School and trans

Okay, thanks. I just will try keeping it on the down low with teachers. It's just frustrating being called by female pronouns and by female name since I've known for a few years that it's not what i want. But I agree, risking being thrown out or being forced to be girly or having an increase of abuse is definitely not worth it. I will just deal with all of this when I go to college in a few years. I'll be my own person and not have to worry about reactions from my family.
 
Reba said:
The OP is only 15, still a minor, still under parental authority.
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Problem with this in implementation is it's based on the premise that all parents are of sound mind and sound emotional health. You know, the kind that doesn't put cigarette burns on their kid.

And I think it's obvious parents of this cohort are still rampant.
 
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Xela Luna said:
I'm openly trans to everyone and go by male pronouns and by my name Oliver. Only problem, my family is transphobic and homophobic So I can't tell them. Well at school registered by my female name and female which makes since since my family doesn't know and if they did they would still register me as female. If I come out at school to teachers or something could they at least call me by male pronouns and by my name? Or will they question and tell my family.
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Yo, much respect to you, Oliver. You're honoring your truth and I know it isn't easy sometimes. You're badass AF.
 
Xela Luna said:
Okay, thanks. I just will try keeping it on the down low with teachers. It's just frustrating being called by female pronouns and by female name since I've known for a few years that it's not what i want. But I agree, risking being thrown out or being forced to be girly or having an increase of abuse is definitely not worth it. I will just deal with all of this when I go to college in a few years. I'll be my own person and not have to worry about reactions from my family.
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Good luck!! You can do it!!!!
 
So a little update on this; One of my teachers found out and is actually very supportive of me and calls me by proper name and pronouns. I explained to her that my family doesn't know and she has been very helpful and gives advice.
 
Xela Luna said:
So a little update on this; One of my teachers found out and is actually very supportive of me and calls me by proper name and pronouns. I explained to her that my family doesn't know and she has been very helpful and gives advice.
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That is great! Having someone that is there for you is very helpful.
 
Xela Luna said:
So a little update on this; One of my teachers found out and is actually very supportive of me and calls me by proper name and pronouns. I explained to her that my family doesn't know and she has been very helpful and gives advice.
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That's fantastic. I don't know if there is anything like this near you, but I used to mentor a group for LGBT youth near me that meet on a regular basis. I started out as a member and eventually aged out and was asked to be a facilitator for the group. I used to lie to my family and tell them I was rehearsing music with friends, but I'd go there instead. Maybe there's something like that close to you. Honestly, that group gave me some of my best friends to this day. Still friends 25 years later. And it probably saved me from hurting myself.

But either way, you've got an awesome person you can confide in at school. That's amazing. I'm so happy for you.
 
Xela Luna said:
So a little update on this; One of my teachers found out and is actually very supportive of me and calls me by proper name and pronouns. I explained to her that my family doesn't know and she has been very helpful and gives advice.
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I'm really glad for you!! Its great you have such an understanding and supportive teacher. I'm sure your journey to adulthood will be smoother. :D
 
Thanks for the update. Glad to know you found some support. As Lysander said, many communities had LGBT teen support groups that you might want to check out for additional resources.
 
I've been looking for some LGBT groups, haven't found any yet and will have to think of a way of transportation but I hope I find a group soon. Also I have came out to one other teacher who is being so supportive. So it's nice to have 2 supportive adults in my life. I'm really glad things are getting better aside from some bullying. But, everything is really good, also I may get my hair cut again soon and I'm super excited. Just don't know when I'm getting cut. Everything is really good now. ^w^
 
Xela Luna said:
I've been looking for some LGBT groups, haven't found any yet and will have to think of a way of transportation but I hope I find a group soon. Also I have came out to one other teacher who is being so supportive. So it's nice to have 2 supportive adults in my life. I'm really glad things are getting better aside from some bullying. But, everything is really good, also I may get my hair cut again soon and I'm super excited. Just don't know when I'm getting cut. Everything is really good now. ^w^
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Ugh bullies. They're universal. I had my fair share. I was the only out gay guy in the history of my school. At least up to that point. Crazy to think that my school now has a GLBTQIA+ student alliance. The best part is, in 15 years you'll meet your bullies again and they'll all be miserable. For some people high school really is the best time of their lives. For the rest of us, life just keeps getting better.
 
Lysander said:
Ugh bullies. They're universal. I had my fair share. I was the only out gay guy in the history of my school. At least up to that point. Crazy to think that my school now has a GLBTQIA+ student alliance. The best part is, in 15 years you'll meet your bullies again and they'll all be miserable. For some people high school really is the best time of their lives. For the rest of us, life just keeps getting better.
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That's true, and it sucks that people just want to harass anyone who's different. It's not that they don't or can't accept what's different it's more of they don't want to. Everyone gets into their own heads about what should it should not be that they don't have time to ask why someone is or acts the way they do, they're to busy trying to correct people by either verbally or physically hurting them. I wish people would finally realize that we can't all look the same, act the same or even love the same. We can't help who we are, nobody can. We just have to accept that this world is filled with different races, religions, genders, sexualities, sizes, and mental health. That there is difference between all of us and whether you accept it or not it's always going to be there, always going to have to see or speak to someone different. So why not accept it already, because it's always going to be there and you can't just hate every new person who is around you.
 
I found over the years. Through conversations with friends of my bullies, or with some of them directly, that a lot of it has to do with their own personal lives. I found out that one of my worst bullies' father used to verbally and physically abuse him. A girl who was a close friend to him told me about how he used to have to invent reasons to skip gym and swimming class because he was too embarrassed and afraid to get undressed for fear that someone would see his bruises. Now, as an adult, there's a part of me that feels bad for him. And it makes me wonder if the reason he had to make me feel so bad was because he needed something to make himself feel more powerful than someone else because of how helpless he was at home.

I don't know...perspective I guess. He was creating a social ladder that he was trying to climb and his only way up was to step on me to get to the next rung in the ladder. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does put it in a different perspective.
 
Lysander said:
I found over the years. Through conversations with friends of my bullies, or with some of them directly, that a lot of it has to do with their own personal lives. I found out that one of my worst bullies' father used to verbally and physically abuse him. A girl who was a close friend to him told me about how he used to have to invent reasons to skip gym and swimming class because he was too embarrassed and afraid to get undressed for fear that someone would see his bruises. Now, as an adult, there's a part of me that feels bad for him. And it makes me wonder if the reason he had to make me feel so bad was because he needed something to make himself feel more powerful than someone else because of how helpless he was at home.

I don't know...perspective I guess. He was creating a social ladder that he was trying to climb and his only way up was to step on me to get to the next rung in the ladder. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does put it in a different perspective.
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Yeah that's true and as you said it does put things in a different perspective, I know what it's like to be abused and really if anything can make you feel somewhat powerful it makes you feel slightly better. I just never thought of anyone turning against others because of it. I guess everyone has their own way to cope but it's sad when it involves hurting others. As you said it doesn't change what the person did but yeah it does change the perspective a lot.
 
Xela Luna said:
I'm openly trans to everyone and go by male pronouns and by my name Oliver. Only problem, my family is transphobic and homophobic So I can't tell them. Well at school registered by my female name and female which makes since since my family doesn't know and if they did they would still register me as female. If I come out at school to teachers or something could they at least call me by male pronouns and by my name? Or will they question and tell my family.
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Hey Oliver!
I'm a trans guy myself. My parents are chill but I know some people close to me in your position. Check with your school's rules and see if they can keep what pronouns they use for u away from ur family. U can always ask for the teachers to call u by a nickname or something if they wont use your real name. Good luck bud
 
Griffin134Geco said:
Hey Oliver!
I'm a trans guy myself. My parents are chill but I know some people close to me in your position. Check with your school's rules and see if they can keep what pronouns they use for u away from ur family. U can always ask for the teachers to call u by a nickname or something if they wont use your real name. Good luck bud
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I actually just recently had a talk with one of my teachers about my gender identity and etc. She went to the couselour and got them to call me in. I explained I couldn't tell my parents and they said they would talk to my teachers whenever possible but that it would take time cause they have to figure how they will follow through with this. They said they won't tell my parents but that if I ever want to come out to them they'll help me through it. So thankfully it's mostly okay now.
 
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