Real Reasons Why Men Dump their Gals

[Gemtun]

Then there is the " I don't know why". That was me with all of my earliest relationships. And a lot of times it is the most honest answer. I had actually fooled myself into believing that I was just a free spirit. Later it dawned on me what it was. A simple but deep seated fear of abandonment. I'm going to end this before I get too involved so she won't have a chance to dump me. I finally did get over it when I realized what "it " was. And I guess I am one of those old fashioned 10%. I have never cheated on a girlfriend or a wife. I'm just not made that way.

Bingo - you nailed it with that saying " A simple but deep seated fear of abandonment - Im going to end this before I get too involved so she wont have a chance to dump me."

I am guilty of that myself in a few cases. It just now dawned on me that some of these men who dumped me may have that issue as well. It is hard to get a proper closure when such issues are involved.

Closure is so important - I wish it is easy like clean/cut when someone ends a relationship and give each partner a sense of closure so they can move on without beating themselves with questions "WHY?"

As I was discussing with Zestyand Mags last night about closures, I started to realize that we dont always have closures we seek for. It is too complicated and painful for people to explain the reasons for ending it but in long run, it will help self esteem so much. It will help us to move on so we could give others a chance instead being afraid that it may happen again because in the first place, we dont know what we did to create that.

 

[Gemtun]

Vampy, that was an excellent and thought provoking posting! Thanks for explaining some of these to us!!!!

 

[Gemtun]

Would you call your boyfriend at work while hes at a meeting?
Would you call your boyfriend on his cellphone when hes putting for a birdie and he missed the hole when his cellphone rang? Well would you do that?

Well I would call him if I had pressiing issues I needed to communicate with him about - but otherwise, I would simply email or page him with a loving message if I wanted him to know I was thinking of him.

If I had a golf freak as a boyfriend, I would never think of bothering him during his golf games because I know how important it is to him. My family is full of golf freaks so I know how they think LOL. However, I would have paged or emailed him, wishing him a good game, etc. before or after the game.

It never fails to warm my heart when a guy I adore sends me loving pages. Like Mags said, it is awesome hearing from someone you love/adore and knowing that you are being cherished/cared for.

 

[horselover61]

I do not mean to go off-topic, but I was always the dumpee, not the dumper.
Hmmm, maybe it's because I am pure as the driven snow?

Awwwwwwww you got a good heart. Now there there!!! Here the hugs from me to you.

Yea I agree with most of thing here. But we need to work on the relationship no matter what they look like. But the most important thing to look for is someone who would care and love you for what you are not for what they want you to be.

As for Ravesteven. grow up and show your love for the woman in your life. If you want a woman in your life, you should show your love for her not for yourself. My exh was always watching the game and he wouldnt let me interfere his show but he would interfere my show which isnt fair. So I rather have someone that have to be 50=50 and have a good relationship.

 

[Cjanik]

regarding to the topic......
would you rather have us say:

"its not you....its me"


yeah, i didnt think so, so we gotta say something

 

[Codger]

Bingo - you nailed it with that saying " A simple but deep seated fear of abandonment - Im going to end this before I get too involved so she wont have a chance to dump me."

I am guilty of that myself in a few cases. It just now dawned on me that some of these men who dumped me may have that issue as well. It is hard to get a proper closure when such issues are involved. .......

Finding a balance between dependence and independence in male/female relationships is hard when you carry baggage into the relationships, as most if not all of us do.

When I finally realized what I was doing and comitted myself to a relationship, my first marriage, I put my heart and soul into it. It was a lifelong comittment for me. Unfortunately, my wife did not share my feelings. After nineteen years of marriage, I was confronted with proof she had been cheating on me. And that she had done so from the beginning on about a four or five year cycle. By this time we had a son. We worked through it and reconciled. I never again really trusted her, but I didn't leave her, mostly for our son's sake. At least that is what I choose to believe. We had a daughter that next year and when she was four, I caught my wife cheating again. This time I left.

I remarried after three years of being a single custodial father. I am comitted to this relationship, but it is different this time. A couple of times, my new wife has threatened to leave me. I just say fine. Go then. So far she has had a change of heart and stayed. I do love her, but I will not beg her to stay if she wants to leave. Maybe she does just want to hear me beg, but I won't. Been there done that, got the hat, not going back there.

Maybe I have just not found that balance yet, maybe I never really will. I just know that I will never again rely on a relationship with another person as my sole basis for a happy existence.

 

[Angel]

I understand where you're coming from on this Codger, you're a good man there!

I tried not to compare my old relationship to my new relationship which I have now, knowing it takes alot of time to get used to it after being married for 15 years, but my boyfriend is nothing compare to my ex husband, since my ex husband loves to beat the chit out of his women...When I started a new relationship with Roadrunner, I was kinda of scare by wondering if he will be like him, even tho I got to know him on line for 8 months before I met him in person, but still I didn't live with him yet, so when he moved in, I got jumpy a couple of times, not that I think he would be like my ex but I wasn't used to a ' new ' relationship you know...., well now that I've been with him for almost 3 years now, it has been the best relationship I 'v ever been in, and we do have our up and downs, but we always end up working it out right afterwards and it makes us even closer than ever.....I learn how to love again, I learned so much more out of this new relationship, knowing that not all men are like my ex husband, same likewise goes for you!

 

[Codger]

Thank you Angel

My point in posting the story was that, trying to stay on topic, I was in an abusive relationship, and the abuser showed no signs of wanting to change. I left her and divorced her for adultery. Not one instance, but several.

And this has affected me in how close I am able to be to my second wife. I do love her and we have been married for three years this spring. We have a good relationship, ups and downs as usual in any relationship, but my attitude has changed.

1st. Leave them before they can leave me
2nd. Keep the relationship together no matter what the cost
3rd. Realize you can survive without the relationship and feel that
sometimes it is not worth the cost to keep a relationship together

I know that no two relationships are the same as surely as no two women are the same. But I am less willing to accept mental abuse for the sake of keeping my marriage together. Does that make sense?

 

[Angel]

YES!! It's makes alot of sense Codger!!

I had no idea that you were in an abustive relationship too by a woman :-o , and you did the right thing because I did it likewise too, knew he wouldn't change and I think I heard the word " I'm sorry " a million of times...

Forgive me Meg for going off the topic here, I got so interesting in Codger's post!

 

[Gemtun]

YES!! It's makes alot of sense Codger!!

I had no idea that you were in an abustive relationship too by a woman :-o , and you did the right thing because I did it likewise too, knew he wouldn't change and I think I heard the word " I'm sorry " a million of times...

Forgive me Meg for going off the topic here, I got so interesting in Codger's post!

Noooo its not a problem for me at all. As long as it is making people discuss relationship issue, I am fine with it

 

[Codger]

YES!! It's makes alot of sense Codger!!

I had no idea that you were in an abustive relationship too by a woman :-o , and you did the right thing because I did it likewise too, knew he wouldn't change and I think I heard the word " I'm sorry " a million of times...

Forgive me Meg for going off the topic here, I got so interesting in Codger's post!

Angel, I don't see how you or I have been off topic, that topic being why men end relationships. A lot of women end relationships for the same reasons men do. My first marriage was mentally abusive, not physically. We never hit each other. Actually, I think I would have at that time rather that I had been physically hit. It would have hurt a whole lot less and would have been over sooner. Another concept hard to understand I know.