So glad I found this site!

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p2p

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Hello all!

I am a latent deaf adult woman - bi-lateral idiopathic sensori-neural. Mine is a progressive loss so I will be deaf some day down the road. On my third set of HA. Not exactly sure where to start with my story...very emotional issue for me.

I began losing my hearing about 15 years ago. Docs believe it's hereditary. Even after all this time, I'm still struggling with it all. My loss has progressed significantly over the past year or so. I was moderate-severe, now I suspect it's much worse. Like many other LD's, My whole family was musically inclined (singing and instrumental). It's hard to describe the sense of loss.

My progressive hearing loss is an insidious thing. The life of a hard of hearing person is extraordinarily high maintenance. I read an old post on this site that said exactly what I've been feeling for many years now: it would be easier (kinder) to become deaf all at once. Please don't think I'm ungrateful, I'm not. It's having a thing and losing it, that makes the pain almost debilitating.

I've kept moving forward with my life, trying to find the positive in all things. My anxiety reached all time highs when I began taking ASL classes for my major (Deaf Ed). Now it's real! We had to read a book about Deaf Culture and that scared me to death! I'm not part of the hearing world and the Deaf Culture wants nothing to do with me because I'm post-lingual deaf w/HA. The isolation can be overwhelming. I feel like I don't belong any where. I'm ashamed to admit that I think I've pretended I wasn't going deaf for all these years.

I would like to know what others have done to get to a place of acceptance and confidence. I am also interested in any agencies that offer counseling for people like me. I know I am intelligent. I know I have much to offer my students. But I'm no good to anyone if I can't overcome my fear of deafness and mourn the loss of my hearing in a healthy way.

Thank you all,
p.:sadwave:
 
p2p said:
Hello all!

I am a latent deaf adult woman - bi-lateral idiopathic sensori-neural. Mine is a progressive loss so I will be deaf some day down the road. On my third set of HA. Not exactly sure where to start with my story...very emotional issue for me.

I began losing my hearing about 15 years ago. Docs believe it's hereditary. Even after all this time, I'm still struggling with it all. My loss has progressed significantly over the past year or so. I was moderate-severe, now I suspect it's much worse. Like many other LD's, My whole family was musically inclined (singing and instrumental). It's hard to describe the sense of loss.

My progressive hearing loss is an insidious thing. The life of a hard of hearing person is extraordinarily high maintenance. I read an old post on this site that said exactly what I've been feeling for many years now: it would be easier (kinder) to become deaf all at once. Please don't think I'm ungrateful, I'm not. It's having a thing and losing it, that makes the pain almost debilitating.

I've kept moving forward with my life, trying to find the positive in all things. My anxiety reached all time highs when I began taking ASL classes for my major (Deaf Ed). Now it's real! We had to read a book about Deaf Culture and that scared me to death! I'm not part of the hearing world and the Deaf Culture wants nothing to do with me because I'm post-lingual deaf w/HA. The isolation can be overwhelming. I feel like I don't belong any where. I'm ashamed to admit that I think I've pretended I wasn't going deaf for all these years.

I would like to know what others have done to get to a place of acceptance and confidence. I am also interested in any agencies that offer counseling for people like me. I know I am intelligent. I know I have much to offer my students. But I'm no good to anyone if I can't overcome my fear of deafness and mourn the loss of my hearing in a healthy way.

Thank you all,
p.:sadwave:
Click to expand...

http://www.alldeaf.com/our-world-our-culture/62953-adjustment-late-onset-deafness.html

Please check out the link I have just provided. It will provide a safe haven for you here while you learn about this site.
 
Welcome to Ad.. you've come to the right place! ENJOY YOUR WAY AROUND :d
 
Hey, and welcome. Sounds like you are already making progress. Keep us posted.
 
p2p said:
I'm not part of the hearing world and the Deaf Culture wants nothing to do with me because I'm post-lingual deaf w/HA. The isolation can be overwhelming. I feel like I don't belong any where. I'm ashamed to admit that I think I've pretended I wasn't going deaf for all these years.
Click to expand...

Have you tried to become involved in the Deaf community in your area and were met by this resistance? Or are you really just afraid to try based on the book you read? It's my understanding that if one is able to sign, or makes a strong commitment to learning sign, they will be accepted by the Deaf community, or at least treated cordially, provided they don't have an audist mentality.


I would like to know what others have done to get to a place of acceptance and confidence.
p.:sadwave:
Click to expand...

I'm in exactly the same position with you as far as the kind of hearing loss I have, except I've been losing my hearing since I was born. I've never really known what it's like to have "perfect hearing," but I did learn to speak normally, and I was in regular public schools my entire life.

I agree there can be frustrating moments, but hey, you do what you can. We all have problems to deal with, deaf or hearing. Just because someone is hearing doesn't mean their life is automatically easier than a deaf person's. With that said, I am completely happy and comfortable with the Deaf person that I am becoming. I am working on learning ASL fluently, cultivating friendships with Deaf people, and learning more about Deaf culture.

I let go of the hearing world a long time ago, or at least the idea that I could exist in it as a normal hearing person. When I stopped pretending to be a hearing person with a hearing problem, and just started being myself, that's when life became easier. I don't know if I am deaf or HoH. Sometimes I refer to myself as either. It really depends on how I am feeling and the situation. I've never liked labels anyway, so I'm fine with the fact that my "status" is fluid. I am open with everyone about my hearing, and if I can't hear them I just accept that and move on.

So, all I can say is this: stop pretending and let go. You're clinging to a branch on the banks of a raging river, and you're terrified to let go, but deep down you really know you don't have a choice. That branch is not going to hold you forever, and nobody is going to be able to rescue you. If you just let go, and let the current take you where it will, eventually you'll reach calm water. There will certainly be some rocks and eddys along the way, but as long as you persevere with your eyes open and your feet in front of you, you'll stay afloat.

Good luck!
 
TheWriteAlex said:
So, all I can say is this: stop pretending and let go. You're clinging to a branch on the banks of a raging river, and you're terrified to let go, but deep down you really know you don't have a choice. That branch is not going to hold you forever, and nobody is going to be able to rescue you. If you just let go, and let the current take you where it will, eventually you'll reach calm water. There will certainly be some rocks and eddys along the way, but as long as you persevere with your eyes open and your feet in front of you, you'll stay afloat.

Good luck!
Click to expand...


It's a nice feeling description of letting go in your comment. It does make sense very clear. True.
 
:welcome: to AD!

TheWriteAlex is correct about the Deaf community unless you encountered some ingorant Deaf people. We are all not like that.

Good luck!
 
p2p,

I am in my 30's and started losing my hearing a couple of years ago, don't know why, perhaps genetic, or due to very premature birth.....but more important to me - I had been involved somewhat in Deaf community some years prior to this happening to me and learned some ASL, so I have just kinda picked up where I left off. Ever since my initial experiences with people Deaf have been strong supporter of ASL/Deaf culture due to things in my own background. Deaf people I have met have been very patent and open with me.

glad you found AD, Best Wishes!
 
:welcome: to AllDeaf forum. I hope you have lots to learn and have fun reading and posting all the threads here. See you around here. :wave:
 
Welcome to AllDeaf!!!:wave:

I am a 46 y/o late deafened adult. Lost my hearing a little over 3 years ago. I was HOH my whole life. Progressively worse as the years went by.

It's an adjustment and yes, I do miss my music, but I can still play the piano and the flute. I do feel the vibrations of the music at church and the music team at church does what they can to help me as much as possible. The drummer has put light onto his drums that light up whenever he hits that particular drum so I can "see" what he's playing.

The people here on AD have been fantastic. They have helped me with the adjustment and told me when I screwed up, but they are a great bunch of people.
 
p2p, I have genetic progressive hearing loss, too. I understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you're here.
 
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