Single Parents: How do you do it?

deafbajagal

deafbajagal

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Single parents - what's the big secret? How do you do it? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with this daunting task of parenthood...and I still get scared at the prospect that I have such a good chance to really mess up my kids' lives by making bad decisions or not meeting all of the things I need to do for them.

I'm not one of those "natural" mothers...I have to really, really work on it. I find myself second-guessing everything I do. I've never felt comfortable with the role of a parent (though I do love it).

The job is endless - and sometimes I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I cannot even keep my eyes open long enough to finish a movie. I also am in a constant state of guilt over the littlest things.

Yesterday, I was watching the girls at the beach when it really hit me. They are truly depending on me in every aspect. And in a blink of an eye, they will no longer be this little and precious. I hope I don't fuck it up by being their mother.

How do you do it? How do you keep going and going? Where do you find the strength to endure it all?
 
deafbajagal said:
Single parents - what's the big secret? How do you do it? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with this daunting task of parenthood...and I still get scared at the prospect that I have such a good chance to really mess up my kids' lives by making bad decisions or not meeting all of the things I need to do for them.

I'm not one of those "natural" mothers...I have to really, really work on it. I find myself second-guessing everything I do. I've never felt comfortable with the role of a parent (though I do love it).

The job is endless - and sometimes I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I cannot even keep my eyes open long enough to finish a movie. I also am in a constant state of guilt over the littlest things.

Yesterday, I was watching the girls at the beach when it really hit me. They are truly depending on me in every aspect. And in a blink of an eye, they will no longer be this little and precious. I hope I don't fuck it up by being their mother.

How do you do it? How do you keep going and going? Where do you find the strength to endure it all?
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I'm not a single parent, but my Mother was. She married my step-father when I was two, but before that, she reared me as a single parent. She had a lot of support from family. At the time, my great-grandmother was still alive and she helped take care of me. I also had aunts and uncles who stepped in and helped out. My step father was there as well; to offer moral support; even though they weren't married yet.
 
I'm not going to lie and say being a single mother is a wonderful thing to be. It is tough which I am sure you're aware of. I'm a single mother, myself as well and you know, oftenly, I sometime am at the point where I want to scream, cry or just leave right on the spot for an immediate relief. Truth be told, I've thought about it all the time but I didn't because because I knew the kids needed me just as much as I need them too.

There are days when I just want to curl up in the bed all day long and just go to sleep. It is exhausting at all means, that's for sure but what kept me going is my kids. I've oftenly came to question myself and wondered if I had the strength or the determination to keep it going. What I found is, there is no way to take yourself out of this but you can make it easier on yourself when you have a breather and to think of the kid's future.

I'm just like you being scared and am afraid that I could be fucking their future up. I know I'm not a super-human. I know I'm not a perfect mother. I only can do what I can do to the best of my ability and I think that's what counts when it only comes on your shoulder to do as best as you can.

So, deafbaja, All I can say is - Just be there for your girls and go with the flow. I know you can be a wonderful mother when you can be one. If you are worrying about the little things, in time it will sort out. I know, it feels like there's so much to do but yet, there's little of the time to do it.

Do you have any support system or friends that could babysit your girls from time to time to give you a breather or a break? That could greatly help your burden. I do that sometime and it has helped me look at it in a different light.
 
Ah Joile, I have to agree with you on this totally 100% as being a single mom. I know that there are days when I just want to curl up in the bed all day long and just go to sleep. It is exhausting at all the time! But I have to be a mother and a father to my daughter as a single mom is tough as hell playing both roles. Being single mom is not always what it crack up to be beautiful. But I have no regret of being a mother to my sweet daughter. I just do the best I can for my daughter and me. It's hard I agree. But I am greatful that my family is willing to help me with my daughter and even babysit for me. I just glad I got some support and love from my family even it we are not perfect but it enough for me. :)
 
Being a single parent gives you an opportunity to see everything that your kids has done because you're the only one who take cares of the child.

Between a father and a mother, they would take turns to take care of the child, but you see, one would miss the first word, one would miss the first poop and so on.

It has pros and cons, but in the end, all you need is the effort and once the child grows, it's possible that the child will be strong as you are, being a single parent.
 
Like Jolie said, "It ain't easy!" But don't worry so much about screwing up. We all screw up...single mothers, single fathers, and two parent households. Can't be perfect no matter how hard we try. Once you accept the fact that you are going to screw up you'll relax a bit and not worry so much about it.

The best we can do is love them with all our hearts and keep that foremost in our minds in whatever decisions we make or actions we take. Do that, and everything will be great.
 
bodybuilder.jpg



The single mother is strong!
 
hey i'd actually tap that ass... unlike that other pix.
 
Come on guys. Let's not let your testosterone make light of the intent of this thread. A little respect for the OP, please.
 
A hug is what we all single parents need right now. Thanks for all of the encouragement. Guess there is a lot of folks in the same boat as me.
 
DB - I'd like to suggest that you shouldn't feel bad, guilty, or apologetic for every little things. I find it amazing that no matter how much parents try to hide, the children always know what's going on. They're exceptionally receptive of parents' hidden emotions. Children look up to to parents for leadership and guidance. Exhibit some confidence and smile! ...... even if you messed up :cool2:

oh and don't worry.... your kids (no matter how small or big).... even 40 years later.... they still count on you and depend on you. A high student is having rough time at school - maybe due to peer pressure or whatsoever.... who does she/he turn to? A college student is being overwhelmed with school works... who does she/he turn to? A young adult is being overwhelmed at work and feel depressed sometimes... who does she/he turn to? A married adult is being overwhelmed with his/her baby... who does she/he turn to? MAMA! that's your strength to keep going and going.... to endure it all.

Hope you feel better now :cool2:
 
deafbajagal said:
A hug is what we all single parents need right now. Thanks for all of the encouragement. Guess there is a lot of folks in the same boat as me.
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:hug:

Even though you may feel like you're at your lowest point - In regard to this, I know you have your own determination to stride through this.
 
It will be NINE years soon since I became a single mother. Sometimes I stop and think WOW did I go this far without fucking up my daughters? They seem normal so far *knock on wood*.

For me, I take one day at a time because sometimes I get this overwhelming sense of fear and panic thinking I could have done it better or wishing I could have gone back and did things differently but I have to keep marching on, praying that my daughters wont need therapy one day :giggle:

I remember when they were so young it was more overwhelming but now they are 13 and 12, I feel less overwhelmed than before but yes now I have to deal with teen issues but I am proud of myself for starting a dialogue with them YEARS ago so they are more prepared for womanhood than their peers.

You are doing great and WILL continue to do great, Baja :)

HUGS
 
Awww...I do not know what it is like personally to be a single mother full-time but I was raised by one. I remember my mom having her moments when she seemed so frightened and I didnt understand why. Now, I do. She raised my brother and I on her own since I was 10 years old and he was 6 years old. She had to start from scratch after the divorce with no college degree and no job experiences. I remember seeing her cry a few times for no reason. I am sure she was overwhelmed at times but she did a great job raising us. Sure, she fucked up a few times along the way but because she was always there for us no matter what, my brother and I turned out fine. As long as you are there for your kids and they feel safe/loved...that's all that matters.

Here's is a :hug: I wish I was nearby cuz I would be more than happy to babysit the kids whenever u need a break.
 
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