She's in BIG trouble!!!

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Condor1970

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Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL
 
It seems like it must be more than just wanting to fit in, if she turns it off and takes it off at home as well.

A fifteen year old should have some say over what happens to their own body.
 
Condor1970 said:
Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL
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Tyrant!!
 
You are forced to... Really? Why can she not have any say in her body... The only one forced to do anything is her.... Sad ...
 
Why are you forcing your child to feel difference , it's hard enough being teenager today and not allowing her to talk to her friends is down right cruel ! I think this is the most horrible thing you can do your teenage daughter force her to feel difference . Have you even tried putting
yourself in your daughter's place for even one minute ?? This is one of most upsetting thread I see here . I really horrible for your child , you're too blind to see what you're doing to her !
 
I can totally understand! I was forced into being mainstreamed with all hearing peers and forced to wear a FM system. I purposely found ways to not wear it by not charging it, breaking the mic and etc...finally the school gave up after months of fighting with me to wear it. Who wants to feel different when they aren't ready to accept it. Don't punish her pls. She is having an identity crisis and is in a very vulnerable state of mind. Believe me I was there 30 years ago and it was HELL!!!
 
Condor1970 said:
Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL
Click to expand...

Does your daughter sign?
Or is she learning sign?
 
Is there something else involved?

When she disconnects her Cochlear Implant presumably she hears nothing How exactly does that square with "fitting in" with her hearing friends? Does she use ASL?
Do all her friends know and use ASL as well?

Was she not advised in order for her brain to "process sound from her Implant" she must have it on all the time for her brain to get used to new sound?

Was she "excited" about getting a Cochlear implant thus hoping if suitable-of hearing much more speech- then she heard in the past?

Even odder-most females can "cover their Implants" while most males can't-it is very obvious.

Whether 15 is "adulthood" is your area thus has/had some "say" on the operation- I can't say.

I suspect there is a lot more to this situation which can't exactly "spelled out" in this forum. On the face of it perhaps extended discussion with the "appropriate health person" psychologist etc-may give insight on the immediate situation.

Much luck in a resolution in the near future which brings some peace.
 
drphil said:
Is there something else involved?

When she disconnects her Cochlear Implant presumably she hears nothing How exactly does that square with "fitting in" with her hearing friends? Does she use ASL?
Do all her friends know and use ASL as well?

Was she not advised in order for her brain to "process sound from her Implant" she must have it on all the time for her brain to get used to new sound?

Was she "excited" about getting a Cochlear implant thus hoping if suitable-of hearing much more speech- then she heard in the past?

Even odder-most females can "cover their Implants" while most males can't-it is very obvious.

Whether 15 is "adulthood" is your area thus has/had some "say" on the operation- I can't say.

I suspect there is a lot more to this situation which can't exactly "spelled out" in this forum. On the face of it perhaps extended discussion with the "appropriate health person" psychologist etc-may give insight on the immediate situation.

Much luck in a resolution in the near future which brings some peace.
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What was described in the OP, it was eerily similar to what I went through in middle school with the FM.
 
First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked off at me? Well, yeah. I would be too when I was 15. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.
 
Condor1970 said:
First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.
Click to expand...

I agree with you!
 
Condor1970 said:
First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.
Click to expand...
:lol: I did parent my kids with that liberal Dr Spock garbage, and they are incredibly successful, plus they don't hate me....
 
Condor1970 said:
First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.
Click to expand...

This is definitely one of those things that she will thank you for down the line. Well done!
 
Bottesini,

No, I do not hate you. ;)

I'm not saying treat your kids badly, because that IS abuse. There is a big difference between discipline, and abuse. Discipline is invoked to provide focus, and proper behavior. But everyone's personality is different. Unconditional love, with no sense of consequences doesn't work in my family. Never has, never will. In fact, with most people it doesn't either. It can be a delicate balance when parenting. You have to know when to give them room, and when to put your foot down.

I didn't make it through boot camp with my Company Commander giving me unconditional love. LOL
 
Condor1970

one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...."

the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?
 
dogmom said:
Condor1970

one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...."

the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?
Click to expand...

I went back and re-read his post. I take him to be saying that he understands from having a fear of being picked on for something. Not that the something is the same thing nor does it need to be to feel that way.
 
I found Dr Spoke great for my blood pressure I shoved it at bottom of my mattress raise me feet
I made sure I no treat my son the way I was as a kid abit common sense , he did ok smashing man great parent good doctor.
I honestly never punish him good disaplin know right from wrong.i accepted from age of 14 to 18 I proberly not understand him apart from got fiver mum which he could sign so well and I could lip read the answer was still no
 
Condor1970 said:
. . .
I didn't make it through boot camp with my Company Commander giving me unconditional love. LOL
Click to expand...
Please remember, the relationship between your CC and you, and your daughter and you, are not the same thing. Your CC didn't love you, and you didn't love him, conditional or unconditional.

You should love your child, the only condition being the father-daughter relationship. That doesn't mean her behaviors won't have consequences. It means that despite the behavior and consequences the love will still be there. Withholding love should never be one of those consequences.

I'm a retired Vietnam-era Navy veteran (as is my husband), so I know about CC's and boot camp. I'm also a mother and grandmother, so I know about parent-child relationships, too. Believe me, they are not the same, nor they should be.

I'm a baby boomer, so I know about Dr. Spock but neither my parents nor I used him for our parental guidelines. :)
 
Can she talk to other kids in same position
 
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