So lonely..

liriope

liriope

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I'm in college and finding that others in my program have made lots of friends, while I am the one outsider. Even though I'm very friendly! :( I think other students are avoiding me because my hearing loss is awkward for them.

I'm the only deaf student I know at my school and the only one in my whole program. I don't know ASL well and there's no deaf community here.. so I lack a social life completely outside of my family.

anyone have any tips on making friends with hearing people? I want to get to know my classmates better but all through my life it's so rarely worked. I haven't made any new real friends since I lost so much more hearing (I started out mildly HOH as a kid, now severe for some years)
 
I know how that feels :( I'm sorry you're going through this.

If you're sitting next to a person during class, say hello! Ask how they're doing. Try and interact with the seat buddies. Engage in conversations. I know it's hard, but smile, nod, wave - say hello. That's how I got friends for one of my classes. If you hear someone say something you're interested in, pitch in your 2 cents!
You'll do great :)
 
I didn't make a single friend in my program in college. I met all of my college friends at house parties...

I would try getting involved on campus, maybe a club or a charity? Do you live in the dorms or do you live off of campus?
 
Hey Liriope,

I'm sorry you feel lonely! :(

I have a couple thoughts. The first addresses something you mentioned in another post - not having anyone to practice asl with. Could you put some local ads around? Is there an area at school with a bulletin board? Or maybe your local Craigslist? If you found someone who wants to practice (and is into doing it voice off), being able to hear wouldn't be an issue at all. Even an advantage (it forces people to figure out a way to express their thoughts visually: hearies sometimes give up and just start talking)

Ok. My next thought, just from reading things written by Deaf/HH people trying to socialize in a predominantly hearing environment, is that groups are the hardest. So what about picking out one person who seems interesting and approachable to you, and asking them if they want to do something? Like study for a test? Or go for a bike ride? Or, well I don't know what kind of things you're into, but, you know, pick one? And if it doesn't pan out with that person, pick another.

I hope, one way or another, things start feeling more cheerful for you soon!

:hug:
 
liriope said:
I'm in college and finding that others in my program have made lots of friends, while I am the one outsider. Even though I'm very friendly! :( I think other students are avoiding me because my hearing loss is awkward for them.

I'm the only deaf student I know at my school and the only one in my whole program. I don't know ASL well and there's no deaf community here.. so I lack a social life completely outside of my family.

anyone have any tips on making friends with hearing people? I want to get to know my classmates better but all through my life it's so rarely worked. I haven't made any new real friends since I lost so much more hearing (I started out mildly HOH as a kid, now severe for some years)
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I think it's time to relocate you to Gallaudet? :shrug:
 
Body language speaks a 1000 words. My advice would be make sure you walk in the room with a smile hold your self up and your shoulders back. I know when I feel gloomy people avoid me. When your body says lonely or gloom people will think leave alone you have a big sign that says avoid me. A good question to ask is hey I want pizza want to split one? Also another thought is maybe sit in a cross walk area full of people and put your ASL book out in the open. I know before I was HOH I would have stopped and begged you to sign with me. Best of luck
 
This world is so huge, and there are million ways to keep yourself entertained. Why so lonely?
 
tuatara said:
I have a couple thoughts. The first addresses something you mentioned in another post - not having anyone to practice asl with. Could you put some local ads around? Is there an area at school with a bulletin board? Or maybe your local Craigslist? If you found someone who wants to practice (and is into doing it voice off), being able to hear wouldn't be an issue at all.
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I'd try Meetup.com before Craigslist. The local ASL meetup went from a handful of hearing people interested in learning ASL to being the main spot where 3 colleges with ASL courses and dozens of Deaf people meet 3 times a month. It's been fantastically successful!
 
Hiya, its a familiar feeling I've gone through before.. what worked for me was getting involved with working on my car in auto shop and meeting others with same interest in high school. That led to making friends with same interest. And I've worked at the same company ffor 18 years and it wasnt until I got into motorcycle riding that opened the floodgates of friends who also rode. So the point im making is sometimes finding a hobby or interest can open doors to meeting new friends. It worked for me for both hearing and deaf world.
 
JClarke said:
I think it's time to relocate you to Gallaudet? :shrug:
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Or NTID or CSUN? That's a HUGE reason for transfers...students are socially isolated...even orally sucessful/previously sucessful in the mainstream students often struggle in college.....I SO would.....what an AMAZING oppertuntity!
 
Man, I think I know the same feeling. Mommyofmany is very right, body language is important and can be used to your advantage, and studies have shown just changing you body language can impact your mood ( and vice versa).
I went through (am coming out of) a tough period where I had just got hearing aids and things were new and different and then my hearing took a steep drop. I did meetup.com a handful of times. Often you'll even find a hoh/ signing group on there. I took ASL, that was a big impact and led me to live with my cousins family, two of them are deaf/ hoh.
So thats my experience, Its made a world of difference, Yet I still find myself seriously considering as JClarke and deafdyke said.
 
Gobae said:
I'd try Meetup.com before Craigslist. The local ASL meetup went from a handful of hearing people interested in learning ASL to being the main spot where 3 colleges with ASL courses and dozens of Deaf people meet 3 times a month. It's been fantastically successful!
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Not every city has ASL meetup. Mine has zero!
 
MangaReader said:
Not every city has ASL meetup. Mine has zero!
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True. And while you can try to start one, you have to pay a monthly fee to do it. Also, I had some bad experiences with the people there. (Not the people trying to meetup, but the people who run/work for meetup itself.)

If I'm going to try to meet people, I like doing it in a way that lets me and the person/people I'm meeting decide how we want to do things.

(None of this is really directed at the OP. I hope she meets people any way she can.)
 
MangaReader said:
IF the OP doesn't know ASL well, it means that you can talk well enough to be understood.
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???

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, not sure. But I don't think that's true. I know people who know ASL well and also talk well enough to be understood, and I've met others who don't sign and also don't speak clearly.
 
MangaReader said:
Not every city has ASL meetup. Mine has zero!
Click to expand...

True, but in my experience meetup.com is a lot safer than Craigslist and that was my primary point. Also, without knowing the OP's location we have no idea whether there's something in their area or not; meetup is at least another avenue they can explore.
 
Gobae said:
True, but in my experience meetup.com is a lot safer than Craigslist and that was my primary point. Also, without knowing the OP's location we have no idea whether there's something in their area or not; meetup is at least another avenue they can explore.
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I agree. Facebook is another way of finding deaf events. I found deaf chat, deaf coffee, silent supper and so forth on Facebook. Not easy to find but some do list it there.
 
Gobae said:
True, but in my experience meetup.com is a lot safer than Craigslist and that was my primary point.
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Eh. Being able to do things the way I want to is worth alot to me. Also the fact that it's free. And you can do alot to protect yourself: use their relay system so you never give your email to a stranger, meet in a public place, and pay attention to what they write. If they don't seem to know anything about the subject they claim to be interested in, or other red flags come up, just delete their email.

(Again, I do support the idea of the OP trying whatever works for her. Just talking here about what's worked well for me, vs what has been frustrating.)
 
MangaReader said:
Not every city has ASL meetup. Mine has zero!
Click to expand...

Start your own ASL Meetup group!

It just takes someone to get it started. My group is up to 239 members now. There is a cost for the organizer, but it was worth it to me.
 
authentic said:
This world is so huge, and there are million ways to keep yourself entertained. Why so lonely?
Click to expand...

True, however, most people are social creatures and need socialization. Deaf folks like you and I have learned over the years to adapt and find other ways to keep ourselves entertained.
 
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