see a lawyer and ask for a divorce paper...

If you have kids with her, it is going to take a while.

I have been there and done that...

Again, I am sorry about the breakup.. It's tough. I can feel the pains... But for the best, time to move on and you deserve to make yourself happy...
 
Liza said:
Doug, please go to a counselor whether she goes or not, even if you don't want to stay married. A therapist can find out what is the problem, and help you cope with having had an unfaithful wife and getting separated/divorced. It's sad, but in the end remember to live your life for you from now on, and you know how the revenge is to.. live well. You'll find another woman who will be able to stay faithful and loving, ok? Take care of yourself!
Click to expand...

Thanks Liza, you're so nice. Your advise is good too. I did see Therapist alone and feel much better tonight. I see next week again. I am feeling better about the likely of divorce and not so hopeless. I really would like to find a true soulmate who is true to me one day. I think I take long time healing though....I know with time my feeling better will help me be more optomistic. :ty:
 
CrazyMomma said:
If she is not changing.. You can file for divorce from her.. And It will take couple months to process.. And then you can be free as eagle..

Affair during marriage can hurt big time... You don't want to feel all the pains and depression, the best for you to deal and learn to move on with your own life where you can be happier.

How to get divorce paper - go to courthouse, and ask for a divorce paper, and it probably would cost 35 dollars to get the paper to fill out and turn in to file... If you have a lawyer, it will cost more, you go see a lawyer and ask for a divorce paper...

If you have kids with her, it is going to take a while.

I have been there and done that...

Again, I am sorry about the breakup.. It's tough. I can feel the pains... But for the best, time to move on and you deserve to make yourself happy...
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice Crazymomma. I'm still feeling too weird about going to courthouse to get the papers....Everything hasn't completely sunk in yet. I am in acceptance of somethings like I know she's not around anymore and that she probably will never change, but all the aspects involved with divorce I havent really though deeply yet.
 
Doug,
I just read your thread today, and I'm sorry to hear you've been going through a bad time. It's awful to love and marry someone only to discover what they're truly like. Adultery's a distateful thing to do when you're in a relationship.

I'm glad you took Liza's advice. I hope you'll continue with therapy. And in time, you'll come to an conclusion and decide on which road to go on.

Take care of yourself.
 
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