Hi all,
I am an author of fantasy fiction and I am currently working through feedback from my editor.
The editor has suggested cutting a sentence that describes the appearance of a group of people speaking quickly and fluently in sign language. The concern is that it may cause offence to deaf people which is the last thing myself or the editor want, so I thought I'd ask your advice. I don't want to lose a colourful description due to "misguided political correctness". Bear in mind the sign language in this invented fantasy world doesn't have to be the same as a sign language recognised on earth - although it should be realistic. I have no ability to use sign language myself.
The context of the scene is that the hero of the story "Cory" is visiting his brother who is often in the church hospital which not just a place for treating the sick. It is also a place where people gather to learn sign language from "Pete" or simply socialise in sign language. Cory's ability with sign language is limited and he can't keep up with the speed at which they are talking / signing. So the description is from his point of view - how he sees the scene. I have highlighted in bold the area of concern - references to "excited birds" and "flapping".
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As reliably predicted, Sebastian was there conversing with Pete and a couple of patients. Pete wore the black robes of a priest. The hood was down showing his pale sandy coloured hair combed with a neat parting on one side above friendly blue eyes. The conversation Pete’s was having was unusual and remarkably effective considering the patients were deaf and everyone ‘spoke’ only using their hands. It was like watching a small flock of over excited bird’s battling for nuts and seed in the dead of winter. Cory recognised some of the hand signals, but this was too fast for his limited level of ability. Pete had devised the language to help deaf people and it had quickly spread throughout the Kingdom and the outlying islands. Once such a wonderful invention is out there, it cannot be controlled who or how it’s used. Before long anyone with a need to speak quietly or maybe secretly learnt it. Investigators in city guards now had to learn it if they expected to keep one step ahead of the criminals who found it so useful. Many Scouts learned it. Cory signed “hello” as he approached and the excited birds flapped something in his direction that didn’t look like hello but smiles on faces delivered the intended message anyway.
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Thanks in advance.
Adrian
I am an author of fantasy fiction and I am currently working through feedback from my editor.
The editor has suggested cutting a sentence that describes the appearance of a group of people speaking quickly and fluently in sign language. The concern is that it may cause offence to deaf people which is the last thing myself or the editor want, so I thought I'd ask your advice. I don't want to lose a colourful description due to "misguided political correctness". Bear in mind the sign language in this invented fantasy world doesn't have to be the same as a sign language recognised on earth - although it should be realistic. I have no ability to use sign language myself.
The context of the scene is that the hero of the story "Cory" is visiting his brother who is often in the church hospital which not just a place for treating the sick. It is also a place where people gather to learn sign language from "Pete" or simply socialise in sign language. Cory's ability with sign language is limited and he can't keep up with the speed at which they are talking / signing. So the description is from his point of view - how he sees the scene. I have highlighted in bold the area of concern - references to "excited birds" and "flapping".
---
As reliably predicted, Sebastian was there conversing with Pete and a couple of patients. Pete wore the black robes of a priest. The hood was down showing his pale sandy coloured hair combed with a neat parting on one side above friendly blue eyes. The conversation Pete’s was having was unusual and remarkably effective considering the patients were deaf and everyone ‘spoke’ only using their hands. It was like watching a small flock of over excited bird’s battling for nuts and seed in the dead of winter. Cory recognised some of the hand signals, but this was too fast for his limited level of ability. Pete had devised the language to help deaf people and it had quickly spread throughout the Kingdom and the outlying islands. Once such a wonderful invention is out there, it cannot be controlled who or how it’s used. Before long anyone with a need to speak quietly or maybe secretly learnt it. Investigators in city guards now had to learn it if they expected to keep one step ahead of the criminals who found it so useful. Many Scouts learned it. Cory signed “hello” as he approached and the excited birds flapped something in his direction that didn’t look like hello but smiles on faces delivered the intended message anyway.
---
Thanks in advance.
Adrian
