Rock & a Hard Place

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WeeBeastie

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I had a bit of a strange encounter the other day with another mom of a deaf child.

We bumped into each other at the park and I noticed her child's implants. I shared that my daughter was also deaf and we chatted for a bit. The kids were playing like no big deal and came over in search of a snack. I signed with Katie while she munched a few crackers and downed some water before they skittered off to play again.

After they were gone, the mom said "I didn't want to say anything in front of the kids, but could you please not sign in front of my son? we don't do that."

I was a little shocked but said that Katie didn't use English and I would be happy to continue to voice while I signed, but I really couldn't not sign. She seemed a little offended and went on about how hard they worked at their son's speech, how much it has cost them and it isn't fair to 'have that derailed' every time someone signs around him. I mentioned (very gently) how I felt the same when people excluded my daughter entirely from conversations by not signing. She said "It's not the same. We have to work a lot harder than you do. You need to remember that."

At that point I suddenly "remembered an appointment", said my farewells and collected my kid. There was no way I was going to delve any further into that on a playground. I was secretly hoping for a potential playdate situation, but guess not.

Now, I understand the importance of sticking with the therapy, but are there no exceptions? When can a kid just be a kid regardless of communication? When, if ever, is it okay to impose restrictions on strangers? I don't tell people they *must* sign, but I will do my best to terp for Katie if she's near and I voice if we're around oral kids or hearing people.

I consider playground time to be time off. We don't "work" at the playground. I don't follow my kid around reminding her to sign, creating language lessons out of wood chips and dandelions. I don't care if she interacts with speaking kids and would never interfere with her making friends. Basically, we're there so she can run herself ragged and hopefully go to bed on time.
 
Ugh, that's just ridiculous! Imagine asking her not to speak in front of your child bc you'd worked so hard to develop her ability to sign and didn't want that derailed. My daughter has plenty of ASL-only friends, and when we parents -- deaf, HOH, and hearing -- get together with the kids, we all interact with a jumble of spoken and signed language -- it's kind of wonderful to see and hear and nobody's getting derailed, that's for sure.

WeeBeastie, I'm sorry you had to encounter such a nutcase. She sure makes us look bad, but doesn't reflect how any parents of kids w/CIs that I know think, if any consolation.
 
wow, how rude...as if she said that. I think its because doctors instill in many parents with CI kids that ASL is useless once they have a a "better" hearing tool...In my opinion ASL and oral should be the approach for any child who is deaf but I guess to each their own. Glad you didn't put up with it:) Hopefully the son wasn't rude to your daughter if she tried to sign to him
 
It's your decision to do whatever for your own baby, not anyone's or none of their business.
the mom has no rights to tell you what to do for your own girl even though she wasn't directing to kids but you.
 
Next time you run into someone like that, tell her that ASL is not contagious and it's her human rights to communicate with you.

It sounds to me that his mom may be frustrated that she have to work so hard for her child to get speech. Another word, CI is not helping her son get speech as freely as she like. Anyone who feel they have to work their butt off should really change their plans. CI is suppose to help speech easier for the deaf, not harder. It is like learning how to speak without CI/HA
 
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btw, I know you work just as hard as she does. It isn't fair for her to judge. You have to help her understand English as a second language for writing and all that.
 
A bit off topic, but I recently came across an article in "Exceptional Families" magazine about ASL vs. Speech. When I saw that on the cover I was skeptical, but it was actually super pro-ASL. It was fabulous to see something like that in "mainstream" hearing media!
 
WeeBeastie said:
I had a bit of a strange encounter the other day with another mom of a deaf child.

We bumped into each other at the park and I noticed her child's implants. I shared that my daughter was also deaf and we chatted for a bit. The kids were playing like no big deal and came over in search of a snack. I signed with Katie while she munched a few crackers and downed some water before they skittered off to play again.

After they were gone, the mom said "I didn't want to say anything in front of the kids, but could you please not sign in front of my son? we don't do that."

I was a little shocked but said that Katie didn't use English and I would be happy to continue to voice while I signed, but I really couldn't not sign. She seemed a little offended and went on about how hard they worked at their son's speech, how much it has cost them and it isn't fair to 'have that derailed' every time someone signs around him. I mentioned (very gently) how I felt the same when people excluded my daughter entirely from conversations by not signing. She said "It's not the same. We have to work a lot harder than you do. You need to remember that."

At that point I suddenly "remembered an appointment", said my farewells and collected my kid. There was no way I was going to delve any further into that on a playground. I was secretly hoping for a potential playdate situation, but guess not.

Now, I understand the importance of sticking with the therapy, but are there no exceptions? When can a kid just be a kid regardless of communication? When, if ever, is it okay to impose restrictions on strangers? I don't tell people they *must* sign, but I will do my best to terp for Katie if she's near and I voice if we're around oral kids or hearing people.

I consider playground time to be time off. We don't "work" at the playground. I don't follow my kid around reminding her to sign, creating language lessons out of wood chips and dandelions. I don't care if she interacts with speaking kids and would never interfere with her making friends. Basically, we're there so she can run herself ragged and hopefully go to bed on time.
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I am so very sorry that you had to go through that, WeeBeastie. I wish I could tell you that this will be an isolated incident. Unfortunately, it won't be. Keep doing what you are doing. It will pay huge dividends in the future, both immediate and distant.
 
Wow, the nerve of some people. She really should had known better.
 
GrendelQ said:
Ugh, that's just ridiculous! Imagine asking her not to speak in front of your child bc you'd worked so hard to develop her ability to sign and didn't want that derailed. My daughter has plenty of ASL-only friends, and when we parents -- deaf, HOH, and hearing -- get together with the kids, we all interact with a jumble of spoken and signed language -- it's kind of wonderful to see and hear and nobody's getting derailed, that's for sure.

WeeBeastie, I'm sorry you had to encounter such a nutcase. She sure makes us look bad, but doesn't reflect how any parents of kids w/CIs that I know think, if any consolation.
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I think the woman was being a pain in the... It wouldn't matter what WB say to her. She was basically putting WB down , telling WB to violate her daughter's human rights (kinda like someone grabbing a person's hand and told him not to sign), and all that. she is a snob and thinks her child and her way is more important and everyone should make a path just for them. I'm sorry, but I've ran into people like that alot.

WB you don't want to hang out people like that.
 
:shock: Okay... the whole world has to stop and get in line with what she wants to do, just because she is choosing no signing? Nah. When you're out and about in daily life, you have no say in what the rest of the world does... If she doesn't want others signing in front of her son, then they need to stay home and away from other people. Ha! So there! ; )

Oh my.... was that too harsh? :hmm:
lol
 
That poor child. He's going to be entirely isolated. It's gonna bite this mother in the ass when he finds the deaf community on his own. SMH
 
Juli-terp-to-be said:
That poor child. He's going to be entirely isolated. It's gonna bite this mother in the ass when he finds the deaf community on his own. SMH
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I was thinking someone should bite her on the ankle right now. She sounds like an awful control freak.

Plus she isn't going to be able to control his interactions after he gets to school.
 
Freedom of Speech.

You have a right to use sign language, as long as you aren't being offensive (using swear words or knowingly making fun of others... ethics).

It's a public place. You're signing with someone else. Others can't walk up and tell you to stop signing. If the kid starts to wonder, then that's for the mother to deal with. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing.

I know someone who has a deaf daughter. They gave her cochlear implants and consider them her "magic ears" or "special ears". They don't use sign language. When she saw me, she said... "Oh! You have a cochlear implant like me!" I told her that it wasn't a cochlear implant, just a normal hearing aid. She was puzzled.

(BTW... every time I see "rock & a hard place", I think of The Simpsons Movie.) ;)
 
I am sorry to say this...but I am not surprised. In the field of deaf ed, I see those kinds of comments too often.

I am really sorry you had to encounter that but most of all, I feel sorry for the deaf children. What a shame that this mother wants to prevent her child from interacting with your child all because of oralism.
 
shel90 said:
I am sorry to say this...but I am not surprised. In the field of deaf ed, I see those kinds of comments too often.

I am really sorry you had to encounter that but most of all, I feel sorry for the deaf children. What a shame that this mother wants to prevent her child from interacting with your child all because of oralism.
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Yeah. It seems that they're forgetting that even if they take those CIs off, they're DEAF... period.

They're just "buying" out cures.

It's not just the parents, but the audiologists and doctors that are encouraging this to be done. The same goes for teachers and schools.

There's a school near here that encourages cochlear implants and oral programs over hearing aids and sign language. :(
 
Makes me feel sad for them...

That there's going to be a whole new generation that won't know what to do if they can't afford to replace or repair their CI... Yeah, government assistance will help, but will those programs still be around in 20 to 40 years?
 
Juli-terp-to-be said:
That poor child. He's going to be entirely isolated. It's gonna bite this mother in the ass when he finds the deaf community on his own. SMH
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Yep, you're right. He's gonna say 'fook you mom, I have the right to decide who I am and which communication method I want.'

Bottesini said:
I was thinking someone should bite her on the ankle right now. She sounds like an awful control freak.
Plus she isn't going to be able to control his interactions after he gets to school.
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:lol: that might not be a bad idea, haha. Yeah, if there are deaf kids in school who signs then she cannot ban him because she won't be there 7/24.

souggy said:
Makes me feel sad for them...

That there's going to be a whole new generation that won't know what to do if they can't afford to replace or repair their CI... Yeah, government assistance will help, but will those programs still be around in 20 to 40 years?
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You have a good point there. What will they do if the CI becomes obsolete.

WeeBeastie, sorry to hear about this encounter. This mother is really buying into the doctor's hogwash at the expense of her son.
 
Now, I understand the importance of sticking with the therapy, but are there no exceptions? When can a kid just be a kid regardless of communication? When, if ever, is it okay to impose restrictions on strangers? I don't tell people they *must* sign, but I will do my best to terp for Katie if she's near and I voice if we're around oral kids or hearing people.

I consider playground time to be time off. We don't "work" at the playground. I don't follow my kid around reminding her to sign, creating language lessons out of wood chips and dandelions. I don't care if she interacts with speaking kids and would never interfere with her making friends
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Wee Beastie, this is EXACTLY EXACTLY why I am VERY pro ASL for deaf and hard of hearing kids. Oral only and auditory verbal just seems to be FAR too "gotta make every single moment into therapy, therapy therapy.
I do agree....that mom was FREAKING WEIRD.
 
Yep, you're right. He's gonna say ' I have the right to decide who I am and which communication method I want.'
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I'm sorry say but this kid is going to be just like his mother. Some usually do. He will feel alot of hurt but he will hide it by the same attitude as his mother. Alot of preppy type people were are raised the same way where parents put alot of pressure on them, they hate it, they resent their parents, but yet at the same time they think they are better than everyone.
 
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