Second Chance

cope said:
This is why I am motivated even more to become fluent in ASL. I am hearing yes and I may never be deaf. I can speak English and hear it. I can also can hear any other language and Learn ANY language I want if I put the time in. I have a choice. Deafies do not have a choice to get their hearing back or choice to start speaking or hearing, so I must learn sign. There is no reason why NOT to learn ASL that I can think of.
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:gpost::gpost:
 
CJB said:
Thanks so much KristinaB! Wow, I'm glad her mother finally caught on and started picking up ASL. I can't understand how parents can live with themselves if they can't communicate with their own children. But I'm glad at least this mother came around.

:ty::ty: for the transcription. :)
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I only hope that I got the correct gist of the clip.
 
Bott, I'm sorry that you parents treated you that way. The amazing thing is that you became such a competent, kind, caring adult. I know that you're a great mom because your daughter is such a well-adjusted adult. Your kindness has helped me so much. Not only are you *not* weird, you are *fabulous!*

A family member, who thinks that my HAs have "fixed" me, asked me if I was learning ASL to "help deaf people." That's funny since it's the deaf community that has helped me so much. I don't think that I can ever repay the kindness and understanding that the deaf community has given me. Ya'll have helped me adjust. I don't know what I would have done without ya'll! I don't bother explaining this to this particular family member (who is clueless and unsupportive).
 
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sallylou said:
Bott, I'm sorry that you parents treated you that way. The amazing thing is that you became such a competent, kind, caring adult. I know that you're a great mom because your daughter is such a well-adjusted adult. Your kindness has helped me so much. Not only are you *not* weird, you are *fabulous!*

A family member, who thinks that my HAs have "fixed" me, asked me if I was learning ASL to "help deaf people." That's funny since it's the deaf community that has helped me so much. I don't think that I can ever repay the kindness and understanding that the deaf community has given me. Ya'll have helped me adjust. I don't know what I would have done without ya'll! I don't bother explaining this to this particular family member (who is clueless and unsupportive).
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I just now saw this. That is really nice of you to say :)
 
I don't believe that parents choose an oral route for those reasons. Maybe I have just met the minority, but in my experience, their reasons are not "laziness" or "shame", or any of the other negative reasons that others put upon them. They simply believe that through intervention and technology their child can learn to communicate using the majority language. They believe that a child who can communicate with every person, through the average mode of communication, will have more opportunities in life than someone who learns English as a second language, and can only communicate through written language or an interpreter.
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They felt the same way about hearing aids. Most still rely on written languages. Who gave them the idea that learning English as a second language is not as effective as learning English as their first language (beside, gestures and pointing are their first language anyhow). Anyway, with CI, I guess we don't have to worry about English being first or second language. They can sign all they want and don't have to worry about their kid losing the spoken language (afterall, hearing babies learned both method ~baby sign~ and it didn't affect them at all) . BUT if they feel it would cause problems, then I just feel it is the same cycle all over again... that they are doing the same thing they did with deaf kids with hearing aids back in the 60', 70's, 80' etc. I just goes to show that verbal only method is NOT a good idea even for kids with CI.

Anyway, I know the oral method is a lot of work so it is definitely not a sign of laziness (other than the parents have no interests in learning ASL) .... But That's the very reason why we need ASL. It's exhausting and not fun at all. It kinda make you feel withdrawn.

I am just shock how many parents, including my own parents, are not concern about their child's emotional well being to the point they won't sign with their children so they can just talk about anything and everything without being interrupted with "What" and "huh" in their flow of conversation. They seem to be more concern about education and career opportunity and getting a order from a store or restaurant.

I used to sit in a restaurant and watched people have conversations. and I wonder how they do it? What do they talk about? Why can I do that in restaurants?
 
I just read a paper that studies the link between parental involvement and acheivement in deaf education (I'll look for it and post the link). It found that involement was NOT the key factor (unlike in hearing kids) but it was the mother's language skill. The better the mother's language skill, the better the child's reading skills in elementary school. So, if a family is still learning sign, how well does that bode or the child? But if the parent is a native, fluent user in whatever language the child uses, they will do better.
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It also depend on how much spoken word the child is picking up too. You do know that the only conversation a deaf person pick up is one - in -one. So if other people , like parents, are talking to each other, a deaf child will never pick up those hard words if they can't hear it.

My hearing son doesn't pick up anything out of me because I don't talk very much. but he listens to my husband
 
Anyway, I know the oral method is a lot of work so it is definitely not a sign of laziness (other than the parents have no interests in learning ASL) .... But That's the very reason why we need ASL. It's exhausting and not fun at all. It kinda make you feel withdrawn.

Many of these parents dont really show concern for this issue in many of us. They seem to think as long as we can speak well, all is fine and dandy. :roll:
 
I never meant to imply laziness on anyone's part. I'm sorry if it seemed that way. My opinion is simply in response to the video - a nonverbal, non-CI child attending a (bi-bi?) school where sign is used heavily, who obviously is not using speech effectively, whose parents refuse to sign. There are real people like this... I simply fail to understand how they came to these choices. They CHOSE for her to sign. They CHOSE for her to attend a manual school. They CHOSE not to learn ASL. They want the school to teach her speech and send her home. I'm not saying they're lazy, but it's obvious they are ignorant to their child's needs. **This opinion is reserved for THIS situation.**

This is not an opinion on communication choices. This is not an opinion on amplification choices. If anything, this is an opinion on the emotional well being and support of a Deaf child born into a hearing family.
 
WeeBeastie said:
I never meant to imply laziness on anyone's part. I'm sorry if it seemed that way. My opinion is simply in response to the video - a nonverbal, non-CI child attending a (bi-bi?) school where sign is used heavily, who obviously is not using speech effectively, whose parents refuse to sign. There are real people like this... I simply fail to understand how they came to these choices. They CHOSE for her to sign. They CHOSE for her to attend a manual school. They CHOSE not to learn ASL. They want the school to teach her speech and send her home. I'm not saying they're lazy, but it's obvious they are ignorant to their child's needs. **This opinion is reserved for THIS situation.**

This is not an opinion on communication choices. This is not an opinion on amplification choices. If anything, this is an opinion on the emotional well being and support of a Deaf child born into a hearing family.
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Even with good oral skills, many of us still miss out on communication in the family especially at gatherings. I have been told by several members, when I asked them what was happening or what was so funny, "Never mind," "Oh, its nothing" or "I will tell you later". The bonding that is happening with my family by sharing stories, jokes and etc didnt happen for my brother and I despite my good oral skills.
 
:bump:

For those who haven't seen the video, I'd recommend to take the time to check out the video. It's quite an educational hearing parents and people. :)

Calvin said:
Hello ADers,

This is a long video (19 mins) which says it all. This comes to a true story and very common for deaf children around the world. This is a perfect example how this should take place and to educate hearing parents who have deaf kids.

Enjoy! and please comment as you wish.

Video: Second Chance
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Never make assumptions.

faire_jour said:
Just because you don't sign does NOT mean that you are not communicating, or that your child does not have language.

Just because someone chooses a different method of communication than you and I did does not mean that they have "no communication method".
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If I were you, I would watch my fundamental assumptions. I will have to disagree with you on this one. Growing up I had to rely on lip-reading/speech, body gestures and basic written words to communicate with my family. I missed out on so much even after I gained proficiency in written English in the sixth grade, as no member in my family would tell me what the conversation was about at meals, and I often struggled with loneliness.

When I discovered the beauty of ASL at the age of 16, I wished that my family had done this. No amount of writing, texting, instant messaging, e-mails, body gestures, lip-reading/speech, or mouthing the words will ever measure up to ASL in the richness and ease of communication. You just can't get any better than ASL. When I requested my immediate family members to use ASL so I could be included in most of, if not all of, the conversations they did not. We were having arguments over this to the point where my family stopped letting me sit down at the table with them at mealtimes or gatherings. I had to eat alone. Even at public restaurants, across the room from them. Even in front of my softball coaches and teammates. No words can describe how humiliating and painful those experiences were. No deaf or hard-of-hearing child/teenager should ever go through that. Ever.

I left two months after my high school graduation and did not speak to my family members for five consecutive years. To this day my family does not fully include me. I'm 24 now. The quality of our interactions is so-so at best, and our relationships remain strained. My father has the nerve to say that all of this is my fault. And my family wonders why I have shut them out of my life for the most part.
 
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