Shocked!!!

D

David

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I was shocked by what I saw this evening. I sat down in a restaurant next to a young family, a couple and a young girl about 3 or 4 years old. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched this beautiful family in awe. Then the father suddenly pulls out a compact DVD player, with headphones, and placed it in front of the child and put the headphones over her ears! This child watched and listened to a movie the entire time that family had supper together! Now, I know its none of my business and I shouldn't let it bother me. I always require that my children (when they are with me), sit at the table with me. Dinnertime at the dinner table to me is true, quality family time.

David
 
Perhaps, the child has ADHD or autism... and that was one of those things that would keep the kid calm?

I do know that some people who have wild kids can only calm them down with an iPod or a portable DVD player. The same goes for those DVD players in the car. :)
 
VamPyroX said:
Perhaps, the child has ADHD or autism... and that was one of those things that would keep the kid calm?

I do know that some people who have wild kids can only calm them down with an iPod or a portable DVD player. The same goes for those DVD players in the car. :)
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Ahhhh, you're right. I didn't think about that. I should not judge so quickly.
 
oh wow. good point Vamp. After reading his post - I thought the parents just want him to shut up while they eat.
 
I agreed with Vampy....some kids CANNOT sit still entire time during meal time. My son is same way but I don't bring DVD players in the restaurant...I have to find something to keep him busy...it worked...sometimes it does not.
 
Add me to Vampy and Lake Tahoe's perspective. There is danger in judging based only on the surface. This parent may have had very valid and understandable reasons for their action.
 
While I tend to agree with others here, Dave's observation could very well be spot on; after all, what are the chances that the kid was ADHD, given the state of the family structure anymore? We all see bad parenting almost every time we go out in public, don't we?
 
Tousi said:
While I tend to agree with others here, Dave's observation could very well be spot on; after all, what are the chances that the kid was ADHD, given the state of the family structure anymore? We all see bad parenting almost every time we go out in public, don't we?
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true.... true.... like spanking and angrily pointing at their children, screaming. Just like what I saw yesterday at subway. The bystander standing next to them told her to calm down and the mother was screaming at him to fuck off and kept on screaming at both of them. All he did is calmly smiled at her and nodded - "yes. ok. i'm sorry."

:roll:
 
Tousi said:
While I tend to agree with others here, Dave's observation could very well be spot on; after all, what are the chances that the kid was ADHD, given the state of the family structure anymore? We all see bad parenting almost every time we go out in public, don't we?
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Can a behavior mod technique be identified as bad parenting, if one does not know the reason the technique is being used? It could just as easily be very good parenting.
 
[

I do know that some people who have wild kids can only calm them down with an iPod or a portable DVD player. The same goes for those DVD players in the car. :)[/QUOTE]

they could try smacking him in the head to shut him up that works well too
 
I'm not shocked at all. Too bad we teachers can't slap headphones on all of the students our classrooms and let them watch DVDs all day long. Then the behavior problems in the classrooms would drop to zero. Just like that.

Oh...I have to teach? Oh...they have to learn? Same as at home...how is that child going to learn social skills? It may not be possible for him to sit through an entire meal without a reinforcement (and this a a key word here - reinforcment) but he should have been given an opportunity to sit at the meal for at least a few minutes. While we should not judge (and the parents may very well have a good reason, and even parents deserve time to be able to go out and eat somewhere - some parents don't get to do this often due to a child with special needs). However, if the behavior is that extreme, I hope they are taking appropriate measures to address behavior training such as using ABAB that includes reinforcements for positive behaviors. If not...then that kid is going to have a rough life when he reaches adulthood.
 
deafbajagal said:
I'm not shocked at all. Too bad we teachers can't slap headphones on all of the students our classrooms and let them watch DVDs all day long. Then the behavior problems in the classrooms would drop to zero. Just like that.

Oh...I have to teach? Oh...they have to learn? Same as at home...how is that child going to learn social skills? It may not be possible for him to sit through an entire meal without a reinforcement (and this a a key word here - reinforcment) but he should have been given an opportunity to sit at the meal for at least a few minutes. While we should not judge (and the parents may very well have a good reason, and even parents deserve time to be able to go out and eat somewhere - some parents don't get to do this often due to a child with special needs). However, if the behavior is that extreme, I hope they are taking appropriate measures to address behavior training such as using ABAB that includes reinforcements for positive behaviors. If not...then that kid is going to have a rough life when he reaches adulthood.
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Actually, my Spanish teacher slapped headphones on all her students and made them listen to Spanish mumbo-jumbo for half of the class. This happened from time to time, while the teacher just sat at her desk fiddling around with her paperwork. ;)
 
deafbajagal said:
I'm not shocked at all. Too bad we teachers can't slap headphones on all of the students our classrooms and let them watch DVDs all day long. Then the behavior problems in the classrooms would drop to zero. Just like that.

Oh...I have to teach? Oh...they have to learn? Same as at home...how is that child going to learn social skills? It may not be possible for him to sit through an entire meal without a reinforcement (and this a a key word here - reinforcment) but he should have been given an opportunity to sit at the meal for at least a few minutes. While we should not judge (and the parents may very well have a good reason, and even parents deserve time to be able to go out and eat somewhere - some parents don't get to do this often due to a child with special needs). However, if the behavior is that extreme, I hope they are taking appropriate measures to address behavior training such as using ABAB that includes reinforcements for positive behaviors. If not...then that kid is going to have a rough life when he reaches adulthood.
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It is very possible that being allowed to listen to the headphones while eating a meal in the restaurant was a reward (e.g. positive reinforcement) that the child earned for good behavior earlier in the day. I used to use my son's Game Boy in just that way. Provided he had met his behavioral goals, he was permitted to play with his Game Boy as he waited for his meal in a restaurant, or anywhere else where a wait that can be trying on a child was necessary. Bad behavior, sorry, no Game Boy.
 
Somebody's forgetting that meal time should be family time....
 
I have conflicting views here...I would rather not make judgements but let's say for the sake of the argument that this child has no behavior issues and the parents always do that during meal times. That wouldnt be good and wouldnt teach children the value of quality time with the family.
 
shel90 said:
I have conflicting views here...I would rather not make judgements but let's say for the sake of the argument that this child has no behavior issues and the parents always do that during meal times. That wouldnt be good and wouldnt teach children the value of quality time with the family.
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I can accept that, Shel; however, suppose it IS a behavioral mod technique because the child HAS issues and one of the positive reinforcements is the reward of using the headset, I'd still call it inappropriate/just the wrong time (at the dinner table) for employing this technique. I'd be telling my child that he/she can use the headsets if he/she behaves appropriately during the meal.

Oh! I just re-read what you said above: ".......always do that during meal times". I don't support this in the first place. So our differences are merely ones of strategy/timing....

Dave, yes, I know that's what you were trying to say....

Deafbajagal, good to see you....
 
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