Relationship woes.

deafbajagal said:
I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents.

Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.
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Excellent points, Defbajagal and Tousi.
 
jillio said:
**nodding agreement** And, excellent advise, Shel.

And, it probably isn't so much a dislike of you as a fear that he will be taken away from their world. It is understandable, especially if they have encountered problems with acceptance in the hearing world. They probably also fear that the time will come that you will hold his deafness against him. While all of these fears are unrealistic, they can be understandable if you try to see things from their perspective. I wish you much luck in your relationship with Noah.
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I never thought of it that way & I'm glad you brought it to my attention, but what do you mean by "holding his deafness against him?"
 
Liza said:
Yikes! Noah needs to stand up to his parents if he hasn't already, IMO. I would not let my date/sweetheart hang out in such a toxic environment.
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I'll grow old & tired waiting for the day Noah stands up to his parents. /:
 
Tousi said:
I am coming in at this point because I don't have much time today but where are you on the scale as far as sign language skills go?
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On a scale of 1-10 I'm about a 6. I took classes while I was in high school, but I never used it outside of class so it kind of lacks. Noah is helping me get back on track with my signing & it's definitely coming back.
 
deafbajagal said:
I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents.

Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.
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Communication...is sufficiently awkward. When his mother wants to talk me she signs to Noah. I know my signing isn't exactly up to par, but that doesn't mean I'm completely incapable.

Maybe I should invite them over to my place for dinner.:rofl:
 
Geez! thats terrible! I have heard some deaf parents
are like that and im like...ugh! How stupid!
I have a feeling that the parents are being discriminating
against the hearing cuz i have known some deaf people
are like that, hating the hearing world and all.
So if your boyfriend's parents are like that, then
i would wager that they depend on hearing people,
HEH!! dont tell me that they dont, that would be
a big BS!
Im afraid you are in for some heartbreak cuz most of the
deaf parents are real bullheaded about their kids
dating hearing people....i hate to rain on your
parade but you better be prepared for this losing
battle! Of course, i could be wrong cuz they might
warm up to you eventually.
BIG GOOD LUCK TO YOU, HUN.
 
Defee said:
Geez! thats terrible! I have heard some deaf parents
are like that and im like...ugh! How stupid!
I have a feeling that the parents are being discriminating
against the hearing cuz i have known some deaf people
are like that, hating the hearing world and all.
So if your boyfriend's parents are like that, then
i would wager that they depend on hearing people,
HEH!! dont tell me that they dont, that would be
a big BS!
Im afraid you are in for some heartbreak cuz most of the
deaf parents are real bullheaded about their kids
dating hearing people....i hate to rain on your
parade but you better be prepared for this losing
battle! Of course, i could be wrong cuz they might
warm up to you eventually.
BIG GOOD LUCK TO YOU, HUN.
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Pain in this ass parents I can deal with, but heartbreak? Not so much.
So let's hope that his mother & I don't end up killing eachother.:fingersx:
 
apres_moi said:
Exactly! They should be worshipping me tehe.
It's actually short for Surianna, but we can still pretend. :D
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haha and jazz clubs rock if i may say so. Im HoH and i love new york so youre in a very good place in my eyes anyway. Ive never been in your situation but ive definatly heard of it happening when him/her brings home a hearing guy back to a deaf family. I guess some people are just proud of their deaf heritage and arent exactly fans of that string possibly being broken. Its apples and oranges i know but its not much differerent when u date outside your race lets say and your "parents dont approve". With time im sure and seeing what a great person you are for their son, im hopeful that the parents will just ease up and become more accepting of the situation to the point where all this animosity is a thing of the past. Good luck with it Suri, ill be rootin for you :)
 
apres_moi said:
I never thought of it that way & I'm glad you brought it to my attention, but what do you mean by "holding his deafness against him?"
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They fear that at some point, perhaps even during an argument, you will blame his deafness for the difficulties, or perhaps even say something tothe effect, of "If you weren't deaf, you could do better!" I'm not saying that would ever happen, but if his parents have experienced discrimination, then they are suspicious of it recurring.
 
jillio said:
They fear that at some point, perhaps even during an argument, you will blame his deafness for the difficulties, or perhaps even say something tothe effect, of "If you weren't deaf, you could do better!" I'm not saying that would ever happen, but if his parents have experienced discrimination, then they are suspicious of it recurring.
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Oh, understandable.
 
*Update*
So I talked to Noah & we decided that we would take a break & I would stop going with him while he goes to visit his parents. I'm still a little pissed at the fact that Noah doesn't fully understand what's going on between his parents & me, but I'm still hopeful that things will be better.
 
apres_moi said:
*Update*
So I talked to Noah & we decided that we would take a break & I would stop going with him while he goes to visit his parents. I'm still a little pissed at the fact that Noah doesn't fully understand what's going on between his parents & me, but I'm still hopeful that things will be better.
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I hope that things will work out for the 2 of you. Give Noah some time. It is a difficult situation all the way around. A solution will require compromise on everyone's behalf, and compromise involves change. Change often happens slowly.
 
jillio said:
I hope that things will work out for the 2 of you. Give Noah some time. It is a difficult situation all the way around. A solution will require compromise on everyone's behalf, and compromise involves change. Change often happens slowly.
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I do too. Thank you very much for your time, help, & support.
 
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